Bab 12: 12 conversation with Jessica
When school was over Jessica and Ryan left together to get food. Ryan suggested a place that sells ice cream.
While eating ice cream they began to talk and laugh about past events they shared. Some time went past as they talk until Ryan noticed Jessica expression changed to a slightly sad one.
"what's wrong."
Jessica hesitated for a bit before responding. "I am thinking of the future, there may not be other times like this. I will be leaving for the capital, next year i'm planning on going to air force academy. I don't know when we will get to see each other again once I leave"
Ryan hear her words and couldn't help but feel sad too thinking about it. Only for a moment, before remembering he have another option.
"Why not if I just go to that academy too. My family had been planning on leaving the city soon anyway and I need to become stronger". Clenching his fist as he said the last part.
Jessica had a surprise look on her face. "leaving the city soon, why?"
Ryan hesitated not knowing exactly what to say. Should he tell her the truth or lie. As Ryan thought about it he decided to just blame his parents. Which is not a lie so he won't feel guilty. "My parents want to leave the city"
"Oh that make sense, I had always wonder why yall stayed here in this city. Your family is strong enough to easily live in a better city. There are only disadvantages by staying here."
His face expression didn't change but in his mind he was shocked. He just realized it really don't make any sense for them to be in this city
Not showing how shock he feels Ryan said. "I'm not to sure either why we live in this city"
"Your parents knows my dad maybe they was on a mission in this area too and for some reason had to stay here."
Ryan look at her confused. "Why do you think our parents know each other. I thought they only met you after we met."
Now it was time for Jessica to look at me confused. " I grew up knowing your mom. She always came over few times a year and talk to my mom. I thought you knew, I pretty sure i told you before she came over my house"
"Yeah you did but I thought that was the first time that happened. I thought my mom was just being nosey meeting my friends family or something."
Jessica couldn't help but laugh a little hearing that. " I remember even telling you that your mom told me I should get help from you when I don't understand things in class."
"Yeah I remember, but how am I supposed to know she said that before we met each other."
" because I said that she told me that before we met at that time. I'm pretty sure my exact words were " before we met, your mom told me to talk to you if I need help in school."
"Yeah I remember. At that time tho it didn't make sense to me, so I thought you was saying it jokingly or something. But never mind that, what were you going to say before this."
"Oh, the reason I think that your parents stayed living here because of a mission or something. I had overheard your mom talking when I was younger. It was after a beast tide, she was saying she thinks something is coming. The beast attacks happening more and more often every year even though they get killed every time. But they still get stronger and grow more in numbers. There will eventually be a tipping point before we won't have the strength to fight them back. That what your mom said. I'm not sure it only happening here or to every city but it very worrisome to think about.
"Yeah it is"
That actually part of the reason why I'm trying so hard to get stronger. I only have my mom left and don't want to lose her too. She will definitely try to protect me if we are ever in danger. She only a support mage with barely any combat ability, I can't let her try to protect me."
Ryan was shocked to hear all that about beast tides. But he didn't think to much of it knowing he could just ask his parents. But Jessica other words got to him, had him feeling some type of way.
He felt ashamed of himself that even Jessica worked hard to get stronger so she won't need protection. While he just make excuses of why not to train, or work hard.
Jessica noticed he was lost in his thoughts again. Seeing that Ryan didn't respond after she got done talking. "Ryan" Jessica said waveing her hand in front of his face.
Ryan smiled bitterly and said. "sorry, I was listening"
"what's wrong, this the second time today."
"Its nun"
"Don't even say it's nothing. I thought we was close enough friends that could share anything with each other."
Ryan sat there conflicted for a bit before responding. "Its really nothing much."
"Can you please just tell me about it I want to help."
He took a deep sigh. "I always been smart for my age and always known I should be training. But I didn't want to train because I was bad at martial arts.
What took my brother a day or two to learn the basic took me months. What took my brother months to master took me years. I still haven't master any martial arts. I'm not talking about actually mastering the technique but just being good at it.
I stop training once I realize how bad I am and kept telling myself I will train when I start senseing mana. That will change everything.
Which was just an excuse at the end of the day. I always thought I was going to start senseing mana before the age my brother did because I use to get these weird dreams."
"Why getting a weird dream will make you sense mana sooner." Jessica said looking slightly skeptical
"Im pretty sure the dream i had was about the past before there was Dungeons everywhere. I saw pictures of big buildings, tons of people walking around in fancy clothes. I even saw people in metal boxes but not really sure why they was in it though. I think it was taking them places cause I saw wheels on it. I honestly not to sure what's going on with my dreams at the time but i do know its not normal to dream about things I never seen before.
Jessica had a thoughtful look on her face as she heard him explaining his dream. " was the picture in your dreams blurry?"
"No it was clear and easy to remember when I woke up. Looking back at it, it didn't really make a lot of sense to think i was going to sense mana first all cause of a dream. Well i guess I was younger and less intelligent than."
"Did you tell your parents about it"
"Yeah, when it first start happening. But they didn't really listen. They just thought I had a bad dream or something."
"Really?"
"Yeah but I can't blame them. At the time I didn't actually explain it very good of what exactly happened. I was younger and had no idea what I was seeing in my dream. I just knew it was weird and probably not normal."
"Oh, so what was you saying again?"
"Umm, i thought I was going to start senseing mana before the age my brother did. But before I knew it, I was the same age as my brother when he start senseing mana. And I still couldn't sense mana, than days turn into weeks. Weeks turned into months and months turned into years.
Each day that went pass, I kept feeling less and less talented. It got really hard for some reason to motivate myself enough to do anything. I felt so inferior compared to everyone else."
"You know you still awakened mana sense around the normal time. Maybe slightly late but not enough to make a big difference. You may not be a genius but you not below average either"
"I know that deep down but I guess I may be jealous of my family or something.
I just wanted to be as talented as everyone else in my family. Who would want to be average.
I actually may be below average when it comes to martial art. My family said I'm only bad at it cause I'm not training hard enough. But I don't think that is the problem, I think im just naturally bad at it.
Now every time I think about working hard and getting stronger. I can't help but think, what's the point when I will never be as strong as them. I won't be able to catch up to anyone. If I can't catch up, than why should I try so hard at closing a gap that will never close."
Jessica sat there listening knowing he venting more than looking for an answer at the moment.
"When I did start senseing mana I still didn't take it seriously until the last 2 weeks before I had to go to this academy. Only cause I realized I didn't want to be the weakest student and get bullied. A part of me afraid I may just be naturally not a hard working person and will be weak all my life."
My dad was right. He always saying you won't be able to have anything thats good in this world if you to weak to hold onto it. I see what he mean now, I would not even be able to hold onto my life at this rate either. If we wasn't in the academy that guy from earlier probably would of just killed me for trying to ignore him and walking away."
Hearing all of that Jessica felt terrible he was holding in so much. She gave him a hug, not knowing how else to respond to what he said.
Deep down even she thought he not a hard working person. His mom already told her few things about his training tendency when she come over. Jessica still not sure how to tell him he probably won't even be able to get into the same academy as her. Normally you have to be really talented to get in.
Jessica think Ryan smart for his age but not because he work hard and learn alot. All he did was joke around with his friends in manaless school. He just naturally book smart and pick up things faster than most.
Eventually Ryan broke the hug and said. "thanks for the talk and ice cream. I got to start working hard eventually, I'm bout to go home and train. Ryan said "bye" and got up and left.
Jessica sat there feeling dejected. She feels like she was no help at all. Probably even made things worse for not saying anything to disagree with him and say he is hard working or talented.
Status Power Mingguan
-- Peringkat
Power 
-- Power
stone