Spring, 11 years ago.
I walked toward the university, through a garden that was covered with beautiful plum trees, blooming into the soft pink color.
The wind gusted strongly enough to make the flowers flying, making the beauty of the atmosphere intensified. The fresh air mixed with the sweet scent brought a particular coolness. Everyone looked so enjoying it with happiness.
Many couples were dating in this place. There were some of them making out with each other; smiling together, and looking at each other with affection, as if this world belonged to the two of them alone, regardless of how someone like me saw their intimacy with envy that could make me cry any time.
Looking at this, sometimes I wonder how sweet such intimity was.
If there was a question, I would answer that I also wanted a lover, but I didn't know how to find someone, moreover if it was a woman. I had no interest in any woman, so how could I find one? It was also the reason why I chose to be alone.
Currently, I was twenty-one years old. Almost even a year after the death of someone who always gave an affection for me, namely my grandmother. The only one who always gave me advice and taught me about the real meaning of life.
Before her death, I had been worried that something like that would happen in the future when I saw her old body due to her aging. Until what I was worried about happened, right in the fall of last year before I visited her.
A month after her death, I intended to end my life to catch up with her. However, when I remembered her chatter, her advice for me, everything seemed to hit me on the head and immediately awakened me.
I realized that killing myself wasn't the way to end my sadness.
Remembering her advice, managed to make me realize that I still had time to get to know new people out there; knowing their uniqueness; and organizing a new future. I hadn't known this world long enough. Many things still needed to be known and many things still needed to be learned.
On the other hand, there was a lot of rottenness and there was a lot of kindness in it. The world was still too big to explore.
However, no matter how strong I was, sadness would always be felt whenever I thought of a woman who gave her affection for me. As soon as I found out that I wouldn't be able to visit her this winter, I felt as if there were only three seasons in this country.
While walking, when I remembered those days, so I had arrived at the university without realizing it.
The first course began. I watched every detail of the subject explanation that was given in this quiet classroom.
In front of the class, a professor who was an expert in User Interface Design explained elegantly. The way he conveyed the course was quite relaxed with his light humor, it made the class atmosphere became better. Besides, the use of simple sentences made us understand it easily.
"Hey!"
"Sstt... sstt..."
Someone from behind poked me on the waist. I turned around and instantly saw a brown-eyed man smiling at me. His face was handsome and his eyes exuded a beautiful brownish glow.
This person looked familiar. We had been in the same class previously, but I had never noticed him from this close.
He took the same study as me but rarely got the same classes as me. And perhaps, it's only about two or three times this year.
Without caring, I turned back to focus on the explanation. I noted the most important part of the professor's explanation with my ear kept continuing to listen.
After explaining the subject matter of the course, the Professor often asked us to ask things that we didn't understand, and some people did it.
"Sssttt ... sssttt ... hey ...."
The voice of that man again. He interrupted my concentration. I looked back and looked at him cynically. He smiled, but I nonchalantly turned back.
Showing such friendliness in his face made him like a freak to me.
After the first course was finished, there was a pause before entering the second course in a different class. Then, I decided to go to the library and completing some assignments while waiting.
However, when I left the classroom, I was surprised when someone suddenly grabbed my wrist. I immediately turned to look at that person and found the same person.
"Hey, do you have time?" he asked in a low voice.
I threw out his hand, and answered firmly, "No, I don't!"
I continued walking, but within a few steps, he grabbed my arm and gripped it tightly. "I ... I want to talk to you ... please ..."
There was a moment's silence, I sighed heavily and agreed. Instantly, his face exuded a clear joy and brightened even more. He then started walking with a smile.
I followed him from behind until we came to a quiet room. He entered, and hesitantly I also stepped inside.
After we were inside, he stood in front of me, then spoke haltingly, "Hmm, that's ... that's ... I'm ...."
He occasionally looked down and scratched his head. But, that act only made him look even stranger in this situation.
However, suddenly the words that I didn't want to hear all this time came clearly into my ears.
"I like you!"
Hearing the sudden confession spoken out loudly, my blood seemed to stop flowing in shock. It was completely beyond my expectations.
"Who are you?!"
"Uh, sorry! I forgot to introduce myself." he was still acting weird like before. "I'm Lee Donghwa. I've been watching you for a long time. When I saw you for the first time, I ... I think, I'm into you ..."
This was beyond my expectations. We had never mentioned each other's names previously, but with just glancing at me like that, he was brave enough to confess his feelings in front of someone who still considered him as a 'stranger'.
I froze and chanted 'God' in my mind. I never wanted something like this to happen in the future, but it just happened currently. However, hearing someone confess their feelings to me, it wouldn't keep me from hiding the truth of myself any longer.
"I'm a man. Stop joking!"
I rushed to leave him alone. However, oddly enough, there was a feeling that was like clogging my lungs while doing it. I thought that I just broke someone's feelings, but I tried to justify my action.
In the library, I couldn't think straight. In fact, because of these thoughts in my head, it made me late to take class, and I didn't even focus as the class went on.