really appreciate the rewrite, 100x better. The moments of introspection mainly works well If it's used after big/key moments, plot points, reveals, etc. Obviously there are exceptions, and if You feel it's necessary
Bro, this is exactly the problem witht the fic. A girl asked a question, then you go deep and HALF of the ENTIRE CHAPTER is narrative. you cooked so long you burnt the food
"My bad. I didn't mean to pressure you so much."
Shadow Slave: Possibilities Without Meaning
Book&Literature · Lahi
I don't know how to feel about this. When I first read this story, I thought it would be an isolated fic, no more crossovers until a certain point, like the 3 building up something, interacting and affecting plot etc. There's already a lot to work with within star wars I'm terms of antagonists. But bringing in more from 40k this early I'll probably stop reading.
The figure that emerged from the portal was a towering presence—over eight feet tall, with a commanding stature that seemed to dwarf everything around him. His armor was a fusion of regal white, deep green, and shining gold. It was a seamless blend of practicality and arcane elegance: plated with ornate engravings, runes pulsed faintly along the edges, hinting at powerful enchantments woven into the metal. Long flowing pauldrons curved dramatically over his broad shoulders, along with a chestplate that shimmered with mystical energy.
Space Marine in Star Wars
Movies · Greenbaypitbull
good luck with the rest
[Pretty sure the chinese author is homophobic, cause this mf says is he gay everytime a guy does something, like it actually hurts my head with all the bs.]
England's Greatest
Celebrities · Sinbad_12
true shes a lil overrated
"Oh, so you're really Angelina Jolie? Looking at you in person, you're actually not that beautiful."
Hollywood What If
Celebrities · pujimaki
that's too little for a football rising star no?
His blend of talent, charisma, attitude, and look captivated fans and media alike, marking the beginning of a new chapter in his career and in Leicester City's storied journey. As the most talked-about player in the squad, Tristan naturally became the object of media hype. His Twitter followers surged from over 30,000 to more than 80,000 in just two days, while his Instagram followers nearly doubled, reaching almost 90,000. Approaching the 100,000 mark filled him with anticipation; he wondered if there would be any corresponding rewards when he hit that milestone.
England's Greatest
Celebrities · Sinbad_12
this is stupid, why expect to level skills that are 90+ do soon?
"Just like a game," he thought with a smile, imagining the rush of leveling up in a video game. He reflected on the team competitions where he had intercepted the opponent's passes; this action had contributed to his [Steal] attribute. However, he noted a peculiar detail: his passing attributes had not improved at all, despite practicing passes on the pitch daily.
England's Greatest
Celebrities · Sinbad_12
your fixs great, but there's a bit too much thought and analysis from both sides, given the context of the situation. We know about shadow slave, it's government, and how the mc thinks. rather, in situations like this, advance the plot. same with the previous 2 chapters, but not as bad as this one
I just don't read multi chapter matches only the final, and I haven't noticed anything
[Wow, okay last chapter didn't do well as expected, some of you guys saying the quality is going down, not sure how? It's the same writing style I've been using since the start. But I'm trying people, this is a translation end of the day, however since it's been good so far is because I been using the chinese chapter as a rough draft with me then rewritting everything. But the chinese story does have hope, it's why I choice it so if you guys are going to drop it, I recommand doing it after the World Cup, so at least you have a idea if the story is getting better or worse. And there is hope, people in Patreon who have read the advance chapters haven't said anything bad about the story yet. Anyway thank you and check out the Patreon.]
England's Greatest
Celebrities · Sinbad_12