Bab 44: -HOW IS THAT EVEN *$&##& POSSIBLE?!-
—
The earth has calmed down and life was forming!
Eeeeeeeeee!!!!
I stare intensely at the microbe. Much like the other one I saw eons ago, it was kinda boring. Just a single celled organism wriggling around in the water. "Grow up soon." I whisper to it. "Grow and multiply. Mutate and evolve. I'm counting on you little guy. Ok?"
The microbe just wiggled. It can't hear or understand me but that's ok. It was LIFE. That's the greatest thing it could be for me. I wanted to stay and watch it grow. But a watched pot never boils or some shit like that. I don't particularly believe that but I should still leave the Earth alone. I shouldn't interfere with it's development. Not until humanity evolves at least.
I was too afraid I might throw off evolution and prevent humans from coming to be. That's why I'll keep my hands off the Earth. I give the microbe one last glance before Blinking away.
---
I don't know who or what I can blame for what I did. I could blame my boredom. I could blame my frustration over the argument (negotiation) I just had with Time Baby over my rights concerning the Earth. The Earth was MINE! I've waited SO LONG for this and I will NOT let Time Baby stick his greedy little fingers all over it! Unfortunately negotiations didn't go well. Time Baby was still allowed to plan out the fate of the Earth. It's timeline and all that shit. I was LIVID. Fuck no. The 3rd Dimension was MINE! I fuckin' created the damn place! Unfortunately, Time Baby pointed out that the fact that Time passes in the 3rd dimension was because of HIM and I NEEDED him if I wanted the Earth to continue to age and grow and develop. I had no choice but to allow it.
But regardless of the reasons, I did something incredibly stupid and cringe-worthy.
I became a pop star.
Ok there was a clear line of cause and effect that led to my situation. I didn't set out to become a pop star. So how did I become a pop star with my own manager and fully booked concert? I even got registered with my own Federation citizenship ID (the rules for citizenship have become much more lax, I'm pleasantly surprised at some of the reforms Time Baby has been pushing through).
Well it all started when I was working through another session of angry cosmic fury after my argument with Time Baby. I had decided to sing and dance my energy out in an attempt to find a less destructive way to cool down. Even if my whole 'Get along better with my big brother' plan didn't pan out, I wanted to at least try for 'Less destructive ways of letting off stress' instead. I settled myself down on a random magma based planet so my heat wouldn't cause more problems. Now as much as I find my triangular form adorable, my voice isn't...the nicest thing to hear. Even ignoring the echo effect, my voice...Bill's voice can be described as nasally at best and ear grating high pitched screaming at worse. My HumanBill form still had Bill's real voice and Miz's form didn't have the vocal range I wanted to play with. So I decided to create a new form with different vocal chords.
Just for fun, I turned myself into a sexy alien bishounen and just spent a good few minutes drooling over myself in front of a materialized mirror. I may have 'explored' this new form thoroughly (so very, deliciously thoroughly) which actually helped a LOT in working out my frustrations (that might explain a lot...maybe I'm just horny?) until I was calm enough to actually enjoy myself as I sang my heart out.
"Kurayami ni magireru muishiki no mukou de~"
During my song I threw fireballs around me in a beautiful display of swirling flames as I danced without a care just to work off more energy. It was the most fun I've had in a while. I was so distracted that I didn't notice I had an audience.
When I heard pleased cheers after my song ended and found a whole crowd of strange looking fire elementals (a quick scan of their minds revealed they were called Sinderith, a species that evolved near active volcanoes, their language contains 2 dialects between male and females and they were fascinated by my music) who were enthusiastically applauding my performance.
It was one of the few times anyone has reacted positively to me. I blame that for the decisions I ended up making. I was so startled by them that I'd accidentally given them my real name (Jan) when they asked for it. So through a long series of terrible choices I ended up agreeing to go back to their city capital to perform in front of their king. The king loved it so much they offered to let me stay on as the royal entertainer. I was brought along during one of the King's diplomatic meetings with another race...it kinda snowballed from there.
Macross really got it right. Aliens go nuts for human music.
I look at myself in the mirror. The male humanoid form I had chosen was quite pretty in my opinion, of course it was, I'd designed it for my own tastes after all. I use the term 'human' loosely. I had 4 arms, a slender figure and my skin was a warm brown color with swirls of pitch black covering my arms and legs. My hair was a thick mess of golden curls framing blue eyes. I guess it was a good thing the form I chose wasn't fully human. Miz already caused enough confusion.
I was dressed in a revealing tunic made of a shimmering blue material with golden ribbons around my shoulders. Being able to shapeshift my own clothes was useful, I'll say that much.
"Jan. The concert will be starting soon." A large Ocgoplge called out, he's my current manager, Ivanlock. My last manager tried to force me to do something I didn't want and was fired immediately (in the literal sense). I didn't care about promoting myself or doing publicity stunts. All I wanted to do was sing because it was fun stress relief, earning money is just a bonus. I don't need a manager for that. The only reason I even have one is so they can handle all the booking and ticket sales when I feel like giving a performance. Jan-Jan had a reputation for being incredibly fickle and running to his own schedule with no regard for anyone else.
I sigh and ask myself once again how the fuck I got into this situation. It was almost funny how much the universe loves Space Idol Jan-Jan and how much they hate Bill Cipher. I pout at my reflection and swoon slightly. Is it narcissistic to find myself incredibly attractive?
To be honest. I do love performing in front of a crowd. I grew up with parents who loved karaoke. I have fond memories of dad making me sing in front of his friends and customers at the restaurant.
I love blasting music out of a modified madness bubble that pumps out sound instead of nightmares. I love being able to just fling fire out into the audience and have them cheer instead of run screaming. I make the swirling flames resemble a Touhou boss fight since that was the only reference I have on making flashy displays of color. It was a lot of fun. The fact that setting everything on fire helps 'feed' my destructive needs is a nice bonus.
Even if I cringe at being called a Space Idol...
Why shouldn't I have fun? I deserve to do something for myself now and then right? After all the shit I've gone through…you know what? Fuck it. I LOVE singing and dancing. And I'm gonna treat myself! I'm just gonna keep going out there and having FUN!
It's Showtime~
---
I've been calling up Handsy more and more. While I loved performing as Jan, my manager was a pain to deal with. Add that to my worry and anger over Time Baby's smug face when he claimed his piece of Earth...
Yeah, I really needed this.
I moaned softly as Handsy gave me a thorough scrub down. He recently started asking to try new things with me. They all felt good so I told him to go ahead. Sponge baths, full body massages, heated rocks and a few...weirder things. Like today's session when he pulls out...
"No. No needles." I pulled the towel higher up around me.
"You do not like acupuncture?"
"I will not let you stick foreign objects inside me." I correct him.
"Are you afraid of needles?" He wonders as the hands making up his face shift into a 'frown'.
"I'M NOT SCARED!" I cried "I just...don't like needles!"
"You are...hyperventilating..." Handsy pointed out.
I was. Well, sort of, I don't breathe but I instinctively fake doing so. I'm guessing the 'sounds' of breathing are just some odd projection of my emotional state. Either way, I backed away from the long, sharp, pointy needles in his hands.
"Alright. We will not be trying these." He slowly put the tools down and closed the box. I didn't relax until he'd packed the box away safely inside his bag, out of sight and far from me. "See? They are gone now." He says in a soothing tone.
The only one here in the room with us was Xanthar. He rubs against me comfortingly. I snuggle into his side and calmed my panic.
"I'm NOT afraid of needles." I pout. Handsy had the gall to laugh at me. "It is alright Bill Cipher, most people don't like needles. We can try something else today." He pulled out a bottle and I settled back onto the bed. I continued to pout as he squeezed out some substance from the bottle. Things started out well, the gel was cool and soothing on my bricks as he rubbed it in.
"Ah!" I cried loudly as the new experiment he's trying out reacted oddly and I felt like I was burning up all over. I moaned as my bricks tingled and when Handsy tried to touch me I arched violently at the feeling. "Ffffffuck!!!" I panted. My bricks felt overly sensitive and to my embarrassed horror, I realized I was incredibly turned on.
"N-no! Wait! Sssstop!" I hissed as I desperately tried to keep my piece from reacting. No luck, I pulled the towel over my bottom half to hide my growing erection but only succeeded in rubbing the fabric against my bricks and crying out at the feeling. It was amazing. Fuck. What was in that gel?
Winserthian Aloe...from Dimension 6-W Delta...
Shit it was hard to think, I shuddered violently and Handsy was frozen in place, staring at me in what might have been confusion? I couldn't focus.
...the plant has restorative properties but has side effects of causing over sensitivity in areas it touches...
Pyronica had run into the room (a special area I ended up creating for the sole purpose of my personal relaxation time) when she heard my cries getting louder and more desperate. "Bill? What's wrong?!"
I writhed on the bed, moaning loudly as even the slightest movement caused intense sensations shooting through every inch of my body. "Nnnngh~"
...it was prized for it's medicinal effects but aside from helping restore the skin...
Pyronica snarls as she grabs onto Handsy. "What did you do to him?!" Her flames fanned out behind her. As Kryptos had said, the older something was, the more powerful it gets. Pyronica was pretty much a minor goddess on her own by this point. Her flames had grown hot enough to melt through metal if she tries.
...many people liked to use it for it's side effects...
"Wa-wait! I didn't mean for this to happen! It wasn't supposed to do THIS!" Handy cried in fear as Pyronica's flames seared at him. Xanthar tried to soothe me but panicked when his touch only made me scream louder.
...as an aphrodisiac...
I reached a hand under the towel to grab my piece. I don't know how much more of this I could take. My vision was spinning as every inch of me was screaming out in pleasure.
---
(Pyronica POV)
"What was it supposed to do?! What the FUCK were you going to do to Bill?!" I demand. Kryptos and the others rushed in, hearing the commotion.
"I-it's a mild aphrodisiac....it's not supposed to do...THAT!" Handsy gestures to the triangle's shaking form. "It's very mild! It was only supposed to...get him in a good mood..." He whimpers when I just get progressively angrier.
"And just WHAT were you planning to do by getting Bill 'in the mood'?!"
"I was hoping to...ask him out..." Handsy says weakly. I stare at him in disgust.
"Um...I think Bill's humping the table..." Teeth says awkwardly. I look over to see that yes, my best friend was indeed rocking his body into the massage bed and moaning loudly. His eye was unfocused and it didn't look like he was aware of his surroundings anymore.
It was worrying.
"What should we do?" Ammy asks, worry seeping through his usual bland tones.
"We get out of here and give Bill his privacy." I growl out before dragging Handsy with me. The others follow quickly, afraid and worried. "Hey...Bill won't come after US for relief right?" Kryptos whimpers.
"Oh course not!" I snap, carefully hiding my own worries about such a thing. I KNOW Bill would never do such a thing to anyone, but he wasn't in his right mind and that scared me. If he really did come for us...
No. I can't let that happen, both for our sakes AND Bill's. If he hurts any of us...he would never forgive himself. I bite my lip and think. Should I get everyone out of the house like that last time Bill became dangerous?
Augh! Why am I the one in charge whenever shit like this happens?! I'm not that smart! I don't know what to do! But the others were looking to ME for direction. For what to do. I looked down at their anxious faces and suddenly found myself emphasizing with Bill's complaints about feeling like a mother.
Oh for the love of-
"How long is that shit supposed to last?" I asked the mildly burnt Manyhand. He gasps in pain. "Only a half hour..." He says.
That's good. Or bad. The drug was apparently reacting differently to Bill then it was supposed to so there's no telling how that might affect it's duration. Fuck. I don't know how this shit's supposed to work!
"Kryptos!" He jumps when I turn my attention to him. By this point we had gotten to the living room, the teleporters were close by if we ended up needing to evacuate. "Explain what that stuff's supposed to do."
"Well...most aphrodisiacs come in one of two types of effects. The ones that effect the body by stimulating the areas to enhance se-sexual p-p-pleasure..." The compass blushed heavily. "And the other kind that messes with your head."
I turn back to Handsy. "Which kind was this?"
"B-both..."
I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach. Well that would explain why Bill's having such a strong reaction. I may not know much about that nerd stuff that Bill and Kryptos are always yammering about but I do know one thing.
Bill is a severe light weight with alcohol.
I know that alcohol messes with people's heads. I don't have any proof but I think Bill is weak to things that affect the mind. Alcohol and weird drugs like this would react more strongly to him than with anyone else. Which means we don't know for sure how long this is gonna last.
I slammed Handsy into the wall viciously, I felt quite satisfied at his cry of pain. Serves you RIGHT fuckwad! "I can't believe you! Bill trusted you enough to let you close to him, let you TOUCH him and you fuckin' do shit like THIS!"
I slam him into the wall again. Despite the violence of my actions, none of the others protested or tried to stop me. I look over to see Teeth grinding his...teeth and looking angrier than I've ever seen him. He sneered in satisfaction when Handsy groans in pain.
Ammy's eyes were narrowed and his blocks flickered with a faint reddish light. Well, he WAS Bill's son after all. Kryptos and Hectorgon were glaring at the whimpering man I was beating up. There was a vicious glint in Kryptos's eye as the two of them made no move to stop me.
I abruptly realize something. "Where's Xanthar?!"
There's a dawning horror over all of us. I shove Handsy at Hectorgon. "Hold him. Make sure he doesn't try to escape." I took off down the halls, my shoes tapping on the dark stone floors as I ran. Shit. Shit. Shit!
How the FUCK did we forget Xanthar?! He's the size of a small house! Praying that the loaf was ok, Bill would be DEVASTATED if anything happened, I rushed into the room and stopped dead in my tracks.
A cute young boy(girl?) was mewling adorably as s/he nuzzled their face against Xanthar's arm while furiously jerking off under a towel. It took a few seconds for me to process that it was Bill's voice coming out of this stranger's mouth and that despite my worse fears Xanthar looked perfectly fine. A little disgruntled at the horny god leaning against his arm but otherwise unharmed.
Right. Bill is a shapeshifter. I examined this form he'd taken. A young looking Cyclops-like creature, not one of my own species but similarly shaped, with arms, legs and a torso...there were some bricks jutting out of his(her?) chest that they were groping with a thin hand. Their other hand was moving quickly along their crotch under the towel draped over their waist.
I stood there, unsure what to do. Xanthar didn't seem like he was in danger. In fact he was half curled around the furiously masturbating boy/girl as if trying to shield him/her from view. I couldn't help a quiet laugh. Of course Bill would never hurt Xanthar.
Since it looked like Xanthar was handling this fine on his own, I quietly made my way out of the room and back to the others. Even as I felt relieved that Bill was being taken care of, I couldn't stop one small worried observation.
The form Bill had taken looked quite young.
---
(Back to Bill's POV)
I groaned. I was exhausted...and yet I felt extremely satisfied? I was lying on something soft that I quickly identified as Xanthar's fur and as I sat up I realized something important.
I was in my William form. Naked.
Well, to be fair, I was always essentially naked as Bill but this was different! My genitals were clearly in sight while I'm like this. I saw a towel nearby and quickly wrapped it around my waist. Xanthar shifts when I get up and I flush dark orange.
How long have I been naked and lying on top of Xanthar?! What the FUCK happened earlier? A quick check down at myself showed that my Piece was gone. There was a hole in the ceiling so at least that's one mystery solved. Fuck. What happened?!
I groaned. I felt sore all over.
"Xan?" I gasped. My throat was dry, ugh. The problem with altering my anatomy into something humanoid. I had a throat TO get dry. I was still somewhat out of it as I stumbled around and Xanthar quickly came over to let me lean against his side. I pressed a hand to my head. Ugh. My pelvis ached. My chest ached.
Xanthar sent me comforting waves of emotion that helped somewhat. I flickered through some images to try and figure out what happened. Handsy was here and he wanted to try something new and...
I pressed a hand to my mouth and gagged. Oh no. Oh FUCK. I shuddered. Did he?! Was he going to?! I gasped and let out a soft sob. Thank god my friends got there before anything happened. I felt gross. My hand trembled as I clutched onto Xanthar's side. He felt soft and I buried my face into his fur, shoulders shaking.
He reaches up a hand to hug me but I flinch and he quickly lowers his hand to stand perfectly still as I sobbed. His 'worry' was quite pronounced. After a bit I finally calmed down, hiccuping softly. Well, now that I've gotten that out of the way...
My skin gradually shifts from a pale yellow to dark red. I let out a low growl as I considered what had happened. Handsy betrayed me. He betrayed my trust. Snarling and sprouting claws, I stomped off to confront him. I knew he was still here, Pyronica made sure he wouldn't be able to escape before I could DEAL with him.
I absently remembered to give myself pants before leaving the room.
---
To say my rage was great would be an understatement.
To say I stormed into the room would be an understatement.
I was FUCKIN' outraged as I thundered my way into the living room like a natural disaster. A flaming pillar of heat and ire.
"YOU~" I snarled as I saw Handsy tied up on the couch.
"Bill! You're alright!" Pyronica sighs with relief as Kryptos points at me in confusion. "That's Bill? Why does he look like that?"
As Pyronica explained my shapeshifting abilities, I stomped up to Handsy and roared in his 'face'. "Do you have anything to say before I tear you to pieces you absolute piece of shit?!"
"I di-didn't think it would effect you like that..."
"Wrong answer."
I didn't kill him. I didn't even really hurt him. He was already injured heavily (I suspect my friends had something to do with that) and I didn't want to purposely dirty my hands with his blood. Besides, from what I can 'see' he wasn't planning to ACTUALLY do anything to me. He was planing on making me feel 'good' and then asking me out.
He wanted to be allowed to touch my wonderfully smooth skin more often and intimately. I shudder. That's actually super creepy. I shouldn't have let things get this far. Or rather, I shouldn't have let a man who was sexually aroused by touching me, touch me.
It seemed obvious in retrospect.
So no, I didn't kill him. You can't suffer once you're dead unless your Soul gets sent to one of those Hell dimensions. I wanted to ruin him. Ruin his life. I tore into his mind viciously. He screamed in agony and his hands spasmed around, trying to fight off something that cannot be physically touched.
I wasn't going to mess with his free will, I was just reconnecting certain parts of his mind together. Replacing every personal pronoun he would use to refer to himself with other words and phrases (like 'asshole' or 'rapist'). Altering his ability to feel pleasure into nausea. Making it so that his dreams would be filled with an endless loop of It's a Small World After All.
I am one cruel mother fucker.
As my flames died down and I stared impassively at the twitching man before me, I felt Teeth walk up and hesitantly ask "Bill? Are you...ok?" I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Yeah, I'm good."
"So...why do you look...like that? Not that it looks bad! Just..." Teeth sputters. I laugh and turn to face my friends. "Well I originally made this form because I was curious what I'd look like as a human, didn't really work out but I thought it was cute enough."
"What's a human?" Hectorgon asked.
"A species that doesn't exist yet." I shrug. I notice Kryptos was staring at me intently. I self consciously cross my arms over my chest. "Wh-what?" I flushed.
"Why'd you shift into this form? Doesn't it take concentration to completely restructure your atomic make up? I doubt you could concentrate under the circumstances."
"Oh, well once I create a set form, I can shift into it automatically." I can 'Save' things to pull up later. Much like my Copy/Paste skill. I'm still working on an Undo effect. Purposely tailoring my powers toward keyboard shortcuts was a work in progress. Cut and Paste works but is rather dangerous. Mental note, make a larger clipboard that holds onto things I Copy or Cut.
"Well I'm just glad you're alright." Pyronica comes up to pat me on the shoulder and I flinch violently away from her. She freezes, eye wide as I take a small step away. "Bill?"
"Oh boy, it sure is chilly in here. I should probably go put on a shirt." I say as I try to pretend nothing happened. Pyronica narrows her eye at me.
"Bill, what's wrong?"
"What? Nothing's wrong. What are you talking about?"
"Really?" She says suspiciously before stepping up and reaching a hand towards me. I side step it, shivering faintly. She looks worried now. In fact everyone was.
"Bill, are you...afraid of being touched?" Pyronica asks.
"Whaaaat~no~" I laugh. "I just don't feel like being touched right now is all~"
"Bill this is serious." Pyronica says anxiously. She looked incredibly sad.
"I'm FINE. Everything's fine!" I insist. I step back to wrap myself around one of Xanthar's legs. "See? Touching. No problem here."
Ammy frowns. He floats up to me, I watch him with a bemused smile. He holds out one of his hands to me. "Can I have some flames?" He asks. I laugh and gently grasp his hand. "See? I'm fine." Everyone relaxes slightly.
Ammy pulls his hand back and then without warning he curls his hand around my wrist. I squeak and shake my hand to dislodge him, shivering as I jump back.
There is absolute silence in the room. I was tense, my shoulders hunched up defensively. Ammy lowers his hand. "You are NOT fine." He concludes.
Hectorgon had gone pale. "This is worse than we thought."
Pyronica curses loudly, looking upset. Teeth is slack jawed. Xanthar is still holding himself perfectly still even as he trembles lightly with 'distress'.
Kryptos however...
"This is all YOUR fault!" He screams at Handsy before kicking him in the funny bone. The Manyhand cries out in pain. Kryptos rears his foot back to deliver another vicious kick. No one stops him, not even me.
---
I didn't want to admit I had a problem.
I didn't like having this...weakness.
As for Handsy, everyone took turns beating him up before we dumped him in the dimension of skin diseases. I wanted nothing more to do with him.
But my denial did nothing to stop the problem. I was jumpy and anxious. I was upset, stressed and prone to random emotional break downs (more often than usual). Pyronica tried to get me to talk about it but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Hectorgon sat me down one day and talked to me. He didn't make me talk about the elephant in the room but he DID just chat about simple topics.
During our conversation he held out his hand and I slowly took it. I trembled the whole time but tried my best to push down my own unease. Ammy would ask for my hand more often. Xanthar would shuffle up and seek out hugs. While I still refused to outright admit I was traumatized, I still tried to 'get better'.
I went to Jessie and slowly embraced her. She could tell something was wrong but when I refused to talk she just sat quietly and let me take the comfort I wanted from her. I shivered and clutched her robes. I can get over this. I'm not a kid. I'm not...weak...
"Miz?" Jessie asks quietly.
"Hm?" I mumbled as my arms shook.
"You don't have to force yourself to hold me when it causes you such fear."
"I'm not forcing it..." I whimpered into the cloth.
"What has happened to scare you so?"
"I'm not scared..." I mumbled.
"It's sad how terrible you are at lying. Are you not a demon? A trickster?" She sounded rather amused.
I laughed. "I'm a great liar! I don't know what you're talking about Jessie~" She rolls her eyes at me. "Then kindly explain why you look like it is taking all you have to remain by my side when normally you need to be pried off by force?"
I had nothing to say to that. I tried to relax. Being around my friends normally bought me comfort. I didn't want to be so...scared...around them. I went out of my way to hug them even against my own anxiety to try and pretend nothing was wrong. My breath hitches and I let out a whine as I tried not to acknowledge it. Jessie tries to give me a pat on the back but I just flinch away violently and whine louder.
"...who has hurt you?" She whispers as she watches me tremble. "That...bastard's already been dealt with." My voice cracks "But how do I fix this? Why does it still bother me?" Jessie was quiet for a while. "This isn't something that can be fixed so easily. Especially not if you won't tell me what's wrong. It's something you have to heal from."
I knew she was right but I was still upset that this was going to be a slow recovery.
It took years for me to be ok with my friends touching me. They would ask for my permission first, moving carefully and slowly, staying within my sight. I still can't handle surprise touches. I once threw Teeth into a wall because he bumped into me while playing in the halls.
I apologized profusely and he was unharmed but I still felt terrible about it. Soon it was like everything was back to normal, almost. There was still a worried tension in the air and sometimes my friends were a little TOO careful around me but for the most part it was life as usual.
If time can heal all wounds then I hoped Time Baby would grant me the mercy to heal from this. I'm sure even HE wouldn't be mean enough to deny me this.
---
PERTIMBANGAN PENCIPTA 
Mlzuum4
Mlzuum4 I confess I'm using this as an excuse to give Bill/Jan a sexy human form...
Also, you don't understand. There is a karaoke set up in my dad's restaurant. Sometimes he'll turn it on while customers are still eating and run around with the mic to see if any of them want to sing too. The karaoke isn't a service at our restaurant, dad just wants to be able to sing during work.