Bab 25: Famous Author (7)
Edited by: Kuro and Lille
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There were a couple more days until his dinner date with Ian, so he decided to write something he had never written before. He didn't know if he was going to publish it but it was on his mind, so he wanted to at least get it down on paper or on his computer.
He wanted to write a narrative poem and turn it into a book. There were six sections to this poem book: Searching, Childhood, Family, Flying, Journey, and finally, Empty. There were a dozen or so poems in each section talking about the topics mentioned above. They told a story in the form of poems.
"Searching" was about a man who realized he couldn't feel happiness like normal people, so he decided to go on a journey even with his lack of experience.
"Childhood" was a glimpse into his life as a child and showed the environment he grew up in.
"Family" was talking about how those burdens his family latched on to him, holding on to him tightly even though he tried to run away from them.
"Flying" talked about how he compared happiness to birds and the emotions he felt as he searched. But to him, he was like a lost bird who couldn't find his way home, like how he couldn't find happiness no matter how far and wide he searched.
"Journey" showed how far and wide he had to roam only to realize that he didn't tell anyone about his journey. He only listened to the words of others when searching but realized that no one, not even himself, had even heard of the progress he had made. In the end, he truly felt alone in a world that didn't know his name.
Lastly, "Empty" talked about how he felt even if he didn't want to feel empty. A journey without a destination, a journey with no end, and a journey where no one knew who he was or where he went. He felt empty.
He wasn't following all of the rules of poem writing, he was just writing as he felt would flow better in his mind. That was why he probably wasn't going to publish it, but he enjoyed doing it. Calvin's love for writing was shown regardless of the style. He felt happiness putting words together and giving them meaning.
The narrative poem was called The Pursuit of Happiness. A lot of poets disdain those who write about the intangible, like happiness and love, as they were used-up topics, but this poem wasn't just talking about happiness. It was talking about the life of someone he had once lived.
There was a body that Calvin (the Host) had once occupied, named Yori, who was obsessed with finding his happiness, but it was difficult because happiness was intangible and had no real definition. It was different for each person, and even then it could be difficult to identify when one hadn't been exposed to it.
Yori was a cold man who had never felt emotions. He was never given the chance. Never loved or had given love. Never felt it. As he grew older, he realized his emotions couldn't fluctuate no matter what he did. The only thing he felt was yearning and envy. Could that be considered happiness? Anger? Or sadness? What was the categorization of yearning and envy?
It drove him nuts.
He did extreme sports, went to dangerous places, and saw the world, but his world continued with the same shade of grey.
He tried to find people to have flings with, tried to dance the night away, tried to drink until he couldn't move, he tried everything he could think of. There wasn't a single hobby or career that could change his stagnant mood. Nothing to ripple the waves on the lake called his heart. Nothing to splash color into his grey world.
He grew jealous of those who could feel what he wanted, happiness. Why couldn't he feel it? If he could feel envy and jealousy, he could obviously feel other things right?
That was when he realized his lake was frozen over. Frozen to the bottom. You couldn't even crack the ice to find water or life.
Nothing poured out of his frozen heart.
Yori wanted so dearly to find an ounce of happiness.
Emotions for Pete's sake, he wanted to feel something other than envy or jealousy as he watched other people live their lives colorfully.
Love?
Fear?
Hatred?
Something.
Anything else! Why couldn't he feel anything else? He felt like he was going insane and that he was the only one built this way.
He felt like he was trapped in the darkness. It was like there was a light on his back. Every time he turned, the light would turn with him. Always missing a chance to see something more. He knew there was something there but couldn't grasp it. That was when he decided to try the few things that people should never do.
Yori became a serial killer and died without ever feeling happiness, sadness, or anger.
The Host thought it was tragic. That was the first time he had ever been in a body that couldn't feel basic emotions except for those of yearning. The man felt nothing as he stabbed his victims. His mood didn't change when he tortured a man, or when he raped and slit the throat of a poor woman. The things he did were terrible for someone searching for emotions, but he felt as though he had nothing else left to try. What he did was wrong, but it was a pity that the man who kept trying couldn't achieve his goals in the end.
It didn't seem possible to the Host at first, but when he lived in that body, he knew that the person couldn't feel joy, anger, sadness, or any emotions on that range. He didn't know why; he just didn't understand why the man lacked those kinds of emotions. The lack of empathy was a scary thing.
Every time the Host went into someone's body, emotions, thoughts, and ideas clung to him. He analyzed them and acted accordingly, but with Yori, he had nothing to accompany him through the body. Even when he knew that he hated killing, when he was in that body, he felt nothing as he saw the blood of his victims and the fear in their eyes.
The man did not feel pain either.
Could not detect if he was hot or cold.
Could not tell what pleasure was.
His body didn't do its job.
The Host truly experienced the emptiness and that scarred him, but it shaped the way he thought and inspired him to write the free-verse narrative poem.
He started writing about the man's life, hoping to give him a happy ending.
He hoped that Yori would find some peace. Maybe if he felt just a little bit of what he wanted, he wouldn't have turned out like that.
*****
When it was time for the dinner date, Calvin and Ian were stunned. The two of them brought someone along with them. Ian brought Valerie while Calvin brought Lucy.
Calvin didn't want to be alone with Ian, while Valerie begged Ian to go in hopes that Lucy would come along with Calvin. Lo and behold, Valerie was right, and she was loving every minute. She ignored Ian and paid extra attention to Lucy, even making Calvin suspicious.
Ian could only sigh at his best friend and smiled at Calvin. "Once she finds someone she likes, she latches on and doesn't let go." He was trying to indicate that Valerie took a fancy to Lucy, and hoped that Calvin caught his drift.
Calvin, who realized that something was definitely up, caught the hint and smiled shyly. "Hopefully, Valerie is kind to Lucy." System 225 was right, there was more to their relationship than he thought. But he wasn't going to jump in and decided to wait to see how Ian was going to explain the situation to him.
He was mad at himself for getting upset so easily and still a little apprehensive about accepting God System's love. He did promise that he would accept the man's love in this world so he wanted to see Ian's performance and how Ian would woo him. His smile went from shy to instantly cold. His eyes were not smiling at all.
Ian felt a chill go down his spine as he turned back over to Calvin and gave him 200% of his attention.
Seeing that Valerie was extremely interested in Lucy, Calvin didn't pay attention to her so that he could spend some time with Ian. Lucy, who didn't know that Calvin was going to ignore her the whole time, tried to keep up with the excited Valerie. Eventually, the two found they had lots in common and hit it off.
"Calvin, how has book writing been?" Ian asked, wanting to get to know Calvin more and to change the mood from Calvin's icy smile.
Calvin replied, "It's been going great actually."
Calvin talked about his latest work, the free-verse narrative poem. He decided to name it The Pursuit of Happiness.
"Oh, how interesting... A narrative poem." Ian was now intrigued.
"Yes, it's my first time writing a poem like this. I have always been fascinated with poetry and decided to give it a go. It's going well so far. I won't be publishing it though, but if you are interested, I wouldn't mind letting you read it."
"I would love to see it when you are done."
It started out as small talk first before they tried to get to know one another more. They then talked a bit about what Ian did for a living, what made him decide on that career, his university life, and his family. Then some of the same questions were asked to Calvin.
Though Calvin already knew what Ian did, it was nice to hear it from the man himself. He was the CEO of an IT company. He had a Ph.D. in Engineering and was planning on going back to school for another degree. He also got his Bachelor's in business management and computer science. Ian should be called Dr., but he wanted Calvin to drop formalities with him. He graduated from the country's top university, S University, and was at the top of his class. This man was rich, smart, and extremely good-looking. This made Calvin feel that the man should only exist in books instead of in real life. He felt so fake and couldn't help but feel the world was unfair.
'System, why does God System have extremely powerful bodies in each world? Isn't that just not fair?'
[Host, with a soul as powerful as God System's, even when he is injured he is still at the top of the world. If the body he is in is not powerful enough to house his soul, the body would simply explode.]
'I am glad that his body is all mighty powerful and not exploding...' Calvin quickly thought because the image of God System exploding out of nowhere scared him a bit.
At the same time, Calvin was talking vaguely about his life. The original body's family disowned him when he was a teenager, leaving him to fend for himself. They disowned him for being gay and never wanted to see him again. With his grades, he got scholarships at a high-ranking university. He got a master's and bachelor's in linguistics, but he held off on going any further than that. He decided to travel the world. Calvin, who was at that point in his life where he had no idea what he wanted from his career, read a book that moved him so much he decided to write for a living. That was how his career as a novelist started and his first series instantly became a bestseller.
Calvin left out why he got disowned as it was a private matter. Even so, it left Ian concerned, but he was glad that Calvin was alright in the end. Most people wouldn't have been able to pick themselves up as Calvin had.
As Calvin was staring at Ian, he noticed a white pen in Ian's hand. He twirled it around with his fingers, but he was somehow paying attention to him.
"I have been wondering, why do you carry around a white pen? Even your phone number was written in white ink." Calvin thought it was unproductive to have a white pen if they weren't an artist. Ian was definitely a businessman and an engineer. Did he draw as a hobby?
Ian replied, "Ah, this white pen is my good luck charm," He handed it to Calvin to let him look at it. "I used to draw a lot and this pen had been with me for years. I unconsciously hold on to it to remind me of who I am and how I got this far."
"Well, it's useful because you also have a black business card."
"That's true, but giving you my number was the first time I have ever done that. My white pen is really a good luck charm, don't you think?"
The only thing Calvin did was move his left brow upwards and take a sip of his water. He had no comments for this smooth talker. "Is that so?"
He was still a little angry... Maybe.
When they finished eating, they split ways. Calvin and Lucy went home together while Valerie and Ian went together. Lucy, who was driving Calvin home, was talking about how great Valerie was.
"She's strong, pretty, and smart! She has so much confidence as a woman, I can't help but look up to her." Stars filled her eyes as she thought innocently about Valerie. Valerie was the kind of woman she wanted to be. She was a leader, independent, and strong, but also kind and vulnerable. She had great qualities in her character and personality. Lucy wished she was like Valerie… Maybe then she would be able to follow her dreams without looking back.
"I am glad you like her. When you can, you should hang out with her more. You may get some pointers on how to be comfortable in your own shoes."
"En! I got her number so I am sure we will hang out again." She happily held her phone.
He smiled at Lucy before giving her a "hmm." Even though he was happy that Valerie liked Lucy so much, he also wanted Lucy to be more comfortable with herself and grow as a person.
He hoped that Lucy would be able to spread her wings and fly out of the nest.
PERTIMBANGAN PENCIPTA 
MakusCorner
MakusCorner Grandpa Marky: At the end of this Arc, there will be a couple of extras. One of them is the poem that I didn't feel like inserting into the actual story. I hope you all enjoy that. It's pretty long but it was fun to write.
Lille: Calvin being a little bitter to Ian is just so *chef’s kiss* (*ﾟ▽ﾟ)
Status Power Mingguan
-- Peringkat
Power 
-- Power
stone