章 183: The World in Which I'm Forgotten
[Noah's Perspective]
The time in the world was reset, and everything continued at the start of winter break. However, what is different is that...Luna no longer had her disease. In fact, she never contracted it. History itself was rewritten and all memories of the former timeline were eradicated by the Higher Power. The only ones who retained those memories are the divines, which included Alevian as his soul was that of the venerable Alevian Michael Messiah.
In this world, both Alevian and Luna existed. However, memories of Alevian faded from the others, making him nothing more than a passerby that they would see on the streets. Often times, when I am with the group in the city, I would see him looking over at us. On his face was a bitter smile and he made no attempts at approaching us. Maybe it was because his presence has been completely eradicated from the memories of everyone as he's rendered merely someone in the background of it all.
Another difference in this timeline from the other is that...Luna no longer affiliated with us. That is due to the fact that nothing ever prompted her to associate with our group. What had led her to affiliation with us was Alevian, but now that he's no longer in our world, there's no connection between her and us. She has her own social circle the way it was prior to her encounter with Alevian, meaning that she's happy with her own group of friends and her boyfriend that she truly loved.
A rule has been set by God for his bet with Ralus that I do not interfere with the natural occurrence of things, something that I must do whether I like it or not. Therefore, in the few days that have passed since time was reset, I was not able to speak with Alevian even once. The only sense of communication that we had were the brief moments when our eyes would meet, but I would quickly look away so as to not defy orders. But it's because of this, I am not entirely sure as to what state of mind Alevian is in at the moment.
Maybe if I were able to meet him when he was still an angel serving by God's side then I would be able to be influenced by him. Based on the level of admiration that Ralus holds for him, I guess Alevian must've been someone that Ralus had been particularly close to as someone who he viewed as a mentor. Maybe if I am subjected to that same mentorship, then I would be able to understand myself what everything is about.
But, that wish will never come to fruition since even if his position is restored, how am I supposed to treat him with that same veneration Ralus will subject him to after spending so much time as his equal, as his friend? Therefore, I will forever miss out on that same sense of leadership and security the eldest angel provided.
[Alevian's Perspective]
To my surprise, I was not dead or had my soul reincarnated. Instead, everything simply went back to the way it was at the start of winter break. However, what is true of my failure was that my presence seemed to have been forgotten by everyone. I am simply a passerby, a face in millions of faces in the crowd.
This particularly bothered me at first as I lacked any plans as to what I could do. I can no longer return to my home as Loriana will have no knowledge of who I am and would consider me an intruder. Therefore, there were nowhere that I could go. There's no home for me in this world, which meant that I must survive the winter season out on the streets. However, the divines seemed to still retain their mercy as Emilia had delivered me a warm winter coat and a scarf that seemed to be imbued with some sort of divine powers that kept my body clean and in a warm and comfortable state.
"This is a gift from My Lady," Emilia had said to me with a somewhat guilty frown on her face before she disappeared before me.
I was quite confused by all that had occurred, but I cherished the warm clothing and black muffler scarf no less. When I received it, I immediately put on the coat and wrapped the scarf around my neck. Immediately, I could feel the shivering in my body stop as it is heated by the warmth brought by the scarf. In addition to that, the scarf for some reason had a pretty nostalgic scent to it and caused a mysterious feeling to swell up in my chest. For an unknown reason, I felt tears flowing from my eyes as I stared at the scarf with a confused countenance on my face.
Whatever the case may be that caused that mysterious weeping, I did not dwell on it. Instead, I cherished the fact that I could now remain warm even in the worst frost of the night when I would sleep on a park bench. No one paid me any attention as I was a background figure for them at most. Besides, I highly doubt anyone even notices me as even when I am going to order food using whatever money I had left in my phone, I had to consistently try my best to attract the attention of the waiter/waitress. It's almost as if I was semitransparent to others that if they don't pay attention, they would not see my presence. Yet, the weird thing is that I'm still alive and have a normal body. It's just that people can't seem to see me or hear me that well.
Since I have to where to go and no one to talk to, I strolled the streets of Palisia. It's not often that one gets the chance to really just walk around the city and take in the beautiful scenery of the city. The time was before Christmas, so there's plenty of decorations out on the streets. In addition, everyone was just in the festive spirits as they forgot their worries for the time being and just tried to enjoy life for what it was.
Ocassionally on my walks, I would come across the others. Like expected, they would walk past me like I'm not there, so I didn't linger for much except that occasional initial glance. I don't even know why I did that, to be honest. Maybe I'm just hoping that one day they might suddenly recall who I am. But, it's pretty stupid to hold on to hopes such as that.
However, it's nice to see that they're getting along just fine without me. While walking, I saw Irina walking with Muria as the two went shopping. They appeared quite happy with smiles on their faces. It would appear that even without me, someone was able to help Irina after all...
I continued my walk to the other side of the pedestrian overpass, making my way down the stairs with the other pedestrians who walked the city streets. Then, I saw Luna. It would appear that things were going well for her as well since she no longer has her disease and memories of it. She appeared quite happy as she hugged tightly onto her boyfriend's arm and pressed her body against his for warmth in this winter weather. It's quite nice, really, to know that at the end of the day, someone as worthless as I am could still accomplish something.
Without saying anything, I stopped and watched as they continued down the large sidewalk of the busy Palisian city streets. Once they were gone from sight, that was when I continued my aimless stroll through the city.
To be honest, I haven't really thought about what I would be doing from now on. Unless I try really hard, no one could see me. I am like a ghost with a physical body, able to go wherever I wanted. Without any social obligations and with ample time at my disposal, maybe I could finally focus on dealing with what I had wanted to deal with for a while now. But the thing is, gathering information in this state will be extremely difficult, almost impossible even. It'll take a long time if I were to try...
When nighttime came around, I continued my aimless walk, wandering about in the city. Out of general interest, I made my way to the largest red-light district in Palisia located in the Sefilig district. Like expected, there were plenty of bright neon lights on the red and pink spectrum with decorated signs intended to cater towards males. There were plenty of people walking down this street, and in the crowd, there were plenty of pretty women trying to attract customers as well as male hustlers trying to have people come into their stores.
I've been here once before with Loriana, but that was when it was raining. In addition, we were barely at the outskirts of this place. Now that I am in the heart of it all, I could really feel the sense of danger and thrill that this location brought with it. In the small alleyways, I could see people dressed in menacing looking suits. These people were probably the people sent by the local gangs to protect their establishments. In addition to these gang members, there were police officers patrolling the place, which led to an uncomfortable and delicate balance that could break at any time.
I could now understand why people come to this place: it's for the thrill. Knowing that there are gang members ready to mess up your life if you misspeak or do something that offends them and that there are police officers nearby that will arrest you for drug use, for commoners this place is really the location where it will get your adrenaline pumping.
After deciding that I had seen enough, it was time for me to return to my place of residence. I made my way away from the bustling red-light district, allowing the loud noises to decrease in volume and eventually die off as I made my way to the train station and boarded a train headed for Lumina.
The train car was quite empty as it was this was the last scheduled run for the day. Therefore, the train car was basically just occupied by me and me only. In this empty train car, I sat down on one of the many available seats and looked out the window and at the city scene that passed by. In my chest, there was a feeling of great disappointment and emptiness. It was as if nothing I do could really satisfy me, making every day of my life now feel like a chore. There's no real happiness for me, which might be the reason why the frustration is being built up in my heart right now...
Maybe it's because I want to remain close at home, but the location I had chosen to sleep at is the riverside trail on the Lumina bank of the Helliger River near the building that I used to live in. There're plenty of empty park benches available at night so I just chose one nearest to the building and laid down on my back.
The winter wind was cold, but I felt warmth due to this enchanted muffler scarf that was given to me by the Goddess of Death. It's quite weird to think that the one Goddess responsible for death would have more compassion than God himself.
With a sense of emptiness, I closed my eyes once again.
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