---
At one point I got so annoyed with people who summon me just to ask a basic question that they could have easily looked up themselves (what do you think I am?! Google?!) that I spent a few years constructing a huge maze of Knowledge.
Literally.
It's a maze made up of bookshelves filled with all the miscellaneous tidbits of knowledge I have on any conceivable subject...barring any real forbidden or dangerous stuff at least. I created this maze on a water filled planet with a regular cycle of low to high tides. During low tide the library maze will be sitting happy, but within a couple hours the tide will come in and flood the place.
I've taken to dropping my summoners into the maze just as the tides start coming in so they could search for the knowledge they seek (as well as anything else the could ever want) and watching them swim for my amusement. It's not like I'm purposely drowning them. They can say "I quit!" at any time and I'll teleport them back home. Of course they won't be allowed a 2nd visit to the library.
None of the books can leave my library so you would need to find and read whatever knowledge you seek before the place floods. I'm amazed at how many creatures are perfectly willing to risk drowning for a chance to enter the Maze of Knowledge. If my client is capable of breathing underwater I temporarily remove that ability from them.
It was highly entertaining and I even got approached by a Reality TV producer to start a show. I figured why not? I set up a few Curses around the maze (anyone inside the maze is capable of drowning, anyone in the maze will be teleported to safety before they drown, camera crew cannot drown but they are incapable of reading or filming the books...just to name a few) and pretty much let them go to town on the thing.
The location of all the books are randomly placed and shuffled each time the tides go out. The show ended up being incredibly popular. I know many Federation officials actually watch the show AND send officers in to participate. There are over a trillion books in that library and I actually haven't had anyone find the same book twice yet.
Bonus, I get wonderful bursts of power from each attempt through the maze as I feed off their fear and desperation. Also, I get a cut of the profits from the show. Of course this meant I needed a Federation ID. The looks on their faces when I Blinked into the registration office was priceless. I'm glad to have a legitimate source of income that I can use as Bill, I could start up a bank account for the twins so I can begin saving money for them. I know they're not born yet but I liked being prepared.
"You...know you don't have to do so much for me and the kids right?" Pyronica tells me as we sit together on the couch watching another episode of Maze of Knowledge. I lean against her side and close my eye as I Felt the little heartbeats. "I want to." I whispered. She frowned but ultimately dropped the subject.
In other news, having a proper ID also made grocery shopping easier.
Feeding my friends was a full time job (especially with Pyronica getting more and more ravenous as time went on). One I enjoy immensely. I place some more fruits in my basket and wonder what to make for lunch today. The other shoppers left me alone. After millennia of grocery shopping the general populace have finally learned that I'm not here to cause trouble. Even the Federation has learned that I'm just shopping, nothing nefarious here.
Pyronica's been complaining of soreness all over lately so I think I should buy some NumbBeans. The issue would be how to cook them in a way that Pyronica would be willing to eat.
---
[DapperCornChip] has joined the chat
JanLover35: YOURE ALLIVE!
JanLover35: I seriously thought yyyou got eaten!
DapperCornChip: Please~I can take care of myself
JanLover35: Well aaaaat least we know you're ok. nnnnow I'm just worried about CT. He hhhasn't been on in a while
I flickered through some images quickly to see what's up with CT. Oh. Well that's distressing.
DapperCornChip: well shit. I think he got killed by a clown
JanLover35: THE ACTUAL TIME FUCK?!?!
DapperCornChip: It happens to the best of us. may his soul rest in peace in some afterlife filled with naked horses…
Student: disregarding this horrifying news, I take it she forgave you?
DapperCornChip: Better. She forgave me, we made up and…I kinda, maybe got pulled into an almost threesome and she's pregnant and omfg she's gonna be a mother soon!!!
JanLover35: ....and you've lost me
Student: So…did you get laid or not?
DapperCornChip: I don't even know what the hell that counted as!!
DapperCornChip: But shes gonna be a mom im not the dad the dad is dead and she ate him and i promised to help her raise her kids.
Student: I have so many questions about all of your lives >_>
JanLover35: Iiiii can't believe CTs dead :(
DapperCornChip: life sucks sometimes ☉(
JanLover35: *cries*
JanLover35: stupid time rules iiiif only there was a way to save himm
DapperCornChip: dude. clowns. no one could have saved him.
DapperCornChip: No one
JanLover35: *cries*
DapperCornChip: I'm actually here cause o wanted to ask something
DapperCornChip: do you guys know how to cook beans in a way that a Cyclopian would willingly eat? My friend HATES beans
JanLover35: Yyyyour friend is a cyclopiannn?!? Holy shit man!
Student: I once again feel out of the loop
JanLover35: they're one of the most vicious creatures iiinn the multiverse! Wwwe re just lucky they dont normally leave their planet...
Student: Im gonna assume she's a 'carnivore' so...try mashing up the beans and mixing them into a burger paatty or mix it in with other stuff that she likes to eat?
DapperCornChip: will do
DapperCornChip: thanks student~
JanLover35: yyou two are too CALM ABOUT THIS!!!
DapperCornChip: You're just too stressed dude chillax before you lose all your hair
Student: Hey not to sound insensitive but if CT's dead does that mean we're gonna get someone else in this chat room?
DapperCornChip: I didnt put a cap on chat size. anyone can enter this page if they figured out how
Student: you mean we're the only people who managed to crack that riddle you left anonymously that led to this url?
DapperCornChip: I guess so. frankly I'm still amazed you guys cracked the code at all
Student: well it's a good thing we did otherwise you wouldn'tt have any friends :p
JanLover35: wait aare we your oooonly online friends Cornchip? cccause that would be super sad
DapperCornChip: Ididnt wan to
DapperCornChip: most of the interweb is filled with idiots! if I'm gonna chat with strangers I wanted them to be smart ones! So if they can solve my code to find me, then they are worth talking to
Student: I feel so loved
DapperCornChip: be proud dude! you're smarter than many alien creatures several hunfred times your age
JanLover35: what species ARE you cornchip?
DapperCornChip: sore wa himitsu
Student: how did I just KNOW you're a Xellos fan?
JanLover35: Iiii have no ideaa who that is??
Student: Bro, do you even anime?
Lover and Student argued for the longest time. Dang I love these guys.
---
We decided to bring Pyronica to Jheselbraum's temple for the birth. Firstly, I didn't trust Federation hospitals. Secondly, I wanted an excuse to visit Jessie. And finally, I was a terrible mess of nerves as my feedback from both Pyronica and the twins was driving me crazy.
"Are you sure you're ok Bill?" Teeth asks worriedly as I vibrate in place with a low buzzing sound.
"I aM nOt oKaY!" I wail. "WhAt iF sOmEtHiNg gOeS wRoNg?! WhAt iF tHe tWiNs dOn'T mAkE iT?! WhAt iF PyRoNiCa dOeSn'T mAkE iT?! Auuuuugh!!!!!"
"You're gonna explode if this keeps up, just change forms already. You said that helps right?" Hectorgon told me worriedly. I take a few breaths and shift into Miz, collapsing onto Keyhole with a tired groan. "Pyronica's already late! The babies should have been due last week! I think my powers being used in their conception messed things up! What if something goes wrong because of it?! It'll be all my faaaaaault!!!" I wail as I clung to Keyhole. The poor kid was trying his best to both comfort me and pull me off him.
"It's fine Bill. You told me yourself that the twins still 'feel' strong and healthy, they're just a little lazy and don't want to leave yet." Pyronica assures me. "Now lets go."
---
Jessie told me straight out that only the expecting mother was allowed to stay in the temple. "There are too many of you and that green one is fantasizing about ravishing me as we speak. Kindly tell him to keep his claws off or I WILL banish him into oblivion." Her middle eye was glowing as she telepathically checked my friends for any impure intents.
I turn to 8-Ball and scold him. "Bad 8-Ball." He whines sadly. "No. Bad 8-Ball, if you want a partner to fulfill your 'needs' we can go to a bar or I can make you a construct." We were all crammed into Jheselbraum's private quarters and she was NOT happy.
PaciFire leans over to whisper to Teeth "Isn't that the AXOLOTL's high priestess?! I heard she's powerful enough to vaporize demons with a LOOK..." He sounded a little worried. Teeth shrugs. "She's apparently Bill's secretly adopted sister so I think you're ok so long as you don't bother any of the shrine maidens."
"Adopted WHAT now!" The demon imp cries before Kryptos shushed them, giving Jheselbraum's glaring form a worried glance. "If she's anywhere near Bill's power we should probably be more respectful..." He whimpers.
"As uncouth as always. Truly, your taste in friends leave much to be desired." Jheselbraum sighs. I grip her robe and look up at her. "They make me happy." I say in a small voice.
Her expression eases and she pats my head fondly. "I know Miz. That, and the fact that they care for you just as much is the only reason I haven't blasted that red one for looking at me like that."
I turn to Hectorgon indignantly "Really?!" He flushes and coughs into his fist. "I'm sorry, but your sister's really attractive...." He mumbles. Jessie doesn't even blush, just gives Hectorgon a hard stare until he looks away. I groan. "Seriously?! You and 8-Ball both need to stop lusting after my sister."
As I scolded them, Hectorgon looking ashamed, embarrassed and bemused because I was still in Miz's tiny form waving my little fists, 8-Ball nodded quickly (fearful of both my wrath and hers). PaciFire cowers behind Xanthar. "Bill is related to the most terrifying Oracle of light?! Why didn't anyone tell me?!"
"Because it's a secret. Apparently." Ammy shrugs.
"So if Pyronica is staying here I can get her a room, the others however, will need to leave." Jessie tells me. I sigh. "What if I shrink them down and turn them into dolls for the duration of their stay?"
"Forced transformations aren't the solution to every problem." Jheselbraum deadpans. I pout. "You sound like Ax."
Pyronica suddenly groans and places a hand on her belly. "Ooh...they're kicking again..." I'm immediately by her side. "Does it hurt? Are you alright?"
Jheselbraum placed a hand on the Cyclopian's stomach. "I'll get you settled. Miz, please do something about your other friends." She led Pyronica out of the room and I turned to my guy friends. "So, turned into dolls. Yay or nay?"
"I'd appreciate NOT becoming a doll..." Keyhole says nervously.
"If the Oracle doesn't want us to stay, we could return to the Death Star." PaciFire says quickly. He glances at the door where Jessie left through nervously. "No offense Bill but I've heard horror stories about Jheselbraum the Unswerving. Her judgment is strict and her patience for demons is short."
"Yeah Jessie goes a little overboard sometimes. Gets really anal about 'Rules', 'Proper conduct' and 'Purging evil'. It's kinda her thing." I shrug. "But she's super nice to anyone else."
PaciFire shivers. "I'd still rather go home." Hectorgon and 8-Ball nod. "Yeah, I get the feeling she already doesn't like us."
I couldn't fault them for that and teleported them home. Xanthar was already wandering off to his usual spot in the gardens. I turned to my remaining friends. "Are you guys staying?"
Kryptos shrugs. "I have to finish packing to move into the dorms so I don't think I can stay anyway." I agree and teleport him home.
"I want to be here for Pyronica's sake..." Keyhole says. "A-and I think your sister is okay with me right? I haven't done anything to offend her right?" I shrug and tell him that if he's on good behavior she'll probably let him stay.
"I would like to get to know my aunt." Ammy says simply. I giggle. "Good luck with that." Teeth requested to be sent home. He had a show coming up anyway. So Keyhole, Ammy and I left to go find the girls.
---
"So I'm just worried since she should be due already and I don't know how to tell if anything goes wrong." I fret as I sit beside the bed Jessie made Pyronica lay down on. Keyhole was holding Pyronica's hand and looking a little worried as well. Ammy was floating around the room and touching everything.
Jheselbraum had her eyes closed as she placed her hands around Pyronica's belly. "They're still growing. There are no problems I can find..." Jessie murmurs as she scans. I may be much older but Jessie's got a specialty for this sort of thing. I can build a body from the ground up but natural growth of living creatures is different. I confess I haven't really done a lot in terms of learning about pregnancies and all the ins and outs.
"I think they just require more time. It's best to keep her under observation and wait. It's not too problematic for a pregnancy to go over. Most problems are caused by them coming out early."
"But twins are supposed to be early." I whimper. Jessie gives me a reassuring pat on the head. "That is normally the case due to the mother being unable to hold them to full term, your friend is strong and between both of us keeping an eye or several on her, she'll be fine."
I slump in relief. That's one problem out of the way. On to the next. "Should we hide this from Quillia?" I asked.
Jessie blinks calmly. "Why do you think there is need for that?"
I shift uneasily. "Because of what happened with her pregnancy?" I said quietly. Jessie frowned "How did you know about...never mind. This is YOU, of course you know."
She gives me a patient look "Quillia will be fine. She will not begrudge another for their motherhood. In fact I'm certain she needs to know about this."
Jheselbraum pats me on the head gently. "Also, she misses you dearly whenever you leave. I do believe she's already taken to seeing you as the child she could have had."
I groan and roll my eyes. "She always babies me..."
"You make it easy." Jessie grins. "Well I must be off to attend to my duties. If anything comes up, alert me."
She glides off gracefully.
I turn my attention to Keyhole and Pyronica. He was rubbing her belly in little circles. "Does that feel better?" He asks. The Cyclopian nods. "Yeah, I've been pretty sore. These two have developed horns already." She says fondly.
"Isn't that gonna hurt when they come out?" Keyhole makes a pained face just imagining it. Pyronica laughs. "Don't worry. They're blunted and soft." She turns to me. "So who's this Quillia girl?"
"She's a Cyclopian like you, one of Jessie's shrine maidens." I sit on the other side of the bed. "She...miscarried her child."
"Oh." Pyronica looked sympathetic. Miscarriages were truly devastating for a Cyclopian. You couldn't get a do-over after all. The man you ate won't come back.
Ammy floats over. "When these two are born, does that make me a big brother or an uncle?"
"I don't rightfully know. You can choose." I tell him. Speaking of which, what would I be to them? Big sis? Aunt? Grandmother? Grand aunt? Grauntie?!
I don't think I want to be called grand-anything. Makes me feel old. I think I would like being called Jehje again. Or Gohgo. A painful throb goes through me and I'm crying again. I miss my sisters so much. I miss my brother so much. Pyronica picks me up and puts me beside her so I could sob into her belly.
"Again? Bill, you need to calm down. Are you still getting feedback from me?" She asks worriedly as she rubs my back. I sob and shake my head. "No. Maybe? I just..." I cry "...I miss my little sisters! I miss Will!"
Keyhole winces. Ammy wraps me in a soft hug. "You've never really told us about your siblings before." Pyronica says. "Would it help if you talked about it?"
I sniffed and wiped my tears. "Maybe?" She combed her claws through my hair, my mind immediately classified it as 'Social grooming behavior' and I leaned onto her belly, feeling the lives within and taking deep breaths to calm down. "Well I was always the eldest. It was always my job to take care of my siblings..."
---
"-nd there was that one time when I got off school early, we had a test and I was already done. I started this thing where I finish my test before anyone else so they couldn't accuse me of cheating off the people next to me." I reminisced as Pyronica, Keyhole and Ammy listened with rapt attention.
"So I figured, hey, I'm home early so I should take Will out to the park. There was still a Break period and since I was done with school for the day my next Work slot was free so I asked our mother if I could take Will outside with me. She looked a little worried but told me to take the dog as well just in case."
I had my head pressed to Pyronica's belly. Listening to those little hearts beat was so comforting.
"So Will, the dog and I went out to the park. Will was bouncing everywhere and I had to keep a good grip on him or he'd run off. This was his 2nd time out of the house, he was still too young for Triangle school and he didn't remember his first time out when we took him to the hospital. He was talking so fast, asking me what everything was."
I smiled fondly. "When we were at the park, he started running and tripped. Luckily he didn't break anything, wasn't even bruised. But he cried a lot. Will was kind of a cry baby. Though I guess I am too." I could remember it clearly in my head. "God he was so cute. You would have loved him Roni, he'd follow you around everywhere and beg to be held..."
Pyronica ran her hand over my head as I spoke. "I'm sure I would have."
I jolt up as I felt something shift. I was already telepathically alerting Jheselbraum before Pyronica began crying out in pain, I'd shifted back into Bill so I could better feel what was happening. Keyhole was pale and panicked as Pyronica clutched her stomach. I had half my focus on feeling the twins, checking on their condition even as I materialized clean towels and a large bucket.
There was already a damp spot forming on the blankets and Keyhole whimpered as Pyronica crushed his hand in a tight grip. I was so relieved when Jheselbraum rushed into the room with Quillia. Ammy was flying around in circles frantically so I told him to sit in the corner and BREATHE.
I confess I couldn't sit through the process, my jitteriness was so bad that Jessie made me leave the room and take Ammy with me. Keyhole insisted on staying to help. Jessie and Quillia ordered him to grab more towels.
Me? I was floating back and forth outside the door, straining to keep track of the twins and Pyronica as I listened to the loud, pain filled cries. A few times I felt their life force flicker and dear lord if I had a heart it would have stopped.
They're going to die~there's nothing the priestess can do~
It'll be your fault~
Everything you touch is cursed~
I ignored the spiteful voices with the ease of long practice. Only I get to shout my fears at myself! You guys shut up! I could see some shrine maidens warily watching me as I panicked and worried. One of them (I didn't know her very well, she didn't hang out with Miz much) approached and timidly asked me what was happening.
"My best friend is giving birth to twins." I managed to say before going back to my pacing. I couldn't let any of my powers leak out. Who knows what a weirdness wave would do to a newborn?! It was hard, I felt like I was going to explode.
You're going to ruin them~
I split myself in half and sent the other Bill off to unleash everything he had into the Nightmare Realm. I groaned in relief as the uncomfortable feeling faded somewhat. At least I wasn't gonna leak out weirdness anymore. It would only be much later that I realize this newest explosion within the Nightmare Realm had caused the birth of even more strange creatures along with creating tiny holes in the dimension from which weirdness began to leak.
I flopped against the wall and whimpered. A few shrine maidens actually approached to give me reassuring statements like "Do not worry. Our Lady is in there and she will take care of your friend." and "Your children will be fine."
"T-they're not mine..." I curled up on my side and sobbed with nerves. Ammy wrapped me in a hug. "Pyronica's strong. She'll be fine." I held him for the next few hours, hoping and praying. I fervently begged Ax to please let all three of them survive.
Finally there were the crying voices of two newborns coming from behind the door. I shoot up and rush to the door. "Ohmygod! Ohmygod!" Jessie opens the door and smiles at me. She seemed tired but nonetheless happy. "Are they...?" I asked as I stared at her. She nods. "They're perfectly healthy and Pyronica is doing fine."
I rush past her into the room and see Quillia smiling fondly at Pyronica who was holding....
"Eeeeeee!!!!" I squeal quietly at the two bundles in Pyronica's arms. Twins! A boy and a girl! Pyronica looked exhausted but proud of herself, cradling the two wailing Cyclopians to her chest. She looked up and grinned at me. "You wanna hold them?"
"Yeeees!!!!!" I made grabby hands and Pyronica laughs tiredly as she holds them out to me. I carefully pick them up, using my powers to support and float them as I hugged them gently to my sides. They quieted from their wails and gave off pleased gurgles as I held them. Pyronica leans back on the bed. "So? What do you think?"
"They're perfect..." I sobbed as the two fell asleep in my arms.
---
The female was named Pynelope and was the older twin by 10 minutes. The younger boy was named Pyrone. I am absolutely certain these two are gonna grow up spoiled rotten with the way they already had me enraptured by them. Pyronica was happy to have them but she soon realized I wasn't gonna let them go anytime soon. We Blinked home to the Death Star and I shifted into Jan's form. The many arms made it a lot easier to carry both twins at once. I rocked them gently as I sang. I hadn't let go of them even once since they were given to me, I would hold them forever if I could.
"Dream of anything~I'll make it all come true~everything you need is all I have for you~"
"Bill, I swear you love my kids more than I do." Pyronica laughs quietly so as not to wake them. She was leaning against Keyhole as her legs were still wobbly from everything she'd gone through. I grin at her while I swayed with them in my arms. I felt so full and happy and so, so very excited. Ammy went off to call everyone else to come and see the babies.
"I'm forever~always by your side~whenever you need a friend~never far behind~"
The others quickly but quietly ran into the room and stopped dead, staring at the newborns in awe. 8-Ball looked at the kids and made whining snorts. "Can I hold them too?" He asks, a little hesitantly, I could see everyone else were impatiently bouncing as they also wanted to hold the kids. I hold the babies possessively but Pyronica gives me a hard look and I pout. She directs 8-Ball to sit down on the bed first and then waves me over.
"If the stars all fall~when there's no more light~and the moon should crumble~it'll be alright~" I sang as I gently transferred Pynelope to 8-Ball's arms. She grumbles a little but breathes softly and sleeps on.
"Don't you worry about the dark, I will light up the night with the love in my heart, I will burn like the sun I will keep you safe and warm~" I tried to transfer Pyrone over as well but he was grabbing onto my finger and I just COULDN'T pull myself off. 8-Ball coos at the action and shakes his head to let me know I can keep holding him.
I wrapped the little Cyclopian more securely in my arms and continued singing to him as Hectorgon got to hold Pynelope next and the others all began quietly arguing over who got to hold her after him.
"Like the smell of a rose on a summer's day I will be there to take all your fears away~with a touch of my hand I will turn your life to gold~"
Kryptos floats up to peer at the baby. "Not literally right?"
I giggled. Babies! Babies! Babies! Aaaaaaahhhhhh!!!! Kryptos smiles fondly while a few of my other friends swooned a little at seeing the beautiful smile on my face. "Dammit Bill, did you create Jan-Jan's form with hypnotic powers or something?!" Keyhole blushes hard as he couldn't bare to keep looking at me. I tilt my head in confusion. "Huh?"
"He means that this form is too attractive to be natural." Pyronica drawls while she slowly lets her gaze drift up and down my form. "It's gotta be some kinda hypnosis thing right? I wouldn't put it past you to accidentally cause something like that."
I blushed and fidgeted a little. "Well I think my markings might have something to do with it. It's not on purpose!" I protested. Kryptos sighs. "I know Bill. It's not a problem though. It's actually pretty cool and I kinda want to study it."
I shrug. "Sure."
Eventually everyone got to hold the kids at least once and Pyronica made me put them down in their crib. "Come on Bill. It's late and we all need sleep, me especially."
"Ok..." I say sadly. Pyronica winced when she remembers I can't sleep. "Look...you can start making baby food for them? I'm sure you'd like that..."
"Yeah. Yeah! I'm gonna make the best damn homemade baby food ever!" I perk up and grin down at the two in their crib. "Just wait you two. Momma Bill's gonna make some yummy food just~for you!"
Pyronica rolls her eye even as she shoos me out of the room.
---
I don't need to sleep so I could spend every moment (when I'm not working) by their side and seeing to their needs. This was good since Pyronica was too exhausted to really take care of them. She could handle one of them but two at once was too much. Everyone took turns taking care of the babies (under my paranoid, watchful gaze) and Hectorgon was (unsurprisingly) the best at caring for them. I was carefully saving up the money from my TV show into bank accounts for the two of them. This would be their college fund, along with an anything they could ever want fund. I am going to spoil them rotten.
They don't do much except eat, poop, sleep and burn/freeze things but I still keep talking to then about anything and everything. PaciFire said it's pointless to teach them math when they can't even understand me yet but I waved him off and continued explaining addition. Pynelope got bored and was already falling asleep. Pyrone was chewing on my leg while I held up zapapples to explain Counting.
I shift forms in front of them to let them know it was still me no matter what I looked like. It confused them at first and there was a lot of panicked crying when the bright yellow triangle disappeared but they eventually learned to recognize me as Miz, William, Jan and Xin. Keyhole said it was super weird seeing Space Idol Jan-Jan holding babies and singing lullabies. "Your fan base would go crazy if they ever saw this." He sighs fondly.
Kryptos was finally going to college. We all went to see him off and I demanded to be allowed to check on him constantly (to his embarrassment) "I'm not a kid Bill!" he blushed and batted my hands away when I fixed his school uniform for the 5th time. Turnabout's fair play, they keep treating ME like I kid, I'm gonna do the same to them. I WAS the eldest here after all! "If the food there is shit, just tell me and I'll make you boxed lunches and stuff okay?" He groans and rolls his eye.
"It's only a year, I'll be fine. Besides, you've got the twins to smother so can you lay off me?" He whines. I fix his tie again and the compass groans. "Well Time in this dimension travels differently. By the time your year is up and you return home, the twins should be around 15 years old. I don't want them growing up without their uncle Kryptos so expect MANY visits."
Kryptos turns to look at the two babies I was levitating beside me. Pyrone was making farting noises with his mouth and laughing himself silly. Pynelope had the most 'I'm done with this shit' expression I've ever seen on a baby and was whining at me to make her brother stop. "Hey you two. Take care of Bill for me ok?" His expression softens as he pokes both of their cheeks. Pyrone bites at the compass's gloved finger while Pynelope grumbles and claws at it.
I wave good bye to Kryptos before Blinking everyone back to the Death Star and putting the twins in their playpen. Ammy liked playing with the twins but kept getting pulled apart by them when they rough house. It was funny to watch but after Pyrone ate one of Ammy's blocks I was forced to supervise any play sessions.
Changing diapers was so much easier when I have telekinetic powers. I don't even need to touch the icky stuff. That was a relief for everyone. They liked taking care of the twins but none of them wanted diaper duty. 8-Ball was easily defeated by them while playing and I laughed as he was pulled to the ground and jumped on. "Bill! Help!" He cried as Pynelope shakes his head so she could watch his eyes spin.
It was nice. Pyronica did tell me it was kinda creepy how I watched the babies sleep and everyone looked a little uncomfortable when they realized I sometimes watched THEM sleep too. I personally didn't understand what was so weird about that. "I like listening to you breathe." I said simply and Keyhole looked like he wasn't sure how to feel about that. What's wrong with wanting to make sure they were alive? They're my Friends. Part of being Friends is making sure they were alive after all. Was it creepy? Maybe...
It was Hectorgon that first brought up the subject I kept avoiding. Was I going to grant the twins immortality as well? I wanted to answer yes. I wanted to keep my babies forever. But I can't do that. Not without their permission. I'm going to ask them once they're older, once they can fully understand what it would mean to pledge themselves to me like their mother did.
I stare unblinkingly at the twins while they slept, wrapped around each other in their crib. The average lifespan of a Cyclopian was around 300 standard galactic years. In human terms that'd be around the equivalent of 80 years old if you convert Cyclopian aging to Human. They still had time to grow up and ultimately decide on their future. It was too short an amount of time for me though.
I told myself I would respect whatever decision they end up making. If they chose to live and die as mortals, I will not stop them. I don't think I would be able to stand it though. Already I was immersing myself in their thoughts and emotions. Already I was opening my metaphysical heart to these tiny precious lives and crying with worry over what the future held. So many possible futures.
Pyone will grow up and give his life to his mate. That's just what would happen because of WHAT he was. I was already dreading that day and he was barely a few months old. I refuse to Peek into their futures. I will enjoy the time I have with them NOW.
Pyrone stirred in his sleep and reached out to grab onto my finger as he slept. He was rolled up in his blankets like a cute little icepack. My little Icepack~ Oh why did I ever think it was a good idea to attach myself emotionally to mortals? I don't know what I would do once their time inevitably came and went. Would I break? Would I be able to move on? Dear lord how does Ax handle this feeling constantly?
I shake my head. Stupid Bill. Don't stress over this. When the time comes, it'll come. Maybe they'll choose immortality? I secretly doubted it. None of the futures in my brief glance at them had these two choosing me over everything else. Stop thinking about it. Stop.
My bowtie buzzed with a summoning and it was almost a relief to have the distraction.
---
I flop onto the face-plant cushion the instant I get home. Ammy and Teeth look up from their video game to glance at me. "Rough day?" Teeth asks. Pynelope and Pyrone were chewing on large shanks of meat in their playpen, they were teething and I figured letting them eat while they gnawed on stuff was more efficient.
I groaned. "Another idiot got stuck in the transdimensional toilet. Why the fuck do people still try to use that cursed thing?!"
"Why haven't you just...destroyed the place? Then you wouldn't have to bother with it anymore." Teeth suggests.
"That's an excellent idea Teeth you're a genius!" I gasp. Teeth makes a motion that I feel would have been to roll his eyes if he had any. "It's basic logic..."
"Pssh~logic shmogic~" I wave him off. I roll off the cushion and float up to the playpen. "How're my babies doing?" I coo at the twins. Pyrone babbles happily once he sees me and lifts his arms demanding to be picked up. I stretch out my arms to lift him out of the pen. "Oof. You're getting heavy Icepack."
"Gah bah bah." He squeals happily. An Eyebat flies down to stare at the baby and he giggles at it. They were pretty much tasked with keeping an eye on the kids. I'm quite happy with how well trained they are. Their orders were to petrify any threats to the children, not that we've ever had intruders, my paranoia Cursing the Death Star against unauthorized teleportation.
I ruffled Pyrone's hair. "What have you been up to little man?" He pats my bricks with his little hands "Ah nah bah nah nah." I nod. "Really now? And what did she say to that?"
"Fah banah! Bah wa faah!" He babbles before sticking a hand in his mouth. I roll my eye "Oh course she did. It just goes to show that you can't trust plumbers. Freaking secret agents, the lot of them."
"Can you...actually understand him?!" Teeth asks incredulously. I laugh. "Who knows~"
I bounce the boy in my arms and he squeals with laughter. Pynelope pulls herself up to whine at me. "Bih!" She says loudly. I sprout more arms to pick her up. "Yes, yes, I didn't forget about you Thermalpack. What do you and Pyrone want to do today?"
As I float off holding the children I overhear Ammy comment "I'm so glad Bill never treated me like that. It would have been annoying."
"Well from what I hear, you were never a real baby." Teeth shrugs. "Now get back to the game so I can beat you."
"I still think you have an unfair advantage on account of how you have fingers and I do not." Ammy complains bitterly as he lost again.
---
We sat around watching Maze of Knowledge. Teeth laughs loudly as another contestant was swept off his feet by the waves. "Seriously though, why do they keep wandering through the maze for so long? There are books everywhere! Just grab any random one off the shelf!"
I shrug as I bottle fed the twins with a homemade meat mixture. "They seem to be under the impression there's a center to the maze where the forbidden knowledge is kept. Everyone wants to be the one to find it."
Teeth rolls over on the couch to look at me. How he 'sees' is actually pretty fascinating considering his lack of eyes. The entirety of his skin is photosensitive. It absorbs light and uses that information to create images he can process as vision. Too much light overwhelms him. Mouths are supposed to be tucked away behind Lips after all. It sometimes caused problems while he's preforming because of the stage lights but he's adapted well to living without his colony.
Teeth grins at me "So...is there actually a center 'finish line' room in that maze?"
I laugh "Oh there IS one. It even has...'forbidden' knowledge in it."
"Oh?" Teeth asks. "Dare I ask what it is?"
I lean in and grin mischievously. "Two words. Yaoi Doujinshi."
The two of us laugh like idiots while the twins look on in confusion.
---
Time seems to fly no matter how much I try to wish it didn't. The twins were growing up...
"Bill! Bill!"
I could hear the quick pattering of footsteps and looked up from my paper to see Pyrone dragging his sister up to me. "What cha do'in?" He jumps to try and climb onto the table. I levitate them both up to sit on the chairs. "I'm folding some origami." I tell them as I show them the small pile of paper animals I've made.
"Whoooa~" the little boy gasps before grabbing at them. He hit a force field and whines. I make a tutting sound. "Ah, ah. What do you say?" I ask him sternly.
"Can we pwease touch 'em Bill?" Pynelope asks politely. Pyrone nods. "Pwease?"
"Sure. Be careful though, they're made of paper." I drop the force field and Pyrone immediately snatches up the nearest one. To no one's surprise he crushed it. "Oop." He blinks at the crumpled rabbit. "It bwoke." He said as he holds it out to me.
"I can see that." I hold back my amusement at the confused look on his face. "Want to watch me make a new one?" The two nod eagerly. ""Yes pwease!"" they chorused.
I made a couple more rabbits before Pyrone demands that I teach him how to make one too. As I taught them how to fold a simple fish to start out I couldn't help an old memory resurfacing...
Pynelope noticed my tears first. "Bill hurt?" She asks as she pats my bricks. "No hurt 'nee more." She says firmly as she rubs my side in an attempt to soothe whatever pain she thought I might be in. I managed a wobbly smile as I wipe my eye. "I-I'm fine. Not hurt."
"Wealy?" Pynelope squints at me suspiciously. I tried to look fine but she sees through me just as easily as her mother does. The little girl wrapped me in a hug. "Bill no hurt a-nee more." She says firmly. "No 'lowed to." She insists. I laugh lightly. "Yeah, yeah Thermalpack…"
Pyrone tugs at my leg. "Is dis wight?" He holds up a crooked piece of paper. I shake off my melancholy. I can't afford to be sad right now. "Your corners aren't straight little dude." I show them once more how to fold the paper. Despite my tears, I wasn't...sad per say. Just...nostalgic. As I patiently taught the twins how to neatly fold a piece of paper in half, I wondered if this counted as healing?
---
Kryptos said I wasn't allowed to bring the twins into his dorm room anymore.
I guess he didn't appreciate Pyrone showing off his new origami skills on his homework.
Also, Penelope bit his roommate's arm off.
---
One word.
Dinosaurs.
Finally! Sure a whole bunch of other life went extinct but I've already grown used to it. Mass extinctions just...happen. Like constantly.
I laughed maniacally as I possessed a nearby dino. I don't know what this guy is called but it looked raptor-ish, with it's bones and three clawed feet and many sharp teeth. I stumbled around and made snorting sounds as I got used to moving in this body. I'm a dinosaur! Woohoo! I wouldn't say it was a bird, the feathers weren't really large enough for that. More of some kinda lizard-chicken thing?
Trying to communicate with my host was a lost cause. She just kept being confused at her body moving without her input. I eventually got bored and left. It was fun to watch these early dinos sleep. They didn't exactly dream but it was something similar.
I played around for a few years before going home. I should make dinosaur toys for the twins. They might like that.
---
It took a while to teach the twins to call me by a different name when I'm in a different form. "I'm Miz right now." I explained once again.
Pynelope scrunched up her face in frustration. "No. You Bill!" she insisted. Pyrone nods "Ya! You Bill! We saw you." He points out as if I wouldn't know who I am. Teeth snorts with laughter. Kryptos was hiding his own mirth a little better. Pyronica sighs. "I told you they need to be a bit older to understand this."
"No. I got this." I insist as I shift forms into Xin. "Who am I now?"
"You is Bill." Pyrone rolls his eye at me. I make offended noises. Since when did my little Icepack get so sassy? Teeth falls off the couch laughing. "Aw snap Bill! The kids can see through your disguises!" he wheezes.
I pout and flick my tail in irritation. Pyrone was already grabbing at it. "What 'cha doing Icepack?" I asked. He holds my tail in front of him and runs his fingers along my scales and feathers. "Pwetty..." He pets my feathers. "Is soft!" He looks amazed and turns to hand my tail to his sister. "Is soft!" He claims. Pynelope looks skeptical but starts petting my tail anyway.
"Is soft?!" She cries in surprise. I muffle my laughter as the children express their amazement. Damn they're cute. It was slightly less cute when Pyrone tugged at my feathers. I yelped in pain. "Ah! Sowwy!" He says as he drops my tail. I curl it up and carefully flexed my feathers. At least he didn't pull any out. He looked upset so I rubbed his side horn gently. "It's ok. Just don't pull on my feathers alright?" He nods seriously.
"Hey Bill?" Pyronica asks. "Should we send the kids to school? They're almost old enough."
"I told you to call me Xin in this form." I pouted. "If YOU won't then of course THEY won't either."
Pyronica rolls her eye at me. I bet Pyrone learned it from her. "Fine Xin. Do you think the kids should go to school?"
"...I'll have to find a good school." Only the best for my sweet babies. Pyrone was crawling onto my lap and reaching for my antlers. Pynelope was tugging on her mother's arm. "Hungry." She says. Pyronica picks up her daughter and I get up with her son in my arms. "Ok. Lunch first and then we go school hunting." I decide. The twins cheer. "Food!"
---
It took almost forever to find a school we could all agree on. Sigma Elementary was too deep in Federation territory. ￦26-1 didn't have a good education program. Epic#3 didn't accept Cyclopians (something about liability risk of the children eating their classmates) and a few schools I just didn't like for any variety of reasons.
Some schools refused because of me. In the end we decided on a demon-run school, Damnation Public, which despite the name was actually a very nice place and set to work signing the kids up for child-garden. Which meant we had to get them Federation ID's. Having proper citizenship would give them an easier time finding jobs in the future.
After tons of paperwork and meetings with the school board, we got them in and the twins would soon be starting their first day of school.
I could only hope everything goes well.
---
We got called into the office not even a few hours after dropping off the kids on their first day.
I don't know if I should be proud or exasperated.
The woman looked surprised to see me when Pyronica and I walked in. "Oh. I...wasn't aware the...father was still alive..."
"I'm not the father." I shrug. Pyronica grins. "Bill's my best friend and he helps me raise them. They're practically his kids." I blush.
The twins were sitting sullenly in their chairs. I flickered through the images to see what this was all about. Oh. I frown at Pyrone and he wiggled with guilt. Pynelope had her arms crossed and glowering. "Pyrone, Nelope...what have I told you about taking things without asking?"
"....nt..." He mumbles.
"What was that?" I ask patiently.
""...Don't take without asking..."" The two chorused. Pyronica was giggling and I give her a light smack on the knee. "Roni! Don't laugh! You know this is your fault."
"Guilty as charged but never guilty!" She cackled.
"You're incorrigible." I groaned. The councilor looked back and forth between us before clearing her throat and brushing her hair behind her horns. "Well, be that as it may. It wasn't simply the theft that was the issue." She gives Pyronica a stern look. "I know Cyclopians are incredibly carnivoric but please tell your children that they cannot swallow their classmates."
"I spit him out..." Pynelope grumbles. "Dinnin' taste good 'nyway..."
I sigh even as Pyronica laughs unapologeticly. "This is entirely your fault..." I informed her. Trying to teach the kids discipline was hard since Pyronica went around doing everything I said they couldn't. Hell, Ammy still shop lifts stuff sometimes. Pyronica is just a terrible influence on the children. I rubbed my bricks tiredly.
"Kids. You can't steal from your classmates unless they are objectively horrible people who have more than they need and refuse to share with those who need it." I say patiently. The councilor makes an offended sound. "Mr. Cipher you cannot tell them it's alright to steal-!"
I stretch my hand out to press a finger to the hole where vocalizations come out. "Quiet now. I am trying to explain something." I tell her. She looked down at where my finger was and made another offended sound.
"Also, no matter what, don't eat your classmates. If they're an asshole, tell me after school and I will take it up with their parents." I narrowed my eye at the twins. "Understand?"
They quietly nodded.
"No! That is not okay. Mr. Cipher, you cannot tell your children that it is okay to STEAL from others!" The councilor (scan, name, Unglia Des)
"Look miss Des, I get that you have your opinions. But I have MINE. And I say that in very specific circumstances, it is alright to steal." I cross my arms. "Of course, just because you CAN doesn't mean you SHOULD." I give the twins a stern look. "Your mother is always getting herself in trouble because she never learned that. I don't want you two getting arrested once you're older. It's annoying enough to pay Ronica's bail constantly..."
Pyronica scoffs "I haven't gotten arrested in nearly 20 years~"
"Because I grounded all of you from rampages for the next century." I reply blandly. Pyronica pouts "I can't believe you're still enforcing that...it was just popcorn..."
"I can always extend it..."
Pyronica sits up straight. "I'll be good!"
The twins giggled. I poke them both. "Stop laughing, you're still in trouble." They both pout at me. It's the same look Pyronica gives me when she wants to get out of trouble. I roll my eye. They really are her kids. "Look. Just try not to do things that will get you in trouble with no way out. I worry ok?" I tell them gently.
They nod and chorused. "Okay..."
Miss Des didn't look entirely satisfied but accepted that this was the best she would get. I felt a little bad for her, she was obviously under a lot of stress. "Look. If they DO cause trouble again I will properly punish them." The twins didn't look particularly worried about my 'threat'. I could hear Pynelope's thoughts of 'Bill would just make us sit in a corner for a while, no big deal.'
"What would you even do?" Pyronica asks once we leave. "I doubt you'd be able to really do anything to discipline them. The twins have you wrapped around their horns and we all know it."
I laugh evilly. "If they get in trouble again I can go with some simple disciplinary tactics. If that doesn't work…I've got the perfect idea of how to punish them..." My cackling even had little thunder booms and lightning flashes in the background.
Pyronica gives me a worried look.
—
"-he dinner party starts in 5 hours. What are you guys gonna do?" I asked my Maid group as we sat around the living room. Teeth frowns. "What's the ETA for those flowers I ordered this morning?"
I rolled some dice and counted the tally. "They got delayed again."
"Plaque!" Teeth groans in frustration. "How am I gonna finish decorating the main hall without them?!"
Ammy pats his shoulder. "Forget the flowers for now. I need help dusting the mansion."
Hectorgon holds up his dice. "I would like to get started on dinner."
"Roll Skill." I tell him. The dice clattered along the ground. "12!" Hectorgon says triumphantly. "Ok. You get started on dinner, what are you making?"
"I was thinking we would do a three course meal sort of thing. Start with a soup/salad for the appetizer, have a meat dish for the main course and then some sort of dessert."
"Nice! Well you've gotten the preparations done. I'm assuming you're getting the soup cooking now and making the salad once its closer to party time so they're fresh?" I wave my hands to make mini food appear in the kitchen area of the game board I built.
It was a little sad that Kryptos wasnt here. He was hard at work in school. Silly boy had an absolutely PACKED schedule. I told him he was free to take his time. It's not like he wouldn't live long enough to do so. But Kryptos wanted to get all his classes over with. He wanted to graduate and start working.
What exactly he was gonna work in, he hasn't told me. He did admit that he wanted to try different professions and was planning to work for a bit before going back to school to get a degree for something else and repeat.
Such an ambitious one. He wanted to try all jobs at least once. Astro-physics, pan-dimensional energy conversion, economics, law...modelling. I gave him a smug, knowing look for that last one on the list of possible professions that he was curious about. He blushed and ate his list, shoo'ing me out of his dorm.
I often dropped by to make sure he was getting enough sleep. He seemed embarrassed at my mothering "Not here! People can see!" and started taking better care of himself just to stop me from doing it.
I shook myself out of my thoughts. If it weren't for the fact that Kryptos asked me to leaved him alone while he's studying I would gladly have opened an alien version of Skype so he could play with us. Sadly that was not to be.
"Well I think we should set out the silverware NOW so we don't have to do it tonight right before the party." Teeth argued. Ammy shook his head "Leave them out for that long and dust could get on then."
"Well that's why we're dusting right now! So there wouldn't be dust later!" Teeth throws his arms up in frustration. Ammy rolls his eyes "But you wanted to have the windows open. There's gonna be dust from outside."
"Well we need to air out the rooms! The young master has been a shut in for so long this place is stuffy!"
Pyronica wanders in with the twins tucked under her arms. "You nerds still playing this thing?"
"It is a family bonding activity board game, thank you very much." Teeth crosses his arms and pouts. Pyronica rolls her eye. "Still nerds."
She glances at me "Hey Bill, I was gonna take the twins out to their healer's appointment. Are you gonna come?" I split myself in half. "Of course!"
I wave good bye to myself and turn back to the game. Teeth and Ammy's argument got heated. Hectorgon managed to get them to compromise, which got him awarded 3 Favor points. Things were going find until I started blushing heavily and coughing.
"Bill? What's wrong?" Ammy asked, his voice was still monotone but he's gotten better at expressing different types of emotion in his inflections. His worried tone was used most often, which I always felt kinda bad about.
I rubbed my plane as I continued blushing. "Erm...the kids got their check up...um..."
"Is something wrong? Are they sick?" Hectorgon asks, hopping over to place a hand on my leg. I shook my head.
"It's...nothing WRONG per say...just...um..." I whined in embarrassment "...it seems Pyrone inherited the modifications I made to his father..."
My friends still seemed confused but I really just couldn't explain. I had to excuse myself to go and scream into a pillow for a few hours in embarrassment. The unashamed grin Pyronica gave me just made everything worse. "Look on the bright side. My boy's gonna make his partner quite happy in the future."
---