Bab 35: May-December | Chapter Five
They had to wait for Kyle's mother to come back since Kyle couldn't cook. Kyle, Chaska, and Otis had been watching the tele in silence. There was some small talk between the adults, but it never leads to a full-on conversation. It was around six in the evening when there was knocking on the door. Chaska had gotten up to answer it before Kyle could, so Kyle just sat down and watched as the young man and his son walked up to the door. It was Kyle's mother. The old woman was surprised but happy to see Chaska.
"What are you doing here?" she kept repeating with a smile on her face as she gave him a hug and kissed his cheeks. She was in a blue dress today, and her grey hair was in stiff curls that sat on her head like a little wig. She had probably stopped at the salon before she came back. She pulled away from Chaska while to greet Otis who had been saying 'hello' and hopping on the spot.
"I didn't think you would be here when I came back. You called me for the address hours ago," she said wandering into the living room with her bag. Her eyes moved from Chaska to Kyle, wondering why the young man was still in the house.
"I invited him for dinner," Kyle explained, walking to take his mother's bag before kissing her cheek and giving her a side hug. She was shorter than him and had been since his teen years, but her slouch made her look smaller amidst Kyle's 5'11 and Chaska's 6'0.
"Ah! I have to start on dinner then!" She seemed excited, and Kyle guessed it was because she hadn't had too many guests in the past few years. The kitchen had been quite bare when Kyle and Otis moved in, but it had slowly come back to life as his mother prepared meals in it more often for him and Otis.
"I'll join you," Chaska said to Kyle's mum. He was carrying Otis now.
"You don't have to."
"I want to." His voice was still respectful, but it was firm. He was helping, and he wasn't giving the old woman space to refuse.
With a little hesitation, Kyle's mother agreed and ended up sprouting some instructions to Chaska before disappearing into her room to freshen up and get into something more appropriate for cooking.
Kyle learned two new things about Chaska that evening—that he could cook, and he was also reasonably strong. The man did all the lifting and moving around when he made to help Kyle's mother prepare dinner. At a point, she had complained about her favorite knife that had slipped into the space between the counter and the fridge a week ago, and Chaska had just moved to lift it like it was nothing. Kyle started to wonder if the young man wasn't only into kickboxing.
"I'm sorry. I invited you for dinner and you ended up cooking half of it," Kyle said when Chaska bent down to drop the plate. The man had heard, and he turned to give Kyle a small smile.
"It's fine, I haven't really cooked anything in a while, so this feels nice," he said before straightening up and leaving for the kitchen area again.
Kyle stared down at the plate of rice in front of him. It looked good, and he was starting to conclude that there wasn't anything Chaska couldn't do. Childcare and cooking shouldn't be impressive fits, but they were to someone like Kyle who could barely manage the dishes or laundry. His house had always been a mess back in the city, and it wasn't until Anastasia moved in with him that his apartment started to look like a proper home.
Soon, Kyle's mother and Chaska were done with the cooking and they joined Kyle and Otis at the table. Apart from Otis talking to Chaska in a high enough tone as possible, there wasn't much talking as they ate.
It felt excruciating to just sit down and eat. Kyle's eyes kept drifting to Chaska who was sitting to his left. The man looked like he did every day, but his closeness made Kyle nervous. Sometimes Kyle would stare at him for up to a minute at a time, but most times Chaska would shift a little and Kyle would look away, afraid of being caught.
He was able to catch little things, though. He noticed that the man was left-handed. Kyle noticed that Chaska didn't like carrots, judging from the way he kept pushing them to the corner of his plate. He also noticed that his hands were big and that they looked firm. An omen to the sport he was into. Kyle stared at his own hands that were riddled with small cuts and badly healed scars. Yes, mechanics didn't quite have the best hands.
"You should come over and cook some other time," Kyle's mother said, bringing Kyle out of his thoughts, and making him and Chaska turn to her. She had a faint smile on her face as she dug into the roast beef and vegetables. "It's been a long time since I've had someone to cook for. Most of my friends are in the nursing home now," she said as her thin lips put on a forced smile. Her words made Kyle a little uncomfortable. They were filled with sadness, an emotion she didn't show around him much.
"I will, I liked cooking with you too," Chaska replied, looking down at his dish as he picked at the mushrooms. He had his hair in a loose ponytail today. It couldn't contain his baby hairs, and they draped over his forehead like a loose fringe. "There's not much appeal to cooking if you're doing it for just you, you know?" he said, and Kyle's mother nodded like his point was clear as day.
"You've grown so much. It feels like only yesterday when you were wearing your school uniform and stopping by at the store to buy snacks." Kyle's mother started at Chaska who was now looking at her to read her lips. "Are you seeing anyone?"
"No." the young man shrugged his shoulders. A feeling of relief washed over Kyle and he immediately felt embarrassed by it. He wasn't planning on acting on his emotions, so why did he feel relieved that Chaska wasn't seeing anyone? It wasn't like he had any plans to date the man. He stuffed his mouth with food despite the clogged feeling he had in his chest and throat. He just didn't trust himself to stay out of the conversation that had nothing to do with him.
"Well, why not?" Kyle rolled his eyes at his mother's question. It reminded him so much of back in the day when she would keep asking him if he had a girlfriend.
"Work. Also, there's really no one in town," Chaska said in response before bringing food to his mouth and chewing. "Lots of nice old folks, lots of married people and church girls, but not many gay men—"
Kyle started coughing, cutting Chaska off. He had chocked on his food at the young man's words and need some water and a napkin. He raised his hand to show that he was okay as he got up from his seat before heading to wash his mouth at the kitchen sink.
So, Chaska was gay.
All this time Kyle had been wondering about how to ask him the question without asking it, and here was Chaska saying it out loud like it wasn't a big deal.
He went back to the dining table in the middle of the discussion Chaska and his mother were having. They were now talking about something different—Kyle.
"He's divorced," Kyle's mother said, making Chaska's eyes go wide.
"Really? I just thought they were here for the meantime," Chaska muttered, looking form Otis who was now playing with an action figure he had brought to the table before he turned to lock eyes with Kyle. They stared at each other until Chaska looked away from Kyle to pay attention to his mother that was talking again.
"Recently, but yes. I never really knew his wife, so it's a big deal," the old woman continued as she poured herself a glass of water. Kyle felt self-conscious. Was his mother making a jab at him for not introducing them to Anastasia properly?
"Might me selfish of me, but I'm happy that he came back. I've been lonely since my husband passed away." Her voice was low. It was as if she was trying not to let Kyle hear her, but he did. His eyes were wide, and his lips had parted a little. His mother hadn't told him that, but then again since he left, he'd only ever called in occasionally to send her some money.
"He was a good man. He fixed the bus before we could go out of town for a kickboxing match," Chaska said, making the old woman smile. Like most small towns, everyone knew everyone. Kyle's father had been the go-to mechanic until he passed away.
Kyle felt his stomach churn. All this talk about his father was making him unsettled.
Thankfully the discussion moved back to mundane things and Kyle could relax.
When dinner was over Chaska helped wash the dishes. He watched cartoons with Otis in the living room until the little one was fast asleep on the sofa. Kyle moved the boy to his grandmother's room, and by the time he had come out to the living room, Chaska had gotten up and was preparing to leave.
He hurried to the door, insisting to escort Chaska outside.
"Thanks for the meal," the young man said as he adjusted the straps of his gym bag on his shoulder.
"I don't think you should thank me, you ended up making half of it," Kyle said, feeling a little embarrassed about what had happened. He had moved to try and help when Chaska offered to cook with his mother, but his mother sassed him away, mentioning that he would make things worse, not easier.
"No, it was nice. I don't eat with people often," Chaska explained, and that only made Kyle curious.
"You live alone?" Kyle asked. Kyle knew he needed to draw a line with the out of place questions, but he couldn't help himself from asking. He just wanted to know more about Chaska, and every new answer and piece to the puzzle of a man made him more curious.
Chaska hummed and nodded, answering Kyle anyway. The crickets had started croaking. The night was dark aside from the dim light from the moon. There were no street lights here, and Kyle started to wonder if he should offer Chaska a lamp.
"Do you need a flashlight?" he asked, breaking the silence that had fallen on them.
"No." Was Chaska's plain answer. "I'll use the flashlight on my phone."
"Alright."
The discussion was over, but Chaska didn't turn away to leave, and Kyle didn't close the door behind him.
Chaska sighed, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "Do you have something to say to me?" he asked, making Kyle turn his gaze to the welcome mat in front of him.
"Yes—I mean, no. Wait, no." Kyle cursed under his breath as he ran his fingers through his blond hair. Why couldn't he make up his mind?
"Yes," he ended up saying, looking at Chaska who now had a raised brow.
"You're gay," Kyle muttered. His voice was low, and he hopped Kyle could read his lips in the moonlight.
"Yes, I am, but that's not a question?" Chaska laughed. He put his weight on one side, bending a bit as he cocked his head.
"No, it's not. I was just surprised," Kyle mumbled, as his hold on the front door's handle tightened.
"Surprised? I thought it was obvious," Chaska said, making Kyle frown in confusion.
Obvious? How? He wanted to ask, but a part of him knew it would be a rude question. Telling Chaska that he didn't seem gay would sound rude. Kyle internalized a lot of ideas around him while growing up even though his parents weren't a religious bunch, but he'd learned what was and wasn't offensive when he moved to the city—or at least he liked to think he had. In the main city, he kept close contact with the types of people that he probably would never have had a chance to interact with otherwise.
"Does that bother you?" Chaska's question made Kyle blink as he came out from his thoughts. "Does it bother you that I'm gay?"
Kyle shook his head. "No, of course not."
"I'm glad," Chaska said, and the patio went silent again.
"Goodnight then," the younger man said, being the first person to say his goodbyes.
"Yes, goodnight," Kyle mouthed, watching as Chaska turned away and walked down the stairs. He didn't look away or close the door until Chaska was out of sight, and when he eventually did the man was the only thing on his mind.
Chaska's gay. Kept ringing in Kyle's mind through the night. He couldn't even focus on sleep when he got the bed. He was excited and anxious, but a part of him was frustrated. A part of him said, so?
Chaska was gay, but what was Kyle supposed to do with that information?
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