Bab 92: Adoption ( Part 4 )
The only person who still had a problem with it was Kush himself. After he was bathed, dressed and prepared for the ceremony by the effervescent maids of the temple palace, he began to get antsy and uncomfortable where he stood. Like he would often see Vajra in, Kush was also covered head to toe in pearls and jewels this time. Kush used to con Vajra out of those precious items using various schemes. Sometimes he would bet, sometimes he would prank him out of them. He would scheme, he would compete, whatever it takes. He still remembered the sense of achievement he got when he managed to win those large emeralds which were embedded in the golden peacock sculptures in the Heaven Room. But now, he just wanted to throw everything away. Inside the temple, everything in his room was decorated with jewels, even the tumbler with which he drank water. Kush just found it all tacky and unbearable. Perhaps it's all about Kush's nature to be greedy. If he already had everything, it was difficult to be greedy for someone else's possessions.
Sighing, he removed the bracelets on his arms, the studded bands on his biceps and several other types of jewelry. His maidservants would make a fuss if they saw him do that, so he did it very quietly. He was still in the room, still sitting on that crib he broke. He began to seriously contemplate running away.
"Teacher, you're still here, right?" Kush spoke to the silent air, "I…Student is worthless. Student can't sense you anymore. Teacher, please come out and talk to me…" he called out, hoping against hope.
Ever since he came to Manas, he lost contact with his teacher. He accepted this position because his subjects needed a safe place to settle. Manas had an invisible dome of protection around it because it was god's sanctuary. Anywhere else was not the same. Even if Kush was able to settle, someone or the other would eventually make trouble saying that the barbarians didn't belong in Aryan lands. Initially, Vajra hypothesized that the Chandra faction was the one who spread the lore of Rudra to the barbarians starting some ten years ago. Which should mean that when they came to the mainland, there should be some force or power which would ensure they were integrated into the land and its culture. Unfortunately, there was no one. When Kush asked his teacher about it, she merely smiled and waved, saying mysterious things like, 'Only a stone that can take the hammer's beating will turn into a jewel.' What it meant was that, even if there was such a force or faction that influenced the barbarians ten years ago, they weren't going to come forward now. Kush was on his own. Even after all these years, Kush didn't know for sure what Ashangi's connection to the silent Chandra faction was. Apart from their mysterious help with logistics during his campaigning sometimes, he doesn't even know if they exist. Ashangi always said her resources were endless, so he didn't understand why he must take this path. Why can't he just become a conquest king like he always wanted?
"Teacher, I don't want to be adopted by some god and goddess. You don't want it either right…? You must be angry, that's why you abandoned me…"
But even as he spoke those words, Kush knew they were untrue. Restlessly, he got to his feet, his heart loud inside his chest. It didn't work that way between him and Ashangi. It was when he did wrong that Ashangi appeared in front of him and corrected him. It was when he was injured or stuck that she helped him out. When he was doing fine or when he was going in the correct course, she wouldn't appear. She wasn't some petulant woman who turns silent to show that her feelings got hurt.
Kush found it hard to breathe as he circled his room. He knew it wasn't the way to find Ashangi. She was as mysterious as a wish made by the divine. She blended into everything and she appeared as nothing. If she truly was nearby, Kush should calm down and concentrate his mind. People thought Kush was lucky because Ashangi was always around him, looking over him. Only he knew that the guidance of his teacher was not cheap. It was valued at the level of concentration he can garner. If Kush can't focus, if he can't concentrate, Ashangi would never appear. She wouldn't direct him. She wouldn't teach him. One must know that Kush was hyperactive as a kid, he had a deficit of attention and Ashangi took him into the mountains to teach him. She found the quickest way to beat attention into him by throwing him into the wild. He would be all alone for hours on end in the dark paths of the wild, until he learned to calm down and concentrate. Then he would realise that his teacher was all along standing right in front of him. It was the most magical thing. Kush had a magical childhood.
But right now, Kush couldn't emulate any of those moments. He ran around in the empty corridors wildly. "Teacher, I know you are here somewhere! I just want to talk to you alright? You don't have to always teach me…Day or night, autumn or winter, you don't have to keep teaching me! Sometimes we can just sit and talk right?"
The humungous temple was empty at this hour, the sculptures on the long line of pillars the only listeners of Kush's pleas. All the brahmins and servants of the temple were concentrated in the main hall where the god and goddess were getting married. Kush didn't have to make an appearance until night fell and they will supposedly begin to 'conceive'. The faint echoes of their mantras weren't heard, but rather felt by Kush as his naked feet brushed the Earth. The line of smoke coming from the giant sacrificial fire stroked the mist and the clouds as it dispersed upwards. The more Kush felt it, the more upset his heart became.
He believed Ashangi was still here, around here somewhere like she always was. But she probably felt there was nothing to discuss, so she didn't appear. Kush didn't require a genius like Vajra to help him figure out what she was thinking. Ashangi always said Kush would be king, but when he acquired his first subjects, she also said, 'Who needs the loyalty of these stinky people? They are only weapons for you to use in the future.' She clearly meant that the barbarians were not fit to be his subjects. In turn, what she meant was that she meant to make him a leader of the Aryans. Now that he was this close to that goal, why would she think there was a need to discuss anything?
Unfortunately, Kush never thought that way. Barbarian, Marut or Aryan, what was his was his. Kush never intended to sacrifice anyone. Especially not the special relationship he had with his teacher.
"Is this it?!" he yelled, kicking up dust as he stopped running in a silent yard. "You just intend for me to become the child of this…whatever lady? This Shakti? And then everybody would look at me as her kid. She's so real teacher! Not like those other gods in Devlok who only send their sanctions here but not themselves. She's a real presence! She's everywhere in this temple, even I've felt her! If I become hers, I become hers. No one would recognise you anymore. No one would recognise what you've done for me. Is that what you want?!"
Kush searched everywhere for Ashangi. He ran into empty shrines, he checked the silent gardens, he looked frantically under every rock and behind every tree.
Status Power Mingguan
-- Peringkat
Power 
-- Power
stone