Bab 1: The Dream
Severus Snape sat under a large tree by the Great Lake, reading a book about the Dark Arts that he had borrowed. The sun was shining on the surface of the green grass and reflecting off the waters of the lake. No cloud was in the sky and the weather was hot, representing the arrival of summer in June, as he read through the book, looking for a solution to one of the many problems he was looking into.
Everyone was out and about, either sitting in the grass, swimming, playing chase on broomsticks, or even just walking and visiting with their friends. All within the exposure of the sun after finishing their OWLs. Socializing amongst their fellow class and house mates as the school year drew to a close.
Except for him.
He was never one find welcome comfort in the warm weather or the sun's light. And not by choice. He tried to stick to being in darker environments and within the reach of areas that would allow for him to remain unseen. He couldn't explain it, even if he wanted to, as to why that was. Other than the obvious.
With his back against the trunk of the tree and his legs almost to his chest, he kept his attention to the dark colored book in his hands, never straying his eyes away from it.
For a moment, he caught the sight of his fellow Slytherins not far. He instantly recognized Mulciber, Avery, and Rosier but paid them no mind.
"Oi, look over there!" came the one of the very few voices in all of existence that made Snape's heart and mind fill with anger. He dared not to look up, hoping that the person wasn't addressing him.
"This'll liven you up, Padfooot!"
The footsteps drew closer.
"It's pathetic little Snivellus Snape!"
Severus moaned, closing the book with a taut.
He looked up and saw James Potter, along with Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew coming right towards him. Lupin was silent while the others laughed, looking uncomfortable and conflicted to be there.
Reaching for his wand, Severus picked himself off the ground and took a few steps away from the tree. As the book fell from his hand, he held a tight grip on his wand, ready to strike.
Just as they were almost to him, Sirius pointed his wand at him, making him raise his own in order to shout Stupefy at his opponent. However, he felt his wand snap out of his hand and onto the ground. He immediately realized that the move was meant to distract him from Potter casting the Expelliarmus at him.
Before he knew it, James pointed his wand back at him and said, "Impedimenta."
The force of the spell sent him flying against the tree and back onto the hard ground. Before he had the chance to get up, he felt himself being lift off the ground and into the air. He tried in vain to make sure his Hogwarts uniform didn't reveal any of his undergarments, only to hear the sound of laughter.
The commotion had already gotten the attention of other students, who gathered around in a circle to watch and laugh at the Slytherin.
Although he didn't have a good sense of his surroundings, he could hear laughter coming from all directions. He spun around a little bit and finally came into view of James Potter, who was smiling at him in a way that only fueled Snape's rage and humiliation.
It soon dawned on him that James had used one of his own spells, Levicorpus, to attack him. It didn't really surprise him all that much, since the spell was no longer a secret. He did use it himself in the Defense of the Dark Arts more than he should have.
"Hey, everyone look!" James yelled over his shoulder to get the attention of everyone around. "Snape's robes haven't been washed!"
As if on command, a wave of laughter echoed everywhere.
"Seriously, Snivellus, you really need to get yourself some new clothes. You look like you haven't changed your undergarments in weeks."
The laughter got louder, beginning to sound like loud bells in Severus's ears.
"More like months!" came the voice of Sirius.
"Or years, for that matter!" Peter jumped in.
The only one who didn't do anything was Remus, who had turned away in shame.
In his moment of anger, Severus yelled out all sorts of curse words at his enemies. He failed to realize his vision was blinded by a mist of red and black.
"Wash your mouth!" James said coldly, while still holding that smile of his. He turned around to look the other way, almost as if he was looking for someone. He used his free hand to move his hair around. Turning back towards Severus, he shouted, "Scourgify!"
Tasting the bitter pink soap that flooded his mouth and threaten to go down his throat, he began to gag. Though his lungs begged for air, he dared not to breath in the soap. Even in his anger and moment of panic, he wished for death to take him. He wanted for it all to end right there and then. Hoping that maybe in death he would find peace if such an action would send the Gryffindor to Azkaban.
So much for 'no rest for the wicked'.
At the point he thought he was going to faint, he felt the spell weaken and then stop, allowing for him to breath. Much to both his relief and disappointment.
"What do you say we dip him into the lake until that horrible stench is fully gone?!" James called out to the growing crowd. "Should we Strip and Dip Snape?!"
"STRIP AND DIP!"
"STRIP AND DIP!"
"STRIP AND DIP!"
Even though one of the sides of his robes blinded him, he could feel the eyes of everyone on him and hear the demand of seeing him get stripped of his clothes and repeatedly dipped into the water. He could feel the blood rushing towards his brain and his sight getting more blurry. He could feel his hatred multiplying itself as each second passed. A rage that begged for release.
"HEY, LEAVE HIM ALONE, POTTER!" came a girl's voice.
Trying to find the source of the voice, he saw a red-headed girl confronting James. The green eyes of Lily Evans were staring deep into Potter's, almost as if she could burn right through them. Her hands were on her hips and her face was red as her hair.
"I said 'leave him alone, Potter'!" Lily repeated, looking directly into James's eyes with every sign of great dislike. "Go snog a witch or jump off a cliff for all I care!"
James scoffed and laughed with his friends, with the exception of Remus, who was keeping quiet.
For a single moment, Severus saw Lily smile. It was only for a split of a second, but he saw it. The sight almost sent him into fury, making him wonder if she was trying not to smile at him or James. No matter the reason, it only added fuel to an already raging fire.
"Why do you defend him, Lily? He's just like the rest of those pathetic Slytherins."
"It's Evans, thank you very much! And second, it's not nice to bully him around and violate his privacy just because he's not as popular as you. Besides, what's he ever done to you?"
"Well, it's more of the fact that he exists, if you know what I mean..."
"Let him down!"
James frowned, "Fine!"
Almost without warning, Severus felt the force holding his body in the air let go of him. Bracing himself, he felt the hard surface rush up to greet him, and made sure not to land on his head. He could feel his sides and back ache from the impact, but forced himself to keep silent, not wanting to give his opponents the satisfaction of knowing the pain his body was in at the moment.
Though managing to get himself off the ground and dust off the dirt from his robes, he struggled to get himself together. His mind was still swimming in a lake of anger from the experience, and his focus was full set on James right at that very second. He pushed aside his oily long black hair from the corners of his eyes and glared at James. He went straight for his wand and snatched it from the ground.
"Sectumsempra!" he whispered, sending the curse at James, hitting him on the cheek.
Crying out in pain, he cupped the side of his face and turned away.
Despite feeling satisfied in his successful attack, his moment of victory was short-lived the moment he saw Lily's shocked expression and disappointment, distracting him.
"Oh no, you don't!" Sirius cried out, casting a Impedimenta that sent him flying into the tree again, making him lose his wand once more. As he got up, he found himself under James's wand.
Lily immediately approached James, glaring at him.
"I won't ask again, Potter! Leave him alone!" she declared.
"Don't make me hex you, Evans," James warned her, before smirking once again. "You know what? I'll make you a deal; go out on a date with me and I promise to leave Snivellus alone for as long as I live. Go on... Go on a date with me! You know you want to."
Lily scoffed, coldly replying, "You think you're so funny, don't you, Potter?! I wouldn't go out on a date with you if it was a choice between you and a giant squid. You're nothing but an arrogant, bullying toerag, James Potter! Now leave him alone!"
"Bad luck, Prongs," Sirius chuckled.
As Severus turned to Lily, he saw that smirk again. But this time, he knew who it was directed towards. And it only made him angrier.
He didn't even notice as Lily turned to and approached him, her smirk turning to concern as she placed a hand on his shoulder.
"Sev, are you alright?"
Severus didn't answer, instead keeping the angry expression on his face as she paused, becoming more unsettled by the way he was looking at him. He witnessed those beautiful eyes begin to fill up with fear, not being used to this much anger directed towards her.
"Aw, poor Snivellus," James teased. "He needs help from a girl to fight his battles."
A river of embarrassment, humiliation and anger rushed through him, memories of all the times Lily had to come to his defense against James were revived. His father's beatings also entered his journey down memory lane, only adding more salt to the wound. But it was the memory of witnessing that smile she had just a second ago that pushed him over the edge.
Almost as if his mouth was on auto-pilot, he pushed her hand away from his shoulder and yelled out the words that he never meant to say, "I don't need help from filthy little mudbloods like her!"
Everyone gasped and everyone became silent, with only the sound of the wind echoing around them.
Lily's expression went from fear to shock, then to sadness.
Even James' eyes were wide from shock.
All the attention was completely on them, waiting to see what would happen next.
The words soon reached Severus's ears, and finally his head. As he processed everything, his anger was beginning to disappear with each passing second. His eyes widened at realization of what he had just called Lily, his one and only best friend. Even from just looking at her eyes could he see what his words were doing to her, seeing the sadness and the damage he had caused. He saw anger within those beautiful green eyes that he loved so much. Anger that was made purposely for him.
And what happened next made his stomach twist into a knot.
Breaking the silence, Lily shook her head and replied, "If that's what you want, Snape, then fine! I won't help or bother you any longer. It's over. Oh, and by the way, I'd wash your pants if I were you... Snivellus."
The last word pierced his heart like a thorn and his mind went blank at the moment. He immediately regretted what he had said, as he tried to call out to her, but his voice failed him. He watched as she turned her back on him and walked into the crowd in front of her, reuniting with her friends on the other side, who began to comfort her.
As the crowd reformed, he lost sight of her.
It felt like an eternity as he stood there, staring at the same spot that Lily had been. He thought he heard James say something, but he didn't hear it. Everything was dead silent to his ears. He didn't even feel the spell that James cast on him, forcing him on his back once again. He thought he saw the world spinning before his eyes as he was lifted up into the air and levitated over the surface of the lake.
As the water awaited him below, he could feel the force letting his body fall to the blue surface.
Over and over again, he was dropped into the lake and then raised back out, only for the process to repeat itself once more. But Severus never took notice of any of this, only feeling what was currently in his heart and soul...
Regret.
It wasn't long until he was left in water, sinking to the dark bottom below him. There was a part of him that wanted to sink into the abyss and disappear, to let the pain wash away. He could feel a sense of peace being in the lake itself. The sound of the water that calmed him.
Regaining his senses, he felt his body beg for air and began swimming towards the surface, breaking through as his lungs got their release with a gasp of fresh air. As he laid in water and allowed his body to float around, he let his lungs get their fill and looked towards shore, seeing the crowd break apart and also James walking away with his friends, laughing.
Once they were gone, he forced himself to swim to shore and fell on his back to rest against the cold, wet ground. Letting everything settle around him, he began to force himself back up before going to retrieve his wand that was lying on the ground and the book that he had been reading.
He didn't even realize he had made it back to the Common Room of House Slytherin until he found himself at the edge of his bed in the boys dormitory and fell onto the blankets of the bed, letting his wand and book fall to the ground below.
The rest of the day dragged on as he barely managed to force himself out of bed and walk to dinner in the Great Hall with the rest of his house and couldn't get himself to eat anything. The event played out in his head, over and over. He only stared at his empty plate through the whole feast. Once in a while one of his fellow house members would ask if he was alright, but he gave them no response.
He tried to find Lily, but he found she wasn't at the Gryffindor table.
The sound of laughter somehow reached him, and he found the motivation to turn to the source, expecting to see James Potter and his Marauders, but was met with surprise as his eyes fell on Avery, Mulciber, Rosier, Jax, and a certain few who were enjoying themselves to a nice meal.
As he stared at them, a wave of anger rushing through his head and heart, remembering they too were by the lake that day. Which he couldn't help but ask where were they? Where were they when he was being bullied in front of nearly the entire school? Why didn't they help?"
They didn't notice his glare, mostly due to his oily hair covering his eyes just enough, oblivious to his anger.
The longer he stared, the more his thoughts drifted from Lily and what had transpired. Instead, keeping his focus on the small group he believed to be friends.
/
By the time dinner was over, he couldn't even remember how he found himself standing outside the stone wall of the dungeons of House Slytherin. He tried to make himself to go in, only to find guilt standing in his way.
Realizing he still had a while until curfew was put into effect, he turned away from the stone entrance and walked through the castle of Hogwarts, finally coming to the seventh floor of where Gryffindor Tower was. He approached the oil painting of the one known as the Fat Lady.
"Oh, a Slytherin!" the Fat Lady screamed. "Shoo! Get out of here! You're not welcomed here!"
Severus ignored her and went to go sit on one of the steps right next to the portrayal, resting his head against the wall he waited. Once in a while he would get a nasty remark from the Fat Lady, who was growing more impatient with his presence.
After a while he heard footsteps coming his way and looked up to find a Gryffindor named Mary McDonald staring at him with surprise in her eyes.
"What are you doing here?"
Snape blinked and replied, "None of your business!"
"Forget it, Slytherin!" she spat at him. "Everyone knows what you called her, and she won't see you."
"I don't care!" he growled. "I'll sleep here till morning if I have to."
Mary glared at him, almost as if she expected him to just get up and walk away. After a few moments of silence, she sighed.
"You're not kidding about waiting here all night, are you?"
"What do you think!"
Giving an annoyed groan, she walked to the Fat Lady and whispered the password, quickly walking on through.
A few more minutes passed until Snape heard the painting open again, footsteps reaching to where he was sitting.
"What do you want, Snape?"
Looking up, he saw Lily standing over him. As he got up he immediately saw she was aggressive and also tired. A part of him was happy that McDonald told her, but another was a little scared too. Now he was at a loss of words. The sight of her only made his heart ache even more. He could tell that she had been crying by the puffy red corners of her eyes.
Folding her arms over her night grown, she glared at him.
"If you're not going to get straight to the point, then I might as well go back inside and leave your sorry arse out here, like I should have done."
Getting himself together, Severus tried to keep himself from falling apart in front of her.
"I'm sorry," he whispered, almost looking towards the floor.
"I'm not interested."
"I'm sorry," he looked up, his voice getting more serious and louder.
"Save your breath."
Lily continued to stare at him, her expression still aggressive and disdainful. It was unusual to see Lily so angry like this. She had her moments with James Potter, but this was something else.
"The only reason I'm out here is because Mary told me that you threatened to sleep on the steps all night until I came to talk to you. So, you better choose your next words very carefully, Snape. Or else I'm leaving."
Nodding, Snape continued.
"I'm sorry. I never meant to call you..." he stopped, unable to say it. "... that word. It just-"
"Slipped out?" she scoffed, having zero pity for him. "It's too late. I've made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. I tried to explain that you're somehow different from all of the other Slytherins, but this year has opened my eyes. You and your little Death Eater friends- you see, you don't even deny it! You can't wait to join 'You-Know-Who', can you?"
Snape opened his mouth to reply but stopped before he could utter a word. He was totally lost and didn't even know the answer to the question himself. His stomach was beginning to twist again, almost breaking the strength he had to hold back the tears.
Lily slowly laughed in disgust, her eyes starting to form tears as she turned away.
Snape's heart felt like it was being shattered into a million pieces as he heard her cry.
"I'm so sorry, Lily. I didn't mean-"
"-to call me Mudblood? But you call every one of my birth Mudblood, Snape. Why should I be any different?"
Severus didn't know how to respond to that. He never gave thought to what the word truly meant to those like Lily. He could barely remember when he started using the word, let alone when he actually did use it. Except for this.
"Lily, please... I... I can't lose you."
Lily turned her head and saw him from the corner of her eye, allowing him to get a glance at the tears for a few seconds.
"It's too late, Snape. I can't pretend anymore. You've chosen your way, and I've chosen mine. This, our friendship, is over."
She walked to the portrait of the Fat Lady and whispered the password.
Before stepping on through, she kept her back to him and whispered, "Goodbye, Snape."
Everything went silent as he watched her step inside and disappear from sight as the portrait closed, realization fully hitting him like falling through the ice and into cold water. He felt so numb that nothing felt real to him, except for the throbbing pain that squeezed his heart.
He didn't know how long he stood there or how he began to walk back to the Slytherin Common Room. He felt as if his body was on autopilot. Not once did he feel like he was in control of his movements. It felt as if he was alienated from his own body.
Once he was back in the Common Room, he didn't even bother going to bed. Instead, he went straight to the showers and turned on the water to full heat. He didn't even feel the burn of the hot water hit against his skin. He could hear the sound of the water hitting the floor, the peaceful sound of each splash offering little comfort to the overwhelming pain within.
Once again, the events of that day played out in his head. It only made his heart tighten in his chest as he remembered every detail. It was slowly sinking in that Lily had officially declared their friendship finished. He'd lost the only true friend in his life and there was nothing he could do to get her back. He could feel his stomach beginning to twist in a knot again as he leaned his head against the stone wall.
Sighing, he reached over, grabbed some soap and began to clean himself. He didn't care if the owner would realize that someone had used it. Or the shampoo and conditioner, which he applied to his hair.
Once done, he dried his body and looked at his clothes on the floor. Wondering how long it had been since he last gotten new ones before he picked up his wand from the ground and casted a cleaning spell and then a drying spell to finish. Summoning his pajamas, he dressed for bed and picked up his robes, walking to bed without waking anyone.
Hanging up his robes, he climbed into bed and struggled to fall to sleep, his mind still haunted by the events of the day. It took a while until his eyes finally closed and his mind drifted away.
/
Voices echoed around him as Severus found himself in a room he didn't remember. In fact, he didn't even remember exactly how he got there. He was supposed to be at Hogwarts, not some muggle room. He looked around and saw a bed, cabinets, a small round table, and also some picture frames hanging on the wall.
He walked up to one of the pictures and looked at it. In it, he saw two men, two women and two boys smiling standing together as they smiled at the camera. As he studied it, he began to feel a sense of nostalgia.
"Please, don't do this!" cried out a distant voice.
Severus nearly jumped as he realized he wasn't alone. His first instant thought was to reach for his wand, only to realize it wasn't with him as he found his pockets empty. He frowned upon realizing he was wearing different pajamas and even how short he was. Shaking his head, he slowly moved over towards the door, seeing that it was only slightly open and pulled it back to allow him into the hallway that led to staircase at the end.
"I don't have a choice, Michelle. I need to get it back to Derek!" a male voice exclaimed.
Severus slowly walked over to the stairs and looked down, hoping to see what the commotion was about and who was arguing. While he didn't see anyone, he could tell that the conversation was heated and very serious.
"Will... you can hand it over to them! Exchange it for our lives!"
Severus instantly recognized the second voice as a female.
"I can't!"
"Why not?!"
"Because I know what they'll do!"
"Then what about us?!"
"Your brother is in Salem-"
Severus heard something behind him as he stood at the edge of the steps and turned around to find a little boy in pajamas just a couple of feet away, holding a little crocodile stuffed animal against his chest. The two stared at each other, almost as if they knew each other.
"Do you..." Severus spoke, though it felt like his voice was on auto-pilot. "Do you know what they're talking about?"
The little boy nodded and buried his face into the stuffed crocodile.
"It's a secret. Mommy and daddy told me not to tell anyone..."
Suddenly, everything began to change before him, with different images flashing in an instant. He saw dark hooded figures surrounding a man, with a woman being held hostage by one with a knife to her throat. He saw the flames consuming the house as it began to crumble.
And... he saw a woman's body turning to ash as the knife pierced her skin.
Then he saw two young boys being grabbed by an unknown figure as the house began to collapse.
All the while, other voices echoed around him as he saw these images play out.
"WHERE IS 'IT'?!"
"Your brother is at Salem-"
"If anything happens to me or William, I need you to promise me-"
"Goodbye, Snape."
The voices and images repeated with rapid pace, echoing through Severus' ears like a dark tunnel.
/
Severus quickly shot up in his bed, his whole chest and face covered in sweat as he breathed heavily. He looked around and realized he was back at Hogwarts, back in his bed of the dormitory of House Slytherin. Whether or not he had been mumbling or screaming during his nightmare, he didn't know for sure. But if he did, then at least the silence charm he kept around his bed made sure not to wake the others.
He placed his head between his hands and began to calm himself down, slowly his breathing under control. As he laid back against the sheets, the dream played in his head, threating to unset the balance he was trying to establish. Despite his attempt to control himself, his body was shaking, and his heart was pumping like a racehorse. He was terrified and excited at once, making sleep almost impossible.
Eventually, he managed to grow tired again and fell victim to the darkness that rushed forth to embrace him. But as he lost consciousness, his thoughts of the dream went with him, forcing him to relive it once more.
Status Power Mingguan
-- Peringkat
Power 
-- Power
stone