Bab 18: Changes
Harry POV:
My life is strange. That thought has been prominent for the last year or more. Ever since the stranger made contact with me, my life has been surreal. In less than a month, all of my bones were fixed and I no longer looked deformed when I looked in the mirror. I could write properly! The stranger had explained what they were doing to me when I was asleep and at first the whole thing freaked me out.
I wasn't scared considering that if they wanted to harm me, they would have done it already. However, the idea that someone was sneaking into the house every night and feeding me strange concoctions was a little unnerving. I got used to it however. Sometimes in those early days, I would stay awake to try and see who it was that was helping me.
It never worked. I would always feel a sudden and intense drowsiness before waking up in the morning. I was told it was a sleeping charm. Apparently you can resist it with mental defenses, but at that point I hadn't developed them sufficiently, having only just begun the art.
Once my bones were healed, I started finding a range of small vials containing disgusting potions in my cupboard every morning to counter malnutrition and promote growth and different creams for scars. My scars are all but gone now! Like I was warned, there are a few silverly lines on my back and legs, but for the most part they're gone along with all lumpy scar tissue. It felt liberating and i'm extremely happy at the outcome.
There were many potions to take. I needed a nutrient potion once a day, an appetite stimulator before every meal along with a stomach soother after eating. On top of that I needed a daily dose of digestion boosting potions as well. I eventually developed a tolerance to disgusting tasting things from neccessity.
On top of all that, was the amount of food I needed to eat. In order to catch up to where I should have been, my body needed all the nutrients it could possibly get along with tonnes of energy.
With the pendant and ring that were stuck to me, I was now able to make my own food but even so, I often found full meals on fancy chinaware sitting in my cupboard. It was hard to eat at first. I simply didn't have a large enough apetite even with the potions to help, but it quickly got better. My height started shooting up and I started to fill out as well. The most startling change however was simply how much energy I had.
It always baffled me how the other kids at school could barely sit still, but now I know. I often need to be doing something or I get restless. Luckily I had plenty of things to do. The linked journal that was given to me opened up a whole new world. I would often sit on the swings and read for hours in the park, or climb the trees there and doing the same.
They had delivered on their promise and then some. There were so many books that were copied into the journal covering a wide variety of subjects. My favourite however was magical theory. Not because I particularly like the dry content, but simply because other than occlumency, it's the closest I can get to magic right now.
In addition, we have had many discussions, especially about recent history. I was given an in depth education about the recent history of magical Britain along with a general overview of all history, both global and British. It's never going to be my favourite subject and I often wanted to do something else, but I was told quite firmly that I needed to understand the world I came from and would be rejoining.
Eventually I just sucked it up and did as I was told. It was a lot to take in as well. The recent history of magical Britain is complex. The motivations behind the different factions in the war, their leaders actions and decisions along with their own motivations. How the country was affected at different levels and as a whole. All of it was taught to me in depth. Other history was touched upon as well, but not to the same extent.
It wasn't fun learning all this, but I soon understood the need for it. A lot of this information I wouldn't have known for a long time without the stranger and would affect my life as soon as I return. Interestingly, I could tell that the stranger wasn't very interested in the subject either as during our discussions he would be a little... monotone? Can monotone be used to describe written language?
Anyway, he just seemed a little flat when talking about history. It wasn't all history though. By now, i've gotten quite a deep grasp on magical theory both generally and for different subjects. Whenever the stranger and I discussed magic, he was a lot more passionate. It was actually quite funny to watch the changes in tone as he wrote.
We've had a lot of discussions about it and I learned about the upside of the hell I suffered before his intervention. Because of the starvation and beatings alongside the blood wards I was told about, I apparantly adapted to them and this produced upsides for me that have apparently increased my potential.
Firstly, because the wards were draining any magic from me ever since I was left here, my magic developed extremely early. The stranger estimated that I formed my core when I was 3 or 4 years old. This is extremely good for me because their earlier it's formed, the better. Apparently a magical core always has the same amount of magic when it's formed but a young child will adapt and attune to magic easier than if they were older.
The second benefit came from the starvation. The stranger wrote a long lecture for me about the trinity of mind-body-soul and how that affects magical strength. It's a simple concept on the surface, but once he started talking in depth about different factors like the soul's strength and growth, the mind's role in the trinity and how that changes when practising the mind arts, and the factors that influence the body, I realised it was a deep topic.
The relevant information for me however, is that because of prolonged starvation, my body was saturated in my magic so it could keep me alive. Outside of a few factors, the body's role in determining magical strength is dependant on two things. Overall body strength for total amount of magic, and magical conductivity which determines the speed of magic flow and output power.
The result of my magic keeping me alive is my body had been saturated in magic for a long time, significantly boosting it's magic conductivity. This will allow me to output significant amounts of power in a single spell without harm and allow me to skip the process of building conductivity in the wand arm of new magic users.
Above that however, I was told that when I reach 6th level occlumency, I will be able to perform wandless magic! Awesome! Apparently, you need 6th level occlumency to directly control your magic for that. Anyone who does can theoretically use some wandless magic with their wand hand as conductivity is already built up in that arm, but not to the level that I have as they started using magic too late. Plus, at that point, you might as well use a wand anyway. It's only useful if the wand breaks or for very minor things.
I was told when when I reach 6th stage occlumency that I should flood my body with magic to build conductivity like the starvation was doing before. Wandless magic will likely never be as strong as with a wand, and infinitely more complicated, but I was given 3 compelling reasons to develope it:
Firstly, is that the trace that all underage wizards and witches have is applied to the wand. Any magic I use without a wand will bypass this. Secondly is the tactical advantage of wandless magic in battle. And lastly, the magical signiature will be different between wanded and wandless magic. So I would have the option to do magic without anything being traced back to me. That could be very useful down the line, I just need to keep quiet about it.
I've come to realise through my lessons with the stranger that I will have to fight one day. The stranger has been alluding to Voldemort still being alive and I have to be prepared. The thought scared me, but ever since I found the memories of my parents, I became determined to avenge them if I could. That guy needed to be stopped. The monster that showed up at my house that halloween was barely even human.
I shook those thoughts off. Even if he doesn't come back, there's still Dumbledore. And even without him, i'm simply too famous to live a peaceful life. I became a target for all dark wizards as soon as I got the scar. What better way to become a famous dark wizard than to kill Harry Potter? Luckily i'm still hidden, and they wouldn't dare attack Hogwarts either, so it's not a concern just yet.
Even with all my lessons and readings of the journal, plus extra maths study for arithmancy, most of my time was spent on occlumency. I still remember the first conversation I had with the stranger. Since then, he keeps telling me that I need to master the 7th stage as quickly as I can. He still wouldn't tell my why, thinking I would freak out, but all his warnings centre around my scar. There's something deeply wrong with it. Something that has the stranger urging me to progress as fast as possible.
If the stranger is that worried about it, I thought it's probably something that would worry me as well. And so I spent most of my time on it. The initial sickness filled dark forest was now a magnificent lush green forest. In the middle stood a replica of the house I lived in with my parents before they died. It contains all of my memories, a backup of those plus a few different things like knowledge collation on the recommendation of the stranger.
As for defenses, my forest is my defense. The forest is alive and the trees can attack and defend on their own. I also have forest animals as well like deer, bears and wolves. The real masterpiece though is a fake mind overlaying my own as a decoy. On recommendation of the stranger, and I agree, this will be what anyone who tries to read my mind sees. After all, it will be extremely suspicious if I arrive at school with an already developed mindscape.
I can't let anyone know anything until I am strong enough to go against Dumbledore. In that time, I will need to build alliances and foster connections, alongside managing my fame as well. Truly, it's going to be a massive undertaking, but i'm excited to have friends! Due to the ring and pendant, I can't make any friends as people ignore me completely. The stranger apologised for their oversight, but really it's not any different to how things were before so I don't particularly mind. It didn't change anything.
Tonight however, I was very excited! I had connected my magical core of a large lake to my mindscape just 2 days ago now. I failed half a dozen times before I succeeded, but it was done now. The stranger said that when this happened, he would allow me to begin learning magic properly! I will get a wand and begin learning real magic!
Suddenly, there was a soft pop right next to me that made me jump. Immediately looking to what it was, there was an ornate wooden rack holding dozens of sticks with a note stuck on it. Opening it, I read what was written and it brought a smile to my face.
??? - Harry. These are all wands that you can choose from. None of them will work perfectly for you, so just pick the one that has the best connection. You'll get your own when you go to Hogwarts. Good luck.
Looking at the wands on the rack, I shrugged and started to pick up each wand one by one. With my magical core now connected to my mindscape, it was incredibly easy to feel which wands were better or worse. A few even had absolutely no connection at all. Eventually, I landed on a brown one that was about 10 inches long and worked reasonably well. I had to actively channel magic to it for a weak connection to form, but it would work until I got my own.
As soon as I connected to it, the rack of wands disappeared and I immediately raced to the journal. The stranger promised to write spells in them as soon as I got a wand! Seeing it blinking between black and white, I opened it and sure enough, there was a message from him along with tonnes of what can only be spells. I had to force myself to read the message first before jumping straight to the spells. I've learned the importance of information by this point now.
??? - Harry, i'm sure you're excited so i'll keep it short. The reason I didn't give you a wand before you connected to your magical core was simple: Now that you and your magic are in sync and you can directly control it, for any spells you use with your wand, you only need to copy the shape and structure in order to do them wandless. Just memorise the feeling of the different shapes and structures forming and then you can do them wandless.
??? - The more you practise and memorise, the easier it will be to do completely new spells wandlessly in the future even if you haven't done them with a wand. It'll take a few years, but it's that simple. The spells below have the wand movements, brief history if relevant, and the arithmancy formula. Go wild, but don't go overboard! The wards will hide most magic, but nothing too big. Remember to flood your body to increase it's conductivity as you train as well. I'll end here and leave you to it. Have fun!
The message made me smile widely, now happy for the delay in learning magic. It seems denying me a wand before now was actually a benefit for me. Looking through the plethora of spells open to me now, my grin could split my face in half from sheer excitement. Real magic! I can't wait!
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Another month passed since I was given a wand and began learning spells to match all my theoretical knowledge, and I still continue to marvel at just how amazing magic is.
The first week I admit I went a little crazy with all the spells I was throwing around, but I couldn't help it! Come on, it's magic! I haven't gotten very far yet, it's only been a month after all, but there were some easy to use spells that have proved to be very useful. The most useful to me right now is the compulsion charm. A relatively simple charm that does as it's name suggests, it compulses people to act in whatever way I choose.
It's not particularly strong and can be overcome with willpower alone, not to mention mental defenses, but it can be overpowered for greater effects. I immediately used it to force Vernon and Petunia to give me Dudley's second bedroom.
This past year i've built my confidence a lot and now just the thought of sleeping in a boot cupboard when Dudley has 2 rooms and there's an extra guest room on top of it is unconscionable. I find myself not feeling particularly charitable when using spells on my aunt and uncle.
Now that i've got my own room, I finally have a space all to myself that I can do whatever I want in. A few runes on the doorframe and now the room is enchanted the same as my ring and pendant with the notice-me-not charm. An easy charm to learn all told, although I suppose that's the point. I had to consult with the stranger for the runes to make the charm permanent, but they worked without any accidents.
Soon after I was able to take some money from Vernon using the compulsion charm and furnish the room. Now the space is looking to my tastes and I have a large, comfortable bed. It's my favourite part of the room now. I always hated the tiny crib in the cupboard.
I smiled, thinking upon how this month has gone. My life keeps getting better and better. I would have felt bad about taking advantage of my magic, but I really couldn't bring myself to feel anything positive about the Dursleys. I wouldn't do the same to others unless there's a really good reason, but the Dursleys are fair game.
After I had gotten over the initial excitement, things quickly settled down. Now that I have my own space, I have a lot more freedom. I quickly came to find that I love and had a talent for charms and transfiguration, being able to do most spells on my first try.
The stranger told me it wasn't very surprising as my mother was extraordinarily talented in charms and potions, while my father just as good at transfiguration. I haven't tried potions yet, lacking the materials needed, but i'm looking forward to it.
I have been practising my spells wandlessly as well. I immediately understood what the stranger meant when he said it was straightforward. I only needed to memorise the spell structure when casting with a wand and replicate it without one. Memorising them was easy with occlumency.
They are, however, less powerful than with a wand, about 2/3rds - 3/4ths the power of a wanded spell. I was told that with that kind of ratio, it will probably be about half as effective as wanded magic with a wand that's properly attuned to me. It was a little disappointing but I didn't let it get me down.
It might not be very useful for direct battles in the future, but it will still be very helpful as a hidden card or a backup for if I don't have a wand on hand. Not to mention that I can train to make my body's magic conductivity higher, further increasing the power. It might never be as powerful as wanded magic, but maybe I can get close with years of effort.
Those are all good things that have resulted from the past month, but there is something that's been making me feel uneasy lately. Even with all the excitement about magic, I haven't forgotten to practise my occlumency. However, recently as i've been practising and gunning for the 7th level, there's a feeling of unease and danger.
I consulted the stranger about it, and he told me that this was to be expected. That uneasy feeling is not normal and is the reason why he kept pushing me to reach this stage. I was getting increasingly nervous as that uneasy feeling became more and more defined.
There is good news however! The 7th level of occlumency involves coming into contact with your soul and all the books agree that it's extremely difficult and time consuming as the soul isn't so easy to sense. This uneasy feeling is actually a boon because it's a shortcut to reach that level.
I haven't been told explicitly what it is, but I am able to guess that it's something foreign that shouldn't be there. I don't know what just yet, but it doesn't give me a good feeling. This is the reason why i've been putting more effort into reaching that stage lately.
The stranger has known about it since the beginning and has been pushing me to improve all this time. Now that I can sense whatever it is, I just need to focus on that feeling to find it, finding my own soul in the process. It's a convenient method that will let me skip the years of deep meditation needed to find my own soul.
And that was what I was doing right now. Meditating deeply inside my mindscape in order to locate that feeling. I felt I was very close this time, so I kept at it well past when I would normally stop.
The feelings from this foreign entity have become increasingly clear over the last two weeks and by now I can feel it almost clearly. It radiates malice and hunger, twisted and foul and very much nothing I want near me. I was getting increasingly worried that something like this was near my own soul. No wonder the stranger pushed me so hard. Whatever it is, it's bad news.
As I was focusing harder on it, all of a sudden, I felt the last of the fog blocking me from reaching it disappear and my surroundings changed. I was floating in a black empty space where 3 different feelings stood out to me.
Looking to the most obvious and also the worst, I saw a roiling dark mass of gooey, thick blackness. It was what I was feeling before, radiating malice, hunger and greed. It was disgusting! Just looking at it made me feel sick and I knew immediately that it needed to be utterly destroyed.
This darkness was being held back by a barrier of some kind, the second feeling here. It was a deep red the exact shade of my mothers hair and gave me an incoparable feeling of warmth and safety. It battled with the roiling darkness and held it at bay, keeping me safe.
I went came closer wanting to feel more, but when I got close enough, a small tendril of red reached out from the barrier and grabbed my hand to pull me away. Immediately, an overwhelming feeling of pure love pierced my heart as the tendril gently pulled me back. I didn't fight it, couldn't even. My face in the real world was covered in tears. I haven't felt this since...
I see. This must be the protection my mother created for me when she sacrificed herself. A protection of pure love is completely opposite to that darkness and blocks it perfectly. The tendril disappeared and I watched as my mother's protection fought to keep the darkness at bay.
It took a while to pull myself together from that experience, but I can already tell that i'll be back again later.
I then looked over to the third entity in this emptiness. Looking at it, I had a very hard time just trying to see it completely. The whole thing was complicated shapes that make no sense, colours that can't be named similar to my emotional centre only deeper and richer, and illusory.
It was a strange viewing experience, but the moment I looked at it, I immediately felt both everything and nothing at the same time. I felt nothing because it felt like part of me, therefore I felt nothing strange. And everything because it felt like I was looking at everything I am at this moment.
Everything about me can be found in this structure. A moment later it clicked. This is my soul. I looked in awe at the vibrant, endlessly complex entity. Reaching out to it, the moment I touched it, it felt like I gained a new kind of awareness. A new sense so to speak.
Through it, I could feel my mind, magical core, body and the two fighting entities. If I thought the darkness was vile before, it's so much worse right now. It was so indescribably twisted and malignant that I had to control my body to not throw up on the bed.
I could feel my mother's protection properly now too. It was full of love and all it's effort was directed to protecting me. I felt myself tear up again regained my calm quicker this time. My mother's protection also feels incomplete, with a connection leading outside myself. I frowned. That felt wrong. I don't know how I know, but it felt wrong for it to be away from me.
Even with this new sense however, I still don't know what that darkness is. What I do know however, is that it keeps attacking my mother's protection in an effort to get to my own soul. A small part of it also keeps trying to get away but is constantly being stopped by the protection my mother left.
Seeing it now, I can completely understand the stranger's constant pushing for me to get to this stage. Whatever this thing is, it's a danger to me and is only being held back by my mother's protection. Protection that is incomplete and will only grow weaker with time.
Looking at the vile darkness roiling behind a red barrier, I knew I needed to get rid of it. The question is how? I don't know how to get rid of this thing. I kept thinking and thinking before I finally decided to rely on the stranger again. Maybe they know what to do.
Returning to my body, I immediately noticed that the new sense I gained from my soul was still there. I could still feel everything of myself with it and it's not tiring me out either. It's a surreal feeling. I can feel my magic so much clearer and I can view my mindscape from the outside.
I shook my head, putting those thoughts aside for later and quickly penned my progress to the stanger. I got a response almost immediately.
??? - That was fast! I didn't expect you to reach this stage for a while. It's supposed to take years.
Harry - Yes, well, that foreign entity unnerved me. So I focused on this a lot and followed it straight to my soul. Are you going to tell me what it is now? I've been waiting a long time.
??? - I suppose I should at this point now that you've come in contact with it. That thing is a piece of Voldemort's soul.
I felt myself freeze for a long moment, the weight of the words written there crashing down all at once. Before I could fall into panic, I used occlumency to clamp down on my emotions, gradually calming down. It took a little while before I looked at the book again.
??? - Harry? You okay?
Harry - I'm fine. Thank you for not telling me sooner.
??? - It's fine. I thought that telling you earlier than this would be a terrible idea. You would be living in fear and under constant pressure. That wouldn't be good. I'm glad you understand.
Harry - I do understand. Thank you. So, do you know how to get rid of it?
I felt my heart beating fast as I waited for their response. I wasn't disappointed.
??? - There's no need to worry Harry. I know how to get rid of it. I couldn't do it before now in case something happened. Your mother's protection is very self-aware so another foreign entity invading would have provoked a response. Then there's the issue of your own soul. Before you synchronized with it, I wasn't sure if it would attack me.
??? - If I tried to destory it before you synchronized with your soul, I could injure you or worse, the balance between your mother's protection and the soul piece might tilt. If that happened, the soul piece could attach itself to you. At that point, even I am not 100% sure I could fix it.
??? - The piece of soul would be supressed by your own whole soul, but it would be constantly trying to take over. Getting rid of it then would be extremely dangerous not to mention painful. I would have to cut it out of your soul. Trust me, that kind of pain is not something you can imagine.
??? - Ultimately, I needed you to reach this stage so you can invite me inside your soul-space. I will have your permission so the protection won't react. Only then can I get rid of it.
I stared at the response and felt relief bleed through, allowing me to finally relax. He had planned for this, thankfully. If he told me he didn't know, I don't know what I would do.
Harry - Thank you.
It was all I wrote, but those two words contain deep gratitude.
??? - You're welcome. Anyway, the sooner we can get rid of it, the better. I'll come over tomorrow evening and destroy the soul piece.
Harry - I will get to see you then?
??? - I will be disguised of course, but i'll be there in person and we can discuss this further then.
We chatted for a bit more before I closed the journal and lay down to sleep. I smiled, happy at the outcome. Today was a rollercoaster and i'm excited for tomorrow. For now however, I simply let sleep take me, dreaming of my mother's warmth.
Status Power Mingguan
-- Peringkat
Power 
-- Power
stone