章 1: Chapter 0: Prologue
Every time I wake up in the morning, I think – Do I have a reason to live?
I am just a normal university boy, a 19-year-old in my third year, living in a rented apartment with two friends. There was nothing about my life worth mentioning until today, July 14th, 2145. Here I am on my bed, holding my heart tight, having a terrifying heartache.
Though in pain, I feel relieved that I might actually die and this normal, unlucky life of mine might come to an end. Then I heard a sound echoing through my body. It was melodious and sweet, one that can mesmerize anyone's soul and body.
Though mesmerized, a sudden wave of tremor spread across my body as there was no one else other than me in the home; both of my roommates went to their homes on the semester break.
The pain in my heart vanished suddenly, and so did the tune. The pain relieved, but I was left in vain, not dying yet again. I wish to die but don't have enough guts to commit suicide, so I leave myself in the hands of God every day, caring less and less about myself.
I just went to sleep, and the next day when I woke up, my heart started aching again. The same mesmerizing sound came, and my heart stopped aching again. And this kept happening for a week, until I finally noticed that I can hear the sound only when I am in situations that can cause death.
During this week, a lot happened.I was called back home as my parents don't want to spend their money on me because I have 8 backs out of a total of 52 subjects.
So I left my degree just when my third year was about to begin. I don't have anything to do other than hear tantrums from my parents all day long.
They tell me all the problems that even I know myself but don't provide me with solutions or advice and always state the obvious. Like, even I know that I need to do something in life to survive - like I don't want to live but don't want to die by my own hands either.
But they won't tell me what to do, how to do it. How am I supposed to find that out?
I shut myself in a room and just sat on the bed holding a pillow, trying to cry but not a single tear came out of my eye. I went to see myself in the mirror, noticing my dark eyes from not sleeping for three straight days, my pale skin, and not-so-lean but weak body.
Criticizing my own body, I went back and sat on my bed, and suddenly I felt a pause in my heart for a second like something passed through my body. I felt dizzy and then lost consciousness. When I regained consciousness, two hours had passed.
Luckily, no one came to check on me since then, because I would have been scolded again for collapsing like that. The pain came back, and I started hearing the same tune again, but suddenly someone spoke.
"What is your name?"
Surprised, I looked around only to notice no one was around and thought I was hallucinating. The voice again asked, "What is your name?"
It started scaring me to death, and I said, "Who are you?"
The voice replied, "I am the one you have been seeking for so long."
"Who, me? I have been seeking for you?" I replied and asked, "Who are you and where are you? Why can't I see you?"
The voice replied, "You will see me after some time; that can wait. As for who I am, I am you yourself."
"Me, myself!" Surprised, I thought it might be because I didn't sleep for days, my mind might be playing tricks on me.
The voice said back, "No, your mind is not playing any tricks on you. I am real, though I am you, but I am not you. I exist as an individual."
"Stop playing tricks on me," I shouted. "Have I gone mad, some kind of new mental disorder? What is this?"
The voice said back, "Don't panic. You will understand everything slowly and come to understand who you truly are."
"Who I am truly? Stop messing with me. I am me, who I am right now: a failed son, brother, and human. I am a disgrace on everything," I said.
"Don't worry. You need some sleep first. Let's chat later when you get enough sleep." As soon as the voice said that, I fell asleep.
Suddenly I was awake, but the surroundings didn't seem like my home or anything I had seen before. I realized it was a dream, and I was lucid dreaming as I was conscious in my dream. I could not tell where I was, but it felt like I was in this place before.
The civilization here was highly advanced and developed, or so I thought. I started walking down the path before me. Large and beautiful trees, a crystal clear river by the side, birds flying around, beautiful flowers, and lush green short-sized grass on the ground – such a beautiful scenery that I didn't want to leave but rather sit there till I finally die.
It was peaceful; the place had everything that I wished for. I sat down by the shore, looking up at the pretty sky when I noticed there were three shining objects in the sky. Those were suns. Completely shocked, I knew it was not Earth. But nothing was wrong – like, it's a dream, right?
And dreams are only bound by imagination, and for imagination, the sky is the limit, as we say. And suddenly I heard the same voice again.
The voice said, "Do you like the place? I bet you do!"
"I do like the place, but what are you doing in my dream?"
"So you think it is a dream? Hahahaha. Though you are not completely wrong, these are your memories."
"My memories? I don't remember our planet ever having three suns in the sky, and you want me to believe these are my memories?"
"It's not like I want you to trust me so soon. Let's start from the basics until you accept me. What is your name? I don't think you told me your name, Aarambh."
"First you ask me for my name and then you call me by a name yourself, which is not even mine, and you call yourself myself – bullshit. My name is Anubhav, not Aarambh."
"Oh, so the people of this world named you Anubhav. I see. Never mind, but your true name is Aarambh."
"I am not Aarambh. I am Anubhav, and the only one who is me is just me myself alone and not you."
"Fine, fine. I get it. You will gradually accept this fact that I am you and you are me. Though we are different consciousnesses, we are the same. We have the same soul. Time's up, I guess. Let's chat again sometime."
"What time are you talking about? Hey, hey, where are you? Show yourself to me. Hey, come out!"
I could no longer hear the voice and felt a kick landing on my back as I woke up. I looked around and noticed I was back in the original world – was I still dreaming?
I wondered. But the kick, damn. I looked back and saw my dad in anger shouting at me, "You useless moron. How long do you plan on sleeping? We called you back not so that you can live on our expenses, you useless brat. All you do is eat, sleep, and lock yourself in a room. I know you have just been playing games on your mobile – go get a life…."
I got up from the bed and went to get myself a shower, as shameless as I might get, ignoring everyone around me. Again thinking – Do I have a reason to live?
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