Bab 1874: 105
Black Rose Blooms SilverCyberQueen_Jolyne
Chapter 105 Notes:
"I'm sorry… I'm so sorry. I promised I'd never hurt you but I still… I'm so, so sorry…" Ruby sniffled as she held onto Penny, tears of ichor flowing down her face as she squeezed gently and her cape wrapped around the two, somehow bereft of grimm parts for the first time in ages- even without her familiar ears and tail.
She felt frail, without those pieces. Small. Weak. Human.
She hadn't felt human in a long time, it seemed.
"You did not hurt me, Ruby. I may have taken surface damage, and I may have lost some of my swords, but I was not hurt ," Penny stated, leaning down and pressing a kiss against Ruby's crown, shaking her head as she smiled ever so softly, core pulsing with comforting warmth as she held her dearest beloved close. "It wasn't your fault. You were being controlled, and you fought to come back the entire time. You did so well, my beloved. I'm just glad you're back with us now."
"I- I wasn't, though! I… it felt like I was being controlled… but I wasn't. Not really. The truth is… it's… it was just… the same kind of burning rage and anger that was always in me. I try not to show it, I never wanted to show it… but it's… I'm…" Ruby shuddered, curling up slightly and whining low in her throat as her skin rippled gently- after so much of her mass had burned away, she was weak. Weaker than she'd been in years . Weaker now than she had been since the day she started training. It almost felt like she was about to blow away in a stiff breeze. "I'm not… a good person. I'm more grimm than I present. I'm full of anger and negativity and so much hate … I've been trying to keep it out of my mind for my whole life, but… it was always there. Every time I ate another grimm, it's been there, growing inside of me… That woman… Salem… all she did was drag me into my own emotions and… and my own soul kept me trapped there. Everything you fought was just… my mindless instinct and… I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry…"
"You have nothing to apologize for, wishing star. Everyone is fine now. You are safe. Please… I know that it must feel terrible… but I want you to understand that you did not hurt me, you did not hurt the others, and although the raid was a tragedy, it was not your fault," Penny stated firmly, picking Ruby up (more easily than usual, such was the lack of Ruby's energy and mass that she now felt as light as a feather) and settling her more fully into her lap, cradling Ruby's head against her shoulder and hugging her girlfriend close. "The fault lies in those who used you, who took advantage of you and manipulated your emotional state. I know that for a fact. You would never hurt any of us. You're so strong, Ruby. You managed to pull herself out of Salem's influence on your own."
Ruby sniffled weakly, barely managing to let out a snort of laughter as she clung tighter to Penny's form, still trembling slightly as she bunched her fists into Penny's blouse- small, weak, blunt nails and so… human that it almost felt strange to look at. "You helped. You helped a lot. I- when I was down there… it felt like I was… trying to pull myself out of a swamp and into the light. Except the swamp was my own emotions, and the light was my soul, my body, myself. And.. every now and then, while I was all lost and confused… I saw a flash of green. It was… there was a flash of green and I could move forward more. And while I was… I…"
She paused, grimacing and shaking her head, wincing at the smears of black that stained Penny's uniform before the tar-like mass dissipated into yet more smoke. "I… I had a hard time remembering things. It felt like I was drowning. But you- that green light… you made me remember. You… pulled me up. You… you protected me, Penny. And… I'm so, so, so glad that you were there. It could have been so much worse, so much… there could have been so many more casualties. Thank you so, so much… I don't… I don't deserve you."
Penny sighed, pursing her lips and squeezing Ruby harder. "No. Don't say that, Ruby! You deserve the world - you mean the world to me! Do not say that you don't deserve me just because you went through a difficult situation. It was not your fault!"
"But I'm the one that ran in! I ran in there recklessly, I should have checked! I should have known! I- I'm supposed to be the strongest! The protector! I-I didn't do anything during that fight! I just- I just locked up from my own fear and then I got hypnotized or something and I just… I'm sorry. It's my fault. It's all my fault," Ruby sobbed, sniffling thickly and shaking even more, her own cape starting to dissolve into a messy drizzle of black, goopy petals that splattered against the ground as her entire form wavered slightly in response to her own emotions. "It's all my fault that those people died- that people got hurt. That… that I attacked everyone- that I attacked you!"
"I have already said it many times, but I will not stop saying it because I know it to be true. Ruby… it wasn't your fault, and no matter how much you may think that you do not deserve me, I still love you. Even if you unconsciously caused me damage, that will not stop me from loving you. You are my wishing star. My dream come true. You are my first, best, friend and I love you more than you could ever know because of it. Look at me, Ruby. Please. Look at me," Penny murmured, pulling Ruby back slightly and lifting her chin, eyes gleaming with emotion despite her lack of tear ducts- she gazed into Ruby's dull, silver eyes, the glowing coals of her normal eyes nowhere to be found with how flat and weak she had become. "I. Love. You. I will always love you. So please, do not blame yourself for the events that happened last night. All that matters is that you are safe."
"I know… I know you say that but it's hard to believe. Penny I-... I'm sorry. I don't think I'll be okay for a little while. I-" Ruby sighed, ducking her head and looking away to the side of the room, at all of the myriad weapons that had fallen out of her as her Rosebuds had been destroyed, at the items they'd retrieved, at the mask still set on Blake's desk. It had been almost the entire night since everything had happened, almost noon already, and…
Ruby just felt terrible. She'd woken up and panicked and immediately been caught by Penny, but then the weight of what she'd done hit her like a ton of bricks and…
She hadn't left Penny's arms for hours now. She didn't know if she wanted to leave, honestly. What if… what if it happened again? She… there was still the chance that Salem could take over, wasn't there? Didn't that mean it was better to just… stay away from the others?
"I know what you are thinking, Ruby. Wishing Star. Beloved. No. It wouldn't be better to hide away from the others. Maybe Salem could control you again. Maybe she can't. But do you know what is more important than fearing the threat of what Salem might accomplish?" Penny asked, planting a gentle kiss on the tip of Ruby's nose, smiling ever so softly as her hands squeezed ever so lightly at Ruby's shoulders.
"W-what?"
"Living while we can. That is the best way to deal with it," Penny nodded sagely, slowly shifting and hopping out of bed with Ruby in her arms. "Let us just live, day by day. We cannot let Salem conquer us via our sorrows- to do so would invite ruin and paranoia. We may not know what she can do, but we know what we can do. Ergo- we are going to go to the gardens! I quite enjoyed the last time we went, even though we were banned from the premises for a month."
"W-wait… i-isn't it a little early to do this? I- we just got out of that- the raid! I- I'm still weak and… as I am now I'm not even sure if I can wield Crescent Rose right now if something goes wrong!" Ruby protested, curling up slightly and pressing her face against Penny's shoulder again, blushing slightly at being carried in a bridal position despite having been in one with Penny many, many times already. "Isn't it… I-I mean…"
"Do not worry, wishing star! Even if something were to happen, I can more than protect the both of us! Father was quite happy to help with the swords that were broken during last night, and fabricated some replacements to use until we can repair them properly!" Penny smiled wider, holding Ruby tight as she opened the door to the dorm and strode out easily, giggling as she skipped along down the hall with Ruby in her arms. "You'll see, this will be very good for your mental health!"
"I- ah… okay… I… I trust you, Penny. Let's… let's go."
Notes:
Aww... poor Ruby...
Status Power Mingguan
-- Peringkat
Power 
-- Power
stone