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(AXOLOTL POV)
Bill still wasn't back yet.
I knew when they left (and that so long as the dimensional sets weren't synched, they could return whenever). Back out those Doors I told them not to go near. I suppose I should have known, they were too curious for their own good. I couldn't really stop them, not anymore. I could only trust that they would be safe. The real problem here, is the fact that I STILL couldn't see how they were doing. Well, I briefly got a glimpse when they visited that dimension with the ReversedFlatland. The AXOLOTL there noted their presence. I was quick to ask for an update. Even cut off as I was, I could still make my plea. So Bill was safe. They were also hanging out with another Bill, a rather problematic one. I didn't dare to hope that this other Bill wouldn't be a bad influence. Hoping only led to disappointment.
I worried instead. Worried and stressed until it hurt and I had to stop. I was too exhausted to keep up this worry. I would just have to deal with it once Bill came home.
If they ever came home.
Bill claimed that other Bill as their brother.
It was… odd to think about. Was Bill that desperate for-- no, what am I thinking? Of course Bill was that desperate. I searched once again for Will's soul. Why had I lost track of it? Why had I thought it wouldn't be important to keep track of it? But this wasn't the time for regrets. It's difficult to tell Souls apart after they reincarnate anyway. Unless they had markers placed on them. Like I did with Bill's Zodiac.
...I regretted giving Bill a Zodiac.
I regretted giving Bill a way to destroy themselves. I hadn't thought it would ever be a problem. A surefire way to get rid of Bill Cipher… there were many who would have loved to have such a thing. But I didn't want Bill to be destroyed. I knew that now. I realized that now. But I couldn't take it back. The Zodiac existed. And someday, they would try to kill my daughter.
I couldn't dare to hope that they wouldn't. The world wasn't kind enough for that. People assume I made the world the way it was, I didn't. I create what I can and the story spirals out on its own. Time Baby cares more for controlling it, but the story can't be controlled anymore. Those who had that power were long gone. And it was all my fault.
I only had to worry once they all came together. They were harmless on their own. In fact Bill had already met a few of them. Killed one of them too. Bill never even realized that was who/what they were. When Bill asked for a Zodiac, I don't think they realized it meant that their Zodiac now existed. They seemed to be under the impression they would only meet them all once they had gathered together. I suppose this is good. I had another 400 billion years to figure out how to get myself out of this mess.
(...never thought I'd ever think such a thing. I had been empty for so long, mindlessly performing my duties, alone and undisturbed. I never cared about anything. There was simply my purpose, my duty and my job. But I was… free now… the other AXOLOTL have abandoned me. I don't… have to do what I had to do any more. But where did that leave me? I haven't been on my own before. I came into existence with the others. We all lived out our cycles. The Realities we created rose and fell. And we continued on. Resetting again and again, until we could get an alliteration that was…)
I couldn't take back the Zodiac. They existed now. And they would live, die and a new one would be born at some point. (Actually, there was a big chance many of them would simply reincarnate while continuing to be their Zodiac…) I worried whenever Bill was near one of them without knowing who and what they were. What I was more worried about was if Bill met their Zodiac's counterpart in another dimension. There was a slight chance that they might 'count' as Bill's Zodiac. Especially since not all of them existed at the same time here. So… their slots could still be filled by someone else. The fluidity of Bill's Zodiac wasn't something I expected (much like everything about my daughter), it was dangerous. Bill could end up taking on someone outside my dominion as their Zodiac. If that happened...
...no. Bill wouldn't just accept anyone as their Zodiac. They were surprisingly picky… and very convinced the Zodiac wouldn't exist until they were older. And so long as they believed it, I could rest a little easier knowing their ignorance would actually protect them in this case, since they wouldn't go around pulling in just anyone as their Zodiac. And even if they did somehow get some other person in some other dimension to fill a Zodiac slot, they could be replaced just as easily.
Part of me was considering holding onto the Souls of those who were Bill's Zodiac, just… prevent them from being reborn. But it wouldn't solve anything. Even if I held a Soul back, some other person would fill a Zodiac slot. After all, the symbols weren't literal. Glasses could just refer to someone scholarly.
...like that tutor Bill hired for his son...
I worried as that man researched into Bill's history, finding out all he could about my child. I worried over Bill's son wanting to research into ME. I knew what he was doing. It was pretty clear. Amorphous Shape didn't trust me. (None of Bill's friends did.) I suppose they have a right not to. Bill's blind faith in me makes me both flattered and uncomfortable.
I didn't want people knowing about my past mistakes. They technically don't even exist anymore. The previous Realities I had dominion over were long gone. Wiped from existence. There would be no way to learn about them at all. No one knew about them but me. After all, the only information they had access to was what existed here, in the current alliteration. So they wouldn't find out about that. That wasn't why I was worried about Amorphous Shape's research into me.
Every creature with a Soul is connected to me. Because I created them all. And even if I never speak with any of them, interact with any of them, they can still feel me, know instinctively who and what I am. There are spiritualist who divined back up to try and find the source of all life, and they managed to glimpse me. In that way, the original group of worshippers began. They claimed I was their god, and I suppose they aren't wrong. They claimed I was Good and Wise. I have no idea where they got that idea. But believers will convince themselves of anything, it's how belief worked. I was nothing more than my purpose, a duty I have been performing since before time began.
But they all believed so strongly that I was their god. That I was everything good in the world. When fortune favored them, they claimed it was due to my blessings (even though random happenstance was the true culprit) and when bad things happened, they simply convince themselves it was a punishment for some sort of past fault or crime if theirs.
My wiser worshippers know that I did not interfere with mortal affairs. They claimed my refusal to interact with them all to be a sign of my benevolence. As my mere presence around them would be catastrophic. I didn't want to influence them. I wanted them to make their own choices with my interference They are not wrong that I do not exert my will over them (as would have been simple, I created all their Souls, I could control them all if I so wished), but it is not benevolence that stops me from manipulating them, it is fear.
I am afraid of interfering and ruining everything. I am afraid of controlling them. I am afraid to take away their free will. Some might claim that this proves I am Good, for wanting so much to let them all be free.
That is not true.
It's not out of a regard for their independence that I do not wish to lord my power over them. I am afraid, and refuse to do so because...
...I had done it before.
In one of my previous alliterations, I attempted to control everything, to make everything perfect. People were obedient, there was no conflict, no wars or disagreements or suffering. Everyone and everything fell in line to do what they needed to do to keep themselves and their community thriving and alive. It was awful.
There was a numb blackness to that Reality. They would smile without feeling happy. They would laugh without understanding joy. It was painful to watch. Emotionless drones going about their days with no independent thought of their own. They couldn't discover or learn or grow on their own. I had to make them do everything. The Time Baby of that alliteration loved it. I hated it. (As much as I was even capable of feeling such a thing.)
And the Bill of that alliteration...
...he was the same as the others. Until he wasn't. Until he snapped free from my dominion and realized what the world was. And he spent his existence shredding my connection to try and free everyone. He destroyed countless dimensions, tearing them apart in his frustration with the 'mindless sheep' as he ripped their eyes open to the truth of the world. He just wanted them all to be free. But he was stopped. Killed by the Zodiac I created to destroy him. Because everything was falling apart. I already spent so much effort into trying to make that Reality perfect, but it was ruined. And I simply ended up discarding it. Starting over from scratch was easier. That Reality hadn't lasted all that long either, getting destroyed so soon. And I resolved to never take direct control again.
That thought made me end up remembering my other cycles. My other Bills.
It made me wonder again why Bill Cipher existed. Why did I need a Bill Cipher...
Originally… it was an accident. Bill had merely been a survivor from the original Story.
A Story of a flatland of shapes. A world that burned. That was to be the ending of that Story.
I merely wanted to know why.
But the reasons and methods were all different. All different paths that all had to lead to that conclusion. The Time Giants couldn't agree on that.
The very first Bill… had merely been the only survivor.
That changed in the ensuing cycles.
Perhaps because the Story had been thrown off track. Perhaps because of the reset cycles. But things continued to spiral out of control. The Bill Ciphers grew in power. Soon, they had become something important to the Story. A Pillar as it were, matching me and Time Baby in importance. Regardless, they were still within my dominion.
But my daughter… wasn't.
Their soul didn't originate from me.
I haven't ever seen that before.
All of Reality is Mine. Created by me. Because I was all that was left. Everytime. At the end of Reality, when all life ends and everything goes cold, I reset. Because what else could I do? An unending eternity alone in that cold silence, when Time had ended and all Life ceased to be. When there was no one left except myself.
What could I do except reset?
I admit, sometimes I don't even wait that long before I abandon that Reality. I've seen it all before. Countless times. There are repeats. I had gotten used to being able to predict where things would go. And sometimes… I just didn't feel like going through all that. There was no point. It was tedious. I could have slept through it all, waited for the end to come and perhaps even spent some time in the quiet.
I did that sometimes, slept in that silence, unbothered by anything at all. The souls would last for a while until they burned themselves out. They didn't survive long outside a body if I didn't maintain the system. But when no life could even take root, what point was there to maintain the system? I'd rather restart.
I suppose I could continuously output the energy needed to maintain the cycle. But what would even be the point. It would simply push back the inevitable. But a reset would shuffle the board, as it were. It would give me a chance to see how this alliteration might be different. From all the cycles I've been though, the only real difference I've been able to find is Bill Cipher.
Every Bill is different.
Sure, they were similar, especially once they joined their minds with those of the other Bills in the other Dimensional Sets, but all Bills were different. It wasn't much, most of them were cut from the same cloth (I ignored the Bill voice in my mind laughing over that turn of phrase). There was a lot I could expect from a Bill Cipher.
Selfish. Angry. Impatient. Intelligent. Power seeking.
Those were the most common traits I've found within the Bill Ciphers.
So when I met my daughter for the first time and found… exasperated annoyance at my lack of punctuality...
...it was something new.
My daughter was a very odd Bill Cipher. Nothing like what I had been expecting. Not at all.
At first I had merely been surprised. That surprise only grew when I realized this Bill wasn't… mine. Their Soul did not come from me. What that meant, I didn't quite know. But they explained that they used to be a human girl. That… was new. Where their soul came from, I didn't know. That dimension they claimed to have been from… I haven't seen it before. Nor had any of the other Mes. Not that we knew at least. Honestly, one person out of decillions of lives. We wouldn't have noticed.
There was so much that went on without me being aware of it. At what point had I stopped bothering to pay attention? I suppose… at some point I just… didn't really have the motivation to do so. I maintained my system, that was what was required of me.
Even isolated in the Space between Spaces, I wasn't alone. I could hear the prayers of my worshipers. There was still life out in the multiverse. I could feel them all. Even if I paid no attention, they could still be felt. But it wasn't the same as actively observing them all.
It was simple to see all the world. I could feel each and every life. Everything with a soul. I could know their lives and history. I just didn't bother to. The only people I couldn't see were Bill and Time Baby. I would have to actively look for them. It was too much of a hassle...
...it… wasn't enough. To keep track of my daughter. If Bill were here I could simply search for the soul that wasn't mine and find them. But out pass their doors, I couldn't reach. Whatever place they were in was too far. Not my dominion, nor any of my alternatives. I really hoped they came home soon.
The multiverse was still expanding, I drained Bill's Nightmare Realm for the energy needed for upkeep. I wasn't creating any new dimensions at the moment so I didn't have to really worry. Not yet.
....I feel like my thoughts had become more disjointed as time went on. Something I must have picked up from Bill.
Yet, I couldn't find it in me to really mind.
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