章 29: Even when I'm Struggling, her Smile will Forever Remain Mysterious
The next morning, I woke to an unusual scene. I was initially dazed by why I was sleeping on the ground, but after I laid there, staring at the foot of my bed for a few minutes, I realized what had happened. Slowly, I forced myself up and yawned. I rubbed my eyes and then looked over at my bed. I discovered that it was empty and that the bed was neatly made. I stared at it for a few seconds before I got up, walked over to my wardrobe, and got changed into my school uniform.
As I exited my room, I heard the sound of something sizzling as well as a pleasant smell of breakfast. I walked over to the living room, and from the mouth of the hallway there I looked over towards the kitchen. There, I see that Emilia was cooking something on the stove.
"Good morning," she greeted me. "I took the ingredients from the refrigerator. I hope you don't mind."
"No," I yawned.
I then turned around and started for the washroom. There, I brushed my teeth and washed my face with the cold water that came out of the sink. After I was done, I started walking down the short hallway, and once I was at the mouth of the hallway where it merged with the living room area, I discovered that Emilia had finished cooking and had set the table.
Without saying anything, I walked over and sat down in my usual seat. I looked at the food on my plate: bacon, sausages, and a sunny-side up egg. Along with it was a small bowl of salad as well as a plate of toasted bread.
"Thank you," I muttered in a drowsy voice as I stabbed at the food on my plate with my fork.
We then proceeded to eat in silence with the only sound coming from the television that was on. The program that was being played at the moment was the morning news, which was basically some of the same stuff from last night as well as the weather forecast. According to the forecast, the temperatures should start to drop in a few days as summer slowly merges with the autumn.
I didn't pay any further attention to the news, and instead, I glanced over at Emilia. She was eating her food in an elegant manner, but that wasn't the focal point of my focus. I observed her eyes, which appeared normal. However, from the slight puffiness of her eyes and the faint red that I could observe, I concluded that last night...she must've wept again. I didn't know entirely what it was and how it was bothering her, and I believe it wasn't in my spot to inquire her about it. She is an angel and my teacher, so it really isn't fit for her own student to ask her these personal questions. Plus I had barely known her since yesterday.
"Should we um...take a different train to school?" I asked in order to have insight on what she thinks of being seen together with me.
"Because I have to get to school earlier than you," she said. "I think I will take the one before yours."
"Oh? Then I think you should leave right after you finish eating. I can take care of the dishes. Don't worry about that."
She looked up from her food and stared into my eyes. I could tell that she was quite frail after what had occurred last night, but she did her best to conceal it from me so I didn't bother asking her anything further.
"Thank you," she smiled weakly.
Something bothers her. That is a confirmed fact. Yet I cannot do anything to help her...that, that is something inevitable, but why do I feel like I am to blame for it? I want to help her, but I cannot bring myself to do so. Being an angel, she would not expect aid from me, so I will not show aid. I will only do so when she asks, but...when will she? Will she ever?
"I'll start going now," she said as she held the door open with her body.
"See you later," I responded as I brought my plates over to the kitchen sink.
"See you later..." she whispered and forced a smile. However, in her eyes I can see the great pain and suffering.
When the door closed, I placed the plates in the sink and clenched my hands into fists.
Why? Why is it that you look as if you're being devoured alive by the abyss yet you're unwilling to call for help? Why are you keeping it in yourself? Will it hurt you more if you seek help from a mortal like me than whatever it was that pained you at the moment?
My commute to school, for some reason, had me in a foul mood. Probably it was because of the effect of Emilia, which is weird because she's a complete stranger to me. Was it because of the close proximity? Or was it because of Ralus? Either way, I maintained a foul expression on the train to the point that the office lady sitting on the seat before me as I stood facing the window appeared quite frightened by me.
Once at school, I walked alone to my classroom among the crowd of other students who were headed to their respective destinations. They talked, chattered, and laughed around me, causing me quite the irritation. Their energy seemed to gnaw on my nerves, almost as if their intent was to damage with my mood even further.
Once in my classroom, I walked down the isle, avoiding the other students, and sat down on my seat. No longer was I feeling that same drowsiness that I felt every single morning, but instead, I gazed out the window with my head resting against my right hand.
"Why is it always that whenever I see you in the morning I feel like you're decomposing?" Muria said to me.
I then turned my head and looked over at her, drawing a sigh from her.
"As expected. Those eyes are decomposing."
"Decomposing huh?" I bitterly smiled. "Doesn't sound too bad."
"Is something on your mind?"
"..." I didn't respond.
Muria placed her phone down on her desk and glanced over at me. She observed me for a few silent seconds without saying anything. I looked over at her, trying to see if eye contact would prompt her to say anything else, but it would appear that she had not the intent to speak.
The bell soon rang, signaling the start of class, but as always, I paid little attention to the lectures. During lunch break, I munched on the sandwich I bought from the convenience store in silence, emitting an aura that forbid human contact. I sat there in my desk, thinking over things, thinking as to why it has come to what it was now. Even when it was history class, I merely observed Emilia as she went about giving a lecture on the historical events that the curriculum had us cover.
She appeared to have recovered from what had occurred last night and was doing her job as well as she did so the day before. The way she spoke of the historical battles conducted by the great generals of the past, the way she almost seemed to reminisce the past almost made it seemed as if she had been giving history lessons all her life. However, after having seen her in that state that she was in last night, it bothered me how easily she could conceal it all. It just disturbs me how society requires that one suppress all their negative emotions and function as usual when one could not do so. It just seem so...inhumane...to work people like that, yet that is the norm. It is frowned upon by society to let one's personal issues interfere with one's job. Therefore, all forces themselves to continue to work. Like a machine in overdrive, work until one overheats and collapse from exhaustion.
"Any questions?" Emilia asked the class and looked around at the students.
Her eyes wandered over to the back corner where I sat at and she smiled as we made eye contact. She must've knew that I was observing her, for this wasn't the first time this class period that our eyes had met. Was it the knowledge that I cared that offered her some respite? Was it my presence that made her relax? If so, will it be the same if someone else took my spot? Although I had only met her for about a day, I felt as if I've known her for quite some time. Her intriguing nature made me quite curious about her, and the fact that she is a divine being that interacted with me in such abundance made me even more interested.
I wanted to know more, I want to know whether or not angels have the same troubles have us. Do they suffer at night from emotional problems? Do they suffer too from the social issues of us humans? Are they truly the perfect creatures that the religious texts of old would have us believe?
From my observations, it would appear that angels were not such perfect creatures. I had held Emilia to my admiration when I first saw her, although it was merely a short while ago. I had been overly cautious and wary of her, worrying that she might cause me harm like those inhuman and just beings of the religious texts. However, I was wrong. Like anyone else, she is weak. Although she might be stronger mentally than most, she still will weep if something upsets her gravely, similar to how the change in Ralus had done to her.
I did not know Ralus prior to my interactions with him, but from the severity and deep emotions I felt from Emilia towards him, I concluded that Ralus must used to be a great man, someone that all strove to be. Probably like the angels of the religious texts, but in a more human and loving way. What was it that made Ralus like that? What corrupted the purest of all angels? Those questions have answers that I would probably never find out for I am just a mere mortal and shall have no hand in the divine issues.
As the bell rang once again, signaling the end of fifth period, Emilia looked over at me, smiling and mouthed a silent "Thank you" before she started for the classroom door. I did not know why she was thanking me, but I didn't care for it. If whatever I did helped her, then whatever. Who cares? Maybe one day I will be able to see through the hearts of a woman, maybe one day I will be able to see through that mysterious smile of hers, and maybe one day, she will tell me what's on her mind without any hesitations.
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