Bab 14: The world doesn't stop for your grief.
...Currently...
Safa was fascinated by the man's features.
Although she knew people with albinism existed, it's still rare seeing a young person with white hair and a skin paler than china clay.
She had to stay silent and behave while she internally battled Her scientific curiosity to stop herself from asking Fabian highly invasive questions regarding his appearance.
Fabian began Speaking, "First of all, welcome and thank you for attending and second of all...I apologize since this has unfortunately turned into a habit by now.
I have been asking all guests attending the service to introduce themselves since I was not as involved in the late Lord and Lady Struat lives as I should have been...so I am not well acquainted with everyone in their lives."
"Well allow me then, young master!" Gertrude said, "This young lady is Lady Safa Vasundhara Catalina Vega." She said while politely pointing at Safa.
Both Colin and Fabian had an amused look on their faces, due to Safa's full name.
Still smiling and in her husky voice, "I can see my unconventionally long name has frightened you future Lord Stuart, fear not...you can simply address me as Lady Vega, or Miss Safa." Safa spoke-up.
"Oh!...As you wish Miss Safa." Fabian replied, for some reason he felt shy all of the sudden.
"And this charming handsome and strong man is Lady Vega's loyal manservant and protector, Wolfgang." Gertrude said pointing at Wolfgang who was unsure how to react to the flattering introduction.
James almost laughed seeing how embarrassed Wolfgang was but he had to control his reactions as well since this was a funeral service, "And I am Lord James Teaton, you probably have never heard of me, I tend to stay away from the social scene." James said flashing a smile.
Astonished, "Oh I see..." Fabian replied, he smiled back politely and asked, "So I assume you all knew my late aunt?"
"In a way or another, I actually was acquainted with her indirectly...I heard nothing but high praise of the late Lady Struat through my current Gardner who was previously the young man assisting your current Gardner, although he didn't favor the late Lord Struat with the same kind of praise." James answered.
"Allow me to speculate...my aunt's husband was jealous of the young man, he fired him?" Fabian said, "Almost, the young man left on his own, but yes the late Lord's jealousy was the reason behind that decision.
So to speak the truth, I am not a friend of your aunt or her husband, I came mostly to be of assistance to my dear friend Safa." James replied, Fabian was confused when James called Safa by her name, without any 'Miss' or 'Lady'.
"As for myself, You aunt was a good friend of my father's...Last time she visited was during his funeral, it was also when her and I met for the first time.
So I thought I should return the favor." Safa spoke-up.
"I am sorry to hear you experienced such loss already." Fabian replied, "It was a long time ago, I suppose you could say I survived so that is all that matters for now.
And please do forgive me, I should have started with this first but you 'have my deepest condolences', I can imagine you are experiencing a great deal of sadness.
Today must have been difficult for you, I heard you were out traveling when the news reached you, you must be too tired to even react properly." Safa said.
Fabian was impressed by her words, "Thank you, yes it was a difficult day...and I am honestly exhausted, so far I did not even get an opportunity to rest from my journey...so yes it is difficult indeed.
However, I have duties now to carry out...As the man of the house and the future Lord, I cannot rest Until all is...done." he replied, his throat started to tighten as he felt a sudden urge to cry, so far he has managed to compose himself but he was starting to lose his grip for some reason and Safa could clearly see it with her eyes.
Colin could too, feel his friend's emotions rise, so he patted Fabian gently on his back to support him, while Gertrude, James and Wolfgang gave the man a unanimous look of sympathy.
"My deepest condolences as well." James said, "I would like to offer my condolences as well." Wolfgang added.
"Thank you...I am sure my aunt would be happy knowing this many people came to the service just to pay their respect to her.
If it was just her husband, this place would have been empty." Fabian joked, forcing a smile onto his face.
Suddenly, "I never understood why men are burdened with such thing." Safa said earning the small group's attention.
"What's the matter Safa dear?" James asked but Safa ignored him as she directed a question at Fabian, "Can I have your name?"
Nodding, "Yes! My apologies I did not realize that I did not introduce myself yet...My name is Fabian Kainz." Fabian replied.
"It is alright to just call you Fabian, or should I address you as Lord Stuart considering that you are to be his successor?
I do not usually care for formalities so feel free to address me by name as well."
"Whatever makes you most comfortable, Miss Safa."
"Thank you, so...Fabian." Safa says, "You obviously want to bawl your eyes out crying at the moment." She added making Colin stare in disbelief.
Confused, "Excuse me?" Fabian said, "I believe you want to cry, I mean should cry this is the occasion to but you are keeping it all in for some reason.
Since the moment I laid eyes on you, I could see that you were and still are constantly on the verge of breaking down, but you are managing so far to stay calm and collected due to the fact you probably have had few drinks, or many...I can see it on your face.
And you have Mister Bridgerton by your side! whom I assume as the good friend he is, he is currently helping you maintain your composer." Safa replied surprising the two friends.
"Hold on, I never met you before Lady Vega." Collin said unsure of what to think of Safa's words, "So may I know how you happened to know of me?"
Smirking, "Just because you do not know me, does not mean I do not know you.
Not to mention that the Bridgerton name has a widespread reputation.
Anyways as I was saying, Fabian...I..." But before Safa could finish, Fabian cut her off, "Miss Safa, I appreciate that you seem worried over my mental state, but I would appreciate it even more that you do not concern yourself with matters that have nothing to do with you."
"I was simply trying to say that if you wish, you can just drop the act around me, You have lost someone, yet here you are greeting guests you barley know, forcing yourself to make connections when you should be in solitude mourning." Safa replied.
"Solitude is for ladies such as yourself miss Safa.
Now if you Will excuse me, I shall take a moment for myself." Fabian replied, his expression was slightly grim as he glanced at Safa before he began walking away.
Colin immediately followed his friend and the two soon disappeared from the room.
Now alone, "Safa!" Wolfgang scoldingly, "What?! Forgive me if I do not understand this pretentious charade!
This is a funeral, why should he even be hosting it when he should be in bed all day crying like a proper human." Safa replied.
"Oh child I think the same of you, but Men... especially wealthy men, they have an image to keep, you already know they're not allowed the same freedom of showing weakness as us ladies have.
Some men even find it insulting to show weakness especially in front of a Lady." Gertrude said.
"But this is a funeral, surly there must be an exception!" Safa replied.
Embarrassed, "I know that I tend to...cry a lot...especially in front of you Safa which may have clouded your judgement, but I can assure you, it is more accepted for gentleman to bottle his feelings than to pour them out." Wolfgang spoke-up, "As a fellow gentleman, I can confirm that." James added.
"So...have I insulted Fabian with my words? Does he think that I called him a weak man?" Safa asked.
"I think you did." Wolfgang said, "Ugh, this stupid stigma around men crying or showing any sort of vulnerability.
I can never understand the logic behind it, are we not all human?!" Safa replied.
"You know...now that I think about it, I don't think you have offended the young master, lady Vega." Gertrude said.
"What do you mean?" Safa asked.
...Meanwhile...
Fabian was faster in his steps than Colin so when he reached the study room first, he shut the door behind him, locking Colin out.
Knocking, "Fabian, open the door...Please let me in." Colin said.
"Please Colin, go away...I wish to be left alone." Fabian replied from the other side of the door.
Reluctant but with no other choice, Colin sighed then said, "Fine, no need to open the door but I will remain here outside."
Fabian also sighed, Colin was awfully stubborn, sometimes more stubborn than him, he knew that.
Inside the study room, Fabian walked towards the chaise lounge and layed there, staring at the room's ceiling.
He was just staring calmly at the fancy chandelier but all of the sudden his vision became blurry as his eyes began drowning in tears.
A stream of warm salty water was now running from each of his eyes, drenching his face and the cushion underneath him.
Fabian let out a soft sob at first but then, he could no longer hold it in.
His sobs grew louder as he hugged himself and turned to burry his face into the cushion.
It had finally dawned on him the reality of his situation, He lost the only family he had and Until now he only shed few tears, drank like a mad man and cared a little too much about the inheritance when just like Safa said, he should be mourning.
...Few minutes later...
Colin was ill with worry, Fabian was clear he wanted some privacy so Colin against his will, continued to wait outside the study room.
But suddenly, "Mister Bridgerton!" The familiar and unique voice of Safa took him by surprise.
He turned to see the woman was walking on two feet but with the assistant of both Wolfgang and James and each gentleman held her by an arm.
Colin was so confused he had no idea what to say.
"I'm sorry to bother you sir, but is the young master in the study room?" Gertrude who was leading the group upstairs, asked Colin who nodded hesitantly.
"He is...he locked himself in, I tried to get him to open but he refused." Colin replied, "Is there a chance you can try again, I would like to speak to him." Safa asked.
"Safa, maybe this is a bad idea." Wolfgang said, "I think you should listen to your servant, Lady Vega.
You have done enough damage already." An annoyed Colin responded.
"I see that I have earned your disapproval.
Nonetheless, I came all the way here to apologize.
And before you even ask, I can see it in your eyes, the confusion.
Yes I can walk, but not without a cane which I left at home...as I was ordered by the doctor to use the wheelchair, however I cannot climb the stairs in that chair, so I had my gentlemen friends to help.
Now...please, can you convince your friend to listen to me?" Safa asked.
Sighing, "Very well, Lady Vega, I will try." Colin replied.
PERTIMBANGAN PENCIPTA 
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QW_JiHi Fun fact: The modern chaise longue was first popularised during the 16th century in France. They were created by French furniture craftsmen for the rich to rest without the need to retire to the bedroom.
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