Bab 14: The Past
"I was already in love at the age of 7 to a girl I named Chubby."
7 Years old Axcel's POV
13 Years Ago...
I was busy hiding and running from my dad's bodyguards who are looking for me. They keep on locking me to my room with my tutor but I already knew all the lessons. I just wanted to play with someone and he doesn't let me do that.
"Young Master! Where are you?" One of the bodyguards shouted and kept on looking for me. I heard them arguing and frantically searched for me.
I hid near the bushes and smiled when I managed to ran farther away from them until I hailed a taxi and rode it. The driver keeps on debating whether to let me ride or just drop me somewhere since I'm just a kid.
"I'm gonna pay you, don't worry mister." He just chuckled and asked me to where he'll drop me off.
"Do you know a playground nearby?" He nodded and said the address of the playground. "C-Can you take me there?" I asked and could feel my heartbeat beating so fast because of fear and excitement.
"Sure, but why are you alone young boy?" I played on my hands and looked at them while he asked that. I furrowed my eyebrows thinking hard for a good excuse and then looked at him from the rear mirror.
In case he'll kidnap me, I already memorized his plate number and his face but I think he's just a kind driver. He's one of those elders who get fooled by children's cute faces. Well, thanks to my cute looks, I could get away with anything except my father.
"I'm not a young boy, I'm seven years old mister." I crossed my arms and tried to give him an intimidating look but he just laughed at me.
"We're here," he said after a couple of minutes and I peeked outside from the car window.
It was just a fast ride that I could have walked if I knew the place. It was the first time I actually saw it and not just in books or pictures. The first time I stepped out on my own and experience everything like a normal kid.
I looked in my pockets for money but I forgot I don't have any and all I have is candy. Since I don't have anything to pay him, I removed my watch from my wrist and handed it to him. It is more than enough payment for the short ride.
"I can't just take your watch," he immediately refused and I looked at the playground again.
"But I don't have any money in me right now. I'll pay you back after I asked for money from my dad--" he cut me off when he chuckled and reached out to pat my head.
"Do you have anything to offer aside from your watch? I am an old man but I don't exploit things from children." He smiled and I felt embarrassed. I showed him some of my candies and he chuckled. "Some candies will be fine," I smiled at him and handed him all of my candies in my pockets, and thanked him for the ride.
When I was out of the car, I was mesmerized by the place and how happy the children looked. They were with their mom playing and having fun and there's this deep wanting in me to have that too. I never wanted anything in my life because everything was given to me on a silver platter as long as I do what is asked of me but what I am witnessing right now could not be given to me no matter how much I beg for it. I wish I could have fun like this with my family. I wish my dad could take a day off from work and have time for me and my mom.
I was busy looking at the kids playing while walking to the seesaw when I accidentally bumped into someone. She was a small--smaller that I barely noticed she was there.
"Ouch!" She looked up and was about to cry when I helped her stand up. "My butt hurts! Watch where you are going!" She's wearing big round glasses and has braces and straight tied-up brown hair. She was pouting and I stared at her round but adorable face and I stopped myself from wanting to poke those chubby cheeks.
"I'm sorry—"
"It's alright. People do that sometimes." She was removing the dust on her dress when she stopped and looked up at me. "Wanna play with me?" She beamed and I stared at her lovely doe eyes. For the first time, I was out of words and just stared at her trying to figure out how such a small girl could be a bundle of joy and warmth that you would want to hold her hand and pinch her cheeks making sure she was real.
She suddenly heaved a sigh and her bright smile turned into a sad one when I didn't say anything. No, I didn't like it. I hated to see her sad and I know that I just met her but I didn't want her to leave me. Like her very presence gave me a sense of comfort and contentment. But she's just a kid, a small chubby kid. What is in her that makes me feel...home?
She was about to leave when I held her hand. I wanted to know what this feeling she was trying to provoke in me and if I could feel it in other kids.
"Where are you going? I thought we'll play together?" Her face immediately brightens up and her smile was contagious that I couldn't help but smile too. Her small hands squeezed mine and I looked at our held hands.
Is it possible to find this happiness with others? Is she the only girl that could do this? I wanted to know and I have a lot of questions so I looked at the other kids but none of them could make me feel like what this girl is giving me.
I guided her to the seesaw and played a lot of games together. I had a lot of fun laughing and talking to other kids my age and eventually, other kids joined us and played with us too. They were asking me questions about who my father is and where I live because they have never seen me before and I tried to avoid their questions until I noticed I was not holding the girl's hand anymore. I looked around and saw her talking to another boy.
I knotted my forehead and walked toward them and just grabbed her away from that boy. Her innocent and confused eyes looked up at me, wondering what was wrong with me but neither I can't understand what was happening to me.
I just didn't like what I saw. I didn't like the thought of her having another playmate and I've never been this selfish and annoyed. I was taught to always have manners but I was disrespectful to whoever that kid was who dared to steal her from me. She didn't ask me what happened and just smiled at me so I stopped in my tracks and heaved a sigh.
I'm doing unnecessary things for this girl.
"Can I ask your name?" I asked her, edging to know more about her. She tilted her head and pouted.
"Mommy said not to give strangers my name."
"Then I'll just give you a name," she thought about it and then nodded, agreeing with me. "I'm gonna call you, Chubby." I chuckled when she lightly hit me on my elbow with her cute chubby hands. She crossed her arms and pouted angrily at me while I just laughed at her until my stomach hurts and wiped my tears from laughing.
"You're such a meanie!" I patted her head and playfully messed up her hair until she smiled again "You can't give me your name too, unless we became best friends!" She beamed at me while clasping her hands showing how happy she is for having a new friend and I nodded while smiling at her.
I was never excited about something before. I was never enthusiastic about knowing someone's name but she made me want to anticipate and look forward to knowing her name.
"I'm gonna give you a name too!" I happily nodded at her.
I broke a lot of his strict rules today. I went out and that's the first offense, I met a friend and that's the second offense and it's almost sunset meaning it's getting late and that's definitely the major last offense. He won't be merciful this time. I just sighed and watched the sunset.
"Aha!" I looked back at Chubby and she smiled at me from ear to ear like she just had the greatest idea. "I'm gonna call you Raven!"
"Why Raven?" I asked her but she looked into my eyes and I instantly know why she called me Raven. Everyone who knows my father always says that we both have the same almost pitch-black eyes and that's what most of the kids first notice in me.
"Because you have pretty black eyes. My mom and I have brown eyes but I like your eyes because they are kind, gentle, and friendly," she held my cheek and beamed at me.
For the second time, I was out of words again. I hated how much I look like my father and how my life was always in black and white, but she made me feel special and gave me something to be excited about in my dull and boring life. Because of her, I wanted to look forward to tomorrow with hope. She saved me from my dreary and tiresome life.
Smiling, I hugged her and pinched her cheeks again but this time, she laughed and giggled at me.
"Do you promise to meet me up here next week on Friday?" She suddenly asked and held her pinky finger waiting for my pinky promise with her. I didn't want this light feeling of happiness to just fade away so I made a pinky promise to see her again.
After arriving home, I didn't immediately go inside the mansion knowing dad will be furious. I closed my eyes and thought of Chubby, somehow she gave me courage and I heaved a sigh. After a couple of minutes deciding to what to say to dad, I went inside and I was met by a lot of bodyguards lined up and was about to go somewhere but stopped when they saw me enter the two door entrance of our house.
"Young Master!" They said in unison and bowed at me letting me see the person behind their backs. It was none other than my cruel father with my mom on his side kneeling and pleading. She always does that when I do something wrong and in the eyes of my father, I was always making mistakes—no—I was a mistake. She begs my father to not be so hard on punishing me but my father never listens.
In an instant, the bubbly feeling of earlier faded, and I am facing my reality.
I swallowed the lump on my throat and cower in fear from my dad. He didn't say anything and just went upstairs, going to his office, while my mom looked at me with her stained eyes smiling sadly at me. I ran towards her hugged her and she caressed my back trying to calm me down.
I didn't know I was already crying on her shoulder.
"Mom, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
I was crying because I know what dad will do to me. He lets me do whatever I want but first, I must obey every rule he has for me and disobeying one will be a total punishment. The downside is that I always do the exact opposite. I don't want my mom to cry too and that's why I was saying sorry to her because she has to witness her son being treated like a criminal when being punished by his own father.
I went upstairs and followed dad to his office. When I went inside his office, he was standing and waiting for me to close the door. After closing the door, he was removing his belt on his trousers and wrapped it around his hands, ready to hit me with it if I ever tried to lie to him. I bit my lower lip to prevent it from trembling and fought the urge to cry in front of him.
"Where have you been?" He asked in a controlled anger. I looked down and tried so hard not to whimper in fear in front of him. He hates it when I cry because it's a sign of weakness and I should be trained to not be afraid of being punished when I knew the consequences of my actions.
"To a-a pla-play—" I screamed in pain when he whipped the leather belt on my elbow with much force, making me sit down and held my harmed elbow. I cried in pain and gasped for air when I felt the stinging sensation run on my elbow after the impact. He hates to see me crying but he also hates when I stammer in fear. He never hesitates to hit me with his belt even though I'm thin and underweight for my age.
"Speak properly!" He ordered me to stand up again and I did out of fear and for the second time, I swallowed the lump on my throat, fearing where he'll hit me again. "I don't want to hear you stutter again!"
"To a playground, dad." Thankfully I didn't stutter this time and just keep on looking to the ground while still holding on my harmed elbow. He didn't say anything and waited for me to tell him more. "I just wanted to play with someone—"
I screamed in agony again after he whipped me with his thick leather belt on my sides just in my rib cage. I was anticipating it and covered my head to avoid getting hit on my head or face and because of that, my sides was opened to be hit by the belt. It didn't stop there because he hit me again for the third time on my right leg making me fall on my knees and crunch down to cover my whole body. He was about to do it again when the door on his office yanked opened.
"Stop! Please stop!" My mom begged on her knees and hugged me tightly not letting dad to punish me again. "He's your son Arthur! Have mercy! Don't hurt him and just hurt me instead!" She cried while looking at my dad with sad and angry eyes.
"He knew the rules and yet disobeyed them—"
"He's young and wanted to see other kids! What do you expect?! You're treating your own son like an animal in a cage!" My mom hugged me tight and I cried in silence under her protection. "He's your son—"
"I don't have a weak son!" He shouted at my mom and my mom tried to cover my ears so that I couldn't hear more painful words from him but it was useless. His cruel words already creep deep in my heart. He was saying it as if I was not his son from the start.
How could he deny me so much when we almost looked alike? Is he blind or stupid?
"Stop spoiling him or else he's going to be punished more than this and I don't want you to tolerate his foolish behavior again, Emily."
"He's been through enough, Arthur! Spare my son from your hatred! Why don't you just kill me instead?" I clutched my mom's dress and shook my head.
"You're already dead for me, Emily. That son of yours will pay for everything that you and Evan did to me. You took everything from me and I will make you and Evan pay." I did not understand anything but I know dad just wished my mom to be dead and I hated him for that.
My dad, being so heartless and cruel, left the room after throwing the belt somewhere and left me and my mom alone on his office. I breathed heavily and cried on my mom's embrace not because of what dad did to me but because I feel sorry for mom for seeing me this weak and unable to fight back to dad. She shouldn't be living this kind of life. I feel sorry for her for having a son like me.
Days passed and I was only left with bruises. I didn't talk, eat and played much like before. My last punishment was the worst punishment I ever received for disobeying him. He just usually punishes me by grounding me on my room or not letting me play for an entire week and making me study so hard I barely ate properly. I felt my body is in so much pain after those multiple hits. I just have a thin and small body and yet he hit me with so much force like he's hitting a big tree trunk. I looked at my calendar on my side bed table and it's only 2 days left before I break my promise on Chubby.
*...*
"Why can't you let him go outside for a while?!" I heard my mom shouting. I was just only passing by from the library after my last session with my tutor today when I heard my mom shouting on my dad's office.
They're fighting again. It was not a new thing for me. Sometimes I wonder if dad ever loved my mom because he keeps on hurting me and my mom.
"When I say no, it's a no Emily!" I heard my dad shouted back and also heard some broken glasses. My mom was sobbing now and every tear she has because of me, also pains me. "I don't want that useless kid to be seen by anyone and be known as my son!"
"I'm not stupid enough not to know why you are like this to him!" I leaned in closer to the door to listen better.
Why does dad never treated me like a son? He only buys me the toys that I want but I should have good grades and behave well for me to earn those toys as a reward and just that. Nothing more, nothing less. Like I'm just a kid he's been paying to have a tutor, to feed and to vent his anger out. He never even asked how my studies were or how I was doing and if I liked the toys he brought for me. He never visits me on my room and just orders the guards to call for me if he's about to scold me if I did something wrong. It was as if whatever he gives to me, I should be grateful for at least receiving them and living in luxury.
"Nothing happened between me and—" I heard my mom gasped in pain. I know dad slapped her again.
I just don't know what they're talking about but it makes dad be so mad at me. Whenever he sees me, he would look at me without any emotion on his face and he would look at my mom with angry and accusing eyes. I even asked mom about it but she just said that dad is just confused right now but reassured me that I am my father's son and that dad loves me but the more dad hurts me and my mom, the more I doubt my mom's words.
Sighing, I left them two alone. I don't want them to know that I listened and dad will just hit me again. I went inside my room and before I could feel this so much pain slowly killing me inside, I opened my window and grabbed a hold on the thick vines on the outside. It's thick and could withstand my lightweight so I carefully climbed down until I safely touched the ground. I ran and hid on the thick bushes and when no one's watching at the gates, I sprint towards it but someone grabbed my arms yanking me backwards and into the thick bushes again and covered my mouth to prevent me from shouting.
"Shush! It's just me." I sighed in relief when I saw it was my mother's trusted bodyguard, John. He let go from his hold on me and watched if someone saw us and looked back at me when he made sure that it's just me and him.
"Where are you going young mast—"
"I want to see her again." I declared with much confidence like I just haven't been punished for doing this before.
Today's Friday and I need to see Chubby. I don't care about the waiting punishment for me since I'm used to it now.
"But your father—" he stopped when he saw the determination on my eyes. Sighing, he took my watch and gave me some money. The watch has a tracking device now to keep tracks whether I decided to be stupid again and tries to escape this mansion. "I'll just try my best to try and make them believe that you're sleeping on your room. You only have an hour so hurry up." I smiled and hugged him and he helped me hide and ran away from the big mansion.
*-*
Just like he said, I saw Chubby again for an hour and hurriedly went home after that. John waited for me at the gates and I ran towards him and hugged him tight. He chuckled at me and I looked up to him and smiled.
"Thank you for giving me another best day of my life!" He laughed, patted and playfully ruffled up my hair.
The playground was not that far and since I memorized the route going there, I just ran for 10 minutes and arrived before Chubby could leave the playground. It was almost 4 o'clock when I arrived and Chubby was almost pouting so hard because she thought I would never come back but she was pleased to see me again and we both agreed to visit the same playground every Friday.
"Young master, you should get inside before they'll notice you not wearing the tracking device." I nodded and happily ran inside the mansion and headed straight to my room.
It was like that every Friday. I would sneak out for an hour to see her and John would help me out.
We're sitting together on a bench and she was busy letting me wear the silver necklace with a ring as a pendant that she bought for me. She has one for her too and I helped her wore it. It was a very simple and nice silver necklace and has a silver ring too but the back of the ring was embedded "I am Chubby's Special Person." Hers was the same but has a "Raven's Special Person". I kept on staring at it and then smiled at how thoughtful she is.
"Next week," she stated and smiled at me. "We'll still meet in here, right?" She gave me a hopeful eyes and I nodded happily at her.
"Same day, same time."
"I'm gonna tell you my name the next time we meet!" She happily clasped her hands and I watched her as she smiled at me and her brown eyes spark with happiness. I laughed at her and pinched her cute cheeks.
"Why did you brought me this necklace? Why aren't we wearing the rings?" She cutely blushed and pouted and I controlled myself on pinching her again for the 5th time.
"Because we're gonna wear it if we're older! If we're still f-friends and if you still like me," she said and almost whispered the last part.
The rings are quite big for our small hands but I stared with much happiness at it. She wanted to be still together until we're old? Is this what they call engagement? I don't mind what it means but I want to be with her too till we grow older and until we could wear the rings like we promised.
"We're gonna be together 'till we grow old?" I asked her and she nodded with much enthusiasm. We laughed together and I hugged and kissed her cheek. She was shocked and pouted at me.
"Why do that!" She touched her cheeks and hid her face with her hands. I laughed at her cuteness and messed up her hair. "Mommy said that when a boy kisses you, it means he loves you!"
Well, mom does that to me to show how she cares and loves me. I did that to her so it means, I love her? But I'm too young to know what love means. I just wanted to see her always, be with her and see her smiling face. I'm happy when I'm with her.
"You won't like me anymore if I do that again to you?" I asked and hoped I didn't make her feel bad. She peeked from hiding behind her hands and shakes her head. I just didn't know that it means like that to her. I was about to say sorry when she looked at me with a shy face. She leaned closer and kissed me on my cheek leaving me dumbfounded. She leaned back and hurriedly ran away from me, laughing and waving her hands bidding goodbye.
"Does that mean she cares for me too?" I asked still unable to know my answer but the one thing that's bothering me is, what does loving someone else feel like? I never saw the love between my parents so I don't know.
I hurriedly went home and as usual no one suspects anything. I was on my study table on my bedroom when my mom knocked on my door and entered on my room. She seated on my bed and I faced her.
"Mom, what's it's like to fall in love?" She smiled at me and motioned for me to sit beside her and I did and she caressed my cheeks.
"Why does my baby wants to know about love?" I avoided her gaze and looked everywhere but not to her. She chuckled at me and slightly pinched my cheeks. "Love is—" she thought for a moment and looked at me and smiled. But her smile right now is different. It's a sad smile."Love is here." She pointed on my chest and I looked at her confused. "You'll know when it's love when you sacrifice a lot for that person. It's giving up your own happiness just for her," she said and still I could not understand it. She hugged me and kissed my head.
"It's selfless and never questions who loves more or less. The important thing is you chose to give your all to that person and never holds back but also learns to let go."
When she said it, it was more like she's only saying it to herself. I can see how much she loves dad but why can't dad be the same towards her? I suddenly heard broken sobs and I tried to let go from her hug and looked at her. She was crying now but still tried so hard to smile for me.
"M-Mom? Why are you crying?" I wiped her tears and she held my hands looking at me with those sad eyes again.
"I won't be able to see you soon—" fear was the only thing I could feel when she said that. The fear that was greater than the fear of being punished by dad. I was more afraid of losing my mom.
"W-Why?" I asked in a broken voice and tried so hard not to cry. "Are you leaving me? Are you—tired of me?" I stood up and looked at her with scared eyes. I was scared to be left alone. Even though I have a dad, he doesn't treat me like a son so I'll be alone when mom will leave me.
"N-No, Axcel. Listen please—" she was trying to reach for my hand but I jerked my hand away from her. I shook my head and stepped away.
She's my mom but how can she leave me? She's gonna leave me in here. In this place I don't even call home. Without her, I don't even know what will dad do to me.
Maybe mom got tired of me. I snapped that out of my thoughts. I should not question her love because she was always there for me. She got tired because of dad. He kept on hurting her and she decided to leave us! If dad isn't here, maybe she'll be a lot happier.
"You're gonna leave me alone with dad?" I broke down and let my tears fall down . I just stared at her like she was already giving me away. She knew how dad treats me. I couldn't have gotten this far without her.
"You said love is being selfless and sacrifices for your loved ones happiness. Don't you love me anymore mom?" I asked in a begging tone. She knelt down in front of me and held my shoulders and looked into my eyes, seeking an apology.
"Don't ever think of that," she wiped my tears and continued. "I will always love you, Axcel. I wish I could give you more happiness but I won't always be there for you." I let go from her hold and looked at her with anger.
"You don't! You're not even thinking of taking me with you—" she cried harder and shakes her head at me, begging me to understand.
How can I understand when I can't even get it why she's leaving me if she loves me!
"I-I can't take you with me—"
Before she could even finish. I ran outside the room and into the library and locked myself in there. I sat down on the cold tiled floor and hugged my knees while crying. I could hear mom looking for me but I was too hurt and angry to face her.
Days passed and I haven't spoken to my mom since that happened but I always check her things if she's packing or leaving me anytime because I will surely beg for her to take me with her. I could be happier anywhere with her but not here. I can't bear to see her leave without me.
I was on my way to see Chubby again just like my routine every Friday but I was stopped by two hands holding me on my arms when I was about to step outside the house. I looked back and saw three bodyguards stopping me from escaping. One holding me and the other two was already blocking my way. I tried so hard to fight with their stronghold to me but failed. They dragged me going to my dad's office and let go of me once we entered the room.
I was greeted by dad's angry face and he stood up from his seat and walked towards me.
"You're this smart to keep on escaping without your bodyguards' notice?" He threw my watch on the floor which has the tracking device implanted on it. I didn't even flinched in fear in front of him. I just stared at him without any emotions just like the way he stared to me.
"If you're gonna punish me, can you do it later? I'll still escape anyway since I'm this smart." His cold eyes turned into a surprised one. He didn't expect me to say those words to him since he always thought that I was afraid of him.
After the thought of mom leaving me alone because of him, I started to hate him and thought of every possible way to take my revenge. He's the reason why mom suffered and thought of leaving us. Can't he see she's suffering already and would leave us anytime?! Why can't he fix this family?!
"You know how to talk back now?" He slapped me making my head tilt sideways. I didn't bother to look back at him and stayed on that way.
"Isn't it what you wanted me to be?" I asked in a mocking voice. "Fearless, strong and be like you?" I clenched my fist and looked back at him. "I've learned now, Father" I bitterly said that last part earning another slap from him.
"Without me, you'll be dead—"
"It's better than being here with you! You're killing me anyway. What's the difference?!" I shouted at him and he grabbed me by the collar and looked at me with fury, matching mine.
"What's out there to make you escape so badly? Is this what you're learning from that place?! I could disown you right now!"
"You never treated me as yours anyway! You keep on saying you don't have a weak son well I hate you and I don't have a cruel father like you!" I spite with anger and felt my eyes sting. "Because of you, mom will leave me! Because of you, she got tired of us! Because—"
"She's sick!" He shouted making me stop and let my tears fall. I know what he meant by that. I'm not that young not to know what he said. I shake my head not believing him.
"No! You're lying—" he let go of me and gave me a paper. I looked at it and it was a diagnosis of something. I basically know how to read and I'm more advanced than any normal 7 years old kid so I read every word on that paper and understood every word of it but stopped when I read something that isn't good.
Stage 4 (Terminal) – Brain Cancer
"I know you're smart enough to know what it means," I just stared at the paper, not believing every word in it. "I can't do anything about it. She only has at least year or two to live—"
"Why can't you use all your money to heal her?! I can't let mom die! Save my mom!" This can't be true! How can I lose my mom like this? It is better if she'll just leave me because she got tired of us...at least I knew she's alive and living than this.
"Her body's giving up already and it was too late to notice the cancer spreading. She doesn't want anymore treatment." I cried hard and let my hands fall to my sides and let the paper fall on the floor. "Now, I want you to stop sneaking out and be with your mother—"
"Why can't you be there for her too?" I asked with hatred and he was back at being emotionless again like I said something to turn him back to being cold and heartless.
"You will not disobey me this time or I'll—"
"What? Punish me again?" I deadpanned and he banged in fist on the table making me flinch from his sudden anger.
"If punishments couldn't scare you this time, how about I will let you study abroad and you wouldn't be with your mother or even see her anymore." I widened my eyes in fear and immediately felt the confidence I had earlier, fading.
"No! You wouldn't do that! She needs me now!"
"Then stop escaping and stop seeing that so called friend of yours!" I didn't answer and just keeps on lowering my head looking at the floor and my tears as they drop.
I suddenly remembered what mom said to me about love. It's giving up my own happiness for my mom because I love her.
"Could I at least tell her a goodbye?"
*...*
I immediately saw Chubby sitting on our usual spot under the tree, waiting for me. I walked closer to her until she noticed me and stood up to greet me with a hug. I smiled and hugged her back so tight and she chuckled.
"I thought you're not coming!" She chirped happily and noticed the necklace she wore as a sign of our friendship. I only gave her a small smile and she immediately noticed my lack of enthusiasm.
"What's wrong?" I handed her back the necklace she gave to me making her look at me with sad eyes. "Why?" She asked again and looked at me with those brown eyes, almost crying.
"I'm saying goodbye," I said coldly and looked back at her.
I never wanted to do this but I know she would keep on waiting for me if I won't and besides it's what dad wants...to fully leave her so he won't let me be separated with my mom.
"Are you going somewhere? You're not coming back—"
"I don't wanna be your friend anymore!" I yelled at her making her step back away from fear at me. "I just played with you because I pitied you."
"I-I thought y-you wanted t-to b—"
"Who wants to play with you? You're too pathetic for me. I don't want to see you again!" I'm sorry, Chubby. I'm sorry I have to hurt you like this. I'm sorry I couldn't do anything to keep you beside me.
"W-why a-are you so m-mean to me? Wh-what did I do wrong?" Even when I'm not looking at her, I know she's crying and I hate myself for hurting her and my mom because I can't fight against dad's wishes.
"I don't want to see you again. I don't want to be friends with someone like you and I felt embarrassed whenever other kids see us together. I was just forced to play with you because I feel bad for you but you're making these ridiculous rings and promises and I hate it. Who wants to stay beside you until you grow old? Only a fool would," I finally told her my final lie. My chest feels heavy and I hated myself for every hurtful word I said to her.
She was sobbing from too much crying and I wanna take back all the lies that I said but I clenched my fist and looked away from her. I need to do this. My bodyguard, John, is just few feet away from me. Dad wanted me to do this in one condition. I should be with my bodyguard in case I do stupid things again and ran away so I asked for him to just let it be John to watch over me.
"I hate you, Raven! I hate you so much!" She said with much anger and I immediately looked at her. Tears were still falling from her eyes and I can't see anything on it but hatred and anger. "You didn't have to come in here and hurt me like this. I thought you were different from other kids! You could have just disappeared and never show your stupid face in front of me and I would wonder why you suddenly disappeared without saying goodbye rather than knowing the truth and hurting me like this!" She pushed me and ran away, not taking back the necklace I handed her which was still on my hands. She stopped midway and looked at me with the same angry and sad eyes. "I will hate you until you die and wish I will never see you ever again!" And she ran away again from me.
I stayed like that, staring at her retreating figure even though I couldn't see her anymore—for I don't know how long—until John suddenly tapped my shoulders and I flinched. He knelt down on my level and just gave me an understanding sad smile.
I looked down to avoid his gaze on me but he he suddenly hugged me and patted my head.
"It's not your fault, Axcel. It's alright to cry to know you're hurting too. I'm sorry you have to be in this situation. I'm sorry I couldn't do anything." I sniffled and cried and John just let me. I wanted to take it back. I wanted Chubby to be beside me and I wanted to be selfish just this once but mom needed me.
I went home after that and locked myself in my room. I wore again the necklace she gave me and held it in my hands. So this was sacrifices and love means. It was one painful lesson needed to be learned for a 7 year old and I now fully understood what mom wanted me to realize.
I was already in love at the age of 7 to a girl I named Chubby.
Hadiah
-- Hadiah diterima Status Power Mingguan
-- Peringkat
Power 
-- Power
stone