Despite the idea being great, The writing needs a lot of improvement grammar wise, especially the descriptive language that's being used. Big shots like Big mom, garling, Rocks or whoever shouldn't be stunned and shocked at every little action that happens, no matter how small it is. For dialogue I would recommend going back to one piece and analyzing how characters actually talk because as of right now they behave like OC's. This is by far the hardest part of writing one piece fanfics. On the otherside I do commend you for sticking to a consistent upload schedule and appreciate the use of correct punctuation for the most part. And I do have one small suggestion that might sound silly: I don't think the mc name 'carl' fits one piece at all. So maybe something like 'Carlos' might? Or maybe give him a nickname to not ruin immersion. Please don't be discouraged by my review and keep writing
I don't need to be a chef to criticize food, homie.
"Since the exams are so close I will take the time to explain the exams to you once more. The exams are divided into two courses. The first course is the normal college entrance exams. This course is for those who wish to further advance their education."
My Roleplay System
Fantasy · Lagaru
Author you literally mentioned the word 'exam' 4 times in a row, in a small 20 word paragraph at that. We both know it's a small detail, but it's these little things that separate mature writing from the bad one.
"Since the exams are so close I will take the time to explain the exams to you once more. The exams are divided into two courses. The first course is the normal college entrance exams. This course is for those who wish to further advance their education."
My Roleplay System
Fantasy · Lagaru
I ve read to chapter 12 and skipped to some further chapters and honestly I'm quite frustrated. What's the point of having a 'first life' and reincarnating in this novel. It feels like it's put there for the sake of having the word 'reincarnation' in the tags, we hardly get to see the Mc's feelings or ambitions from his previous life, what are his regrets? What's moral and immoral for him? There's a reason why most of these novels spend a great deal at building the mc's backstory. I'm pretty the author would explore the mc's personality further in future chapters using flashbacks or whatever, but at that point people would stop caring about his previous life
there is no such thing as a "good" or "bad" cultivator . its just survival . trust me i ve read many cultivation books and most "good" cultivators are hypocrites
He couldn't accept that! He wasn't a bad cultivator back in his days! so, he had no time to struggle, no point in object, as he declared:
Tales of The Mighty Dragonair
Fantasy · ranmaro
awesome is the last adjective i wanna use to describe someone's butt
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The World Cataclysm
Fantasy · JustAWanderer
of course
Also, don't be swindled by the Celestial Church's brainwashing. I may be a demon, but I bring only joy wherever I go. Granted it's only meant for women...but huh…in a nutshell, I'm a good guy, and you will bring no harm to the common people by serving me wholeheartedly."
Profane Prince of Domination
Fantasy · Devil_Paragon
how convenient
Konrad was alarmed. As the owner of the system, he didn't need to comprehend the methods, but he still had a good understanding of their difficulty. The Hundred Flowers Scripture wasn't your run in the mill method. To comprehend it meant talent in both the martial and spiritual paths. And to comprehend it at such speed could only mean that Jasmine was a rarely seen talent.
Profane Prince of Domination
Fantasy · Devil_Paragon
wasn't he the one who asked Lumilia to steal that thing ?
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The Evolution of a Goblin to the Peak
Fantasy · DonnEll
Yeah just realized that, my bad lmao. My points about the writing still stand tho
One Piece: Starting in God Valley as a Slave
Anime & Comics · tambeerg