Bab 28: Say 'No‘ to Unfulfilled Love
"You've met someone else, right?" Ami asked.
She was angry. He could say it without even looking at her. She had the right to do so, since he had broken up with her.
"Is that the model?"
"What?" she surprised him with her suspicion. "No! This…"
She didn't splash the glass of water in his face. She didn't get up and walk away, furious that there was someone else because Martin finally admitted his sin. She had promised him on the phone that she would listen to him, so she waited patiently. Martin wished he could love her after all.
'Courage!' he thought 'Have some courage!' He looked at her face.
"It happened quite suddenly," he began to explain. "I really didn't expect it, didn't think I had it inside me, but when he ..."
"He?" Ami blinked her eyes several times.
"Sorry," he lowered his eyes, feeling that his confession really hurt her.
"You mean you're gay?"
Martin didn't know, why was he shocked at this word? He never thought of himself in these criteria early on, but he thought he really was.
"Eh, it looks like it." He admitted resigned. "But I swear, when I started dating you, I had no idea! Only once ... it wasn't really on purpose ... "
"You prefer sex with a guy than with me?"
Oh no, it was getting dangerous. Unfortunately she was right, he preferred sex with a guy. But how was he to confess this to the girl he slept with, and then he couldn't ...
"You know ..." he stuttered. "It's a little different ..."
"It doesn't matter with whom or is there anyone special?"
"I swear there's only one ..."
This time it was he who had to blink his eyes. He couldn't believe his eyes. Ami smiled. And it was not a chimera smile.
It was the beautiful, cheerful smile of a friend, not a woman whose pride had been offended. He had expected a much less understanding response from her.
"Well, since you're gay, I can't help it," she said warmly. "Though you seemed pretty normal when we were together."
"I was still back then. It happened later, and ... I really can't explain it. Forgive me."
"You have nothing to apologize for and you don't have to explain yourself. It happened and it looks like you didn't plan it. I like you, but luckily I don't fall in love with you, so I don't really feel abandoned. If you wanted another girl I'd probably be angry and jealous. I would probably wonder what she has, what I don't have, that you chose her, but since it's a guy ... then I have an answer "
They both blushed. It didn't take long to think, to find the answer to the question of what a man has and a woman doesn't. There was an awkward silence that they both used to drink something from theirs glasses.
"You really don't mind this?" Martin asked timidly. Ami took his news with so much peace that he couldn't believe it. Could such a good and understanding girl really exist?
"Don't be so disappointed, you are the one who dumps me," she laughed.
"Sorry," he felt embarrassed.
"No problem. Just kidding. Honestly, I hope you are happy with him. "
The sigh escaped him by itself. He was grateful for her understanding, but he couldn't help but think that he was far from happy after all.
"Oh!" she just said. He heard the sadness in her voice. "It's complicated?"
"I think very much."
"You're not a couple?"
"I don't know who we are," he admitted sadly. "Actually, the only thing we have in common is sex ..." he interrupted, embarrassed, realizing who and what he was talking about. His face turned red like a tomato.
Ami did blush, but definitely less than he did. She was also only a little embarrassed.
"Don't worry about me," she said quickly, a little nervously. "It's a bit of a new topic for me, but probably for you too. I don't know much about gays ha ha but I'm all for love with all my heart. Ehm ... I mean I don't know if there's love between you or just sex ... Just like you say ... "
Ami put her hands over her hot cheeks but looked at Martin boldly. She was really open, tolerant and brave, so Martin regretted even more that he couldn't love her because of what Steve had done to him.
He sighed resignedly.
"Are you sure?"
She blushed even more.
"Sorry, but I guess I'm even curious. It's kind of hard for me to imagine, you know ... I'm sorry I said that! "
"No, no, it's okay!" he assured quickly and then there was an awkward silence again.
Martin glanced at Ami and saw that her head was bowed. She was lovely, and he continued to enjoy her company. She was like Jack, she didn't judge, she didn't turn him away, and he felt he might have a friend in her after all.
"It hurt at first," he confessed quietly. Ami flicked her ears when she was interested. "And I didn't really know what was going on. Everything happened so fast ... I drank a little, he drank more and somehow it happened ... "
She looked up and their eyes met. She was all red, but actually ready to listen. Although they talked about sex in public, although they both felt some embarrassment, there was an openness and a thread of understanding between them. Martin felt he could really find a patient listener and ally in Ami.
"It was after a few drinks, he drank a lot more than I did, and somehow it turned out ..." he repeated because he lost the thread under her gaze. "Then he acted like nothing had happened."
"Pig!" she growled confidently.
"What? I?"
"No! He! He shouldn't ignore you, especially if you also meet every day. "
"But... But how do you know that we meet every day? "
"I don't know," she admitted. "I just assumed it." Suddenly her eyes lit up. "This is someone from your job ?!"
"Hush ..."
They both looked around like a pair of conspirators. Better not be heard by anyone. The people in the pizzeria, however, were preoccupied with themselves and nobody paid attention to them.
Even though Martin was scared that the truth would be spread all over the world any minute, he felt really good talking to Ami. Who would have thought he had broken up with her not more than five minutes ago?
"I thought maybe he was too drunk and just forgot," he continued in a low voice, slightly leaning forward. She too bent down. Now they really were like the pair of conspirators in a spy movie.
"But you don't think so now?" Ami guessed.
Martin remembered his intimate meetings with Steve. If Steve hadn't remembered them the first time, he wouldn't have been so bold and wouldn't know where all his tender points are.
"No, I don't think that anymore," he admitted quietly. "We've never talked about it, but when we're together, he ... knows me."
"Oh! Or maybe… "she broke off and lost herself in thought. Martin looked at her curiously. "Maybe for him it was also something new, unexpected, something he has to get used to?"
Martin had not thought about that. Ami's conclusions made sense. If such a purebred playboy had intercourse with a man on the spur of the moment, it might have been as shocking for him as it was for Martin and just as difficult to assimilate. If he keeps coming back to it, it may be that he is getting used to the thought. After all, no one said it was supposed to be easier for Steve than it was for Martin. Only Jack said ...
What exactly did Jack say? He wanted to sleep with Steve, and Steve brutally rejected him. For a guy, Jack was quite pretty, so there was hardly any reason not to take his offer unless you were in a relationship or only liked women. Then Steve may not be gay and is now experiencing the same conflict that Martin faced.
Martin felt ashamed that he hadn't thought of it himself, he had assumed the worst right away. And yet Martin had no proof that Steve had dated men either. He was always seen only in the company of women. It might have been a deliberate media image, but if it wasn't, if Paxton didn't actually sleep with men, how Martin thought and treated him was cruel and unfair. Steve deserved better.
"You may be right," he admitted. "I've never seen him with another guy, always with girls."
Ami's expression was concerned, which made Martin also a little concerned.
"What is going on?"
"I just thought to myself that if he is not gay it can be very hard for you and I felt sad. I like you and I don't want you to suffer because of unfulfilled love. "
'Unfulfilled love', was this what awaited him? No, if Martin had anything to say about it.
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