Bab 9: Bai Lang’s "death" (4) – Bai Georgi’s POV (3)

- Bai Georgi's POV-

Bai Georgi finally stopped pacing. He really wasn't looking forward to telling his parents that his little brother died on his watch. He walked to where his parents would be, feeling like the whole weight of the world was on his shoulders. He arrived at the place his parents stayed at and went inside. "Mom, Dad" he yelled "could you come here". He saw his parents move towards him and he felt really bad about what he was about to tell them, whom would be willing to accept their son was dead. Parents were after all supposed to die before their children did. Another thing Paradise changed.

"Mom, Dad I need to tell you something. Would you please sit down"? "What is it son? Seeing that your back safe it can't be bad enough for us to need to sit down", his mom said. "Mom, dad there is no easy way to say this Bai Lang died outside while on the mission on my watch". His mom looked stunned for a moment not knowing if what he said was really true.

Realizing that Bai Georgi was speaking the truth she quickly tried to comfort her son. "It might have been on your watch, but it wasn't you fault son". "Bai Lang was lucky enough to have you watch over him for two years he would have never made it this long otherwise. It might be a relief to him, he never would have done well in this world even before the start of Paradise. Let alone after Paradise started". "Yeah, that's absolutely true" his dad continued, "Bai Lang wasn't like us. Not suited for the horrors this world had to offer".

Bai Georgi was horrified. He didn't expect to be blamed by his parents for Bai Lang's death, because both knew the horrors of war all too clearly. They knew that someone could die at any time. However, such apathy at losing their son left him horrified. More importantly it left Bai Georgi with questions. If this is how they reacted learning their youngest son was dead. How did his younger brother feel all these years under their parent's roof while he wasn't there? He knew his parents were distant towards Bai Lang. He just figured they were distant because they couldn't understand Bai Lang. He had assumed his parents gave Bai Lang all their love just like he had had while growing up. What happened now however told him, this assumption might have been very wrong.

Which resulted in the fact that instead of feeling guilty that he had to tell his parents their son was dead. He felt guilty towards Bai Lang even though he was gone. He never was the big brother he should have been. His assumption that his parents would love his little brother might have created years of emotional damage. He also just realized that he didn't know his parents as well as he thought he did.

As Georgi walked away after telling his parents that Bai Lang was death. He felt his steps getting heavier with every step. He questioned himself "Why and how could he have never noticed the indifference of his parents to Bai Lang". He just thought they were awkward around each other, but he never would have guessed that his parents wouldn't care about Bai Lang. After all his parents might be very strict, but that's how they showed their care love and support. They just weren't the kind of people to express their affection openly. He always saw the effect of the silent support of his parents around him, while other people dealt or tried to deal with him. He thought it would be the same for Bai Lang. That although not being openly affectionate they would be silently supportive, but apparently that wasn't the case.

Bai Georgi just wanted to cry. I always showed my support silently as well and if what I think is true and my parents stopped supporting him after he chose to go a different route then the military. How lonely must he have felt? Suddenly some things became particularly obvious to him. He might not have spent a lot of time with Bai Lang before Paradise, because of his life as a soldier, but the last two years he had.

He suddenly could see all his interactions with Bai Lang ever since the start of Paradise play like a movie in his mind. The utter surprise of Bai Lang that he came to find him after the start of Paradise. Which Bai Lang quickly covered up but didn't escape his eyes. He figured that Bai Lang thought he would be at another part of the country, but now he knew better. Bai Lang had thought he wouldn't care enough about him to actually search for him when Paradise started. Hindsight was always 20/20.

He could also see how Bai Lang worked to the bone no matter what he tried to say. How Bai Lang always responded with: "This everything I am good for, because I cannot fight like you guys". He just brushed the comment of since he knew Bai Lang was a genius and was helping his group in ways that were unimaginable. However now he realized Bai Lang probably really didn't know his worth. How Bai Lang always looked stunned when he dragged him to family dinners. Had Bai Lang never had family dinners with his family?

Considering this Bai Georgi made his way to the room he would meet Kai at. As soon as he entered the room, he sat down tears forming in his eyes. Still replaying everything he knew about Bai Lang. The more he remembered the heavier the stone crushing his chest got. The only solace he could find was that there was at least someone there for Bai Lang while he had been neglecting his duties as a big brother. He might have been incompetent in his job as a brother, which he had realized today. However, he wasn't utterly useless.

When he found came home from a mission, he found out that Bai Lang seemed more determined to walk his chose path and his outlook was a lot more positive. This was a great change, however as a big brother he would always be worried about Bai Lang's wellbeing. Therefore, he investigated everyone that was around Bai Lang, to make sure it weren't people with bad intentions. The investigations turned up the existence of Yao Mitzuki. He had met Mitzuki before, he seemed like a great guy.

When he found out Mitzuki was supporting Bai Lang in his choices, he knew Mitzuki didn't have any bad intentions towards Bai Lang. Mitzuki wouldn't have any reason to deceive Bai Lang, therefore he acquiesced in Mitzuki's existence. Right now, however, his only redemption in his utter failure of caring for Bai Lang, was the existence of Mitzuki. He picked up his slack. He couldn't feel any more grateful, towards Mitzuki then he did right at this moment.

While he was thinking everything over Kai stepped into the room. "How did it go boss? Are you okay?"

Bai Georgi looked towards Kai. He actually didn't know what to put what he was feeling into words to be honest. "Would you sit down, Kai" Georgi asked. Kai took a seat waiting for Bai Georgi to get his bearings and to share whatever he needed to share.