Bab 74: Drunken Adventure
Zeus woke up in the hospital bed, his bandages wet with Persephone's tears and Bonney's drool. He chuckled and stroked their backs gently, full of love. He kissed Bonney and Persephone on the forehead before having a weird Deja vu moment.
He slid up and out from under them and jumped to his feet before walking out of the building with his Kimono and shorts. He was holding his gourd in one hand, Tengoku was strapped to his back and he was smoking a cigarette with his other free hand.
His entire torso was covered in bandages, as well as his lower half, all the way to his ankles. He was barefoot and only had shorts on.
He basked in the sun and took in a breath of fresh air before grinning. He did it! He took down Kaido! Granted, Luffy helped a little but still. Mostly his own effort!
Zeus exhaled a ring of smoke and said "Shiruton!" Shiruton stumbled next to him and Zeus chuckled and said "Fun night?" She glared at him and Zeus grinned before straightening out and saying "Clean yourself up and give me a report of what happened while I was out." Shiruton flashed and returned a few minutes later saying "Kaido was taken by the Marines and Big Mom was taken back to Tottoland by her kids. The All-stars were taken along with Kaido and the rest of the Beast pirates scattered and fled."
Zeus nodded and took a drag as he said "Marine movements?" Shiruton said "None whatsoever." Zeus narrowed his eyes and said "Perhaps, it was Drake's handiwork..." Shiruton was silent and Zeus grinned "Call Croc, time to Raid Onigashima. Bring all the ships, I want them here in 5 days max."
Shiruton saluted and disappeared, just as she left Zeus snickered and said "Use protection yeah?" Shiruton almost fell over and her ears turned red before she disappeared. Zeus chuckled and walked into the Capital, leaving a trail of smoke behind him.
Zeus walked through the town and passed by the Immortal Fairy Court. He grinned and walked inside.
O-Muma was sitting at the counter, bored. Zeus had left everything to Tonoyasu and he was nice but it wasn't the same. Zeus had given her a new life, made her beautiful again. She sighed and wondered if he would ever come back.
Zeus knocked on the counter and grinned "I would like your finest Courtesan." O-Muma said "Just go up-" she looked up and was shocked before saying excitedly "Boss!" she jumped over the counter and hugged him.
Zeus was startled and patted her back with a smile as he said "How's business?" O-Muma went back and said "Boring~" Zeus clicked his tongue and said "At least you have your own life now. Tonoyasu is doing well?"
O-Muma nodded before saying "Yeah but..." she sighed "It's not the same without you Boss. Are you going to come back?" Zeus patted her head and sighed "Probably not O-Muma.." O-Muma was saddened, she couldn't say that she was expecting anything else though.
Zeus rubbed his chin and said "Unless, you want to come with me? I have my own Island. It's not like Wano though. Very different." O-Muma's eyes opened wide and she said excitedly "I can?!" Zeus smiled and nodded before saying "Let Tonoyasu know, and replace yourself. Also, I have to warn you, the outside world is very different. Nothing like Wano."
O-Muma practically ran away and Zeus shook his head before going to the noodle shop next door. The atmosphere was different now that Sanji was gone. It was less popular but there were still people coming in and out. Zeus grabbed a bottle of sake and walked out, filling his gourd to the brim before vaporizing the empty bottle.
Zeus hummed to himself as he drank and smoked while walking down the street. He looked like a crazy person, all bandaged up and drinking like a drunkard as he hummed. Perhaps nobody recognized him anymore with all the bandages and the hat, but citizens were bringing their children away and telling them to go to school or they'll end up like Zeus.
Zeus was happily humming to himself, he could hear all their whispers but he didn't care. Even when the girls beat him up, he wasn't really getting hurt so who cares? Some might say that he was weak for letting them hit him but in reality, he just let them do whatever because they couldn't possibly hurt him at all.
He sighed to himself as he drank, his alcohol tolerance was so high, that he hadn't gotten drunk since Bartolomeo's ship! He drained the gourd completely and whistled before filling it up again, it was one of these moments where he wished he had some sort of space gourd thing. That way he could have a billion liters of Sake and he wouldn't have to keep refilling it.
Zeus traveled through the capital towards the port before whistling and walking on his cloud, that was moving over the sea slowly, in sync with his steps. Zeus was really happy today, so he wanted to go for a walk. Naturally, where else to go but Onigashima? So here he was.
Zeus landed on Onigashima and spread his observation Haki. There were still a bunch of Beast Pirates on the Island, he reckoned the next time he saw Shiruton he show teach her why the flowers are so red. Who told her to give Zeus a false report? Anyway, he saved the spanking for later and explored the island.
Truthfully, Zeus was getting a bit drunk, after he had almost finished 4 gourds full of the strongest Sake there was, but he kept filling it and drinking.
Zeus walked around and looked at the scenery, thinking it was actually pretty beautiful! Maybe he should implement a festival in Abyss Island? He liked that idea.
He passed by the brothel and saw the giant woman again! He said "Woah! You're like, crazy big!" Black Maria felt it was funny, this guy came back! Not only that, but he said the exact same thing as before! She smiled and said "You're like, crazy small!" Zeus chuckled and said "You forgot crazy handsome!" he had a weird deja vu moment and drank from his gourd before walking away.
Black Maria was stunned once again, the same line and he left again! But this time he seemed a bit drunk? She giggled and went back to her music, she was done with the Beast Pirates and just wanted to live peacefully.
Zeus spun on the ball of his foot hearing the music. He stopped in the door way and said "Hey! Giant pretty lady!" Black Maria looked over and thought 'A new development?!' Zeus narrowed his eyes and said "Aren't you on Kaido's crew?"
Black Maria felt her eye twitch, did he think she wasn't this whole time? Sure enough, Zeus drank from his gourd and said "Whatever, anyway wanna join me?" Black Maria was startled and said "Where?" Zeus looked around and said "A little bit over there." as he pointed in a direction then frowned before saying "Huh.. I could've sworn there was a mansion there before.."
Black Maria deadpanned, this guy was completely drunk. Zeus forgot about it and grabbed her giant hand before dragging her along, she was even more stunned, so forceful!
Zeus dragged her along and said "You're really good at music! You should come to my island, I don't have any giant pretty ladies playing music yet!" Black Maria said "You know I was a Beast Pirate right?" Zeus waved and said "So? That little black worm got his ass kicked by me! You seem nice. Come with me, it'll be fun!"
Black Maria was startled and said "You're the 'King of the Underworld'?!" Zeus grinned "The one and only!" he pausing and saying "Ah but don't fall in love with me, I already have a.. no 2 wives!" he smiled and dragged Maria along humming to himself.
Maria smiled wryly, what kind of man was this? He just walked in enemy territory like it was his own home, and told her he already had 2 wives.. She was about to deny when Zeus complained "What are you going to do here? Wait for the marines to capture you? Just come with me, stop thinking so hard. Jeez."
Maria finally sighed and let herself be dragged along, Zeus switch to her collar and she played her music out of boredom. Zeus drank from his gourd and hummed along to her music as he explored the rest of Onigashima, he looked around before saying "Where is the treasure... If I was a black worm where would I hide my valuables?"
Zeus snapped his fingers and said "Of course! In the alcohol room!" Maria almost fainted and Zeus walked to the alcohol room, he picked up a bottle and sneered "He got drunk off this garbage?! What kind of emperor is this?" he waved his arm and vaporized all the alcohol, revealing a big metal door. Zeus grinned "Jackpot!"
Zeus hybrid transformed his arm and ripped the door off it's hinges before stepping into a treasure room. Zeus whistled and sucked everything into the cloud before going through another door.
He arrived in a giant room with a single poneglyph!
Zeus was excited and punched up with his dragon arm, two rings formed in front of his fist and a railgun Shigan was shot, blasting a massive hole in the roof.
Zeus full transformed and put Maria on his head before grabbing the Poneglyph with one hand and looking around to see a small chest. Zeus' eye turned and he cackled saying "Arr there do be a treasure matey!" completely drunk now.
Maria rubbed her forehead and sighed, just what did she get herself into now?
Zeus flew out through the hole in the roof and chuckled before saying "I have a good idea!" and flying to the Capital.
Zeus appeared above the Capital and roared, scaring the residents. Zeus watched them scramble around and burst out laughing "BWAHAHAHAHAHA Kaido's back! Boo! Run for your lives! Bwahahahahahahahaha" the citizens stopped running and looked up before shaking their fists and saying "You bastard! Get down here and I'll show you why the flowers are red!"
Zeus sneered and said "Come up here! You think you little mongrels can compare to my handsomeness?! Impossible! I'm the most handsome!" a voice was heard "You're drunk!" a bunch of other voices said "Can't be more handsome than me!" another voice added "You? You look like a chameleon!" the voice snapped back "Damn woman! I wouldn't touch you if you paid me!"
The woman sneered "You already have chump!" there was a smack and another voice "You cheated on me!?" and the man finally "No! Of course not honey! Never!"
Zeus burst out laughing and curled up in the sky, the rest of the capital started laughing too, it couldn't be helped! Who told that guy to provoke the woman?!
Zeus reverted and boomed "Everyone! I am your saviour! Yes, I understand. You've never seen such a handsome man! But I regretfully inform you that I, in fact, already have 2 wives. Therefore you just cannot fall in love with me, I can't bear hurting even a single woman. This handsome face! Sometimes I don't know if it's a blessing or a curse!"
The entire capital's citizens had black lines on their foreheads, also who was that woman hanging onto his legs for dear life?
Maria was hugging Zeus' leg as if her life depended on it because.. well.. It did! She couldn't fly and it was really high up!
Zeus didn't notice and continued "Me! Your handsome savior has decided to give you all a nice present!" he snapped his fingers and pointed in the air, dark red clouds rolled in and a giant dragon flew in behind Zeus.
Zeus snapped again and a black dragon came down. Zeus coughed and said "Let me recount my battle to you all!" he took a big drink from his gourd and started retelling his exploits to the crowd of Citizens.
The crew felt their mouths twitch as they watched. Persephone and Bonney came out of the building and yawned, Persephone said "What did we miss?" Robin pointed to the sky and the two girls turned their heads before their faces turned amused.
Zeus said "And then! Kaido said 'Who are you!' and I said 'My Father!' and then Kaido said 'You're my father?'" he controlled the dragons to move around and the Citizens below burst into laughter as Zeus went on with the show.
Zeus controlled the dragons to fight each other and narrated "I was super pissed because this bastard targeted my wives, so I went up and just beat the shit out of him! You might not know but the dragon was Kaido's real form! Boy, let me tell you! Dragon meat tastes really good! So I ripped.."
His description got very graphic and he even put lightning bolts for blood! Zeus continued "And then I told him, you must let the Citizens of Wano go! He refused and said that they were all his tools. Obviously, that wasn't the right answer so I grabbed here and.." the dragons depicted a fight that was completely one sided for Zeus.
Eventually
Zeus said "Finally, I stood on top of Kaido and said 'Merry Christmas, you filthy animal.' before knocking him out and saving all of Wano by myself. Singlehandedly! But, alas, I cannot be your shogun!" it was silent and Zeus sighed "I know, i'm sorry too! I feel just as bad as the rest of you! Your dreams of having the most handsome shogun in the entire world, has been shattered! My heart belongs on the sea! I cannot stay! Don't beg me, it'll only make it harder!"
As he took another swig from his gourd and clapped his hands. The dragon's exploded into fireworks and spelled out 'Made by your handsome savior, Zeus'. Zeus slowly flew through the air towards the crew, swaying a bit every now and then, and still drinking from his gourd.
The Citizens watched the fireworks before cheering and celebrating happily.
Zeus landed on the ground and stumbled a bit. Maria touched the ground and collapsed, what a rush! She had never dangled in the air like that before!
Zeus walked towards the crew and drank from his gourd saying "What?" the crew all had blacklines on their foreheads. Robin said "What was that?" Zeus was confused and 3 '?' appeared over his head as he said "I just told them what happened at Onigashima..." his eyes widened and he said "Could it be?!"
The crew was startled and Zeus finished "You ALL fell in love with me?!" they all felt their eyes twitch and Zeus said "I can't I already have 2 wives." Zeus narrowed his eyes and grabbed Sanji saying "Did you just look at one of my wives bub?!" Sanji was confused and Zeus threw him across the Capital in the air saying "Scram!"
Sanji flew through the air and twinkled on the horizon, disappearing from sight. Zeus narrowed his eyes and said "I can't tell where you're looking boneman, but I'd watch those sockets if I were you!" Brook shivered and said "Please don't throw me! I'll scrape my skin! Oh wait! I don't have skin! Yohohohohohohohho!"
Zeus threw him and Brook's laughter slowly faded out until he twinkled and disappeared.
Zoro sighed and Zeus butted heads with him saying "You got something to say, Mosshead?!" Zoro smashed his forehead against Zeus' and said "Yeah, I got something to say! You're drunk!" Zeus sneered and said "Jealous?" Zoro gritted his teeth and said "I ran out of that Sake a day ago! Bastard! Give me more!"
Zeus and Zoro got into a dustbrawl.
The dust settled and 5 figures were revealed. Zeus, Zoro, Brook, Sanji, and... another Zoro! The other Zoro was dressed in the clothes he had 2 years ago and said "What the!?" before running through a portal and disappearing.
Zeus dusted himself off and grinned victoriously as he said "Hehe I win! The invincible Zeus! The God of good looks! The King of Handsome! Bwahahahahaha" the entire crew attacked him and Zeus coughed before saying "Thanks!" and drinking from his gourd, emptying it.
He frowned and shook it upside down before whistling and refilling it. Zoro looked at Zeus and touched his shoulder with one hand and reaching into the cloud with the other. He pulled out a crate of the Sake and squealed in excitement before running away.
Zeus turned and snapped "You damn bastard! Get back here with my liquor!" he paused and said "Liquor? Barely even know 'er!" and falling over laughing with a heavy blush spreading across his face.
Persephone and Bonney were embarrassed and dragged Zeus away saying "He must have brain damage!" the rest of the crew laughed and Luffy came out to see the rest and said "Zeus! Who's that?" Zeus looked and said "Oh! That's the giant boobs lady that plays music! I'm gonna bring her to my island!"
Maria almost spit out blood, giant boobs lady?! Luffy nodded and said "Ohhh!" Persephone and Bonney looked at themselves and Zeus said "I like smaller boobs." before falling asleep and snoring. Persephone giggled and Bonney just shook her head before going back into the room with Zeus.
(Author's Note)
Just a lil chap of pure comedy! Well I thought it was funny at least. The emotional stuff from the last 2 chaps kinda drained me tbh. We might be back later but most likely tomorrow! Nin-Nin!
You can check out my OTHER books while you wait:
One Piece: Another Chance (Completed)
Saiyan in Marvel (Completed)
My Hero Academia: Quirkless
One Piece: Price of Freedom
One Piece: Shadow King
Another Dragonball Adventure
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