Bab 40: Father - Part 1

After the Wang Bao episode, life resumed peacefully. Zhang Wuji's new mentor was an old man called Zou Shi. He was a grade two alchemist. Without Zheng Xie's help it was impossible for him as an apprentice to get a grade two alchemist as a mentor. It wasn't just any grade two alchemist, Zou Shi was famous for his teaching skills. Many of those that studied under him had reached grade two at the very least. If not for his lack of talent that barred him from foundation building, he would've been one of the leading alchemists in the sect. What he lacked in cultivation, he made up with knowledge and experience.

Zhang Wuji was overwhelmed by this favor and thanked Zheng Xie profusely. Zheng Xie didn't care about that. He was more interested in listing out a hundred ways in which he could've dealt with a small character like Wang Bao. He even offered to try a few if Zhang Wuji was thirsty for revenge. It was at that point Lin Yingjie chased him away. Wang Bao was not a small character by any definition of the word.

There were less than eight months remaining for Li Xiaomei's duel date. They had staged two shows already and the reception was good. She was happy with the popularity they were gaining. It wouldn't be long before the White Serenity City theatre plays drama.

Drama and alchemy were going good, but he was stuck when it came to the most important things. He should have by now reached sixth level but there was not even the slightest indication of that happening. He did his cultivation with maximum effort but it showed no results. The constant disappointment was not helping.

He had long stopped practicing Eagle Claw Art. But it was close to grand completion after all these months of constant usage. He spent most of his time on Obliteration Fist but it didn't move an inch after completion. In all ways he had hit a bottleneck when it came to increasing his strength.

It was now nearing the end of the year. The tournament this time was normal with no Elders visiting. He had initially planned to watch the top ten fights but Jiang Yingyue and her being Wang Bao's was often mentioned in the crowds' discussions. He didn't want to hear that and avoided the tournament completely.

After the tournament ended, Zhang Wuji was all ready for home. He remembered his behavior last year. He remembered the guilt and regret after that. He wanted to change that. He would behave the way a son must behave. Whether he was their son or not didn't matter. They treated him as their son, cared for him. If he couldn't reciprocate, so be it. But that doesn't mean he could hurt them.

In some corner, he wanted to accept them as his parents, but he couldn't forget the fact that he wasn't, he may have killed their son and took his place. And then there's his Earth parents. It's not that he couldn't let go of them, it was the opposite. He realized he couldn't even remember their faces. Their memory was blurry. That filled him with guilt. How could one forget their parents?! But it wasn't just them, he couldn't remember anyone's faces. His past life now was just a series of events with blurred scenes, like he woke up from a dream.

Maybe it was a dream, maybe he really was Zhang Wuji. But he knew he wasn't. Though he didn't remember many details of the people, he remembered details of the world.

He tried best to avoid such thoughts. He had no answer. Thinking won't help him in anyway except pull him further into the whirlpool. But unfortunately there is no mechanism to stop thinking. All he could do was redouble his efforts in fruitless cultivation and allow no time for speculations.

In front of his identity crisis he thought his father's disappointment towards his stagnant cultivation wouldn't bother him. He couldn't be more wrong. As he approached Eagle Mountain City his anxiety kept increasing. He couldn't come up with a reason to explain his plateau. He himself didn't know the answer. This trip was not only for the annual festival, he wanted to ask for another set of resources for Wan Lin. Though things were good now, he still felt guilty about his earlier outburst and wanted to help Wan Lin out with his cultivation to calm his heart. It was not good to be an ingrate.

He didn't know whether that was the reason for his anxiousness or it was something else. With the familiar gates, familiar decorations welcoming him he entered the Zhang manor.

....

Night.

His cultivation didn't become an issue due to his mother's interference. Instead his return along with him becoming an alchemy apprentice was celebrated. He didn't tell them about his mentor being someone important. That would only lead to more questions that he didn't want to answer. He could just say his friend arranged for that and skip the whole bully part. But he felt not saying the whole truth would be lying and that didn't sit right with him. It is a mystery how the mind works.

He stood outside his father's study. This was where his father spent most of his time. He worked late into the night. The Zhang family not only had it's members and the family business to deal with, it was also the ruler of the Eagle Mountain City. Zhang Han as the family head had a lot of responsibilities. He took a deep breath and knocked on the door. "Father."

"Come in." His father's heavy voice reverberated in his ears. Pushing the door open he stepped in. The room had a light scent of ink. The big window directly opposite the door was wide open. The gentle cold wind was calming. Although the country was called Frost Swallow, it had nothing to do with snow. The summers weren't too hot, the winters weren't too cold.

The room was surrounded with shelves filled with books and scrolls. His father was seated on the desk to the left. He had his head down, looking through some scrolls. "What is it?"

"Father," he had come prepared but he suddenly felt self-conscious, ashamed. He couldn't get the rest of the sentence out and paused. 'I should help Wan Lin, true but how can I ask him?!'

"What's wrong?" Zhang Han looked up. He was completely disappointed with his son. Still in fifth level there was no more hope left. He didn't think Zhang Wuji could become an alchemist in three years. If it were that easy, the Zhangs would have had an alchemist of their own by now.

"I, I just wanted to apologize for leaving without informing you last time." He couldn't think of anything else and blurted out the first thing that came to his mind.

"You were in a hurry. There is no need to apologize to me, you should be apologizing to Yuxi. She said you promised that you would go shopping with her. Don't make promises you can't keep."

"Yes father."

"If that's all there is, you can leave. I have a lot of work to do." He turned back to the scrolls and said.

Zhang Wuji turned to leave. He stepped out the door and paused, it was the final protest of the 'ask for resources' Zhang Wuji. He just had to listen to him for a moment. His defeat was obvious. 'Don't be shameless' Zhang Wuji won by a large margin. He will have to come up with a different approach to repay Wan Lin.

At this time he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned around. Right in front of him was a robust neck. He took a step back and looked up.

"What are you still doing here?"

'Right, I forgot to close the door!' "No, I was just.. just.."

"Say it!" Zhang Han frowned. First he is too lazy to cultivate, then he can't close doors when leaving and now he can't speak! He was holding back his anger with all he got. There was nothing his anger could do now. It was too late.

"Fa-father cou-could I get another set of resources?" He could feel that his father was losing his patience and involuntarily said what he came here to.

"Why do you need another? Have you gone so stupid that you think quantity would make up for your incompetence!" What he sent was the right amount one needed. For better results one must get higher quality herbs and Zhang family couldn't afford the amount of higher quality herbs required to make a difference. That was another of his regrets. If he had the ability to procure better herbs there would still be a chance for his son.

"N-no it is for a friend."

"Do you think it rains gold in Zhang family? Before it was only one part of resources you wasted and now you are foolish enough to believe this so called friend! What did he say, he will help you after he becomes an inner disciple? or is it some magical medicine he promised?" By the end of the sentence Zhang Han had to bite his teeth hard to control his volume.

"N-no h-he helped me tr-train." He felt a huge pressure trying to collapse him as he spoke. He kept his back straight and said with all the strength he could muster.

Zhang Han looked at his son, his eyes were bloodshot. His blood vessels protruding out, trying their hardest to keep the blood flowing under the pressure. He could feel the strength in his son's clenched fists like never before.

He withdrew the pressure that he unconsciously exuded and supported his son who was close to collapsing. They went in the study. He closed the doors and helped Zhang Wuji sit. He himself took a seat and waited. After a few minutes, Zhang Wuji's breathing was back to normal.

"Tell me, how did he help you." He asked calmly.

Zhang Wuji thought for a moment and started describing the events of the first half of the year. He had initially wanted to avoid the second half but unknowingly he ended up telling everything. Like a little bird in it's mother's warm embrace, he felt safe and let go. After he was done speaking, the father and son stayed in silence.

"You have good friends." Zhang Han spoke first breaking the silence.

"Yes."

"With such a mentor you have a chance, work hard."

"Mm."

"But don't become complacent, cultivation is still the most important. The world is ruled by the strong. Though you may have strong companions, personal strength is still the most reliable."

"I know."

"Don't worry about those resources. I'll give you more gold, use it wisely."

"But-"

"I've been stuck on this stage for long, and your mother alone doesn't need so much."

"Thanks, father."

"You don't have to thank me, I do this out of my own selfishness. You are my son after all." His father smiled and said.

When he heard that, he really wanted to let it all out and cry. But he forcefully controlled himself. 'I already feet embarrassed every time Wan Lin brings it up, I can't have the same happen here at home.'

After hesitating for a while he asked the question that had been bothering him for the past few months.