---
"Jessie! Can you baby-sit Xanthar for a while? I have a long term Deal that I have to deal with." I giggled obnoxiously.
Jheselbraum tried so hard to be a beacon of patience. She really did. It's why I loved messing with her so much. Seriously, can't you at least smile every now and then? Even now she just sighs, her posture perfect and graceful as always.
I flick my fingers and turn her robes into a french maid outfit. Hm. She's getting better. Aside from a few eye twitches she actually managed to keep a straight face. I flick my fingers again and now I'M wearing a french maid outfit. Ooh, I got a shudder out of her this time!
"Why are you asking ME to watch your…companion for you." Jessie manages to not trigger my Curse, aw boo.
"I've told you, his name is Xanthar. Seriously, if people just used his name more often this wouldn't be such a problem." I roll my eye and slide down his bulk to plop onto the ground. Floating up, I approached Jessie with a wide grin. "You're one of the few people in this damn universe I know he'll be safe with."
"You are trusting him to me?"
"Pfth- trust smusht! I just know that you would never deliberately harm him. Come on Jessie~ aren't we non-hostile acquaintances?"
"To my continued dismay, we are." She responds calmly.
"You know…I'd really like it if we could be friends you know…" I say softly as I float in front of her. She actually seems startled. "Why?"
"Because you're not entirely a bad person. And you KNOW me. Do you know how hard it is to find someone I can just…relax around?"
"Be that as it may. I cannot be seen associating with you on friendly terms. What would my people think?"
"But you know I would never purposely hurt them."
"Purposely, no. But you are a danger to all those around you. Your insistence on coming here, to this safe haven, is a dangerous nuisance."
"But Jessie~" I gave her the cutest puppy dog eye I could manage. I think I get bonus meido-points!
"…I will watch over…Xanthar…until you return-" She finally says.
"W00T!" I cheered. Fear the power of the Maid Moe!
"-but only if you allow me to read your fortune."
I blink at her. A multitude of pros and cons flashing before my eyes before I shrugged. "Okay. Do you want to shake on that?"
"No thank you. I'd prefer not dealing with your powers being involved with my own."
She sat me down and closed 6 of her eyes, the remaining 7th staring right into mine. "You know, you really have that cool onee-sama feel about you. Especially with the maid outfit." I remark.
She twitches but continues her scry. Xanthar is happily splashing in the fountains. I can feel a buzz of power building up around us. The wind picks up loose grass and leaves to make them twirl around.
"When space and time are torn asunder
The Beast shall commit his blunder
His greatest triumph shall be his end
The hubris of the break he tries to mend."
I clapped delightedly. "Woo! 10 out of 10! Nice poem! I would snap my fingers instead but I wouldn't want anything weird to happen am I right?"
"I am trying to be serious here Cipher."
"So what? I'm gonna die at some point. Big whoop. Everything dies. And at least I know what to look out for now."
"You are…unworried?"
"Psh~ I already know I'm supposed to be destroyed at some point. Me and Ax worked that out AGES ago."
My zodiac. Both to summon me, and to destroy me. I don't know if Bill Cipher's 'death' is a fixed point or not. But I DO know it is Canon. So I took steps to prepare for it.
Most people would be worried, knowing about their impending death. But I actually felt relieved. Even if I prevented it, what would I do then? Live on forever until the inevitable heat death of the universe (actually, would MY death result in the eventual heat death of the universe? If I, a being that creates energy, were to die, there would no longer be any new energy introduced into the world, thus allowing existence to fall into entropy…)? Until the 3rd dimension falls as well to create the 4th? I just…don't want to deal with that. How long has it been by this point?
I don't want to live forever. I'm not saying I WANT to die but…if it happens then it happens. I'm so tired. Also, Ax'll probably have something in mind for me once I invoke his name. I KNOW he won't allow me to simply cease to be. He needs me. Don't know what he's planning to do but I can deal with it when it happens.
"Well, this has been a nice chat Jessie. So I should be back in a few weeks, Galactic-Standard time. Unless something comes up." It IS possible for me to simply re-enter a dimension at the same time I left but I don't like doing that very often. Swimming against the flow of Time is just...ANNOYING.
I give Xanthar one last hug. "Okay, be good for aunt Jessie alright Xan-Xan?"
He bumps me with his bread face and I giggle. I turn to Jheselbraum and give her a cheerful wave before blinking out of there. I made sure she was still wearing the maid outfit.
—
"I'm unsure if I can trust you to keep your end of the bargain. I've heard...stories..."
"I'll have you know that not ALL my clients get screwed over. There was a nice lady who just wanted to live long enough to see her grandchild be born. I kept her alive for an extra week past her due date AND I even let her hold her grandkid before she passed. See? I can do nice things too."
Never mind the fact that her body continued decaying the entire time, look there's only so much I can do. I don't have Gentle Repose. My powers are great but they're somewhat finicky to use.
My client stared at me suspiciously before consulting with her lawyer. I'm rather impressed actually. An intelligent summoner? Gasp. Made me wonder why more people don't bring a lawyer with them to negotiate Deals.
So here's the situation. My client is the queen of Iznang. Her husband, the king had died in a freak accident involving a laundry chute (I didn't realize Iznian limbs could bend that way) and she wanted to use his death as an excuse to start hostilities with the neighboring country.
"They don't even realize it, but there's is a river in their territory near our borders that contains healing water. If I could have access to it I would be able to advance my country's medical treatments. It would greatly help my people."
The queen strode elegantly over to the balcony and gazed down upon her kingdom, her magnificent wings folded carefully behind her. "I do not plan to start a war. But if I can blame my husband's death on an assassination by Trite then I can pressure them to give me a small piece of their land as compensation to prevent me from declaring war."
I could feel the queen's love for her people. Her determination to make her country greater. Her practical efficiency of using the king's death for something noteworthy. Her sadness at losing her husband.
"What exactly do you want me to do Queenie?" She didn't even twitch at my informal way of speaking with her. I couldn't help but respect her a little.
"I need you to create the evidence of an assassin from Trite. I need you to stay and help me see this through. There's every chance that even with someone to blame, Trite will deny any responsibility. I want you to ensure I get what I want."
Hence why this would be a long term Deal. "What are your exact terms?" The Queen turns to her lawyer and the two discussed quietly. I lounged on a nice chair and looked around the room. Now THIS is how you decorate. Classy, elegant and neat. Enough to show wealth without being superfluous. In fact the queen has sold off a lot of the miscellaneous decor to pay for construction of public amenities for her people. I appreciate a pragmatic ruler.
"I want you to help me complete my goal to obtain that land I want from the kingdom of Trite without resorting to violence." The queen says at last. I squint my eye into a grin. "Sure thing Queenie. And in return...I want your kingdom to be a safe place where me and my friends are free to come and go, for the duration of your rule. I'll even promise that we won't start any trouble here."
She consulted her lawyer again. "What do you mean for the duration of my rule?" She stares at me with her large compound eyes.
"You see, I actually find myself respecting you. You truly care for your people and country. But that's just you. There's no guarantee a future ruler will be like you. Also, it would be unfair if your descendants were forced to put up with me for a Deal that YOU made."
"That is...surprisingly generous of you." The queen remarks.
"I'm actually not a bad guy. If terrible things happen to my clients, they only have themselves to blame." I place a hand over my chest and sigh dramatically. "You won't believe how many people ask for things in a vague way with no explanation of what they actually want. I'm left to just GUESS what their Deal is and then THEY blame ME when I get it wrong."
The queen raises a feeler before nodding. "Understandable. Good communication is required for any negotiation. Which is why I shall ask for more clarification on what it is that YOU want."
"See this is why I like you. You're not dumb enough to just accept with no questions asked." It was nice to finally meet someone intelligent.
"There aren't a lot of places in the universe where I can hang out peacefully due to my less than stellar reputation. I just want a safe haven where I know I can bring my friends to. Somewhere they can be safe if I'm busy and cannot be by their side protecting them." Because I can't always leave Xanthar with Jessie.
The queen watches me for a while, studying me. I catch the feeling of begrudging respect from her. She nods. "Very well then. So long as you and your companions do not harm me or any of my people, I see no problem with allowing this."
"So do we have a Deal?" I hold out my burning hand. She takes it and shakes firmly, not even flinching at the fire. "Deal."
I was so thrilled to find intelligent life I was perfectly fine with completing this deal with no side effects. It would be more useful to gain the queen's favor. Friends in high places after all.
---
The Deal ended up taking me two months to complete. Not from any issues on my part but because the royal family of Trite is made up of buffoons who think their stubbornness is a better negotiation tactic than actually talking to people. I played my part well, laid out all the evidence needed to pin the assassination on them. In fact, a few of the Trite royal family had actually been considering it.
It was child's play to make them believe that one of them had accidentally ordered a hit on the king of Iznang. They KNEW they were in the wrong by this point. They simply refused to own up to it. When the queen of Iznang threatened war if she wasn't compensated for the murder of her husband, the Trite king literally plugged his hearing tube and sang "La la la I'm not listening la la la."
"Are you sure I can't just kill them?" I asked the queen as she left another negotiation meeting with nothing accomplished. "No violence." She replied calmly. I growled. "But they're just so...frustrating!"
"I know. The royal family of Trite has always been like this. It's why my kingdom gets so many immigrants from their lands. One of the many reason why I need the expansion of my kingdom's borders."
I sighed and floated down to a chair. For obvious reasons, the queen didn't want people to know she was working with me so I spent most of my time out of sight, invisible or disguised as a butterfly. There were a lot of butterflies in this country so I could move around without notice. "Well, I don't have to get violent to get what I want. I'm going to help out the negotiations in my own way."
The queen groomed her feelers in front of her mirror. "If you can help in a way that doesn't involve their deaths or insanity, feel free to do so."
That night the people of Trite were startled awake by the loud screaming of their king and queen who had just experienced the most horrifying nightmare.
The papers were signed a few days later.
---
"Well Queenie, its been fun. Good luck on on doing what you do." I tip my hat like a dapper gentleman, the most outwardly respectful I've been in her presence.
"Indeed. It hasn't been an unpleasant experience working with you either." She responds, flaring her wings in their culture's version of respectful acknowledgment.
I bid her a fond farewell and blink away. I enjoyed this Deal. It was...nice. I was very eager to see Xanthar again though. I missed him so much. I hope he and Jessie got along. I was forced to go against Time in order to return to Jessie's temple a few weeks after I left instead of the months/years that would have passed due to the different passage of time between dimensions. Ugh~such a pain~
---
"Xan-Xan!" I squeal with my arms thrown wide.
Xanthar sadly couldn't return my greeting but he was bounding towards me happily. He smashed into me and we slide along the ground with me giggling hysterically. Jheselbraum sighs at the torn up garden left in our wake. I flick my fingers and fix it, its only polite to do so.
"So you've returned."
"And you sound absolutely delighted to see me~" I laugh as I pet Xanthar affectionately. I 'look' quickly and hum in approval that Jessie kept her end of the Deal to keep him happy and safe.
"Well, take him back now. It would be nice to have my gardens back." Jheselbraum inspects her garden to make sure I didn't add anything interesting to it. I've done so before, little snap dragons that nibbled on peoples toes. I don't know why she was so upset about that. It wasn't like I gave them teeth or anything.
"Xan-Xan, did you have fun with auntie Jessie?" I cooed as I squished Xanthar's bread face. He sends me happy thoughts of romping through the garden, startling the shrine maidens and sitting in the fountain. His thoughts start to slip, I catch a glimpse of him sitting alone at night, watching the sky and getting excited at every flicker of light only to realize it wasn't me. Oh.
I hugged him closely. "Sorry for being gone for so long." I pressed against him and hum, my bricks vibrating softly. He curls his hand around me and squeezed gently. Jessie was kind enough to not interrupt us.
---
Xanthar loved Iznang. I had to repair a lot of flower fields though.
—