Bab 19: He Looked So Vulnerable, Like a Child Deprived of Security
Once he reached home, he immediately went to find the little lady of his heart. The servants told him that she was in the lounge, having just finished her tea time. Since that he was back so early, he decided to surprise her. He didn't expect to stumble upon her having a conversation with her aunt.
When she said that she was happy being here with that soft voice of hers, his spirit soared up before suddenly it was dampened by his own demons, afraid it was just an illusion.
Then, once again she said that she was happy. With his own eyes, he saw the pure bliss in hers when she voiced out the words.
"Kyoya?"
"En?" Kyoya lifted his eyes up from his tablet. He looked at Shouko who had changed into her cotton nightgown.
They had an early dinner and as usual, both of them retreated to the master bedroom. Their activities after dinner were the same as yesterday and the other days but never did they feel it was boring to do something mundane like this.
Having tea together and talked to each other or sometimes being accompanied by books, both of them loved the simplicity in doing these.
But, tonight Shouko had another thing in her mind.
"It's still early but why don't you go to bed already?" Shouko glanced at the wall clock. It was a quarter past 10 PM. "You yourself didn't have any work to do, right? Why don't you take this opportunity to rest earlier?"
"That..." Kyoya placed his tablet on the table. He paused, thinking for a moment and said, "Do I look that tired?"
If not, why did she say something like that?
Shouko stared at his face which was now looking worried. Her gaze was so gentle, eventually set the man's mind in ease.
"You're always busy working, Kyoya. I understood that," Shouko slowly worded out what she wanted to say. She was trying to avoid making him felt as if she was belittling him. "It would be best if sometimes you take your much-needed rest. It'd help you to stay focus the next day."
Hearing her justification, Kyoya didn't know whether he wanted to laugh or cry.
"Thanks for your thought, Shouko but, as you said I am always busy," Kyoya smiled faintly. He looked at the little lady who sat opposite him for a moment longer, enjoying her attention to him before he continued, "So, if possible I want to spend my free time with you."
Shouko sighed inwardly. She knew he would give her such an excuse.
"I've always noticed that sometimes you'd look so pale. Please take care of your health, Kyoya. It's not good to endure until you're too exhausted."
Kyoya couldn't refute when she continued gently asking him to call it a night. He really didn't know how to persuade her otherwise. This was her first time being so adamant with her request.
It made him wondered if maybe, he should find another way to mask the lines of exhaustion on his face?
"Alright, if that's what you say," Kyoya nodded, finally relenting to her. "I will go and rest earlier tonight. You should too, Shouko."
"En!" Shouko smiled brightly, happy to see him agreeing to her. "Good night, Kyoya. Let's have tomorrow's breakfast together as usual, alright?"
"Okay," Kyoya took his tablet, he slowly stood up from the couch. Although he was reluctant, he couldn't say no to her. "Sweet dreams, Shouko."
"En," Shouko smiled sweetly. Her eyes were gleaming softly under the light of the room. "You too, I hope you have a nice sleep."
Kyoya sneered inwardly, mocking his own self. Him? Having a nice sleep?
Impossible if it's without her presence.
Shouko went to brush her teeth and wash her face once Kyoya stepped out of the room. While she was doing her skincare routine in front of the vanity mirror, she couldn't help but think if he would come into her room tonight.
This evening, when he asked her whether she was really happy staying here she understood the meaning implied behind those words.
If she was happy it meant that she had accepted him as a part of her life even though it was still a long journey to view him truly as her husband.
If she was not happy...
Shouko couldn't imagine how he would look like if she said those words.
By now, she understood that his cold and indifferent vibe was just a mask he wore when dealing with the outsiders. She had yet to know how dark were his demons but at the very least, he was just an ordinary human who had weaknesses.
"Silly..." Shouko mumbled, criticizing his foolishness yet her tone was laced with warmth.
Her gaze fell on the line of skincare bottles arranged neatly in front of her. Apparently these were the ones she was currently using even though most of them looked brand new.
That man was so pitiful yet she felt helpless because she wasn't sure how to cheer him up.
Shouko fiddled with her fingers as she thought again of the possibility of seeing him sleeping in this room.
Would he come here again?
And that night, she got her answer.
A week passed and Shouko had confirmed her suspicions. Kyoya had indeed would come sleeping in her room whenever midnight came.
He didn't do anything untoward to her. He would just sit on the couch and begin sleeping.
Shouko didn't even pretend to be asleep. She would really go to bed and eventually would wake up at the witching hour to find that man on the same couch.
Some times, he would sleep peacefully but at another, he appeared as if he was disturbed by a nightmare.
Especially, last night. Recalling the scene made Shouko felt as if her heart had been pierced with something sharp.
It was 2 AM when she woke up.
As usual, Shouko kept her breath steady as she scanned her surrounding and there he was, sleeping in his black pajamas.
He's here again, she thought to herself.
But, Shouko frowned when she saw how he behaved in his sleep at this moment.
He would occasionally flinch with his brows knitted tightly together. His thin lips shivered while both of his hands wrapped around himself. When she thought it was the worst, he suddenly crouched down and laid in a fetal position as if seeking protection. Even though the air was cool but his forehead was still damp with sweat.
He looked so vulnerable, like a child deprived of security.
"Why did he look like that?" Shouko couldn't help when worry started to sprout in her heart.
In the end, she sat on the floor and gently spoke next to him, singing a lullaby that she used to whenever she visited the children.
It took a longer time than usual but he eventually stopped tossing and turning in his sleep.
In the morning, he appeared as if nothing happened. Shouko was tempted to ask but no word spill out of her mouth. It was a difficult subject to be approached so she couldn't ask him recklessly.
"Kyoya?"
"Yes?" Kyoya lowered down his coffee cup from his lips, placing it on the saucer. He had just finished his breakfast. "What's wrong?"
"..."
Shouko was in silence for a moment, unsure what she wanted to speak. In the end, she asked him a different question from the one lingering in her mind.
"Err... do you want some cookies today?"
"En?" Kyoya blinked his eyes, he didn't expect to hear the offer. "You want to bake?"
"Well, yeah," Shouko hung her head low, deliberately avoiding his gaze as she felt a sense of guilt. "So, if you want them I'll make some for you."
Kyoya smiled, a trace of gentleness was exuded from his dark eyes. He reached out for the teapot and poured more tea into her cup.
"I'm glad if you do so."
Shouko smiled awkwardly. Now, she really needed to bake him cookies before he came back today!
"Old Toshio, could you please meet me in the library after this?" Shouko asked the old butler once Kyoya went to work.
"Do you need my help, Young Madam?" Without asking further, Old Toshio readily agreed to her request.
"Err... yes. You could come over once you've done with your work."
"Understood, Young Madam."
While waiting for Old Toshio to come, Shouko began to prepare her heart and mind for any possibility. She could no longer suppress her curiosity. It was better to ask for Old Toshio's help.
"Young Madam, do you have anything that requires my assistance?" Old Toshio gave a respectful bow to Shouko who was sitting on the couch inside the library. He had just come from inspecting the maids doing their work.
"Old Toshio, I have some questions to ask you," Shouko fiddled with the hem of her shawl, unsure whether to go forward or not. "It's... about my husband."
The old man's brows slightly lifted hearing her next sentence but he maintained a professional smile. "Do you have anything you want to know about Young Master?"
"Err... yes," Shouko nodded. She then paused for a moment to think.
Would it hurt his dignity and image if she talked about it with Old Toshio? But, if she didn't, she couldn't sit still. Shouko felt like she could only trust Old Toshio in this matter especially when this old man had taken care of Kyoya since he was a child.
There would be countless stories that he knew.
In the end, she resolved her heart and began opening her mouth again.
"Actually, since last week until now, I would always find him sleeping in my room. He would just sleep on the couch but more often than not, he would appear as if he was haunted by a nightmare. May I know, if you knew about his situation?"
Old Toshio was evidently surprised to hear her question. He stared at Shouko in incredulity before he realized he had been rude doing so. Old Toshio coughed once as he recomposed himself.
"Young Madam, you said Young Master has been sleeping in your room?" Old Toshio asked for confirmation even though he had known the truth in his heart.
Shouko reluctantly nodded. "Well... I noticed it last week but I didn't expect he would always be there after I went to sleep."
"Are you mad with Young Master to do so?"
"No..." Shouko bit her lower lip. The scene of him looking anxious in his sleep last night popped inside her mind. "It's just that... I couldn't understand why does he always look as if he couldn't sleep properly and there must be a reason for him to come inside my room every night."
Old Toshio sighed inwardly, at a loss to say anything. He himself had taken notice of his young master's absence in the room opposite the master bedroom. He had already guessed that the young man had been sleeping there but who would have thought that it was quick for the young madam to discover it.
"Young Madam, actually this is not my place to say it but I do hope for you to help Young Master."
"En?" Shouko was intrigued by Old Toshio's words. Especially when the old man's expression looked sullen. "Why, Old Toshio? Could you tell me?"
Old Toshio sighed again. It was against his moral to disclose something that his young master had forbade him from speaking but for the sake of him, he had to. After all, he had been watching the young man growing up.
"Actually, Young Master is suffering from insomnia since his childhood."
"What?" Shouko was surprised. "Insomnia?"
Old Toshio nodded.
It was time to tell her the truth.
PERTIMBANGAN PENCIPTA 
hansora
hansora At this rate, I think I could complete this book in less than 50 chapters. Do you find the storyline in a rush? I couldn't think of anything to add at the moment but I don't want to add more fillers than needed
Hadiah
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