Bab 25: Paranoia

Ye Delun liked the feeling of someone else drying his hair.

When he was younger, his mother would set him below the head of his bed and blow-dry his hair. She said that it was because his body easily catches colds. Which Ye Delun could account for. He could remember the times where he would spend days in bed because of a bad fever. Or the times where it was bad enough for him to go to the emergency room.

He remembered waking up with his eyes meeting the plain white ceiling. He woke up there enough for it to become natural.

Zao Xing gave him the time to change into his new clothes. He noticed that there wasn't a pair of shoes, but decided to let it go. He wasn't in his real body, he didn't need to wear fuzzy socks to bed anymore. His body could handle the cold.

"Don't you need me to pick someone again today? It's getting late." The time was long past two. Everyone else was probably long home and either wide awake or dully sleeping.

Zao Xing played with Ye Delun's fingers and without looking away he told him, "There's no need to tonight. Someone has willingly volunteered. They're ready at any time." His thumb caressed the back of his hand in a smoothing motion. Ye Delun didn't know what he was thinking, nor could he read the emotions in his eyes hiding behind his mask. But by the way that Zao Xing seemed to be unwilling to let go, Ye Delun somehow felt that it would be wrong to ask for him to do so.

Although Zao Xing didn't look exactly happy. His lips were tight and strained. Ye Delun wondered what his full expression underneath the mask looked like.

"Oh." It turns out that someone had already offered to be the next victim. He wondered why. How could someone go out that easily?

'How anti-climatic.'

He shook his head to muddle his thoughts. Thinking such things were bad and insensitive. His mother had always told him to watch for others' feelings.

She always told him, "Think about it as if you were in their shoes."

He did. But he still wasn't able to understand. After all, even if he put on the shoes, that doesn't mean that they would fit. His mindset was still too different from theirs. The way that they would comprehend those situations would be completely different.

That doesn't mean he didn't try, he did it because his mother believed in him.

If it was him, he would have picked the most entertaining route. Perhaps let the murderer chase him down one of the mazes of a hallway. Let the feeling of adrenaline pump through his veins. Maybe try his best to hide in rooms, like an epic game of hide and seek. His favorite.

"Speaking of today. Did the sight of that body scare you? You looked a little pale when I came."

'Scared?' He thought back to the destroyed body from before. Was the feeling in his chest anxiety or panic? He didn't think so. It seemed too much like disgust.

"No, I just didn't like the way he looked."

Zao Xing hummed in acknowledgment and continued to study his hands. "Next time, I'll make sure to cut down on the mess so that there wouldn't be so much blood." He said quietly. Ye Delun didn't know if it was meant for him to hear.

He remembered the message he got earlier, where the system said that Zao Xing didn't like his hands. And yet, now this man wouldn't look away from them. 'How strange.'

"Why are you waiting so long before you go? Isn't someone waiting for you?"

Zao Xing grasp both of his hands and held them gently. He shook them up and down like a toy and beamed like an appeased child. "Because this is the only time that I get to be alone with you. I want to use it as much as I can." He brought his hands to his masked forehead and leaned against them. His ears burned a deep red and his face turned pink. He looked both desperate and embarrassed.

Ye Delun both felt and looked confused. He almost wanted to ask why, but then the system notified him.

[+10]

[The favorability has already hit the max on this character, it can not go further!]

'Ah,... right.'

Somehow, he had almost forgotten. This man was in love with him.

His mother told him before that when you're in love, you would want to spend as much time with that person as possible. She said that it was different from wanting to spend time with friends. But instead, you just want to be together with that one person.

It was a feeling Ye Delun never had gotten to experience.

How was he supposed to respond in these situations again? Act natural? Reject him? Say he feels that same? But this wasn't a confession, what does he do?

So in a typical 'Ye Delun' way, he responded accordingly.

"Alright."

Zao Xing looked at the sleeping Ye Delun with a still face. His gaze constantly checked for a sign of life. From the rising of his chest to the air through his nose. Zao Xing let his paranoia control him and let the thought of Ye Delun death play on loop in his head.

His hands still held onto the sleeping man's hands. Zao Xing made sure to only hold onto his fingers. He was scared of grasping the man only to find out he was an illusion. A bend in light, a hallucination.

There were times he thought he was crazy. From mood swings to impulsive thoughts. Jungle gyms and seesaws. They both went hand in hand in strange ways and burned holes in his head. It hurt.

But whenever the man in front of him was there, it all felt right. Like everything was meant to be. Through all his hardships, this was his moment of chance. The millisecond of a shooting star. The life that flashes through his eyes. It was his everything.

He hated the sight of Xue Peng's blood on his hands. It disgusted him. It felt like he was violated. Like a splash of red paint on his pure white canvas. He hated the shoes too, along with the pants, and the shirt.

Zao Xing took a deep breath. He had to remind himself to calm down. That the guy didn't matter. He was nothing. A couple of chews and a stomach growl. That's what he was.

There were times he would feel his hands shank uncontrollably. His confidence wasn't good and his paranoia was off the charts. He would run back to the main room to see Ye Delun and a girl getting along. He spotted his smile, it looked so sweet on his face. So small and cute. It sparked up the want to keep it in a jar, hold it close.

The thought of the woman thinking the same way terrified him.

His thumbs continued to caress Ye Delun's hand. He was thankful that he didn't pull away when he held onto them, even when he drifted to sleep, even if the posture was uncomfortable. This was what reassured him. His actions and words, no one else's.