章 172: Who He Is
[Luna's Perspective]
"So can you tell me why you're having me act that way yesterday?" Loyd said me. "And me pretending to be your boyfriend and stuff."
"That's something for another time," I softly chuckled and smiled. "Besides, you'll probably find out not too long from now..."
The latter part of my dialog was kept in a silent whisper, one that was hardly audible for Loyd. Like I had expected, he wasn't able to pick up on the content of that soft mumble as his countenance was one of confusion.
"What's that?" Loyd inquired.
"It's nothing," I shook my head and responded, smiling as I was quite amused by that look of confusion on his face.
"You know this is the most frustrating part, right?" Loyd sighed and smiled weakly. "People muttering something and when you ask them they just say 'Nothing'."
"I can see why," I chuckled.
"I'm guessing this whole thing is about Alevian?" Loyd then shifted the subject as he took a seat in that chair by my hospital bed and crossed his legs and then his arms. "I can tell that the two of you are particularly close."
"You could tell? How?"
"Just by observing you two and catching up on the atmosphere around the two of you," he smiled and commented. "Besides, didn't the two of you just hug in front of everyone on the station platforms at Saroff when we're heading back from our school trip?"
"Right," I laughed as I recalled that embrace I had shared with him. A smile appeared on my face as a comforting sense of warmth swelled in my chest following the kindling of that soft, and gentle fire that was the memories.
"So is it because you're trying to make him jealous?" He smiled and then asked. "Because if so, I think it was working cause he comes by and visits you so often. But," he leaned back on his seat and on his face was a difficult smile. "I'm not so sure about what you had planned yesterday if that was your goal."
"Why so?" I asked, going along with it for the time being as I was rather interested in why Loyd might think that.
"Well," Loyd leaned forward once again, resting his left elbow on his left knee as he used his right hand to rub the back of his head. "I can see how he would become jealous, but...if I were him, I would be...devastated instead."
"That is if he has feelings for me," I added in for him.
"Right," Loyd nodded. "But even if he doesn't, it'll just make it so that you're marked as taken, causing him to become even more cautious when around you."
"Why's that?"
"Because he's not the type of guy that would do such a thing," Loyd looked up from the ground and at me. "If he knew that you and I are dating, he would just shut himself away, eradicating all possibilities that any accidents could happen. Even if he did have feelings, he would simply seal it away like all the other emotions that he's kept sealed away and just live life as usual."
"So he would keep everything hidden deep within him," I nodded. "And would rather endure the dull pain that it brings."
"Right," Loyd nodded.
"Loyd," I looked over at him. "How do you know all this? Like how do you know him so well?"
"Well," Loyd sighed and smiled in a sad manner. "I wouldn't say that I know the current Alevian well, but if it's the Alevian that I knew up to middle school, then I can say that I know him extremely well."
"What's the difference between him then and now?"
"Well," Loyd frowned and smiled in a difficult manner as he tried to differentiate the two Alevians. "I guess you can say the two are pretty similar. Like even back then, he's not the most talkative. However, I think the main thing is...how do I say this?...his mind?"
"Isn't it obvious that when one matures their mind does so too?" I chuckled.
"It's not that," Loyd shook his head. "It's...well...he just has a different focus than he has before. I promised him that I wouldn't tell anyone about it, but what I can tell you is that something happened, and it changed him to be who he is today."
"..." I remained silent while I stared at Loyd as he paused momentarily.
"I really don't know how to say exactly how he's different," Loyd sighed and just gave up. "But...all I can say that he's a similar yet different person than he was before. I can still see the ghost of the Alevian that I knew in him, that same boy with the kind heart."
"Kind heart?" I smiled in an interested manner. "Did something happen between the two of you?"
"Well, I can tell you this since it's about me," Loyd chuckled and then stared at the ground before him in a reminiscing manner. "Back in elementary school, like first grade, I was actually bullied. Like back then, I was quite feminine in appearance and wasn't the biggest guy in the class." He looked up at me and laughed in a self-deprecating manner. "I was just shunned by the other kids and often would get the living hell beaten out of me by them. Well this one time those bullies stole money from the charity fundraising event and they all conspired to blame me for it."
"That sucks," I frowned.
"It totally did," Loyd smiled and then resumed his story with a softened countenance. "Being the one person that's singled out of everyone in the class, teacher deciding to blame me for it cause she can't find the money and would have to take responsibility for it if no culprit was caught, under that pressure and stress, I just broke. I was just a six year old first grader. It was so terrifying that I was actually going to just say that I did it and confess. Just as I was about to confess it and take the blame, possibly ruining my life then and there, Alevian just came out of nowhere, raised his hand, and just exposed them all for their actions."
"What did he do?" I asked.
"With a strange calmness in his eyes, he just started saying stuff that he had observed. He immediately just said to the teacher straight up where the bullies had hidden the money, and after a quick search, my innocence was proven. That got those kids expelled from our school. In addition to that, he also called out the teacher. I can still remember that cold, threatening tone and horrifying gaze he had when he was talking to that teacher, whispering something about how unfortunate it would be if the principal were to know that she had interrogated a student and shamed him in front of everyone else. Like obviously, she would lose her job if that had happened, and in addition to that, her career as a teacher would've ended right then and there."
"Why didn't he do it?"
"I don't know to be honest," Loyd smiled. "He never really told me. But, I think it's so that he could have control over her or something, because from that day on, that teacher never was able to bother me again with anything like that and even took grading extremely easy for both Alevian and me."
"So cunning," I sighed and shook my head. "Sounds sort of like the Alevian today."
"If you put it that way," Loyd laughed. "Then I guess aside from that one change in his focus, he never really changed much." Then, he turned his attention onto me. "What about you? What's your story with Alevian?"
"I first met him during the School Festival Committee," I started answering him. "I don't know if you know this, but two girls tried to sabotage them, mainly Irina, and he came out and exposed their crime."
"That sounds pretty Alevian to me," Loyd laughed.
"It's pretty admirable, really," I smiled in a nostalgic manner as I recalled our first meeting. "I could tell that he was determined to protect Irina's reputation, and with all the effort he put in to do so... You know what's one thing I noticed about him? He often times ignores himself but takes care of others."
"Oh, I think that too!"
"Right?" My face lit up as I discovered that I wasn't the only one who thought that way. "He's always looking out for other people, always observing, but because of this, he doesn't pay any attention to himself. As if he's blind when it comes to things that have to do with him."
"I know that feeling," Loyd nodded. "That's definitely what I see whenever he tries to do something. He doesn't care about himself enough."
"I feel like...he's afraid to be nice to himself," I sighed. "His actions are all noble and admirable when it comes to other people, and that's what I admire about him, but... he really ought to pay more attention to himself. He can be a bit more selfish, really."
"Right," Loyd nodded.
Then, the conversation entered into a moment of silence as neither the two of us continued on with the topic that we were discussing. It was only a few moments later when Loyd decided to switch the topic back to what he had inquired the first thing today that the conversation rekindled.
"So why me?" Loyd asked. "Why did you have me to pretend to be your boyfriend."
"Because I feel like you're the only person that would agree," I responded.
"I'm flattered to think that you think that highly of me," Loyd laughed. "But really, I'm not that nice of a person..."
"You still agreed in the end, didn't you?" I looked over at him and smiled in an amused manner.
"Well...yeah but..." he rubbed the back of his head as he simply sat there and tried to come up with something that could possibly defend his point. "I guess I have nothing..." He then released a sigh of defeat. "But you still haven't answer the reason behind it all though."
"I told you that you would eventually know in the future," I pouted and repeated myself.
"That's not really the response I was after..." he sighed.
"Fine," I gave in and crossed my arms before my chest. "You can ask me about anything other than that and I'll answer you."
"Gee, that's a pretty generous offer," Loyd nodded as he brought a hand to his chin and began to think.
"Having troubles?"
"Of course," Loyd responded. "It's one question, so I better make it count... I got one."
"What is it?" I looked over at him with anticipation in my eyes.
"What do you think of Alevian?" He asked.
"..." I was surprised by this inquiry as I wasn't prepared to answer that question. The suddenness of it all made me quite flustered and caused me difficulty in coming up with an answer as my mind had to regather itself and search for the answer afterward.
"Well...He's obviously someone who's extremely admirable," I began with my answer. "He's...extremely accommodating, always there when you need him to be and everything. He's always there when I needed help, always there when I needed someone to vent to, always there to provide me with warmth. He's just always there and by my side, giving me courage. Whenever my mind suffers from fear, I would just look to my side and he's always there, accompanying me. He gives me the courage to continue on, but...I've realized that its selfish of me to ask that of him and offer nothing but pain in return. I—"
Then, the doors to my hospital room suddenly opened, revealing to me the one person who I did not want to see. Standing there by the doorway, dressed in his school uniform and winter coat, was Alevian.
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