Thank you for reading
thanks I'll fix it in a jiffy
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Throwaway Villain
Fantasy · taytjie
Good chapter, Though you have a few grammar issues and tensing problems. you switch from past to present often while writing.
'Jessica cheered and immediately..' just an edit suggestion. also tense issue. 'cheers' is present while 'cheered' is past.
"All the secrets have been revealed. Now it's time for us to eat some delicious food!" cheers Jessica immediately opened the menu book and observed the food menu with a focus with her lover.
Delete and discontinued
Fantasy · Chocollacious
you switched genders again. it should be 'don't scold her anymore.'
"Come on, don't scold him anymore. The important thing is that you have me now," the man coaxed, stroking Jessica's head.
Delete and discontinued
Fantasy · Chocollacious
'that is true' <-- you're switching tenses here. you write mostly in past tense but 'is' is present tense. Check through your writing for 'is' 'has' 'will' and 'can' also 'isn't' 'wans't' 'hasn't' and 'can't' too. If you find them switch them to past tense so you can keep with the rythm of your story.
Eleanor thought for a moment while scratching her head in confusion. That is true. How could she forget that she wanted to celebrate Valentine's Day with her closest friends?
Delete and discontinued
Fantasy · Chocollacious
you have an issue with your pronouns. You're calling her a wife, saying she's a woman but then using male pronouns to indicate to her in your writing. there are a few moments of 'his' and 'him' being used when talking about the 'wife'
His hands were clenched tightly as if he wanted to slap the handsome young man's soft cheeks. However, this beautiful woman's delicate hands did not have the heart to slap the young man because on the other hand, he felt sorry for him too. Coarse air was exhaled from his mouth cavity in resignation. Seconds passed. The forced proposal had already lasted for almost five minutes, but this young woman would certainly not be easy to give that answer that could affect her future life.
Delete and discontinued
Fantasy · Chocollacious
Thank you so much for your review and kind words
Thanks for the great review, it really means a lot. I'm glad you like Kurio and Friar, they're some of my favourites too.
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original Throwaway Villain
4.91
Have you ever lived in a hell disguised as Heaven? Waking up in a body that was wrong. In a world, she thought fiction. Lillian found that she felt more alive than she ever had before. This terribly written world was twisted and wrong, a poison that slowly killed off its own people. Only the strong could live, while the weak barely survived. This world was her new home, and she refused to do anything other than live. {No Harem} + {eventual gender fluid MC} + {LGBTQ+ for some eventual relationships}23 Chs 14 Koleksi
Thank you for reading
Throwaway Villain
Fantasy · taytjie