Bab 22: A dream

I found myself dreaming. The edges of my vision were hazy, the scenery too bright and inaccurate to be anything but a dream. But I was more than certain where I was, and my reflection on the water only confirmed my assumptions. I remembered this moment, back when I was a mere apprentice Performer under Elvira's tutelage.

I was supposed to be at the examination hall, where there would be top class mages who would determine whether I was ready for the next stage of my training or not. However, I found myself slacking off within the goddess' temple. It had been three years since then, but I could still remember that day in perfect clarity, but I do not remember the reason why. Why this day would stick to me for the years to come, I could only be left to wonder.

Laevis loomed over me, goddess of wisdom and balance. She was nothing but a mere marble statue, her eyes made of diamonds that twinkled underneath the ray of sunlight, but I thought that she was real enough to exude terrifying power and grace even in her unmoving state. That, or the sculptor was just really talented.

Either way, I remembered thinking how alive her statue looked like and how it brought me comfort. The pointy rays of the sun were jutting out behind her head, a sign of her complete control over the element of light. One of her arms was raised in front of her navel, a golden weighing scale dangling from unfurled fingers—this indicated her responsibility of bringing balance to the world. Meanwhile, her other arm stretched outward, water gushing from her marble palm as a sign of her endless wisdom pouring on to her people.

The water pooled beneath my fingertips as I continued to stare at the younger reflection of me, sitting on the fountain seat with my legs crossed as though I was having a normal day. Before entering her temple minutes ago, my heart had been drumming against my ribcage because of how nervous I was. I knew that those examiners wouldn't go easy on me just because I was a princess, but I had been hoping that they would.

However, when I had heard that they had given low remarks on one of Elvira's best apprentices last year, I lost most of my hope. Everyone had been thrilled for me, telling me that I would impress even the prickliest of the examiners, and that me having the rarest magic would give me an advantage among the others. But they were not aware how unsure I'd been of my abilities, recalling how I had been getting disappointed looks from Elvira from the moment I started training.

The pressure had brought me here to Laevis randomly, their expectations weighing heavily on my shoulders. That time, I had never expected that a statue would solve my problems for me, and I didn't remember asking the goddess for help either. But I would swear now, that something happened on this day that would lead me to passing the test with a nearly perfect grade from the mages. Later on, before I could even graduate, my name was already in demand in lots of the prominent performing houses in Orion.

So I waited… and waited. But nothing happened.

All the past me did was space out into the water, her position on the seat unchanging. Huh, did I get this wrong?

I stood up from my seat by the fountain, and nothing was happening still. There was a presence from behind me, and I did not have to turn to know that it was Elvira.

"Hello, Elvira," I said.

When I glanced to the side, I saw in my peripheral vision that she was leaning against the white wall of the entrance.

Her straight black hair was tied neatly into a high ponytail, tightening her grave features even further. The woman loved to boast her tall and toned physique by wearing fitted gowns that seemed to devolve into her second skin. She was barely through her thirties, but I loved to call her an old hag because she spoke and acted like one.

Exhibit A:

"Why are you here, Princess," I knew that she was scowling, she always was, "when you should be preparing for your examination? Were you planning not to show up again?"

"Once, Elvira, I only skipped your classes once but you've been constantly reminding me as if that is my hobby," I replied, not removing my gaze from the splashing waters of Laevis' fountain. I also didn't remember why I was doing that, allowing myself to be entranced by something so plain.

"The mages of the Performers' Council are waiting for you," she said, her voice low. It did not hide her anxiousness.

"Let them wait," I replied. "Their minds are already set on failing me anyway."

I heard the rustle of her gown as she stepped forward. "You cannot be sure of that, child."

"I am, I heard them discussing it at the palace," I said casually. "You do know that the Council's meeting room is merely to the east of the princesses' quarters."

There was a pause before my teacher said, "You listened in on their conversation?"

"It's my pastime."

Elvira sighed. "They were against of it from the very beginning, having a royal try to become one of what people call one of the 'lowly classes' of mages. They were afraid of the backlash from the people, and that it might affect the careers of the few Performers who have strived in the performing houses."

"I understand that," I said silently, "but I didn't want to give up. This magic's all I have, I figured I could at least try to make use of it."

I remembered at that moment how my fists curled, my grip so tight that bloody half moons formed on my palms. Of all the various forms of magics out there, why did it have to be Light Magic? They'd told me that I should be thankful that I got an incarnation of the goddess' power, but what use was it if I couldn't be like Galen? That guy was making a name for himself in the battlefield by now.

"Do you still think that way?" Elvira asked, and I was sort of shocked that she could speak in such a gentle tone.

I bit my lip. "I'm not so sure anymore."

"You don't have a choice, Princess," she said. "You've started this on your own, I suggest not making a fool out of yourself by stepping back at the last minute out of fear. Whatever the results today, you will accept it with squared shoulders and a lifted chin. Come now, where's the fire I saw in your eyes when you boldly stepped into my room months ago, suddenly announcing your desire to be one of us?"

There's the Elvira I knew. "I guess you're right."

She scoffed. "Hah! Are you seriously scared of a bunch of old buffoons? You insult me by having no belief in yourself when I am your mentor. Look, Princess, the Council hated my guts when I was your age too. But I proved them wrong and became the highest paid Performer that almost brought peace to Orion and Cygnus."

Everyone in Orion knew that story, of how a particular Performer Mage nearly united enemy kingdoms because people from Cygnus were flocking into Orion just to see her shows. But that was a story for another time.

A smile crept into my lips, and I decided I'd have enough wallowing in self pity and doubt. I could do this.

And then something happened.

A breeze trickled in from behind me, cool and soft. It touched my neck, light as a feather and as warm as a mother's whisper. It smelled of spring dew and fresh summer rain, of times in the river and peaceful treks in the mountain. It felt so much like home. And a woman's voice came along with it, saying, "Believe in yourself."

I looked up, seeing a very shiny glint in Laevis' diamond eyes. The realization fell onto me right there and then. The goddess spoke to me, and she'd given me her blessing. I'd never been much of a faithful, but I would swear that I'd instantly become one on the spot.

I twisted around, grinned at Elvira and said, "You're right, Elvira. I'm going to knock them off their feet."

And I did.

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