Bab 59: The Perfect Excuse to the World
Dominik wasn't going to argue with Marta at all, but he didn't want to rely on her either. Really, all he needed at the moment was his warm sheets and the presence of Andrzej, whose care and warm brown eyes would make him feel better.
But maybe it will actually be better if he stops relying so much on Andrzej. After all, he already relied on his advice and help in virtually all aspects of life. It was unfair to him that he had to look after a stranger after all. Dominik wanted to be considered more by him, but can anyone be forced into friendship? Andrzej did so much for him anyway. To even burden him with problems that day was simply unfair to him.
Dominik did not want to be a burden for him.
"I do not accept no for an answer" insisted Marta. Śliwiński noticed that they were already in front of the building where her and Nowicki's apartments were located.
"Come on then," he said, and got out of the cab.
He wanted to open the door for Martha, but she was already standing on the sidewalk waiting for him to pay for the course.
She really looked beautiful tonight. Even the artificial, pale light of the street lamp could not hide her beauty. Andrzej made an effort to make Dominik's companion look great. Dominik suspected that Nowicki meant not only to show Śliwiński well in media, but also for Marta to please Dominik's taste. First a date, now this evening, as if he wanted to push him into a woman's arms.
He didn't blame him, although he felt a certain amount of sadness about such behavior. For some reason that Dominik did not understand, Andrzej only partially accepted his sexual orientation. Perhaps it was because the image of Śliwiński, although completely artificial, placed him in the position of a seducer of women's hearts, or maybe Dominik was the first gay Andrzej even met, and for some reason what he saw did not match his stereotypical image?
It didn't really matter. Dominik accepted Andrzej in full, his kindness, protectiveness, courage and even efforts to make the actor learn a different version of sex, the one with a woman. They did not result from disgust towards homosexuals, because Dominik never felt dislike from him, but because he was truly concerned about his happiness.
Even when the desperate Śliwiński kissed Andrzej, he pushed him away not with disgust, but with a gentle firmness. Everything, absolutely everything Nowicki did was to make Dominik happy. And like most people in this country, no, the world, he corrected immediately, Andrzej did not see a happy ending for a man loving a man.
Maybe he was even right. Maybe two men are too strong forces to stay happy together? Dominik liked the feeling of being cared for by someone firm and strong, but when those traits began to turn into aggression, all he felt was disgust and fear. Marek's domination ceased to be spicy fun and became a threat to his integrity as a person.
Andrzej would never be like this, Dominik thought warmly. Andrzej is just a different, better person.
"We have a beautiful evening tonight," he said, still standing still.
"Are you stalling? Don't worry, I won't attack you as soon as we cross the threshold."
"Aren't you afraid it will be the other way around?" he joked.
"No. You don't look like you're in the mood to play dirty."
"Aren't you worried about your reputation?"
"An affair with Dominik Śliwiński? What are you?! Even my mother will envy me."
She extended her hand to him, which he accepted with a smile. It's funny, he thought, but the women he meets through Andrzej aren't what he remembers from high school. His friends are bold, independent, intelligent and warm. Their firmness, and sometimes even insistence, do not result from empty selfish instincts, but from the will to give something of themselves to others. First, Paulina, now Marta, and even Ewelina, with whom he had the least contact, made a very nice impression.
No, they were just nice.
"Your hands are cold," she said, leading him.
"Really? I thought yours were warm."
They rode up in elevator. On his way to her apartment, Dominik couldn't help but look at the door that belonged to Andrzej.
"Ewelina is not here today" said Marta, turning the key in the lock. "She went to her parents. So you can feel quite at ease. How's your head? Better?"
"Yes thank you."
They crossed the threshold. Dominik felt very uncomfortable. For the first time in many years, he was supposed to be alone with a woman in her apartment...
She touched his forehead.
"You don't seem to have a fever, but you probably had a spike of blood pressure. That would explain the headache, paleness and weakness. How is your pressure? High, low or normal?"
"Pressure?" He asked. He actually had no idea what was Marta talking about.
"I bet you have low. My mom does the same. Usually it is not as dangerous as high blood pressure, but if it drops too much, blood does not flow to the brain and you can pass out. That's why I didn't want to let you go alone. Didn't your doctor tell you that you might have low blood pressure?"
"I don't go to doctors."
"You should. Did you not feel tired, depressed, did you have a headache lately?"
"Not really. I thought it was from exhaustion and emotion."
"This as well. Your body is less able to deal with them because your blood is circulating too slowly and does not oxygenate enough cells in your body."
The discovery made by Marta surprised him. The weakness that overwhelmed him under the influence of strong emotions made him ashamed because he considered it a psychological problem. He never thought there might be biology behind it.
"In such situations, it is best to drink strong coffee," she added, handing him a cup, "or eat something sweet. And it's best to drink sweet coffee. Enjoy your meal."
"Thank you. Where did the idea that my blood pressure dropped from? Because of your mom?"
"Yes. I've seen it with her dozens of times. You should get tested. It's normal for people to monitor their health to prevent anything more serious from happening. But… sorry," she said suddenly, blushing. "We are peers and we hardly know each other, and I give you lectures…"
"I'm glad you did," he smiled sincerely. "It's very embarrassing to pass out in front of people."
Marta gave him at least a rational explanation that would be acceptable to those around him. After all, he could not say that the mere touch of a former lover paralyzes him with disgust and fear, and when his lips come close to his, the only thing he dreams of is to cease to exist ...
He could say such words only to Andrzej, who knew all his passages. Only he will really understand him and protect him from any anxiety. Until he sees him, his mind and heart will not be at rest. Marta is nice and kind, but despite the best intentions, he has to play in front of her. There was no other option.
"Thank you," he finished his coffee, "and sorry for the inconvenience," he stood up.
"Already going?" There was disappointment in her voice. She couldn't actually have some hope for something 'more' from him?
"I really am no companion today," he excused himself. "Forgive me. I promise to make amends for premature ending of this evening."
"You can always invite me to your next party," she offered jokingly.
"I will," he promised. "Thank you for this evening. You really helped me a lot."
An d it was nothing but the truth. Had it not been for Marta, this evening would have looked much worse for Dominik.
Andrzej really brought only good things into his life.
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