Bab 70: This moment is real

A few hours later, Sumire's home.

A warm and gentle hand caressed her hair, whispering her name softly. It makes her feel at ease.

"Yuhi, I thought--"

"You collapsed. I turned around to look at you and then saw you on the floor."

Oh, so that's why. He probably has to leave after this. But for now, she wants to savor the warmth on her forehead. She wonders if it is okay to ask why he wanted to look at her.

"You know, is there something else you need to tell me?"

"Something?"

"You looked like you had something you wanted to say."

'I love you.'

'Please take me with you.'

Unfortunately, even in her weak state, Sumire knew she still couldn't say it. She must have cried and then collapsed. She wants to see his face. But her vision is so blurry.

"Hey, don't try to get up." Yuhi placed a towel on her forehead. "Your fever is very high."

So she has a fever? But she wants to touch him. Sumire weakly moved her arm; unfortunately, she had no strength to search for his hands. So she quickly gave up.

Her thoughts broke off when he grabbed hold of her hands.

"Is this what you're looking for?"

"Yes."

"I almost forgot, when your sick, you are honest." Yuhi trailed off. "You don't have to worry. I'm not leaving you alone tonight. Aki and Mamoru went off to interrogate those people, so they told me to stay with you tonight."

T-tonight? Together? Sumire suddenly felt self-conscious hearing those words.

"Relax, I won't attack you when you're sick."

"T-that-"

"You weren't thinking that way?"

"Y-Yuhi, thank you." Sumire ended up thanking him, hoping to change the subject.

If they talk about their feelings for each other when they are alone like this, she won't be able to control herself.

"Thank you, huh? I don't think I have done anything that deserves your thanks."

No that is wrong, just being near him like this. His hand isn't enough; she wants something more. Sumire weakly tried to get up, but Yuhi pushed her back down.

"You're being stubborn again." Yuhi turns to the bedside table, and she hears the sound of water droplets. Despite her blurred vision, she could make out Yuhi soaking another cloth in a basin of water.

He briefly let go of her hands and washed her arm.

"Your entire body is warm. But taking a bath now isn't an option; just bare with me. I have almost finished."

Sumire felt her cheeks burn red, embarrassed realizing something. Now that she thinks about it, despite having a high fever. She does not feel that warm. Did he wash other parts-? She frantically shook her head. Yuhi is kind; he wouldn't touch her anywhere else. No matter how close they became before, there would always be an invisible wall.

It almost sounds like he is lecturing her, yet he gently rubs her arms with the towel.

"When I saw you collapsed on the ground like that, I froze on the spot. The clumsy makeshift bandages I put on you slipped off, and the amount of blood that surrounded you. It was good that Mamoru snapped me out of my daze. Hey, you know. I am terrified of losing you."

Her eyes widened at his words. That's- ah, he is speaking the truth. From the very beginning, this person has never uttered a single lie toward her. Ah, she can't hold it back anymore. But she has to, for his sake.

"I'm okay, Yuhi."

'I'm fine even if you are not here; please go.' Even though she recited it in her head, she could not bring herself to say those words.

A frustrated sigh escaped Yuhi's lips. "You are not okay; you are not fine. You are sick, and you were on that day too."

Despite his vague words, Sumire understood that he was referring to the day. Sumire weakly sat up as she felt the tears fall from her eyes.

"You're right. I'm not okay. I am still in pain."

Yuhi nodded. "Yeah. But it's okay, Sumire, it's okay to say you're not okay and to acknowledge your pain. Now you have acknowledged it; you can truly heal and move forward."

"Isn't it weird?"

"Not at all. It's normal to feel this way; it's normal for you to have emotions. Your human, you have the right to feel the way you want."

She is in so much pain; how long has it been since she last had a good cry like this? All the emotions she had kept bolted up until now, the feelings she had to suppress when she was dating Nagawa Sano. Everything, it's all spilling.

Yuhi patted her shoulders, and she buried her face in his shoulders.

The pain she has had to cope with all alone. How many times has she tried to tell somebody about this? How many times has she tried and failed? It's so messed up, feeling so broken every single day.

She has plenty of people by her side yet feels so alone. When Yuhi was by her side, he noticed and helped her ease the pain. But after he left, Sumire realized that nobody else would be willing to listen to her the way he did.

Suppose she were to show her friends and those who cared for her this side of her. They would surely leave her. That deep-rooted fear is what prevents her from confiding in others. Now that she has built a circle for herself, she does not want to lose it.

"Yuhi, I love you."

"Yeah, I knew."

"I-I didn't want to say no." Sumire sobbed. "I wanted to go with you."

"Mm, keep talking. This is how you will get better; cry and tell me everything."

"I want you to take me away. But Yuhi, I-I still have things to do here."

She can't leave everything behind that easily, even if she longs to be by his side. Moreover, the current her has no status in the entertainment industry. She is at the very bottom.

What identity would she have if she were to go with him now? Just his girlfriend? Neither of them would be happy with that.

Yuhi respects her decision; he understands what she is trying to do. It's so frustrating. Why can't they be selfish and throw everything away to be with each other?

"Sumire," Yuhi said gently. "I understand. I am frustrated too. Now I have heard your feelings. I want to be with you even more. But your dreams, I know it's important to you."

"I can't stand by your side right now. I have no right."

"You do have that right regardless of status. But I do not want people to bad-mouth you anymore. It's painful to wait, but I'll do so. I'll wait for you. So hurry up and debut, okay?"

"Yes."

She was just pretending to be okay. But after seeing Yuhi, after hearing his voice and feeling his warmth, she finally understands. This world is still suffocating to live in. The happiness she felt was temporary, so she would bury her feelings and her heart.

This moment is real.