---
I groaned when I finally made it home. Home to my own dimension. My paranoia had me checking on my friends and the twins. They were all sleeping soundly. I adjusted their blankets as I checked on each room.
PaciFire was snoring loudly from his 2nd mouth, I pat his horn as I rolled him back to the center of his bed. Silly man keeps falling off in the middle of the night.
8-Ball was hugging a large marshmallow shaped pillow. I check to make sure his nightlight was on. He was afraid of the dark. He was also afraid of a lot of things. How a creature this large and strong could be so timid I don't understand.
Ammy was curled up into the shape of a rubix cube floating above his bed with the blanket slipping off him. I roll my eye fondly at my son and drape the covers back over him. The way his form made a tent reminded me so much of Will...
Pyronica, a elegant as ever, had her mouth wide and drooling as she lay spread eagle on her bed. I pushed her limbs back onto the bed and pulled her blankets back up.
Teeth had eaten his pillow in his sleep again. I materialize a new one and he immediately begins chewing on it. By this point I just MAKE his pillows out of edible substances that clean his teeth as he bites them.
Hectorgon had fallen asleep at his desk, slumped over his computer. He was open to multiple windows and appeared to be looking up information about the AXOLOTL. Ah well, I did just tell them all that Ax was my dad this morning (was it morning or was it yesterday? Keeping track of time was hard sometimes). I float him to his bed and wedged him in. Polyspheres sleep best when placed into soft slots of their shape. I built this hexagonal bed just for him.
Keyhole was making weird noises, tucked under his covers like the good boy he was. I leaned in, curious what he was dreaming about. Something about Pyronica...and a date...and...
I rear back, flushing a deep orange. Oh. Oh! I quickly leave the room blushing madly. Dammit Keyhole!
Kryptos, much like Hectorgon, had fallen asleep at his desk. He had so many textbooks spread around him. Part of me feels he's taking too many classes all at once. He was immortal! He had plenty of time to get his schooling done. I see pages of notes on electrochemistry and how he could potentially absorb energy from other sources of power. Aw~little Kryptos wants to gain power~how cute. The experiments done to him did make him into a little generator but his electricity was powered by the chemical reactions from the food he eats. His finite, small stomach simply couldn't eat enough to generate enough of it to really build his power enough to really be a threat.
Unlike my own stomach that seemed to be infinite.
I can see from his notes that he already knows he's incapable of eating enough food to really give himself a power boost like I do. Instead he was trying to see if he could absorb electrical charges from other things. He has several pages on his observations from both me and Ammy in how we absorb different types of energy from the substances we consume. I sigh fondly before tucking Kryptos into his bed. He really wants power doesn't he? I could offer to give him powers but I think he wants to earn his on his own.
Like I did.
Xanthar was sleeping peacefully in the garden. I absently brushed off some dirt and grass. Gonna have to give him a bath soon. I press myself to his side and do a quick check on his dreams for any pesky nightmares. None. Good.
Finally I enter the twin's room. They were still sharing for now but Pyronica has talked to me about splitting the rooms once they're older. Something about instinctive eating once they start puberty. That's not gonna be happening for another 40 years or so but I will have to talk to them about the idea of getting separate rooms. I smile at them fondly. I know...they're not MY kids...I don't have any blood or claim to them (not even a Deal to bind them to me) but I swore to myself I would be there for them. No matter what.
I think about Seb and how he looked at his nibblets.
Family huh?
Speaking of my misadventures through dimensions, I was excited to try out sleeping again. I head out and found Ax's avatar in his fish tank. For a second, just an instant, I was consumed by an angry rage at the fact that he deliberately stopped me from sleeping for billions of years. It passed as quickly as it came and I plopped into the tank to curl around the little salamander. It doesn't matter.
I will forgive him.
Even if I'm mad. Even if he hasn't outright apologized yet.
Because more than how betrayed I felt at the knowledge that Ax had LIED to me for so many years...
He was still 'family' and I loved him. I was more afraid of losing him in my life than staying mad. It hurt that he kept secrets from me but I didn't care (not really) so long as he continued staying with me. I closed my eye, constructed a false Dreamscape (a madness bubble filled with ramen, lodged inside this constructed body), placed a barrier around me against psychic attacks (just like the other Bill told me) and drifted off to sleep.
---
-Ax's POV-
One of Bill's friends came to me a few days after Bill placed me here. He sat in front of my tank and peered in at my avatar, he was a man with a large mustache.
"Look, you might be the cosmic god to trump all cosmic gods but lets get something straight here. We care about Bill and we worry about her a lot. If there's anything you can tell us about how to help her when she's upset, we would really appreciate it." The red one, Hectorgon, yes that was his name, was leaning over my fish tank, speaking quietly.
My avatar blew bubbles.
"You're not very helpful." Hectorgon sighs. "Look, it doesn't matter. Bill may call you father but frankly I call bullshit. What kind of a father leaves his daughter to suffer like this? Shouldn't you do something about it? Why do you stay quiet as the multiverse as a whole scorns her? Do you know how much it hurts her whenever people treat her like a monster?"
He grits his teeth and trembles. "You know she actually BELIEVES them?! She really does think of herself as a monster. It isn't right!" He pounds the glass of my tank. "As a father it is YOUR DUTY to protect your daughter from something like this! So why don't you?! Why don't you protect that girl who loves you beyond everything despite how…NEGLECTFUL you are?!"
When he receives no response from my avatar he growls. "Well screw you! If you won't take care of your daughter, I will. I don't care how old Bill is. She's my kid now! I'll be here for her when YOU aren't!" He stomps off and refuses to talk to my avatar again.
Another time I found Pyronica attempting to threaten me.
"Look here you glorified newt! Bill has so many issues I can't even begin to list them. If you're his dad...shouldn't you do something to help? I mean, I guess you DO help since Bill always does better after he visits you...but STILL! You and that Oracle of yours obviously haven't been able to do enough to help him. And..."
She sighs. "And it's not like I know how to help him either. I don't know what he needs. Sometimes I GET him, and often times I don't. I don't know what I'm trying to ask you...just...lets all do our best to be there for him. He tries to hide it but I know he's still hurting himself. Should have figured Bill would be into self harm. That idiot."
She taps on the glass. "He's been doing better since the kids came along. They give him something to focus on. A distraction. But it's not gonna last. They're gonna grow up eventually. I worry that Bill won't be able to let them go."
She frowns but her shoulders were set in a determined line. "I'm not going to let Bill curse them with immortality. I've chosen to devote my life to him but I won't let my children be forced to do the same. They will live out their lives properly." She looks sad for a moment.
"I don't know if Bill will be able to let them go. I swear he loves my children more than I do." She sighs. "That's the problem actually. When Bill feels, he feels it with all his being. If he loves someone, he gives his whole heart to them, even when he doesn't have one. Bill needs to learn to let them go. You know they'll be turning 20 years old soon? Where did the time go?"
She smiles sadly. "It would be a good learning experience for him. Frankly, I don't care how old he is, Bill's too childish to be an adult yet. I don't know how old he counts as or whether he's capable of aging but he IS maturing. That's good news at least. Means he'll grow up eventually." She peers into the tank.
"It would be more helpful if you could talk and give us your take on this. But I guess just talking to you helps too? You're a good listener. I guess Bill got that from you? Ah shit, this means Time Baby is Bill's brother? Ew." She makes a disgusted face. "Gods are weird."
My avatar blows bubbles.
Another time it was the the amorphous shape who came to visit me. Bill's son. The only creature born within the Nightmare Realm that received a Soul. He doesn't say anything. He merely stares at my avatar unblinkingly for several hours. I am unsure what he wants. After the 6 hour mark he slowly reaches a hand/tendril into one of his blocks and pulls out a Snozzcumber. He proceeds to slowly peel the fruit with the tool he takes out of another block, still staring at my avatar unblinkingly.
After the fruit was fully peeled he tears off a small piece of it and drops it to the ground. He continues to do that until there was a pile of squished Snozzcumber pieces littering the ground underneath him as he floats in front of my tank. He didn't say a single word throughout this. He finally ran out of fruit to tear up, piles up the pieces to place back inside his block and floats backward away from my tank, never once breaking eye contact until he vanishes around the corner of the hallway.
I don't even try to understand what just happened.
The large demon, PaciFire I believe his name was, never visits my tank. In fact he scoots around it quickly. I am unused to seeing a creature so wary around me. It was a novel experience.
The large headed one, Keyhole, once came to me and asked about Bill's childhood. "I want to know what made Bill end up the way she is." He presses his face against the glass. "She's both really nice and also…" He shivers "…really scary. Shouldn't you…like…talk to her about that? Get her to find better ways to vent than torturing her enemies and eating them?"
He sits down in front of the tank. "Bill doesn't know this but…we can tell when she's killed someone. She gets more cheerful. Unnaturally so. It's unnerving. I think it's her way of trying to distance herself from it. Not that it helps. The guilt always ends up hitting her later. She'll be reading quietly in the living room and then suddenly start crying out of nowhere."
He curls in on himself. "It's really scary how we can't predict her moods. She's never hurt any of us during her 'fits'. No matter how upset she gets, she leaves before that happens. But I worry about the twins. Bill has been careful not to break down around them, at least she tries to. So like…can't you DO something about this? You're the AXOLOTL after all! What's the good in you being GOD if you don't even do your job properly?"
He winces. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound like that. It's just…we feel so powerless to help her. I know she's a demon and PaciFire even told us that for most demons, killing people is perfectly normal. The problem is that Bill feels guilty about it. It HURTS her when she takes the lives of others. But she still keeps doing it. It's like she can't help herself. We can't do anything about it, what are we supposed to do? Tell her that she can't do that anymore? Order her to stop?"
He shakes his head. "We may be her friends but even WE don't have that power. But you do. Don't you? You should. Right? Can't you…make her stop doing things that hurt her?" He slumps in defeat when my avatar remains silent. "Yeah, figures…" He mutters in resignation as he gets up and leaves.
The compass doesn't even try to mince words. "Fuck you." He says curtly every time he passes by my tank.
The Mouth just frowns at me. "I don't know what it's like to be a god. I don't know how hard it is for you to do your job maintaining the cycle of Life and Rebirth and all that, so I'm not going to judge your parenting skills. Bill says you took him in when he lost his family." He's quiet for a bit. "I'm assuming Bill gets that from you? The whole, taking in someone who needs help thing?"
He shrugs "I guess that counts for something. He obviously cares about you. So I guess I'm just here to say that I'm not gonna be mad at you like the others are. Even if Bill is pretty messed up, I don't know whether it can be blamed on your parenting, or lack of." He sighs. "I KNOW there's not much I can do to help him with his problems. I'm just here to to crack jokes to try and make him laugh. It's all I CAN do. Even though I want to do more. And maybe it's the same for you. Maybe you really CAN'T do more so I'm not going to blame you." the Mouth walks off quietly.
The green ogre taps on my glass. "Hey? Ah…can you hear me?" My avatar blows bubbles. "I'm gonna assume you can."
He scratches his head. "I don't really get why everyone is so mad at you. Like…you're really tiny. I don't know how they expect you to take care of Bill. You can't even leave this tank." He chuckles a little before his smile drops. "Um…sometimes Bill hurts himself and that's not cool. If you're his dad, can you make him stop?" When I didn't respond he taps the glass. "Huh…maybe Bill's actually crazy and thinks you're his dad."
I couldn't help but worry that Bill's friends don't seem to understand that he IS insane.
The purple one sometimes sticks his hand in my tank to drink some of my water. My avatar has snuggled up to his large fingers and he doesn't seem to mind. I am glad at least SOME of Bill's friends seem to like me. I don't particularly care either way, at least I shouldn't, but for some reason, I found myself a little…saddened that most of Bill's friends do not care for me.
I get visits from Bill and the twins pretty often. The female twin calls me "Tiny grandpa." and likes to bother my Avatar with numerous questions about anything that crosses her mind. The boy keeps freezing my fish tank.
It's a good thing I made my avatars capable of regeneration.
Bill seems to like having me here (even if he's still mad at me) and would sometimes turn himself into an axolotl as well to swim with me. I will admit it's nice. He tells me of his day and cuddles with my avatar. The children think it's cute.
Sometimes Bill comes to sleep beside me. He has been playing around with his newfound ability to sleep. His friends were very happy when they found out he could do that now. I keep quiet about how Bill still sometimes leaks weirdness when asleep. It was small amounts that dissipate into (relatively) harmless effects like changing the color of the objects in my tank. He hasn't realized it and I don't tell him. It would only stress him out more.
He has been working out protections and locks all through his Mindscape. He wanted to be able to meet Sebastian and the other Bill again despite my disapproval. "I won't interfere in their plots ok? I just want to see them again. I want find more friends out there." Bill had pleaded with me.
It was pure fortune that Bill hadn't found or stayed long with any of the worse Bills out there. Though 46'\-A Bill was...problematic. I believe he would be a terrible influence on Bill but he was fond of him. I wish to seal off Bill's Dreamscape for good but he would never forgive me. All I can do is hope Bill can handle himself. At the moment my avatar can only observe Bill's friends.
I have heard Bill talk about her friends often. Now I can see them. My tank is in the living room and from here I can see the entryway, the main area where everyone hangs out and down a few hallways. I watch them eat dinner while watching TV. I watch them play various tabletop games on the low-legged table. I watch them have pillow fights against each other, laughing and tumbling around. It looked...fun.
I'm relieved to see Bill's smile. The years passed and I watch Bill plan elaborate birthday parties for the twins (with homebaked cakes both delicious and horrifying) and the rest of his friends. I've even seen them make a surprise party for her. I was glad to see she was healing. The children really were good for her. I understand Pyronica's worries about how Bill would hurt when they inevitably succumbed to Death. I watch as the children grow older as everyone else in the household remained the same. Despite that, I know this is the right path forward.
I watch them bustle around getting the children ready for school. "Pyrone! Don't forget your bento!" Bill calls out. The now teenager groans. "Yeah, yeah."
He grumbles while his sister fussed with her backpack. "Mom~! Where's my Cross-Dimensional analysis textbook?!"
Hectorgon hops into the room with the large tome. "Sorry, I needed a footstool to reach something. The Cyclopian groans. "Really Uncle Hec? Uuugh!!!"
"Look, can we go already? If I'm late for homeroom again Mr. Dddzzi is gonna roast my ass." Pyrone grumbles. Bill gasps. "Watch your language young man!"
"I'm almost 60!" The teenager moans in frustration. Bill lights up in glee "Hello almost 60! I'm Bill!" He laughs as the teenager growls "Dammit Bill."
"How are you still late to class? I know for a FACT I'm dropping you two off early..." Bill stops laughing and squints at the boy suspiciously. Pyrone goes rigid and his ice cracks. Even from here I can tell how nervous he is.
"It's 'cause he sneaks off to make out with Annphony behind the school." Pynelope grins. Pyrone makes an angry sound. "Nelope! You promised you wouldn't tell!" Bill was immediately up in his face. "Who is this Annphony?! Never mind, I can look it up..."
"No! Bill don't!!!" Pyrone tugs at Bill's leg when he starts flickering. He flushes in embarrassment when Bill gasps. "A two-headed Gorion? You're dating a two-headed Gorion?!" Bill stares at Pyrone incredulously. She quickly corrects herself (it always amazes me how she will switch genders randomly, sometimes in the middle of a conversation) "Not that there's anything wrong with that!" She cries but Pyrone just groans, runs onto the Teleporter and flashes away.
"Wait! Pyrone I didn't mean it like that!" Bill wails as she Blinks away to catch up to him. Pynelope laughs loudly as her mother sighs. "Really Nelope? Do you HAVE to do this?" Pyronica gives her an annoyed look.
"Oh please, it's not like Bill wouldn't have found out eventually anyway." Pynelope shrugs as she slings her backpack on and saunters to the Teleporter. "Serves him right for outing me and Chod last month..."
"Chod tried to drug you dear. Your brother was worried." Pyronica sighs as she gets on the machine as well to type in coordinates. "Yeah, and Bill ripped Chod's spine out. In the middle of class! I'm NEVER gonna get a date in time for the Nebula Dance at this rate!" The teenager complains dramatically before the two vanished in a flash of light.
It's quiet again in the house and I settle down to sleep. I couldn't help but feel grateful that for all of Bill's many issues, at least I haven't had to deal with this.
The day Bill ever decides to date someone would be a true headache indeed.
---
Back to Bill's POV
I just don't know how to handle this. Pyrone still won't talk to me. All I did was do a background check on the girl he was dating...and interrogate her parents to make sure this wasn't some trick to seduce my precious baby boy for nefarious reasons. Apparently it upset her enough that she broke up with him.
He's been mad at me for the past week and I don't know how to apologize. Pyronica said I fucked up and she wasn't going to help with this. I flop onto the face plant couch and whine. Pynelope keeps complaining too. Something about how none of the guys in school are willing to talk to her after I got rid of her last boyfriend.
So they were both kind of mad at me about their lack of a date to this 'dance'. I tried to tell Pyrone that if that Annphony girl dumped him just from meeting his family, she wasn't worth it. He glared at me sullenly before stomping away. Ammy pats my back "They can't stay mad forever right?"
I slumped sadly. Is it wrong for me to scare away their partners? I know they're not good for them. It's not as if they were really in love or anything either right? You can't fall in love with someone that easily right? I rolled over to rest on my back. Where have the years gone? Part of me still thinks the kids shouldn't be allowed to date until they were at least 80. Speaking of which, their birthday was coming up soon.
Our birthday parties have generally been small family affairs. PaciFire and Teeth invite the other Demon Imps to theirs. Keyhole has once invited his old friends to try and patch things up with them (they were all adults now and had moved on from their self destructive teenage ways, it was actually a nice reunion). We celebrate at home or we go out to play. They've always been small parties with people we know. Lately though...
The twins didn't have many friends. I'm sure it's my fault and I feel really bad about it. They have invited their classmates to their birthday parties but generally, over the course of the day those kids would get weirded out and stop hanging out with them.
Also, once, a friend of theirs was actually a Federation spy whom I ended up terrorizing during the party...which probably didn't help the whole friend situation. Pyronica says I'm paranoid and over protective. Well I was also RIGHT so take that! It still made it hard for the kids to make friends. I keep in mind their safety was more important.
I sighed. They were both mad at me. I get why. But I was just...trying to help...
Is there any way to make them feel better? Actually. Yeah, I knew a way to make them forgive me. At least for their birthday. Even if it was gonna be difficult for my paranoia (does it really count as paranoia if I'm RIGHT?!).
"Hey kids..." I brought up during dinner. Pyrone was still pouting and continuing his silent treatment. Pynelope at least answered me. "Yeah Bill?"
"So I've been doing some thinking and I know I'm pretty...overbearing...all the time..." I admitted. Pyrone snorts but otherwise doesn't acknowledge that he heard me. "So I've decided...you two can invite whoever you want to your birthday party next week. I won't interrogate them or stalk them during the party and...I'll even allow them to wander the house-WITHIN REASON!" I hurriedly clarify.
Pynelope stares at me suspiciously. "Really?" She asks.
"Really." I nod.
She still looks skeptical. "Shake on it." She says. Everyone at the table stares at her in shock/horror. I blink slowly. "You...want a Deal?"
She nods. "I don't want a promise to leave my friends alone during the party. I want a Deal." She leans in to whisper menacingly "Or were you lying?"
I frown. "Fine then. But you'll need to give me something in return." The two of us stared each other down. Poor 8-Ball seemed distressed to be sitting between us. Ammy had already fled the room muttering about 'bitch fights' and Pyronica gave me a worried look.
Pynelope crosses her arms "What do you want?"
"Lots of things." I answer automatically. "But in this case...I want you to tell me whenever you're interested in someone so I can do a background check BEFORE you date them. No more seeing people behind my back."
She scowls. "Oh sure, give up my love life for ONE measly party? No way."
"It's not just for the party. It's...gonna be a thing now. I'm going to back off from your friends. And I'm not trying to ruin your love life, not that those assholes really loved you, I just want to know ahead of time before you try to date a goddam rapist." I hiss.
"Just 'cause Chod had sleeping pills doesn't mean-"
"He drugged and molested three other girls before you." I inform her sharply. "The only reason they haven't spoken up about it is because Chod took pictures of them and blackmailed them into silence."
She pales somewhat. Pyrone takes her hand for a comforting squeeze under the table. "B-but even so...you shouldn't have attacked him in broad daylight in the middle of school! None of the boys want to talk to me anymore!"
"I was simply sending a message. If those boys had no malicious intentions, they would have nothing to fear." I flicker red before returning to normal.
She shakes her head. "Well even so! I can't believe you did that." She pauses "Well, actually yes, I can believe you did that, I really shouldn't have been surprised." She groans.
"Are you two mad about me getting between you and finding a date because you're trying to find someone to love or are you both just horny and want someone to screw? 'Cause I can just make you two a construct built as per your tastes..."
The two of them blush hard ""BILL!!!"" They both cry in embarrassment. Oh hey, looks like Pyrone is speaking to me again.
"Look, I'm just saying. You're hormonal teenagers and you want to experiment. Your bodies are going through some changes..." The two were squealing in embarrassment and waving their arms, begging for me to shut up.
Pyronica was laughing uproariously. "Mom! Make him STOP!!!" Pyrone pleads to unsympathetic ears as my best friend continues to laugh at her children. No help was coming from her, which meant they were on their own.
"-and I'm sure you're feeling all pent up so you want to try out kissing and touching and-"
""Stop~"" the twins wailed, their respective elements flaring around them.
"If your sex drives are anything like your mother's then I can make a guess that you are seriously craving it..."
"I surrender! Please stop!!!" Pynelope moans into her hands. Pyrone was face down on the table and whimpering. "Shut up shut up shut up..."
Keyhole, being the kind and merciful one, says "Bill, I think they get your point." The twins sigh in relief when I back down. ""Thanks Uncle Keyhole."" He blushes at their heartfelt gratitude.
"Fine. You can check my future boyfriends...BUT, you cannot scare them away unless they are absolute scum." Pynelope says at last. She holds out her hand and I grin. "And in return, you guys can invite whoever you want to your birthday parties, now and future, and I, Bill Cipher, will not torture, stalk or otherwise make their time in our house a living Hell unless they are a threat to this family." Pynelope squints at me, going over the terms in her head.
"Alright, Deal." She grabs my hand and my fire flickers up our arms before vanishing. I shiver lightly. Well that's, that. "So...let's talk party planning."
I said "Bill Cipher" wasn't gonna be messing with the guests. I said nothing about anyone else.
---
As I suspected, the kids just sent out a general invite to everyone in their school. They wanted a huge wild party to show off. I was understandably anxious at the huge amount of strangers but a Deal's a Deal. I sealed up all the rooms that led to...places in the Death Star that I couldn't let anyone get into.
I also confiscated anything illegal and sent them to the Nightmare Realm in case we got another Federation plant sneaking in. I put so many safety precautions in place subtly in preparation for this. Protection runes carved along the walls, a psychic barrier around the entire ship/house...
Then I disguised myself. I couldn't use any of my usual forms since the kids know them well and even if I would be honoring the Deal by not having Bill Cipher messing with the guests, they'd be pissed at me. Therefore I had to make a new form to mingle with the crowd of other aliens.
I peered down at myself and wondered if anyone would be able to figure out who I am...
I mean...I kinda DID just turn my Jan-Jan form into a female and change my hair...
But my arm markings were (slightly) different! I'm definitely a different person! At least no one seems to have noticed anything suspicious yet. No comments on "Hey, you sure look like that famous pop star."
Instead, I just got hit on a lot.
I sighed in annoyance as yet another person came up to me and asked which class I was from. I got a cup of punch and sipped slowly. I should be fine with just one cup (of course it was spiked, the twins know where I keep the alcohol). If I can nurse this drink through the whole party I don't have to worry about getting drunk. I got some more food just in case.
There were so many people there that it wasn't strange for people to not know me. I slipped through the crowds of teenagers and scanned them for anything malicious. Found three Federation plants that weren't armed so I left them alone. There was one who WAS armed so I sauntered up to him, swinging my hips and grinning seductively.
"Well hello stud~" I purr as I pulled the flustered agent into a side room that wasn't there before and knocked him out. I grumble at the unconscious man. I poured some punch over him and disintegrated his weapon before leaving him there. The things I do to keep my babies safe.
I systematically dispatched of other unwanted guests in this way (2 more Feds with guns). It was slow work but I'm not gonna let dangerous people wander around the house. Those with malicious intentions, nefarious goals and other such problems were led away and taken care of. Most of them were the sort who tried to spike the food and drink with something worse than Alcohol. I eventually made a new room/holding cell to dump them all in. I will be having a stern talk with them later.
I leaned against the wall I had formed to seal them inside and sighed. The music was too loud. The bass beats were making my head hurt. The guests were spilling food and drink EVERYWHERE. I groaned and rubbed my temples. How much longer was this party going to last?
"Hey, you don't look so well."
I look up and nearly drop my cup. Pyrone was looking at me worriedly. I did catch him eyeing me up as well. I look away quickly. Well this is awkward. "I'm fine, just...head ache..." I mumble.
"Do you want to go to one of the side rooms to rest?" He asks. I shake my head. "Um, I'm ok. I'm just gonna go get some food..." I tried to walk around him but he continues to talk to me.
"I'm Pyrone. What's your name?" He grins as he walks with me. My mental mantra of Nope Nope Nope Nope, almost distracted me from bullshitting an answer. "I'm...Yun." I say, quickly making up a whole identity and backstory for this form I was currently inhabiting.
"Yun..." He says slowly. I panic internally as he brow creases. Please don't notice it sounds similar to Jan, please don't notice it sounds similar to Jan...
"That's a pretty name. A pretty name for a pretty girl." He grins. I almost face palm. Seriously? Kid, I'm sure you know better pick up lines than that.
"That's what everyone says." I try to sound as uninterested as inhumanly possible, hoping he would take a hint and leave me alone so I could escape. Sadly it was not to be as Pyrone continues to follow me to the food table. I groan "Look, Pyrone, it's nice to meet you and happy birthday to you but I'm not really interested."
"Oh. Ok..." He sounds sad. I catch the frustration on his face. "It's not you. I'm sure you're a very nice boy, you're just not my type." I tried to assure him. He scoffs. "That's what everyone says." He parroted my words back at me. I flinch.
He looked upset and was turning away. This was my chance to leave. But...
I sigh as I grab his shirt lightly. "Wait."
He turns back to me with a half-hopeful look. I sigh again. "This doesn't change anything but I feel like an ass. So. What's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong." He protests. I raise an eyebrow before pulling him over to an empty couch. "Sit." I tell him before doing so myself. "Seriously. What's wrong? I've seen guys get mad or disappointed when they get turned down but you look legitimately upset."
He frowns and bites his lip. I wait patiently, wincing whenever I hear another plate hit the ground. I am SO glad we don't have a carpet. I can see Keyhole and 8-Ball frantically cleaning any forming messes. I, as Bill, had informed everyone that as part of my Deal with Pynelope, I would be gone for the duration of the party. Everyone assumes I'm not here and were trying their best to run damage control before I 'get home'.
"Just say it to me straight. You don't want to get involved with me because of my family." Pyrone finally bites out. I blink slowly. "I'm not sure what you mean?"
"Don't play dumb! Everyone's the same! They find out that Bill Cipher's my...other-parent? 2nd mom? Whatever he is, and they don't want anything to do with me!" He growls. "It's not my fault Bill's so over protective! But it happens every time!"
I watch him fume and just felt guilty. I hadn't realized it was this much of a problem. "I'm sure...he just worries about your safety..."
He growls "I KNOW that! And that's the problem! My sis and I can't even make any real friends because everyone's too scared to get close! Bill goes off and terrifies their families and suddenly we're pariahs!"
"Oh...I...hadn't noticed..." I wilt in on myself. The other kids were always polite and friendly with them. Though aside from a few times here and there, I've never had them invite friends over...or be invited to hang out with any friends...oh fuck...I've screwed things up for them even worse than I thought. I sigh. Why do I always do this? I'm an awful parent...
"And the worse part is...he's RIGHT!" Pyrone groans. I blink. "Huh?"
"Anyone who approaches US. Those who come up to us and offer to be our friends or partners...turns out they're all spies or scum. I found out my last girlfriend was only dating me because she wanted Bill to go after her parents. After they were scared out of their minds she freaking dumped me and made some stupid excuse!"
I make a mental note to visit this Annphony girl in her nightmares tonight.
"So anyone who wants to be our friend has ulterior motives and...as much as it sucks...Bill is just protecting us...this party without him was a bad idea. I know most of these people only came for their own selfish reasons, not 'cause they care that it's my birthday..." He sighs. He glances at me and probably saw how uncomfortable I looked. "Sorry for laying all this on a complete stranger. Heck, for all I know, you're a Federation spy or something."
"I can assure you I am not." I deadpan before groaning. "Well this sucks. Is there no one who's ever approached you with a sincere offer of friendship?"
"The fact that I'm Bill's...sort of son, is common knowledge." He grumbles. "Heck, why are you even still talking to me?"
I sigh and play with my cup, creaking the plastic and watching the lights flash over the surface of the punch inside. "Because it's not fair." I tremble at the unfairness of it all. "You and Nelope are good kids. You deserve good friends." A tear falls into my cup. "Why does this always happen? Why do I always cause so much trouble for the people around me?"
"Yun? What are you talking about?" Pyrone frowns before seeing my eyes teared up. "Oh. Um...shit..." He looked around and grabbed some napkins from the food table. "Um...here?"
I take the napkin and bury my face in it as I sob. I'm always fucking things up for people. Always. Even when I'm just trying to help. Pyrone pats me on the back awkwardly. "I'm sorry I made you cry?" He apologized in confusion. I shake my head. "-not your f-fault..."
It's not his fault and this was unfair. I haven't done anything wrong. It's not wrong to protect my children. It SHOULDN'T be wrong to do so. The universe is just filled with awful people. It's THEIR fault. Their fault for being shallow, selfish and stupid.
How DARE they not want to be friends with my precious babies? I'm still trembling with my face covered, but now it was in rage. With shaking hands, I wiped my tears and growled. Dammit Bill, calm down. If I blow up here Pynelope would never forgive me. I take a few heaving breaths as Pyrone rubbed my back. "A-are you alright?" He asks.
I clench my fists tightly and hiss through my teeth. "I'm just...a little emotional right now...probably had too much punch..." I covered my eyes with a hand, I can feel them burning in a way where I know they've turned red with my anger. I tried hard to calm down but the thought that in the past 60 years no one has ever sincerely cared about my darlings just really pissed me off.
I stayed out of their social lives. I wanted them to meet people naturally. I thought that was the best course of action. Clearly I was wrong. My mind raced as I tried to think of a solution. Anyone who approaches THEM with an offer of friendship does so with ulterior motives. Meanwhile, all the normal kids avoid them because they're scared of me. Therefore, there must be some nice people who would have been good friends if not for their fear.
Fuck staying out of their social lives. I'm going to scan the entire student body and find the nice kids, drag them over here and make them introduce themselves. A course of action decided, I stood up "I must go. I'll be right back." Pyrone stares in confusion. "Um...okay?"
I had a mission. Find Pyrone and Pynelope some actual friends.
---
I suppose in retrospect, casual kidnapping isn't the most...conventional methods of friendship but that's how Zyun-Jan made friends and sort of how I did as well...so it MUST work. I fondly reminisce about how Zyun-Jan's high school experience involved approaching a random girl in a hallway, introducing herself, dragging her to the Anime club and deciding that they were gonna be friends from then on.
Ah, memories~
Most people here came for reasons OTHER than celebrating the birthday. A lot of them were being paid by various criminal organizations or government officials to try and find any dirt on me. Really, an invitation to Bill Cipher's house, while he wasn't there? It was a golden opportunity. The kids being paid off weren't necessarily bad people, they just wanted the money for their own different reasons.
Wanted to buy a new laptop. Had to pay medical bills. Wanted to save for college. Needed the Credits for another hit of Cosmic Crack.
I shook my head. Looks like there's some more people to add to the Discipline Pile™. Gonna need to make the room larger.
Despite all this, I managed to find and grab a couple of nice kids and dragged them behind me as I made my way back to Pyrone. The kids were all confused and a little terrified. What else is new? Pyrone looked taken aback when I walked up dragging three kids behind me, my fourth hand still holding my now empty cup.
"You, you and you. Sit down." I shoved them onto the couch and stood in front of the four teenagers. "Introduce yourselves." I demanded, folding my arms and frowning at them.
"U-um...what's going on right now?" One kid, a rather fluffy demon with gray fur and a long snout asked as he trembled, his tail wrapping around his arm nervously. I point to him. "Name yourself!" I demanded.
He sat up shock straight "M-my name is Beez!" He squeaked. I nodded and pointed to the girl next to him (a dark red Jo-Adian), she replied without prompting, saluting me as if I were a senior officer "My name is Flora!" I pointed to the last of my kidnapped victims, a bright yellow Binglebop who bounced and waved its arms happily "I'm Bibbity!" It squealed.
I nodded and pointed at Pyrone. "Introduce yourself to your guests, birthday boy."
He looked rather bemused "I'm...Pyrone."
"""Hi Pyrone.""" They chorused. Beez looked nervous, Flora was sitting straight and staring at him intently while Bibbity bounced in place happily.
Pyrone turns to me with a confused look. I sigh. "Well? Talk to each other. These are just random people at a party. They were dragged here by me so you know they're not the type who were approaching you for nefarious reasons." Also, I've already scanned them all "So you might as well try. If they turn out to be evil or something, deal with that when it happens. For now, your parents aren't here to fuck things up so just try and make friends." I huff in annoyance before walking off to do the same for Pynelope if she needed me.
Pynelope seems better than her brother at the whole socializing thing and was engaged in conversation with a bunch of other girls. They were all gossiping backstabbers but I could tell that Pynelope knew and she could take care of herself. I still made a mental note to find her REAL friends. Are these still real friends if I'm the one dragging them over to talk to each other?
Fuck it. I don't care.
I huffed as I dragged another unconscious body into the Discipline Pile™. Another assassin. A LITERAL assassin. Where the fuck are these assholes coming from?! I tossed her into the pile and dusted my hands off. I think a few more rounds of the house and I'll have all the real problems taken care of. Most of the other kids were just general teenage jerks but not a threat.
I stretched and felt my spine crack. Ooooh~that felt good. Ugh. I twisted my head around to get the cricks out of my neck. Ok. Back to the party. I'm getting hungry and I know for a fact I cooked plenty of burgers and hot dogs. I make my way back to the snacks table and find Pyrone and the other kids chatting quite happily. Bibbity was telling them about how their planet had been saved from invasion by a strange orange alien and a blue Zbornak. I hear Pyrone laughing and smiled to myself.
Please let this work out for them.
I shoved three hotdogs into my mouth in quick succession after putting on copious amounts of toppings (cheese, ketchup, mustard, ground boof, mushrooms, onions and shaved Gionko fruits) and moaned through my mouthful happily at the taste.
"Um...can you even breathe like that Yun?"
I turn to see Pyrone and his new friends staring at me. I quickly chew and swallow. "I was hungry." I said with a faint blush. Pyrone laughs. "You eat like my sister!"
I wipe my mouth with a napkin and grin. "Are you feeling better birthday boy?" He smiles wide. "Yeah! These guys are really nice. I didn't think talking with strangers could be so fun."
Flora comes over and shakes one of my hands. "I do not know who you are random stranger but I do thank you very much for allowing me to meet these other people."
Beez blushes at me and mumbles "I didn't think anyone would ever talk to me...so...thanks for dragging me over here."
"I was afraid that Pyrone would be a scary person but he's so nice! And so are all of you!" Bibbity squeals as it bounces up to hug the other kids and then me. I flinch and hold still, trying hard not to smack the happy alien away. That would be rude.
"I'm glad you were able to become friends. I wasn't sure just grabbing random people would have worked..." I rubbed my arm bashfully at the smiles they all sent me. Babbity patted the seat next to itself on the couch. "Do you wanna talk with us too?"
I see Pyrone's hopeful expression and I just couldn't say no. Praying that no one figures out who I am, I sat down with them as Flora started talking about the farm her parents worked on and how she was looking forward to starting her own once she grew up.
As the party wore on and I found myself genuinely having fun with these kids I wondered if this was a bad idea. Making up yet another identity. My friends knew about my others but only after they had kidnapped me and I dropped my transformation in front of them. Frankly, I didn't want to admit I was actually Bill. These happy friendly kids would immediately shy away from me if they knew.
And Pyrone might get mad at me for interfering with his social life.
It was with these worries that I decide to keep my mouth shut about who I really was. It was only for tonight after all. I laughed with these kids and ate more food. I spotted Pyronica and the others frantically cleaning the mess these children were making and made a note to let them have a good pampering after this. They were working really hard.
Then Teeth sets up the karaoke machine.
Ooh I wanna go sing~
Pyrone sees my face and laughs. "You like karaoke?"
"Who doesn't?" I grin as I run up to mess with the screen. Some other guests were crowding around too. I didn't get the first song but I put in my choice 'This will be the Day' from RWBY (or at least Jan-Jan's cover of it) and bounced in place excitedly. I might have gotten a little too into it.
When my turn came I lost myself in the music, taking out the stress from this party as I sang into the mic.
"They see you as small and helpless~They see you as just a child~Surprise when they find out that a warrior will soon run wild!!!"
Blue flame surged from me as I threw myself into the music.
"Prepare for your greatest moments~Prepare for your finest hour~The dream that you've always dreamed is suddenly about to flower!!"
If I were less distracted I probably would have realized the fuck up I made. But I was having too much fun. It's been an annoying day and I wanted to sing my feelings out. It wasn't until I finished my song and handed the mic to the next person that I noticed the shocked silence in the room.
"Um..." I awkwardly rubbed my arm when I noticed everyone staring at me. I see Kryptos and the others face palming. I look around nervously at all the kids. "W-what's up?"
"Wow!" Pyrone calls out loudly. "You must be a huge fan of Jan-Jan since you copied his dance and stuff perfectly!"
"Yes! I'm a huge fan!" I grabbed onto his excuse and ran with it. "I even got gene mods to get the extra arms and stuff!" I laughed awkwardly but the crowd seemed to buy it and start cheering.
"That was amazing! Did you get gene mods for the fire too?" One guy asks. I shrug "Yeah well, I wanted to get the full effect you know?"
After maneuvering my way out of the conversations I found myself faced with a very irritated Pyrone. I wince. "I can explain-" He holds up a hand to stop me. "Let's talk in one of the side rooms." He says with a flat tone.
I guiltily follow Pyrone to a side room I create, he frowns at the proof that I was actually Bill and enters. I close and lock the door behind us. This room came with two couches and I sat down nervously. Pyrone wasn't saying anything, just staring at me with a blank expression. I wiggle in my seat. "Um...sorry..."
"For what?"
"For being here I guess..." I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed.
"I cannot believe you." Pyrone deadpans. I wince. "You said you would leave this party alone. You made a DEAL!"
"I said Bill Cipher wouldn't be here." I corrected. "And he isn't. I haven't scared anyone off. I haven't caused a scene!" I protest weakly.
"And who were those 'friends' you found me? Were they constructs you made to make me feel better?! I knew it was suspicious that we got along so well!" Pyrone shouts angrily.
I blink. "What?! No! They're real people. I LITERALLY just grabbed the first people I found who didn't have any malicious intentions and dragged them over to you."
"Wait...Bibbity is real?" Pyrone looks taken aback. "I thought for sure they must have been some made up kind of person..."
"Yeah, their species DOES tend to come off that way..." I face palm.
"And I've never see Flora at school, there's no way I would have missed a girl that big." Pyrone questioned.
"Funny story, she's not from your school. A couple kids at your school passed on the invite to multiple other sectors..." I rolled my eyes.
"Is THAT why there are so many people here I don't know?" Pyrone gasps. "And what about Beez?"
I stare at Pyrone unimpressed. "Pyrone, honey...Beez has been in the same class as you since 3rd grade..." Poor boy really didn't stand out much huh?
Pyrone looked legitimately shocked. "Seriously?! Oh...now I feel like a dick..." He groans.
I pat his shoulder. "It's okay sweetie, most people haven't noticed he's there. It's why he has no friends. Everyone just kinda ignores him."
"So...they're all real people?"
"Yup."
"And...they want to be my friends? For real?" He asked.
"Beez has wanted to talk to you for years and never had the guts to, he thinks you're super cool (pun intended). Flora is here 'cause she doesn't get a lot of chances to make friends due to working on her family's farm all the time. Bibbity thought you were scary and now they know you're not...so, yeah. They want to be your friend."
I caressed Pyrone's face like I used to do when he was younger, it never failed to make him feel better. "And the best part, I approve of them. So you won't have to worry about me chasing them off."
He flushed and batted my hands away. "Stop that Bill. I'm too old for it." He mumbled in embarrassment.
"No matter how old you get, you're still my precious baby boy." I grin as I hugged him. His ice crackles. "Bill~" he whines. I laugh at his embarrassment.
"No, seriously Bill, you look like a hot girl right now and this is super weird." Pyrone pushes me away with a dark blue blush. I giggled at the way he was refusing to look at me. "You know, back when you were a child...you proposed to me." I teased.
Pyrone makes a disturbed face. "Ew. No way!"
"Yes way!" I cackled at his expression. "I panicked and threw you into the pond you know~baby's first rejection~"
He moaned and buried his face in his hands. I continue laughing until he shoves me off the couch. "S'not funny Bill!"
I rolled over on the ground and gave him a wide grin. He rolls his eye. "Can you change back now? It's weird to find you attractive."
"Can't. Not until the party's over. I made a Deal after all." I shrug as I get back up. "So...how're you feeling?" I brush my bangs out of my eyes.
He sighs. "A little annoyed at you...but um..." He rubs his arm and glances up at me "So you heard everything?"
"You kinda threw your heart out at me yes." My grin fades as my mood dropped.
He sighs again. "Well this is gonna haunt me for the rest of my life."
"What is? Letting me know that I accidentally ruined your life?" I asked softly. He stares at me incredulously. "No Bill! You haven't...you're not...auugh! This is why everyone worries about you!" I think he saw the confusion in my face because he groans. "Not everything wrong with the world is your fault. Sometimes, life is stupid and you need to stop blaming yourself for all of it."
"But it IS my fault in this case." I protest. "If I wasn't...if you weren't associated with me...you wouldn't have had so much danger. You wouldn't have had to worry about your friends being spies or assassins or whatever! You'd be able to grow up like a normal kid!" I felt my eyes burn and angrily wiped my face.
"You two were supposed to have a normal childhood." My voice wobbles as I wipe my face harder. "But I c-couldn't even do that much..."
"For the love of Grandpa, it's still not your fault that other people are assholes." Pyrone slumped over on his couch. "This is why mom worries about you..." He mutters quietly.
"What was that?"
"NOTHING!" He gets up and goes to unlock the door. "Hey~let's go back to the party."
"But we were..." I was cut off when he grabs one of my hands and pulls me up. "Look, Bill, despite everything, I actually enjoyed myself today. I might even have some friends. So long as you don't scare them off."
"I'll try not to." I sniff and materialized a napkin to properly clean my face off. "Ax, I really am a cry baby..." I moaned. Pyrone gives me a fond look "Nothing wrong with that."
I roll my eyes. "I am an over emotional wreck."
"You're OUR emotional wreck and we love you all the same." He smiles before frowning a little "Seriously, this feels so weird when you look like a hot girl. Can't you...turn into something else?"
I considered it before shrugging and shifting into a male. "Better? Or worse?" I asked. He groans "SO much worse. I can't have space idol Jan-Jan suddenly show up at my birthday party!"
"But are you less weirded out if I'm male?" I questioned. He shrugs "You're still hot either way but at least I'm used to Jan. Though it's always weird when my classmates are talking about how sexy you are..." He shudders and mutters something about everyone lusting after a sex-changing demonic chaos god and never realizing it.
"So no Jan-Jan?" I ask. He gives me an unimpressed look. "I know you're not that dumb Bill. You're just messing with me." I giggled because he's right. When he began pouting at me I rolled my eyes and turned into a little yellow Axolotl. He twitched. "Oh. Um...do you want me to put you with Grandpa?"
I nodded and floated over to land in his hands, wiggling adorably. He smiles a little and leaves the room, the loud music and terrible singing hitting us the moment the door opened. I wince. Right. The party.
Despite getting upset earlier...I was actually feeling pretty good. Pyrone...somehow did not blame me for fucking up his life. Now I just need to talk to Pynelope and see how she's faring. Later. Not right now.
I was kinda exhausted mentally from the evening and I wanted to snuggle with Ax for a while. Pyrone carries me over to the large tank (which had been covered in a tablecloth and used as another table) to drop me into the water. I drift down and swim over to Ax's avatar to snuggle.
I had plenty of worries. I wondered if Pynelope would be able to find friends. I worried if Pyrone could keep his. I worried over what to do with my prisoners in the Discipline Pile™. I worried over the after party clean up. Ax's avatar wrapped around me and blew bubbles. I relaxed in his embrace and told myself to put it out of mind for now. I can worry later.
Think of a positive, Pyrone has a chance for friendship and I haven't ruined his life completely. Also, I just now realized I maaay have been a little intoxicated...it would explain why I've been so...weird tonight. And dumb. Definitely dumb. What was I thinking going up on stage to sing and even do my dance with fire? Augh that was so stupid.
I settled at the bottom of the tank and sighed. I really shouldn't consume alcohol when around so many people. I rubbed my head and hoped I get over it soon so I can think clearly again.
---
The after party clean up wasn't AS bad as I feared. I ended up using my powers for most of it. I was mumbling grumpily the whole time. I should have a talk with them about respect and tidiness. I was back in my normal form as I pulsed with light and atomized the trash everywhere. My friends were helping. Even Pyrone stepped in to help.
Pynelope, as much as I hated to say it, is kinda lazy and did not want to help clean. To be fair, even if I forced her to, she was so bad at it that her help would just make more of a mess. Where did I go wrong with that girl? She's a brilliant child but absolute shit at anything practical.
I'm not even saying that she needs to learn to clean and cook 'cause she's a girl, this is an important life skill that ALL people needed. She can't even do the dishes and that is LITERALLY just rinsing the solid food off the plates and putting them in the dishwasher. It shouldn't be so hard.
As I cleared another patch of ground of all the trash, Pyrone comes up to tell me I can sit this out. "You're always cleaning. Let me do it. It was my party after all." I saw his determined little face and couldn't help my smile. "Thanks. I hugged him lightly. I will let him clean and then fix everything he missed afterwards.
As I was about to float away he pulled on my leg. Confused, I turned to stare at him. Pyrone had his eye averted and was blushing a little. "Hey. Um...thanks. For everything. Like...I know you're not my dad or related to me at all but you've always been here for me and...I really appreciate everything you do for us..."
He pulls me in for a hug. "I love you Bill." He says quietly. I hugged him back, feeling strangely full and...happy. "I love you too my little icepack."
He laughs. "I'm too old for nicknames." I grin even as I wiped the fresh tears. "You're never too old for nicknames." I hugged him close and sighed. "My little icepack's growing up..."
He groans but still smiles fondly. "Yeah well, that's life."
"....have you and Pynelope thought about my offer?" I asked quietly. He makes a pained face. "Bill. I...I love you. You're like a 2nd mom...but I can't stay with you forever."
I slumped. I knew that but...
"I just don't want to lose you." I whispered. He hugs me tighter "It's just how it is. Mom says that nothing is supposed to last forever. And even if you can make it so, that doesn't mean you should."
"That's not fair." I whined. Pyrone laughs. "You sound like a kid sometimes Bill. The world isn't fair. We all know this. I know that you know this too."
"Doesn't mean I can't try to cheat the system." I grumble.
"And piss off uncle Time Baby!" Pyrone laughs. I pout. He laughs harder so I roll my eye and float away. "Well get to cleaning I guess~" I pouted harder as I left.
Part of me still wanted to forcibly keep my babies forever. Every birthday that passes that desire grows stronger. I know it's wrong. I can't just keep making everyone immortal. I slip off to the Nightmare Realm to calm myself. Too many emotions for one evening, need to bleed this out and meditate. If I betray their trust and trap them with me forever...they'll never forgive me. I was incredibly tempted to do that right now and I knew I had to distance myself.
Even now I'm amazed my friends have forgiven and accepted that I was binding them to my side for all eternity (or at least until the end of time). Jorgio was growing old, he and Nartina had a son and daughter who were already being groomed to take over the familia. The construct spies I've got inside the Federation were getting old as well.
Everyone's growing, aging, changing and I just want everything to stay the same. Is that so wrong?
I shake my head, don't think about it. I'm not in denial, I'm just not gonna worry about it. It's not the same thing.
---