Bab 67: Let's try again
"That's... that's not true..." She reached out and held his hand. Fear was growing inside her when she saw the cold smile on his lips.
She didn't want him to hate her. She suddenly regretted telling him the truth when she saw the face he was making. She should have kept it from him. She should have never told him.
"What's not true?" His face turned blank. It was the same face he gave, the same face she saw when he was looking at Little Flower.
"I... I may have no feelings for you back then... but... but that didn't mean that I never had one in our relationship."
He scoffed coldly, "Is that so? Then what about the divorce you were thinking of having?"
She lowered her head guiltily. She did think of divorcing him because of how painful it was becoming for her. "How... how can I not think about it when... you were suffocating me in this place?"
Because of how bad their relationship was becoming, she felt suffocated whenever they were avoiding each other inside the house. It wasn't just that. Chen Rui has always wanted to be a free person but the way he was locking her away from the world was too much for her.
Maybe it was because of her betrayal but they have never talked about it and back then, she didn't know that he has already learned about the fact that she tried to kill him.
During that time, she felt so frustrated since he was suffocating her without even knowing the reason why?
Their relationship lacked conversation and now that they were trying to talk about those times, it was hard.
Chen Rui's tears burst forth like water from a dam, spilling down on her face. The muscles of her chin tremble like a small child as she looked at him, "Even if I have started to love you, I don't want to be in a toxic relationship that's killing me every day!"
He may be satisfied with their relationship back then but for her, she viewed it differently. The views they have on their relationship were so different.
There was static in her head once more, the side effect of the constant stress she lived with. She heard her own sounds, like a distressed child, raw from the inside.
Her words were like a bomb. Jin Mingze never thought that Chen Rui viewed their relationship that way.
He watched her cry in pain in front of him.
"I... I did love you... but... I have also hated you, Jin Mingze... " She looked at him with her tearful gaze. "I hate you so much... for ruining our relationship... so... so... I rather break this relationship before it breaks me completely!"
Although inside her, she knew that was her fault as well, for not trying hard enough.
She covered her wet face with her hands as she sobbed.
Their marriage was a failure. They never really tried to understand each other deeply. Their relationship may look like it was going well on the outside but inside, they were slowly falling apart.
She loved him but at the same time, the hate she felt for him was still there.
Just how can you love and hate a person at the same time? It was slowly killing her.
Maybe that accident was actually a blessing in disguise because if their relationship continued on, she might have divorced him already. She might have tried to hide away from him.
Should she thank Tang Xue for that accident?
She already has so many problems in her life. She has so many things she wanted to do for her revenge against the people that wanted her dead.
"Let's... let's just stop already... Mingze..." She whispered painfully.
Jin Mingze's hands trembled as he reached out to her. He pulled her inside her arms, hugging her close to him. "I'm not going to lose you again..."
"Enough... let's stop..."
She shook her head as she tried to push him away, she wanted to give up but being in his arms made her lose her strength.
"Chen Rui..." He still wanted to work things out for them. When he thought that she died, it was as if he lost a part of himself. He was willing to do anything just to have her back. If only there was something he could do to bring her back from the dead. He was willing to sacrifice anything just to have her back and now that she was back, something like this was not going to stop him from letting her go.
"Let's try again..." Jin Mingze's soft, mellow voice was heard. "Let's try again, Chen Rui."
She ended up burying her face on his chest as she continued crying. Her walls, the walls that hold her up, that made her strong just... collapsed. Moment by moment, they fell. Salty drops continued to fall from her chin, drenching his shirt.
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