Maybe separate the last 3 sentences to make it more dramatic?
Bab ini telah dihapus.
The Hidden Alpha
Fantasy · Kristii_Holmes
My rating is kinda low rn because you’ve only released 3 chapters, so story development and world building ratings are low. The story flows well and grammar is excellent, maybe a better introduction to the characters or a prologue will help. Will rerate once you’ve posted more chapters.
Great story, I’m interested to see what else will happen next. Just a recommendation though, a few more spaces and commas in the longer paragraphs of the story will make it easier to read. I would also recommend a bigger distinction between the dialogue and the story, maybe more spaces. The story is clean and most of my recommendations are on the spacing and commas. Maybe an introduction to the world and history soon would be good?
Bab ini telah dihapus.
The Hidden Alpha
Fantasy · Kristii_Holmes
I think drug should be dragged.
Bab ini telah dihapus.
The Hidden Alpha
Fantasy · Kristii_Holmes
What does chér mean? Maybe an note on what that means.
Bab ini telah dihapus.
The Hidden Alpha
Fantasy · Kristii_Holmes
Maybe differentiate thoughts from story?
The Hidden Alpha
Fantasy · Kristii_Holmes