章 196: Chaotic Emotions
The clouds rolled in to cloak the moon and stars, and the darkness lay thick upon the Bai family manor. For the remainder of the night, Bai Han sat in a chair beside Rin's bed, his eyes never once straying away from her sleeping figure. Afraid he'd miss the slightest discomfort in her expression.
To his relief, her coughing had stopped for the night. However, her temperate quickly rose. Every so often, he'd wipe down her forehead with a wet cloth to subside her warm temperature.
"Old man."
Bai Han turned back, his eyes were bloodshot with exhaustion, face uniquely thin and pale. Only his expression was lighter. Seeing the young man at the doorway, he scowled.
Before he had the chance to speak, An Sun said: "Let me watch her for the night. You rest."
Bai Han's brows furrowed. He slowly shook his head. "No. I'll watch her…"
An Sun looked at him, his arms crossed over his chest while one hip leaned against the frame of the door. His deep, gray eyes looked over the old man's face before he sighed.
"I wasn't asking for your opinion."
A shadow fell across Bai Han's face. "You…"
"She wouldn't want to see you like this. She's stressed out enough as it is." An Sun's voice was calm but sincere.
After saying that, Bai Han went silent. Something cold moved in his eyes. His face pale with pain. After a long silence, he turned to An Sun with a worn-out expression.
"Fine."
His legs were stiff and sore as he stood up from the chair. He glanced back one last time at the girl on the bed. His dry lip tightened into a thin line before he turned to face An Sun with a sharp stare.
"You will only watch her. If anything happens, call for me."
The muscles on An Sun's face twitched. He nonetheless nodded his head to appease the overprotective grandfather.
"Understood."
Bai Han watched him, wary. After a few seconds, he looked away and tiredly walked down the hall. An Sun watched his back disappear around the corner in silence.
Slowly, his eyes shifted to the figure on the bed. It was only after a few minutes when he leaned off the doorframe and walked inside the room.
Even in the dark, you could see her, like a shining beacon. The white tone of her skin reminding him of smooth porcelain as the moonlight shone through the window and on to her.
An Sun crossed the room to the bed and looked down at Rin where she lay. He stood for a long moment, silent. Her chest rose and fell with each shallow breath. When he noticed how pale she looked, his pupils shrunk. The hands by his side tightened into fists.
"…You were fine earlier. But it seems like you are feverish now." He muttered. His brows drew together in a frown and his expression turned dark.
In silence, he straightened his back and sat himself down on the chair beside the bed. He reached for the wet cloth in the bowl of water. He rinsed until it no longer dripped before bringing it over to her forehead. The cloth wiped against her pale, white skin in gentle movements.
Rin's muscles visibly loosened the moment the cloth brushed against her heated skin. A look of comfort seemed to wash over her face. An Sun's movements slowed. He set the cloth down on the side and suddenly extended his hand out to her face.
His hand levitated for a moment before finally, his fingers grazed her forehead. Her skin was smooth beneath his fingers. After a while, he withdrew his hand.
She didn't feel too warm. He could only hope this was the last stage of her symptoms.
"Mm." He heard a soft groan.
An Sun looked down to see Rin shifting in her bed. Her face was pale, her brows furrowed and beaded with sweat. His gaze was involuntarily drawn to the trails of perspiration trailing down her flushed cheeks.
The hand that had previously lifted away from her face raised back up. Slowly, his finger wiped a bead of sweat rolling down her cheek. Her skin felt soft.
There were numerous times when he touched her when she was known as Bai Lan. However, he never realized how soft her skin felt until now. Perhaps it was because he now identified her as a woman, rather than a frail woman-like boy.
Still soundly asleep, Rin suddenly leaned her warm face into his cool fingers. An Sun's eyes lowered to conceal the depths within his pupils. Without thinking, his finger softly stroked her cheek.
"If you still consider yourself one of my people…my brother…then don't get hurt so easily." He whispered in a low voice.
Just when he was about to retract his hand, the girl laying in the bed stirred. His eyes widened, and he swiftly jerked his hand back with a slight flush on his cheeks.
Her eyelids fluttered, and she finally woke up. Her eyes were soft with sleep, her dark, short hair tousled and sweaty.
Rin stared at the dimly lit ceiling and blinked. After a while, her gaze shifted to the side. Her eyes found him. They were full of confusion.
"What are you doing here?" She asked in a voice strangely flat and emotionless.
An Sun stared back at her with a steady gaze.
"Watching over you." He replied.
"Why?" Rin's brows furrowed.
An Sun gave out a chuckle. "To ensure you don't die pitifully in your sleep from a fever."
"Oh..." Rin touched her brow and felt the sweat along her hairline. She raised her head and found it heavy.
An Sun quickly leaned over and held down her slender shoulders. Rin looked up to see him staring at her with a stern expression.
"Stay down."
Rin obediently did as she was told. She looked at him with flashing eyes and a smile unexpectedly bloomed on her face.
"It seems we've switched roles now, huh?"
"What do you mean?" An Sun looked at her with furrowed brows.
Rin chuckled. "When you returned to the camp after being wounded, I watched over you for the night. Who would have thought you'd return the favor."
Unknowingly, the turmoil on An Sun's face melted away, leaving only a tiny, warm smile on his lips. He had almost forgotten about that. So much had happened since then, it was hard to remember what went on when they were merely just comrades.
Now, things were different.
"Cough--! Cough---!"
An Sun's body suddenly went stiff. His originally calm state turned into tension all at once. He stood up from his chair and drew closer to the girl coughing on the bed.
"What's wrong? Are you feeling uncomfortable anywhere?" An Sun frowned heavily, afraid that something had gone wrong.
Rin coughed into her fist and glanced up through slightly teary eyes. She was surprised to see An Sun's normally clear eyes were clouded with worry and fear. This unsettled her slightly.
She coughed again into her throat. "My throats just a little dry. Could you pass me some water?"
At that moment, An Sun's body visibly eased. Now that she mentioned it, her voice did sound a little raspy. Turning to the pitcher of water by the bed, he poured it into a cup before passing it to her.
"Thank you," Rin smiled gratefully and lifted the cup to her lips.
When her throat finally moistened, she let out a breath of relief. She looked back down at sheets to see her hands appeared frail. Her lips pursed.
Right before it all went dark, she remembered something. Taking in the words from Master Qiu, Rin sat down on the floor and attempted to meditate. She had tried clearing her mind, but everything, her mind, body, and heart were too chaotic.
Her grandfather was disappointed in her. An Sun was leaving to follow his path. And she…she felt lost.
She decided to leave to secure her family's safety. To avenge her mother and father, who had fought so hard to protect her.
But in the end, all that was left was nothing but misery and sorrow.
That day she visited Jia's body and cut her hair; she had rid of the old Rin. She was no longer the Rin she used to be. She would no longer be weak.
And yet…she had fallen to such a pathetic state.
Rin's hand squeezed the sheets, her knuckles white. An Sun looked at her hand, so thin and pale, then back at her eyes. He couldn't read her expression at all. There was a storm whirling in his eyes as he furrowed his brows.
Without thinking, he pulled Rin's hand away from the blankets. Her small hand rested in his large palm.
"You'll hurt your hand." He suddenly whispered with his deep, low voice.
Recovering her senses Rin looks down at their hands.
"Oh…"
Her hand was rough, raw, and weary from years of hard work. She'd tried taking care of her hand's appearance but gave up after endless struggles.
In comparison to hers, An Sun's hand was large and rough. Unexpectedly, his fingers looked better-kept than hers. They were rather long too.
Rin stared at their joined hands in a daze for a moment.
"You've done well."
Upon hearing An Sun's low, magnetic voice, Rin turned to look at him. Her eyes were slightly wide. Seeing the man just staring at her face without a single word, Rin turned her head – no longer able to hold his gaze.
She slipped her hands out of his and placed it gently on her stomach.
"You should rest. I'll be fine for the remainder of the night. If I happen to feel unwell, I'll call a maidservant."
An Sun stared at her silently for a moment, then he sighed. He didn't say anything more as he stood up and left the room. When she heard the door to her room slid shut, Rin shifted her gaze to the side.
She stared at the door in silence. Elevating her hand, she stared at her thin, white fingers tips with a quiet expression.
...
Outside her room, An Sun had already walked a few doors away before he suddenly stopped. He outstretched his hand and looked at it with a deep expression.
There was still a little sweat from her cheek on his hand.
Suppressing his turbulent emotions, he took in a deep breath and closed his eyes. When his eyes opened again, the usual clarity and calmness in his gaze returned as he proceeded to walk back to his room.
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