Bab 20: Episode 18
[In Sav's point of view ]

Dead. That was how I felt on the inside when they were done. My whole body felt numb like it wanted to leave me.
After they left me alone, I stayed in the room for minutes. I was confused, scared out of my mind, and the first thing I thought of was what did I to deserve that.
They left me there in tears and in pain. When they walked out of the door, they took with them my pride, my joy and my soul. I had so many thoughts going through my mind.
I walked out of the dark room back into the club. I did my best to keep my composure so not to give anything away. I sneaked out of the club back into the hostel without being noticed.
I went straight into the shower to wash down immediately I went back. I couldn't live another minute with them all over me. I wanted to wash them off me. The stinky scent of alcohol and semen they left on me along with the scars of trauma.
Sadness flowed through my veins and killed me slowly. It was like a poison in my whole being killing off my other emotions until it was only sadness and bitterness that remained.
I sat under the flowing water for minutes. I couldn't move. I had lost myself. All I did was cry. I didn't want to stop the water because no matter the amount of water and soap I washed myself with, I could still smell them on me.
I didn't think I could forget such an awful, horrific, distressing experience. The world suddenly didn't feel like a safe place anymore.
My trust was gone. I couldn't trust others anymore or even trust myself.
Long after I was done bathing and my tears had dried I went to my bed and covered myself with the sheets. I tried to sleep but I couldn't. I could see their hands all over me whenever I closed my eyes.
It was as if a black mist had settled upon me and had refused to leave. The world was lost to me and I knew of nothing that would bring it back.
How do I get through this?
My mind asked, scanning through options with individual thoughts that led to answers.
Report it to the police.
That was the solution my mind provided.
I wasn't sure I could tell anyone or report it to the police either. There were a lot of reasons why I couldn't.
For starters, I couldn't see the faces of those bastards so how would I get them arrested?
And even if lack smiled on me and they are caught, I was sure they were going to get away with the crime.
That was the case always.
I couldn't help it as I laid there but imagine us in a courtroom. Where they had been caught and I was being questioned by their lawyer. I imagined me in the witness box.
"Are you a virgin, Miss Savannah?" The lawyer would ask.
"No." I would answer.
"No?"
"Yes."
"How many people have you had sex with?"
"one."
"Are you sure? Remember you are under oath."
"Yes only one." I would say and look over at where Jeff sat.
"Great. So you are not new to sex?
"Yes."
"Did you willingly go to the club?"
"Yes."
"You are aware of the kind of things that happen at a club. Yes?"
"Yes."
"Yet you went there. Yes?"
"Yes."
"Do you know the room you entered?"
"No? Yet you entered. So do you think its my client's fault if he tried to have sex with you because that is also part of the things done at a club? And maybe that is what that room you entered was meant for?"
"ermmm..." I would sit there unable to answer that question knowing very well that their lawyer was trying to make it seem that I consented to having sex just because I willingly went to the club.
That would be the beginning of the monsters being set free.
"I thought as much. Your honor, I have no further questions." The lawyer would say and head back to his seat feeling so proud of himself for helping criminals escape.
When my mind trailed back to reality, I concluded that reporting the case would be one thing I wouldn't want to do.
People charged with rape always get out because the court thought there weren't enough evidence to pin the culprits down.
How was my case different?
I went to the club out of free will. No one saw me enter the dark room and no one saw me come out.
There were no witnesses or what so ever. I wouldn't win such a case.
I had been raped and there was nothing I could do about it. Such was the world we lived in.
Then and there, I realized there was only one way to end the suffering. I rolled over and my eyes met with the only solution to my ordeal. I looked at it for sometime then decided I was going to do it.
"This is the only way." I bemoaned as tears ran down my cheeks.

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PERTIMBANGAN PENCIPTA 
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Episode 19 next ➡
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