Bab 4: Chapter 4

Eddard didn't enter her rooms nor asked any questions for the rest of the night. Cersei was going to have Jon back in the kitchens by the next day but she didn't. She summoned Myra. "I need another handmaiden for Jon. She will make sure his clothes are clean, ready and he's happy when I'm busy running Winterfell. Fetch his clothes and toys from the kitchens." Myra looked as if she wanted to say something.

"M'lady your lord husband asked me to place the bastard boy back with a new nurse."

Cersei looked up from the bed. Jon was sitting in the bed trying to reach for some strands of her blond hair. She looked sharply at the servant girl "Never call him that if you want to keep working in this castle."

Myra trembled and curtsied, "yes Lady Stark."

Old Nan came in to her room. At first Cersei didn't like the familiarity in which the old woman addressed Eddard. She didn't know her place. "I have come for the little lad."

Jon was playing with a pillow, trying to eat it in reality. "I spoke with Myra. I shall speak with Eddard too."

"He is not your babe child." The woman sat in front of her.

"I know he is not." Cersei cursed herself for the tight knot in her throat.

"He could be yours child. You have fed him, your body strengthens his own." The half blind woman said.

"I won't allow a bastard under my roof." She tried to sound confident and strong but she wasn't. She sounded like a petulant child.

"You could love this child. No more need to cry and be miserable. You could love this child. You don't love my Ned but you could love his child."

"I love my lord husband." Cersei lied automatically.

"You do not but he does not love you either. He loves Jon, you could love Jon if you wished too."

"I will not be made a fool." Cersei replied angrily. Jon's existence was an insult to her.

"Better a fool with a castle to run than a foolish woman back in her father's household." Old Nan patted her hand and left the rooms.

Cersei stayed with Jon for the better of the day. She fed him, washed him, played with him. She forgot about Tywin Lannister, Eddard Stark, Jaime and even Joff. All she could think of was Jon's dimples and his easy smiles. She took her meals in her solar. Eddard was off to the Dreadfort.

She didn't expect him and was surprised when he entered her rooms. Eddard was always polite and knocked; he never intruded not even when he performed his marital duties.

"He's not Joffrey." Her husband said as greeting.

"No, his name is Jon, Jon Stark. You wed his mother before you wed me, a foolish mistake. You thought you were going to die in Robert's Rebellion and seized the day. You thought she was dead when a raven reached you from Dorne, your lady wife died in childbirth."

"That is not true." Eddard gritted his teeth.

"Who is she then? Some tavern wench you fucked and then forgot about. Ashara Dayne, Lyanna perhaps?" Cersei hissed. Jon was asleep in his crib by her bed.

"She was no one." Eddard replied. "I will not lie."

Cersei frowned, Jaime was right; honorable Eddard Stark would never besmirch his honor. "Very well then, Jon will be treated as a bastard. You think you can protect him here. You do not know how the game is played my lord. He will be scum, never rising above anything because of his status as a bastard. He could take the black and be Commander of the Night's Watch. A life of solitude and disdain, or he could be a lesser guard in King's Landing or any other major city."

"Winterfell would go to Benjen if he renounces the Black which could brand him as an oath breaker. He's a sweet lad but can you imagine him Lord of Winterfell?"

Eddard frowned, "I was never to be Lord of Winterfell. Brandon was. Benjen would accept his duty too."

"Benjen is not an oath breaker. He took the black and will not renounce it. He hurts whenever he's here my lord." Benjen Stark hated Winterfell, too much hurt.

"What will you have me do Cersei?" Eddard raised his voice. She had never seen him so fraught.

"Write to the king, tell him this tale. Jon would inherit the lands, your titles." It pained Cersei but she wouldn't suffer through another miscarriage. Luwin had been clear; her body wasn't fit to have a child.

"What about our children? Your children." Eddard said softly.

"Eddard, I don't think I can. Not again." She was still bleeding from her latest miscarriage. She couldn't face the loss of yet another child. Cersei thought she was proud, indestructible but she mourned her three babies deeply, even her little girl who was so much like her hated baby brother.

"Cersei, I don't know how to repay for this." He touched her face tenderly and looked into her eyes. She saw the stormy grey eyes and smiled. "Find it in your heart to not return me to the Rock." She said with real tears in her eyes. The North was cold, vast and dull but it was better than to be humiliated at court in King's Landing or the Westerlands.

He shook his head, "I took an oath Cersei. I wouldn't consider sending you back." She nodded."

"Thank you my lord." She said trembling like a leaf.

Eddard went to the crib and kissed his son good night. Soon she received two ravens from King's Landing. Lord Tywin was furious and demanded that she do her duty. The child was a bastard and couldn't be lord of the North. Cersei wasn't too distraught. Tywin Lannister thwarted by a mere boy, not even a year old. Jaime consoled her on her latest miscarriage and applauded her shrewdness. She wouldn't have to lay with Eddard Stark anymore. He had an heir, Cersei shrugged, her twin was correct.