Bab 414: Grief in loss
Elizabeth's mind drew a blank as she tried to process everything. She thought she had accepted her loss and mentally prepared herself, but this… Tears muddled her vision. It seemed the truth hit much harder than she thought. Her friends only knew a fraction of the story. She worked really, really hard to qualify as the next monarch. How many subjects did she have to learn? It was not just governance, economics, and politics that she had to master. She also had to understand the sciences, mathematics, strategy and warfare, history, religion, as well as the classical arts such as music, painting, literature, chess, dance, calligraphy, and more. The list which went on and on would scare anyone silly. Furthermore, that was merely education. What about refining her demeanor, judgement, logic, deduction skills, morality, and so forth? To transform a farmer girl into a queen was to transform a carp into a dragon. It was a heaven-defying feat!
Not to mention, the Whispering Shadow made things worse. They attacked her in the capital city, right when she finished the Grand Nobility's challenge, and later kidnapped her. She could never forget Lord Wenmord's impossible feat of 'freezing' the air either as just his mere aura paralyzed her. It was so absurd that even Sword King Sin, as a genuine Instinct Realm and Rank 3 King, failed to match up to him. It was truly the suppression of a transcendental being! The Lannisail explosion then crippled her, and almost detonated her Core. She had to train under Rena to resist her collapsing Core. However, going from nothing to High Gaseous Fog… That was basically ten years of education in the Zino Kingdom; another impossible task yet, she succeeded. Only the heavens knew how much effort she put in! Alas, effort did not always yield reward. That was the cruel truth of this world.
"Elizabeth…" Shirley whispered.
"I would like some time alone please."
"Alright. Let's go, Benedict, Freon."
Benedict looked like he had something to say, but he ultimately closed his mouth. Sometimes, it was better to say nothing. He and Freon understood that she needed time alone. As they exited the room, Benedict glanced at his master with a frown. Thankfully, Sword King Sin was not boorish enough to overstay his welcome. He gestured to Hidek and Lanar to leave. Lanar cast a cold gaze as he passed Benedict and Shirley. He was not convinced of their master's decision to delay their punishment. There was no telling what he might do. The swordsmen departed to their own lodgings, while Benedict, Shirley, and Freon sat in another room. It was awfully silent, almost awkwardly so. Even Shirley, who was usually the loudest, was quiet.
Freon sighed and looked out the window. "So, a new era begins…" He felt strangely melancholic, despite the auspicious day. Perhaps he was infected by Elizabeth's mood too. Trying to shift the mood, he said, "Shirley, you met Her Majesty before."
"Very briefly in Firecast… She was the one who gifted me that mansion."
"It's a nice mansion too. How lucky. I'm still technically homeless after that trouble last year," he laughed wryly.
Shirley held her arms and continued, "Although she sounded nice, for some reason, she made me uncomfortable. Even when she spoke to me, it felt like she wasn't looking at me… I'm not good with people like that…"
Freon felt sweat roll down his back. "Speaking of which, it's almost been half a year since we've left home. We should write back. They must be worried about us."
"I thought we weren't supposed to tell others we survived," she answered meekly like her soul was sucked away.
"That's true, but…" His eyebrows twitched. He was trying to make light talk, but she kept shutting him down. What was wrong with her? He felt like their roles switched! He groaned and switched targets. "What about you, Benedict?"
"I don't know… My father disowned me, so I don't have anyone to write back to. I doubt they'd care if I was alive or dead."
"You have your brother, no?"
"I… don't have the courage to talk to him anymore."
He felt guilty because he almost killed Lorenzo. Back then, right after the Grand Nobility's challenge in Algard, they ran into the Second Hand attacking Elizabeth's convoy. Lorenzo nearly had his belly sliced open by vice-captain Julie and he would have died without the help of the Hundred Lives Doctor. And this only happened because Benedict wanted to chat with Elizabeth… His brother almost died for such a stupid reason; how could he not feel guilty? Although Lorenzo might not mind and might even think it admirable to die fighting for the heir apparent, he felt too ashamed to look his brother in the eye again. The mere thought made him depressed.
Freon clutched his head in annoyance. "Forget I said anything. I don't care anymore."
"Do you think Elizabeth's going to be okay?" Shirley asked quietly. "I know she said she didn't want to be queen anymore, but she took the news a lot harder than I thought."
"Who wants to lose, especially after she tried for an entire year to win? It must feel awful."
"Let's leave her alone until she's ready… I'm sure she'll be okay," Benedict added.
"Alright."
"That's the only thing we can do."
Meanwhile, Elizabeth locked her door shut and slumped to the cold floor. She felt her energy vanish with that announcement. It was like she aged by fifty years in an instant! Her mind was still reeling from the shock. She lost? Princess Samanthie won? She understood the words, but the meaning somehow escaped her grasp. It was like she kept rejecting the very thought. It felt like a dream… Or maybe a nightmare. Because if she lost, then what was the point of her training? Why did she put in that much effort? Was it all for nothing? She wanted to laugh. All along, she thought the kingdom was hopeless without her. Lord Korogin said that. Queen Bethnal said that. Everyone said the same thing. No one else could succeed the throne aside from her! And so, she worked hard. She worked herself to death to meet their expectations! She strove to do the impossible! But this was the result? Someone else became queen? How ridiculous was that!
Her sadness turned to rage. She grew furious! Why did she lose? Why? What did Princess Samanthie have that she did not? That woman was always hiding away in the Zino Kingdom, doing who knows what. Elizabeth never even saw her face, much less spoke to her. Meanwhile, she was the one who did everything they asked of her. She learned everything she could! Every time she felt sick, every time she felt useless, every time she felt like quitting… She persevered because she genuinely wanted to help the Alzar Kingdom. It was the least she could do to repay what everyone had done for her. That was right. She did not want to become the queen of her own volition. It was something she felt like she had to do. Lord Korogin and everyone else urged her to step up and try, and so she did. Yet, how was her kindness repaid? She lost to someone she never met before? How utterly humiliating!
Elizabeth suddenly smashed a nearby vase. Hearing that loud crash and watching the pieces fly reflected her inner turmoil. Somehow it made her happier seeing something destroyed. She began grabbing more things to break such as teacups, plates, and anything else that made a big impact. After her room was thoroughly ruined, she stood alone in the middle of it all, feeling an inexplicable emptiness. What was the point? She could break everything she wanted, but it would not change anything. She lost. That was the undeniable truth. Nothing she did would change that one fact… The inheritance race was over!
Her shoulders drooped in defeat as she heaved a heavy sigh. The girl fell onto her bed without changing. How could she be in the mood? As she curled up in her bedsheets, tears fell from her eyes. She knew she would lose. She knew that yet… a tiny part of her hoped to be wrong. She hoped she could prove everyone wrong yet… In the end, that carp could never become a dragon, and a farmer girl could never become a queen! Perhaps it was destined from start. Perhaps she never had a chance to begin with… Those frustrations burned her chest. It was frustrating, so very frustrating! Soon, Elizabeth lost the energy to complain anymore. She drifted off into a deep sleep.
Status Power Mingguan
-- Peringkat
Power 
-- Power
stone