Here We Belong

-.

No.

No don't panic just yet.

Hope was a cruel little thing. We both had prepared for this eventuality.

We had contingencies. Why haven't they automatically gone into effect yet?

Theory: Monika is not an AI. She is the smartphone in its totality. So when the antimagic wave forced her to shut down, it also drained all the battery. She can't affect herself until she wakes up. She can't passively absorb mana and convert it to electric charge until then. And without magic power, even those automatic time reversal circuits don't activate.

Magic tool inscriptions would refill as soon as there is ambient mana, but the problem is that without additional damage, they don't trigger at all.

So we just have to… wait.

That's the plan.

It has to work.

It must work.

Leene slid into the room, dragging Zorah behind her. She was still upside down. She glared at me and said something unintelligible. I was only legally blind, not totally blind. I could still see shapes, colors, judge distances - it was only that past two arms-lengths away, I could no longer recognize specific faces.

"Did you actually gag her?"

"mmgh hh MGHDHHAER," was Zorah's response.

"Should I not have?" Leene tilted her head aside like a bird.

I sighed softly. "Clearly you are the smartest person here."

She beamed. "Well of course!"

"Too bad the one thing that you were good for turned out to be /absolutely useless/," I spat.

While Leene looked taken aback from the viciousness in my tone, I looked past her to Zorah who was still hanging in the air.

I paused for a moment. Should I just kill Zorah? She's useless now anyway. War is going to happen no matter what. This was HER FAULT. None of this would have happened if we had just LET HER DIE.

To prevent this from being a waste of time, it was only right and proper that THIS WOMAN SHOULD DIE.

Would that make me feel better?

Would that make me feel… anything?

I stared at Zorah, briefly contemplating what it would be like to feel her brains squishing between my fingers.

"Playa… you okay?"

"No I am not okay, Elze," I replied dully. I shook my head and put away Monika's shell back into my belt bag. "But I also don't wanna be here anymore. Let's go."

Linze stepped forward with her arms out to give me a hug, but I shook my head again. She looked slightly hurt at my rejection.

I said again: "Let's just… go."

"Um. Hello? I'm still alive over here…!" moaned the Regulus Marquise of Alpas. "Please… someone get me down…!"

Fine. Bring him along too I guess.

-.

Castle Zenovi was but a fifteen-minute flight away.

With enough thrust, even a brick may fly. With enough wind power providing lift, even a delta wing made of solid ice may fly.

We announced our arrival by crashing into the courtyard, ice smashing everywhere, some of us gracefully dropping and rolling to a stop, others floating serenely down, some landing feet-first and her shoes leaving divots into the flagstones while carrying her sister in a princess carry, and someone gets to be thrown to belly-flop on her own castle.

Drawn by the commotion, the guards rushed out. They watched Zorah slide down from the wall like a frog sliding off glass and stood at attention. Soon enough, the courtiers arrived and helped their liege back up to her feet.

Lydia hesitated to remove the gag on her liege lord's mouth and Zorah noticed.

"Indignity upon indignity. I am surrounded by buffoons and histrionic thespians. But let it not be said that the House of Zenovi is unable to show gratitude. Be welcome into my home." She turned towards Marquise Alpas and said "You have nothing to fear from me."

"... Fear is not quite the right word," replied the pudgy noble. "Similar, but not quite."

"Hhh," I grunted. Alephis without a [Boom Tube] was at least a week by carriage or several hours via air. Unacceptable.

I walked past Zorah into her castle like I owned the place.

She scowled and had to run to get ahead of me. Zorah ordered bread, sweet preserved meats, and fruit wine be brought to the dining hall, and for the servants to vacate.

I paused before the dining table and hunched over, pressing my gloved fists upon the wood.

A debriefing would be the proper thing to do right now. But I really don't want to hear Zorah's voice right now. Her grating donkey-like voice. I have my own problems to deal with.

"You are saying that out loud, like I would not hear it, fool."

I sighed "I have no time for your bullshit, Zorah. I only require two things from you:

"One. Give me a room. High up. Private, preferably one that gets lots of sun.

"Two. Send your fastest messenger birds to Alephis. I need Alan right here, stat. I need Charlotte and all the gear I left for her safekeeping. Tristwin's still at Mismede and I need to make a report in in person."

"If it will lead you to being less naked in my house, I allow it. Yet even as I may have gratitude for your… efforts… at preventing war, your disrespect against our King will not be tolerated!"

"I am *tight* with both Alfred and Tristwin and Jamukha. We move in entirely different circles Zorah. Do not judge me by your standards." I held up my fingers to a pinch. "I am THIS close to razing a kingdom right now. Make sure it is pointed at the right one."

Zorah lunged at me with an accusing finger "Balderdash and boasting, when will you ever sto-!"

Wham.

I turned around and punched her right in the face.

Zorah staggered back, clutching her broken nose.

Marquise Alpas yelped and scurried to hide under the table.

"My Lady!" Lydia yelled. There was the rasp of steel being drawn. "How dare you-"

"HOLD!" Zorah

"You hit me…" she touched the blood dripping out of her nose, her eyes wide in amazement. "You actually hit me. Not even my father hit me!"

"Maybe you just didn't fucking try hard enough, then!" I spat back.

Zorah cracked her knuckles. "Ah, I did not see how you managed to drive away Lord General Bazoar. Let us see if you did you with your fists instead of your mouth."

I snarled back "I SAID I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOUR BULLSHIT, ZORAH!"

Let's get one thing straight: I am an asshole.

I am a recovering narcissist.

People like me have difficulty knowing when to sympathize. Sympathy - to share the feeling - it's not impossible or even difficult. Logically, it was enough to imagine feeling what they might be feeling in a similar situation. If you've ever been moved by books or movies, this was enough.

But it's the _when_ that is the problem. Where it's something simple like pain, or fear, or anguish, or loneliness, I get it. But grief? I don't get it. My parents were terrible people. I should be sad, yet it never felt wrong to have them gone.

I am a man that judges people by their looks. If they look ok, I am also inclined to think they *are* ok.

Many times have I accidentally insulted people, looked to be too aloof or amused by their pain. A resting bitch face, they call it. I perfectly looked the part of a fat little young master that cared for no one but himself and this hedonistic whims.

Remember: Psychopathy is a medical condition, but sociopathy is /trained/.

So at least people can learn to stop being an asshole.

Raised in poverty can become leaders of nations. Spoiled brats can become heroes. We are who we make ourselves to be, not by the circumstances of our birth and childhood.

Even after I got into shape and with the determination to be someone better - there's a lot that still I don't intuitively get like normal people adjusted with normal childhoods. I have to consciously be reminded what should be the proper response to comfort people in specific situations.

So it was not out of kindness that I said this:

"Your father is dead. Your brothers are dead. Your nephews are dead. Your grandfather is dead. You are the last of the main line Zenovivi. This was just yesterday! Today I may also have lost the love of my life. GRIEVE PROPERLY, ZORAH. And leave me the fuck alone."

I could tell the moment the light just went right out of her eyes. Her false bravado fell apart like scales around her. She slumped in place.

"... Right. That would be proper," she whispered.

"We have had enough! You- you barbarian! You insult our pain in our own home!" Lydia pointed her sword at my face.

"They have guest right," Zorah said evenly. "Leave it."

"But milady, we don't need guests such as these…! Just throw some treasures at these mercenary adventurers, and they can begone!"

Linze raised her hand. "Actually we are under commission by the Royal House of Belfast and the Royal House of Mismede in a diplomatic assignment. We kind of outrank you, and you just pulled us off an important mission of our own. It was just no one else in Belfast is the perfect high speed reaction force that we can do. If it wasn't us, then it would be NO ONE, and Lady Zorah would be dead by now."

"Tch." Lydia slid her sword back into its scabbard. "Follow me then. I will arrange for your lodgings."

"One question," Zorah said softly before we could go.

"What?"

"Are you actually blind?" She gestured to her own face, miming the cloth blindfold I had wrapped around my own eyes. "I would be terribly guilty if all this time I had been harassing an invalid."

So you were aware that what you were doing was wrong all along you crazy witc-!.

No. I exhaled.

"My light is not found in the world, but in a certain person's smile. I had failed to protect that smile."

-.

It was a room with a balcony high up in the keep. By the decorations this must have been one of the bedrooms of Zanac's uncles.

I took out a solar power bank and carefully inserted the charger into the usb-c port and then inserted the smartphone back inside its protective casing. The 'breathing light' LED did turn on so at least the power delivery was ok?

I left them - her - on the balcony floor.

I stared out towards the west. The sun was already low in the sky, the charge would be a trickle.

I looked to the east, towards the Regulus border.

Then I sat down with my back to the wall and waited.

My brain was empty of all things. I felt nothing.

Was this history repeating itself again? Too much indulgence means the world pushes back. But that makes no sense. The world isn't fair. This world or the modern world. If you have wealth and power, unless you miss your steps, you can get away with anything.

There's no justice unless you actively work to have justice. That's what social bonds are for. That's what the law, if properly upheld, is for. That's where confidence in society comes from.

Instead of a Char, should I have been Batman?

I grit my teeth and slammed my fist into the wall behind me. The stone exploded with a bang.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!" I screamed at the sky.

"Eeek!" I heard someone yelped. "Mister Zah! It's me!" said Linze, peeking out from the side of the balcony door. "I brought food - you haven't eaten yet."

"Ah."

Elze then appeared, and leaned casually against the door frame. "Yo," she greeted with the wave of a finger.

Linze brought in a small serving table with a silver tray full of foodstuffs. Bread, onion soup, sandwiches, sliced sausages, salad, chilled fruit juice, cakes, grapes. She put it down on the floor and sat primly beside me. She stared at the metal brick under the sun.

"I'm sorry," was the first thing she said.

"Why?" I replied dully. "None of this was your fault. It is the prize of our arrogance. We thought we were safe, we were above it all. Good things don't happen to people like us. I was waiting for the shoe to drop - you ever have that feeling when it seems like the only reason for life to give you good things is so that it hurts more when they get taken away?"

"Every single day," Linze immediately replied with all seriousness.

My eyes were still blindfolded. I was in utter darkness. I am a man, so I can't… while there are such things as manly tears, I knew that if I opened my eyes what would come out would be inconsolable bitch tears.

I raised my left arm, and Linze sidled over to hug my side.

I breathed "Yeah… the fact that you exist is one reason for me to doubt that good things can't happen to people like us. Thank you Linze."

"You're not alone, Mister Zah. You're never going to be alone, if you just let us in."

"Mmm."

I raised my right arm.

Elze replied with a "Hn."

My right arm and my right side remained open.

"And what are you doing with that?" Elze asked.

Linze pouted. "Come on, sis. Don't leave us hanging."

Elze made some sort of pinched sucking sound and then sighed. "Fine." She went over to sit on my right side, and grumbled as she was pulled into a hug. Then she snuggled in like a kitten and relaxed.

"You're a bad man," she grumbled out. "Having beauty in each arm. Go burn." She looked straight ahead towards the brick. "And even like this… you're still just pining for one woman." She tapped the bare arm over her shoulders. "That's the part that I actually respect. I don't want her to go, you know. None of us would be happy without Monika."

"Yes! Mister Zah, we're just as scared and worried as you. Don't think you have to shoulder this alone!" Linze cried out.

I said softy "I can still hear her, you know. I mean, not literally. But everything I say or do, it's like I can just imagine what she would say to me. Is this what they mean when the memory of the departed lives with us forever."

Then sharply I sat up straighter. "And that's bullshit! Dead is dead! Gone is gone! I won't be content with that! I won't allow it!"

"Well whatever you do, Miss Monika would say you shouldn't do it on an empty stomach." She picked up a sandwich and held it to my face. Her Mom Power was strong. "Now have… Zah bite."

Even through my blindfold, everyone could tell I held a narrow unamused stare. It was probably the same exact look Elze was displaying. Linze quirked her lips smugly. "Come on… you can do it."

I vehemently took a bite, chewed and swallowed.

"Go buurn…" Elze whispered.

-.

The sky was turning orange. The wind was starting to become chilly. We had been chatting, but it was uncomfortable - we couldn't talk too much of our good times with Monika, because that felt like talking at a wake. She was not dead. We refused to behave like that.

But talking about how without Monika and her [Null] magic, we had lost all our strategic mobility, that sounded like work.

So we just ate a lot and drank a lot.

Even with two warm bodies next to me, my body was already starting to break out into shivers.

"Do you need to pee?" Linze asked.

I said softly "We have a bargain with the world."

"What," said Elze.

"Whatever our purpose for being sent here, we only have one duty. To keep moving forward. To be entertaining. No matter what, we would never make what we're doing to be mundane and boring."

I turned aside and kissed Linze's forehead. She gave back a small pleased 'hehee' and a smile I could only see via magic thermoptic sonar. No colors. Only light. She was made of light.

Then I turned my head to the other side and Elze eeped and protectively put both palms up over her forehead. I could see the brilliant heat of her blush. Silly Elze. That just left the rest of her face unprotected.

So I kissed her nose. Her lips were not really reachable from this position.

That was still enough to get her going "awawawa~" in mortified embarrassment. "You… you… don't take liberties with me!"

Yeah, like I'm going to believe that from someone only seconds away from going all Braveheart.

With my left hand, I indulgently ruffled the top of Linze's soft white hair. She giggled. And then helped provide leverage as I tried to get up.

I stepped forth to the middle of the balcony and put my hands to my hips. And then I said loudly "But if the world isn't going to keep to the bargain and prevent Monika from living and being interesting with me, then I would cancel this contract! I will let this whole fucking thing go on hiatus and die!"

I pointed my finger to the east. "Whatever fucking plot coupons you throw at me, I refuse them! I will fucking retire to Refreese! I will have a farm! It will be my Stardew Valley! And there will be no enlightened spirits beasts - let a chicken be a chicken, a cat is a cat! All this power given me! Whatever secrets in the protoculture of that Ancient Partheno Civilization of yours, it don't matter none to me. I will spend it all on horticulture!

"Find another hero! My life will be peaceful and unchanging! You have denied that girl her life and freedom, and prevented me from fulfilling the the lifelong promise, so I will instead embrace the way of the house-husband! I will die old in my bed! I don't care if they belittle or ridicule me, cultivate your power fantasy somewhere else! ZA WORRRRLDO!"

Elze rammed her fingers into the balcony surface, ripped out a chunk of rock and tossed it at my head.

"Aw!" I rubbed the back of my head.

"Stop jinxing us, you moron!"

"Yeah… those words, Miss Monika taught me those are… flags. Flags are bad. I don't know why, I mean… people and countries need flags… but they are."

I turned around and grinned.

Then I shucked my boots and gloves and began taking off my pants.

"Wa-wa-what are you doing! You pervert!" Elze put her hands over her eyes and then peeked behind the gaps between her fingers.

"Continue~," Linze said evenly.

"Heh. This mask. These clothes. Are all part of the mask that is Zah Playa von Chara. But without Monika, there is no point in having that identity.

"There was once a philosopher named Diogenes, an ascetic who lived in a barrel and kept company with dogs. He was often at odds with the vanity and pretensions of other philosophers and the self-deception and artificiality of the human conduct.

"When a philosopher defined 'what is a man' by the answer of a featherless biped, he took a chicken and plucked all of its feathers. He broke into that philosopher's academy and declared "Behold! I have brought you a man!"

I spread my arms open, naked everywhere except for my briefs and the blindfold over my eyes. "Behold, a plucked chicken!"

"... I really can't deny the truth of that statement," Elze replied dryly.

"Elze, Linze, I'm about to do something really stupid."

Linze perked up.

"Oh good," said Elze. She meant that honestly.

-.

"If containment fails, this is probably going to explode and destroy this whole tower and kill us all," I said. "Linze, be quick with the [Aqua Shell]. Elze, your job is to grab Linze and jump for it as soon as that happens. You will survive the jump, I think."

"Yeah, I can see a roof I can get to if I kick off the wall," Elze replied.

"This sounds /extra/ stupid, Mister Zah. Are you sure?" asked Linze.

"Never."

Almost I could hear Monika say 'but not knowing is what makes life actually exciting, isn't it?'

"Look down on the ground, don't stare at it. If you do, you're going to go blind - it will burn out your eyes."

'Wait, Linze is right, this sounds super stupid. There's always time to try something else.'

"Come, [Earth], [Fire], [Wind], [Water], [Light], [Dark] - forces of Creation, by my hand, ignite!" Light sparked in the open space above my palms, and a rushing wind sucked inwards. I raised my hand and gently pushed the bead of light higher.

"I reach Heaven through violence - [Stellar Fusion]."

The bead of light imploded, and turned into hot white blaze. Winds rushed around it in a sphere, vainly trying to contain its brilliance, and feeding its hunger. The miniature star turned sunset back into high noon.

Squinting, Elze asked "What the shite is this, Playa?"

"Incentive."

Come on Chekhov. Gun me.

-.

Hours passed. Night came.

Or rather, failed to come.

I sat cross-legged outside on the balcony as if meditating; warm even without wearing any clothes. The solar battery pack worked at 100% efficiency.

Zorah was kicking at the door to the bedroom at what should have been midnight. "TURRN IT OFF!!!" she roared. "LET DECENT PEOPLE SLEEP!"

No. I will not have Monika wait any longer by any mere sun merely being on the opposite side of this planet.

-.

章 157: Here We Belong

バッチアンロック

章 157: Here We Belong

バッチアンロック

目次

表示オプション

章のコメント

段落のコメント