---
Pyronica keeps giving me weird looks. She also hid all our alcohol inside one of Ammy's blocks. Weird. Did something happen? I'd try to 'look it up' but I'm not in the mood to flicker through images of the multiverse.
It can't have been that important. Right?
---
I took us all out to a restaurant. As much as I enjoy cooking, I was tired of cleaning the kitchen afterwards. I know I can just wave my hand and lift up or disperse the mess but it was still annoying. Besides, I love visiting restaurants. In truth I want to go out to eat more often but it's always so...awkward with me, Pyronica and Xanthar sitting around as people cowered.
But now that Ammy's here we have more people! When me and Pyronica go out together everyone just...assumes we're an item. Even with Xanthar there I can hear people whispering "There's Bill Cipher with his woman and his Pet beast." Then those people would activate my Xanthar-Curse, their lips would seal up with stitches and they start mumble-screaming and clawing at their mouths. It was hilarious but made for an unpleasant mealtime experience.
And people wonder why I'm so grumpy. I don't appreciate all the gossip. It's rude to talk about me behind my back. It's even ruder if I'm forced to listen to them. But now that Ammy is here people should stop shipping me with Ronica. Right? We're just a group of friends going out to eat.
Xanthar was happy to go outside, I found a nice restaurant next to a beach with lots of room for Xanthar to run around in. Pyronica loved the view. Ammy was questioning everything as per usual.
"Why are we eating at a place where we must pay money?"
"Because it's fun to eat out every now and then. I can see what other people's cooking is like." I respond as we walk/float down the beach towards the large, colorful building with a sign saying The Pizsta Palace. When I say huge I mean HUGE. The door alone was bigger than Xanthar. Think about that for a second. Bigger than Xanthar!
"But wouldn't it be cheaper to just order take out or-" Ammy starts to ask before Pyronica covers one of his eyes. He doesn't have a mouth so that was the best she could do.
"Shhh- Bill's been feeling a little down lately, we're going out to eat because it makes him happy." She whispered to him.
Of course I've been feeling down. I miss Jessie. Even if she's never cared about me, I still miss her. Is it stupid of me to do so? I enjoyed being around her. I had thought...that deep down maybe she liked me too. I guess I was wrong. Part of me wanted to be angry but mostly I was just sad. I pushed my feelings away for now, I can be sad later, right now we have to get these restaurant doors open.
I chose this place because during my 'search' for a place to eat out at I found a place that serves HUGE portions of food. Seeing the size of this place, I suspect the size is due to the fact that most of their patrons are giants.
I flick my fingers and the doors swing open before us. I feel like Jack in the giant's house. Everything was huge. The ground rumbled with the heavy footsteps of both patrons and the serving staff. I float us up to the front desk. This place was a casual beach side diner so we didn't have to deal with reservations, just announce our party size and wait to be seated.
For a second I thought I was looking at a human. A giant human. But my scans showed that the person I was looking at was actually made up of over 15 different creatures. A symbiotic colony made up of separate parts so closely clinging together it looked like a singular organism. Much like a Portuguese Man of War. Except these creatures came together to form something that looked disturbingly like a giant human.
"Hello, how many are dining in today?" The 'mouth' creature asked. "Four please." I say simply. The 'eyes' squinted down at us before going wide. I see the eyes start swiveling in panic. The 'hair' rustled in confusion and the mouth makes a startled sound. "Um, please excuse me dear customers, something has come up. Please take a seat while I sort this out."
I sigh. "It's fine. We'll wait. Please resolve it soon, I'm hungry." I wasn't hungry, technically speaking, but I DID want to try the food here, as per usual I would 'eat' the food and teleport it back to my house in the Nightmare Realm for later consumption in a form that had proper taste buds.
I floated my group over to one of the oversized chairs in the waiting room. Pyronica groans. "Is this gonna happen every time we go out? Seriously Bill we need to disguise you."
"I don't want to be you again. That was a strange experience." I mumble as I settle down on Xanthar's head and run my fingers through his fur. "Besides, hiding myself doesn't help at all. In fact I should make MORE public appearances. Just to let people know that I can be perfectly rational and non-violent too."
"Why DOES the universe hold such fear of you?" Ammy asks.
"You and Ronica haven't seen me really lose my temper yet. I used to accidentally destroy planets when my powers went out of control. I haven't had that happen for a few million years now though. Ax says my control is getting better." I say before my brain catches up with my (metaphysical) mouth.
"Destroy...planets?" Pyronica says slowly. "I know you ate one once but I thought that was a one time deal?"
Shit. Curse my honesty.
"They were all accidents! I've never purposely destroyed a planet! Except the one I ate, but I had a really good reason for doing so." I try to explain. Amorphous Shape is staring at me wide eyed. "The fact that they were accidents is actually scarier. Exactly how powerful are you?" His voice has an edge of worry to it.
"Eh...I'm...pretty strong I guess..." I twiddle my thumbs and flush orange. Pyronica is furrowing her brow at me "You once called yourself an All Powerful Demon-God." She points out.
"I was...exaggerating..." I protest weakly.
"I'm starting to think you're selling yourself short. You really, truly ARE an all powerful God aren't you?" Pyronica stares at me in awe. Nooo don't do that! I don't want you to treat me any differently! "It's not important okay?! How powerful I am have nothing to do with anything."
"I'd beg to differ." Ammy mutters quietly. I ignore his comment. "Look, we're just here to get some food and then we'll go play on the beach, that sound okay to everyone?"
"Sure Bill." Pyronica gives me a crooked smile. I can feel her mild apprehension before it quickly fades and she just smiles at me more naturally. "Bill, even if you are some kind of God, it doesn't change the fact that we're friends."
I don't know if she realized just how much those words mean to me. I quickly blink away the forming tears. I did not want to start crying in the waiting room of a restaurant. "Thanks Ronica..." I mumble as I wiggled happily.
"So...what kind of food does this place serve anyway?" Pyronica luckily changes the subject.
"They make Pizsta here." I say, eagerly thinking about it. A fusion of Pizza and Pasta. It sounded amazing and I wanted to try it. My mouth was watering again and I quickly materialize a napkin to soak it up.
"....I can't tell if you're crying or drooling..." Ammy tilts his blocks to stare at me. I squeak and bury my face in the napkin. "S-shut up! It's a reflex ok!? And it's embarrassing!" I moan into the napkin. Xanthar reaches a hand up to poke me reassuringly. Oh Xanthar, you're the best. You never tease me like the others do.
"Ah...dear customers? T-there is a table for you..." The usher only stammers a little bit as they come to show us to our seats. "Thank you." I say politely as I float my party with me to follow them.
We get a nice table all things considered. We were besides a window looking out over the ocean. It was quite pretty. I took my hat off as the menus were placed before us. I eagerly looked through it.
They had the basic Pizsta which was a cheese pizza made into the shape and texture of spaghetti. You can customize with toppings like mushrooms, sausages made from mindless non-sentient species of animals, fish, various spices and herbs, mashed potato-jelly, legally acquired souls, this planet's version of pepperoni and...pineapples.
I start giggling and Pyronica looks at where I'm staring on the menu and pales. "No Bill! We are NOT getting pineapple Pizsta!"
"Oh come on Ronica! It's not THAT bad." I whine. She continues to shake her head. "I like living dangerously as much as the next crazed maniac, but even I'm not suicidal!" She growls.
"What's wrong with this...Pineapple substance?" Ammy asks in confusion.
"I can't believe they even have the legal rights to serve that stuff here!" Pyronica continues to complain. She shudders in fear and stares at me as I wave a waiter over to order a Pineapple Pizsta fettuccine for myself, with a side of mushroom gnocchi.
"Ah...are you sure you want the Pineapple sir?" The waiter asks, nearly dropping his pen as he hears my order.
"Yup. I would also like some fried calamari as an appetizer, get Xanthar here a bowl of molten marinara sauce and green cheese dressing please. Oh! And can I have a glass of limonade as well?"
"I-if you are sure sir..." The waiter stammers as he jots down my order. He looks at Pyronica and Amorphous Shape for their orders. Pyronica gets a sausage pizsta shell with a side of roasted grubs and zapapple juice. Ammy orders the plain cheese pizsta without any sides or drinks. He doesn't eat much.
"Can someone please explain what's wrong with pineapple?" Ammy asks as soon as the waiter places down several cups of sulfuric acid and a bread basket before leaving with our orders. Pyronica sips her glass of sulfuric acid and grumbles. "It's one of the most dangerous food items this side of the Federation. That shit breaks down protein. It frickin' digests you as you try to eat it."
I just laugh as Ammy stares at me like I'm insane, which I am (it's not as big of a deal as people make it out to be), and asks "Why would you do that to yourself?" A few other customers, a large group of Dorioth surfer-bros, jumped at the sound of my laugh. It made quite a mess, frogs THAT big all jumping in panic at once. I absently flicked my fingers and fixed their table.
"Because it's delicious." I give Xanthar my glass of sulfuric acid, I didn't like the taste and kind of wished they could just give me water instead.
"Are you a masochist?" Pyronica asks as she squints at me suspiciously. I roll my eye at her. "No. I just happen to enjoy pineapples. They're sweet and sour and yellow."
"Who even puts pineapple on pizsta?" Pyronica complains as she thumps her face on the table.
We chat about random topics while waiting for our food. I notice that we are once more given a lot of space as the other patrons look to have been hurriedly moved to farther tables. A Jabber couple were cowering as far from us as they could while slapping each other across the face. I resist the urge to sigh. As I wipe some acid off Xanthar's chin I do a quick 'look' to make sure I'll have enough of this planet's currency. Or at least anything else that they'll accept as payment.
Oh, they DO accept Gold as payment. That's good. If they wanted Credits I'd have to use Miz's card and I'm sure the Federation would be able to track that purchase. I stretch a hand out the window to grab some sand to transmute into gold. Sand, the most useful substance for transforming into other stuff. I'm reminded of my very first Deal (Time Baby doesn't count) and feel a wave of nostalgia. How long has it been?
I mold the gold coins underwater as I wiggle my hand around before teleporting them back to base. I'll pull them out when its time to pay. No sense in just carrying it around.
Our appetizer comes out first, along with our drinks and I drool at the breaded, deep fried entire squids. Just a huge bowl full of squids. None of that chopped into tiny rings bullshit. Just, entire squids. I crunch into it happily. Every other squid I ate was actually teleported. Those that I DID eat were broken down as per usual and my bricks warmed pleasantly.
Pyronica was chewing with her mouth open. "Ronica, just 'cause its seafood doesn't mean I want to see food." I scold her lightly. She groans. "Fuck your puns Bill."
"Then don't chew with your mouth open."
"Yes Mom."
The main dishes finally arrived and I slurped my noodles happily. Sadly, my Triangle form wasn't made of proteins and I couldn't experience the sharp tingle of the pineapples until later. I loved the texture of the pasta though. All in all, I'd say I enjoyed this experience. Pyronica kept giving me disturbed looks the whole time.
My bricks were incredibly warm and I patted them with a sigh. I wanted desert but I'd probably catch fire if I ate anymore. As it was, I was already sticking a hand out the window again to burn off some energy. A waiter came up to us, nervous and asked if we wanted desert menus. Well~if I don't ACTUALLY eat it we should be fine...
If I were a real demon, I'm certain my sin would be gluttony.
I gazed longingly at all the deserts. Truthfully I wanted all of them but I can tell the workers wanted us to leave. I can just order one thing now and come back here some other time. Maybe I can even come here as Miz so I don't have to deal with frightened workers. Pyronica turned down desert because she was full. Xanthar wanted a milky way shake. Amorphous Shape ordered some sugar beetle cookies and I got a lock lime pie.
The anxious waiter delivered the desert and in his rush to get away from our table the 'legs' tripped and they took a pretty bad fall, a few body parts were knocked loose. I get up from my chair and look over worriedly. "Geez, are you guys okay?"
"W-we're fine, ow..." I could tell from my scans that the mouth was injured. He tries to hide a wince. "I could heal you..." I offer.
"No! That's fine!" The body parts pull themselves together and quickly scramble away. The restaurant had gone quiet when he fell, the other patrons watching us fearfully. I sigh and went back to my seat. After a while the chattering of conversation started back up.
Pyronica noticed my mood "Don't worry about it. I'm sure he's fine."
"I know, it's just...I haven't even DONE anything even vaguely threatening today right?"
Pyronica hesitantly pats my side. "Well they're just stupid." I hum in agreement before shoving the whole pie into my eye to store for later. Ammy lets us share his cookies and I helped feed Xanthar his shake. Fussing over him like this really made me feel like a parent. It was a strange feeling but not necessarily bad. As much as I denied being Ammy's mother/father, I enjoyed taking care of him, of all of them. I just wasn't ready to acknowledge myself as a parent.
Plus, if I ever do decide that Xan-Xan and Ammy were my kids, what would that make Pyronica? She's pretty much my best friend/sister(?) but people keep assuming we're together. If I ever call Ammy 'son' then people will definitely assume Ronica's the mom. I don't think I can handle that kind of embarrassment.
The thoughts I'm picking up around the restaurant was relief from the other patrons when the waiter comes back out to give us the check. I notice immediately that the 'person' has switched out their mouth for a different one. I guess the 1st mouth was hurt more badly then he let on.
"Are you guys all done eating?" The new mouth asked. I nodded. "Yes, we're ready for the check, please."
There was a pause before the mouth blurted loudly "I'd give you the Bill but you've already got one." The 'Hands' immediately slapped themselves around the 'mouth'.
The entire building went silent. The Eyes were staring down at the mouth in horror. Every part of the body was stiff with fear. The other patrons were frozen as they stared as us wide eyed. There was a thick tension in the air.
"Pfth!" I laughed. "Ahaha! Omigosh! Haha! Hey, Ronica! You get it? Hahaha! Bill! Cause, cause it's my NAME and-"
Pyronica groaned in actual pain as she thumped her head onto the table. "YES I get it Bill. Ugh!" She rubbed around her eye in annoyance as I continued to lose my shit because I am pun-trash. "It's not even that funny!" She complains.
"I beg to differ!" I say before bursting out into laughter, thumping the table with a tiny fist. Pulling myself together, I grin up at the mouth. "But seriously kid, how much do I owe you?"
The Hands quickly put the check down. The Eyes were still wide and the Skin was pale. The Mouth opened up, to the horror of the rest of the body and spoke again. "You'd have to check the check. We also accept cheques."
It was awful and stupid but I couldn't stop laughing. This Mouth was joking with me. I preferred this over that terrified forced respectfulness. It felt really nice to just laugh. I glanced at the total before shrugging, eh, why not? Gold coins rained gently around our table. They clinked along the surfaces they hit as I mentally create more from the sand outside and teleported them all in here. The eyes were staring at the rain of gold with awe. I haven't just paid off the check, this would be enough gold for them to renovate this whole building several times over.
"Thanks for making my day. Keep the change AND the tip." I pop my hat back on and tip it at the mouth. I felt a lot better.
"What's your name kid?" I should make a note to request him as my waiter when I come back again.
"Oh, um...people just call me Teeth." The Mouth says. I grin at him. "Well It's very nice to meet you. The name's Bill Cipher but I'm guessing you already knew that?"
I bid him a fond farewell and a promise that I'll be back to try more of their food sometime in the future. I hear the owner of the restaurant both dreading and anticipating my patronage. On one hand, GOLD, on the other hand, he'll need to make sure I'm given the best service. I hear his relieved thoughts of "Thank the Great One, Teeth's stupid remarks didn't piss him off..."
We leave the restaurant, me in high spirits, Pyronica with a headache, Xanthar already running across the beach to play in the water and Amorphous Shape confused about what just happened.
---