The days turned into months, and snow slowly stopped falling. There was still a chill in the air, but the Basilisk was nowhere to be found. Rose kept tabs on it, expecting it to come out at any moment, but there was nothing. Many people began to wonder if it was still alive.
"Are you sure you didn't kill it?" Hermione asked.
"It's still alive," Rose replied. "It's waiting for something, I just don't know what."
Rose told her friends that they should all be ready for the next time it attacked. It was for this reason that Ron stayed after Charms class one day in late April.
"Professor Flitwick, I had a question," Ron said.
"I'm always happy to answer questions, Mr. Weasley," the Charms Professor said. "Please, ask away. Don't be shy!"
"I know it's advanced for me, but I wanted to see a demonstration of the summoning charm," Ron said. "And if it's not too much trouble, the propulsion charm."
Ron wasn't typically one to be polite, but he really wanted the Charms Professor to agree to his request, so he had practiced it in his head over and over. He understood what good manners were, he just didn't employ them that often.
"Those are advanced," Professor Flitwick replied. "That's the fifth year curriculum, both of those. But, of course, I can show you how they're done. I'm glad you're taking an interest in them, Mr. Weasley!" Professor Flitwick stood up straight, not that it mattered. At no more than four feet, he stood shorter than Rose, who was short for her age, or at least, what she claimed her age to be. Even the small stack of books upon which he stood during classes didn't help much.
Brandishing his wand, the Charms Professor pointed it at a book on a shelf on the far wall.
"Accio book!"
Ron watched bewildered as the book flew towards them. It sailed through the air, then, faster than Ron could see, Professor Flitwick's arm shot through the air and grabbed the book as it reached them.
"That's a standard summoning charm," Professor Flitwick said. "Of course, it's harder to move heavier objects. It's similar to a levitation charm, in the sense that one must supply more energy to move a heavier object. The energy intensive step is getting it moving, but once your target is in the air, the amount of energy can be diminished. If you don't know the location of your target, you may still summon it to you, but you have little opportunity to control the path of the object, which is possible in advanced cases."
Ron nodded. He was paying enough attention, but he was also trying to commit the wand movements to memory. He knew it was advanced, but he wanted to learn the spell. It wasn't apparition like Rose could do, but it was a start.
Ever since the chess match at the end of his first year, Ron had been trying to figure out a way to move people around as easily as Rose had during the match. He wasn't a fighter yet, but if could learn, then maybe he stood a chance at being prepared for the next batch of problems they encountered.
"A propulsion charm is the exact opposite of a summoning charm," the short professor continued. "It provides a controlled burst of energy directed away from the caster instead of towards them. Like so."
He tossed the book into the air and pointed his wand at it.
"Depulso!"
The book was thrown back, streaking through the air to the opposite wall.
"Accio!"
The book suddenly stopped midway and flew back to the Charms Professor. With a flick of his wand, it stopped again and instead veered to the right. With another flick, the book soared straight up, then back down to the ground. Finally, Professor Flitwick summoned the book back to him, grabbing it as easily as he did the first time.
Turning to the second-year, Professor Flitwick handed him the book. "I believe this will help answer any further questions, Mr. Weasley. If it doesn't, then you know that my door is always open."
Ron took the book that was offered to him, and read the cover.
Control: Summoning, Propulsion, and Everything in Between
"Thanks, Professor," Ron said, taking the book. "That was brilliant!"
Professor Flitwick jumped off the small stack of books on which he had been standing. "I'm certainly glad you think so. Run along, I'm sure you won't want to be late for your next class."
"It's just History of Magic," Ron said.
"Don't keep Professor Binns, or your friends, waiting," Filius said, ignoring the distaste in the boy's voice. Sure, Binns wasn't a particularly capable professor, but he was still a professor, and people should respect that.
Ron muttered something quickly, then bid the Charms Professor farewell.
"Thanks again for the book," he said on his way out of the classroom.
"Accio book!"
Ron pointed his wand at the bookshelf in the Common Room, but nothing happened.
"Accio book!"
"You should get some rest."
"Ah!" Ron jumped and looked around the room for the source of the voice.
Standing at the foot of the stairs leading to the girls' rooms was Hermione.
"So should you," Ron said, returning to his attempts at a summoning charm. "It's Friday. Who cares? I'll just sleep in tomorrow morning."
"Ron, it's one in the morning," Hermione said.
"Maybe Rose can make one of those rings for me, then," he said irritably.
"It takes a week to attune," Hermione said. "Rose says it's supposed to be some sort of limiter, so people can't just circulate it around a party."
"Whatever that means," Ron replied. "Accio book!"
Hermione sighed. "Try a lighter object."
Ron turned to Hermione. "What?"
"Those books are wedged into that bookshelf," Hermione said. "It's hard to move them without a summoning charm. You'll need a lot of energy to move them, but if you try something lighter, then you won't need as much energy." Hermione looked around the room for something lighter, but there wasn't much. Sure, she could try moving one of the books, but then it would still be a heavy object.
Then an idea struck her. She took a pencil out of her pocket, and set it on the table. "Try moving my pencil."
Ron stared at her. "Really?"
"Did you ever stop and think that maybe there's a reason we practiced the levitation charm with feathers?" Hermione asked. "Did we start with books? No, we started with something light. I haven't got a feather on me, because quills are frustrating, so just use the pencil."
"That's it?" Ron asked. "Not going to correct me on anything. No 'It's pronounced AW-see-o, not ah-SEE-o', or 'The wand movement's like this, not like that!'?"
"Do you want help or not?"
"No, I don't!" Ron shouted. "I don't need anyone's help! I can do this on my own!"
"Fine," Hermione huffed. She grabbed her pencil from the table and shoved it back in her pocket. "I was just trying to make it easier for you, but clearly, you don't care."
"No, I don't," Ron repeated.
"Ugh, you're so stubborn!"
"You're pretentious!"
Hermione was taken aback, not just because she had been called "pretentious", but because Ron had just called her pretentious. "Since when do you know the word 'pretentious'?"
"I read, remember?"
"No, Ronald, you do the same thing I do," Hermione said. "You use a trinket Rose made to read the book in seconds. How's that working for you, by the way? How's your head?"
"Fine, no thanks for asking," Ron said, still glaring at Hermione. "I'll have you know it stopped hurting after the first few times I used it."
"And now you're at the top of your class," Hermione said. "Where do you think you'd be without it, Ronald? I'll tell you where you'd be: You'd be back at the bottom, struggling to get by, probably trying to copy off my work."
"What's your problem, Hermione?!"
"Every time I try to help you, you snap at me!" Hermione shot back. "I don't even know what I did to annoy you so much! It's you that's always had a problem with me!"
"My problem is that you've always got to be right! We get it! You're clever! You don't need to rub it in our faces all the time!"
Hermione didn't know how to respond to that. She could no longer tell if Ron was just reacting out of anger or honestly hated how clever she was. Either way, she didn't need to listen anymore.
"Fine," Hermione huffed. "You want me to go? I'll go."
Hermione turned around and walked back up the stairs to her room, leaving Ron to his futile attempts at a summoning charm.
Ron continued trying to move the books, but every time he tried, he heard Hermione's voice in his head.
It's pronounced AW-see-o, not ah-SEE-o!
Ron clenched his fist, then put his wand away. He couldn't stand being in the common room anymore, so he left. He didn't know where he was going, apart from away, so he just walked.
Through what might as well have been an active war zone.
He realized his mistake when he reached the sixth floor and heard a snake hissing.
At least now I know it isn't dead! Ron thought, freezing where he stood.
Ron did the only thing that came to mind. He closed his eyes, then began to walk backwards. If he saw it, he'd be dead. If it attacked him, he'd be dead. His only chance was to keep his eyes closed, and hope that it would just ignore him. He had no other hope. Ron was helpless to stop it.
The hissing suddenly stopped, and Ron had a sinking feeling. It wasn't that it was moving away from him; that would be a different sound, he was pretty sure.
He heard the Basilisk going for him. It was a loud hissing, almost like a gasp.
This is it, thought Ron. It's going to kill me. Why didn't I just accept Hermione's help? Then I'd still be back in Gryffindor Tower, nice and safe.
Instead of horrible pain, Ron felt himself being pulled away from the hissing. Not by a hand, but rather by an invisible force, as if his entire body were being hurled across the hallway.
Ron landed on his backside and instinctively opened his eyes.
He could just about make out the shape of the Basilisk on the ground not 10 feet away from him. He couldn't see its eyes, but what he saw before him amazed him.
Standing in front of him, eyes closed, wand at the ready, and currently blocking his line of sight to the Basilisk was none other than Professor Flitwick.
"Keep your eyes closed, Mr. Weasley," the Charms Professor said. "I'll guide you back to Gryffindor Tower, and if you're lucky, I'll settle for giving you a detention for breaking curfew."
Ron snapped his eyes shut. "What if I'm not lucky?"
"I'll inform your mother that you were out past curfew."
For a second, Ron considered opening his eyes and staring at the Basilisk. At least then it would be over quickly. Once his mum found out about this, he would be receiving a howler from her. Although, it could be interesting to see how Rose would react to a howler. Maybe he could convince her that they were under attack and that she should destroy it immediately.
"Stand up!" Flitwick ordered.
Ron immediately did as he was told.
"How can you see?" Ron asked.
"Earth Eyes Charm, Mr. Weasley," came the reply. "I can't see, but I can tell where you and the creature are by the vibrations you make in the stone. Duck!"
Ron dropped to the floor as he felt something lunge over him, presumably the Basilisk. Once he no longer felt it above him, he slowly climbed to his feet.
"Face my voice!"
Ron obediently turned until he was facing the direction from which Professor Flitwick's voice had come.
"Make a quarter turn clockwise, then start walking quickly!"
Concentrating to remember which direction was clockwise, Ron quickly began walking, not worrying about where he was going. He could hear light footsteps behind him, and realized that Professor Flitwick was following him.
"Very good, Mr. Weasley," he said.
"Can't you use the charm on me so I can see?" Ron asked.
"It only works on the caster," replied the Charms Professor. "Stupefy!"
Despite his eyes being closed, Ron saw a red flash and heard angry hissing.
"That's not going to stop it for long," Flitwick said. "Take five more steps, then turn to your left. There's a staircase there!"
Ron nearly tripped over the staircase, then started climbing up it, thankful it was the stationary kind.
From behind him, Ron heard a crashing noise and the floor shook.
"Don't worry," Professor Flitwick said. "I collapsed part of the ceiling to hold it off longer. Unfortunately, Mr. Weasley, I believe it's got our scent. Keep moving. You can open your eyes, just don't look back. Atrien!"
Ron opened his eyes just in time to see a house-elf appear before him.
Filius's instinct was to have the Head Elf fetch the Headmaster, but it would take Albus time to reach them. It would take him longer to reach them given that the Basilisk could be around any corner. Even if Albus used Fawkes, there was still no guarantee that they could stop the Basilisk, and he needed to get the Weasley boy to safety.
Filius dug into his vast wealth of knowledge and pulled out the solution. It was unorthodox, but it was his best bet at ensuring that the Weasley boy survived.
"Atrien," the Charms Professor said without so much as turning around. "Go to Gryffindor Tower and find Rose Peta-Lorrum. Bring her here and have her return Mr. Weasley to the Tower at once. Then send for any professor other than Gilderoy Lockhart, preferably Albus or Minerva."
Unlike literally every other Human in the school, Rose Peta-Lorrum was capable of apparating within the castle. That meant she could do a side-along apparition with Ronald Weasley to get him safely back to Gryffindor Tower, something several staff members assured him was possible.
"Yes, Professor!" Atrien said. With a faint cracking sound, the Head Elf vanished to carry out her task.
Ron watched as Professor Flitwick thrusted his wand forward and hurled several of the rocks toward the Basilisk, striking the creature square in the head. With a sickening crunch, the creature was thrown backwards away from the pair.
"That doesn't mean you should stop moving, Mr. Weasley!" Filius shouted at the boy as he hurled more rocks at the creature. "I'll start docking points if you stand there and stare!"
Ron didn't need to be told again. He turned around and began to run up the stairs, an easier task now that he could see. He had just reached the seventh floor when he felt a strange feeling. It was as if he were being sucked through a small hole at an alarmingly high speed. Actually, it felt a little like using a portkey.
The next thing Ron knew he was on the floor of Gryffindor Tower with Rose, Percy, and Hermione standing over him.
"What were you thinking?!" Percy shouted. "You could've been killed!"
"From what Atrien told us, you nearly were!" Hermione added.
"You were lucky that Rose was able to pull you out!" Percy shouted, still not sure how the crimson-haired girl had saved his brother. "When Mum finds out about this–"
"That's a little harsh," Rose said. "I'd say he's learned his lesson."
Finally! Someone not mad at him.
"Although, I did have to use XP to get you back here," Rose added. "That's my big resource, so maybe we should tell your mother."
"What's going on?"
The group turned to see Sally-Anne and Alex emerging from the girls' rooms.
"We heard shouting," Sally-Anne said. "Is everything alright?"
"Ron and Hermione got into an argument, and after Hermione stormed off up to our room, Cohort had the bright idea to walk through the castle to calm down," Rose explained. "Where he met the Basilisk."
Sally-Anne gasped. "Are you alright?!"
"Thanks for not yelling at me," Ron said, climbing to his feet.
"He's fine," Rose said. "Professor Flitwick saw to that." She stopped talking and blinked a few times. "Professor Flitwick!"
With no more warning than that, Rose vanished in a burst of rose petals.
"It's still strange seeing her do that," Alex said.
"I can top that," Hermione said. "Rose just pulled Ronald here from a different part of the castle. Not pull as in physically move, but pull as in apparition."
"Wait," Alex said. "She can apparate other people?!"
"Yup," Hermione said. "Now that I think about it, she did the same thing when Ronald and Harry missed the train this year."
"Right," Percy said, taking control of the situation. "Ronald, we're not done talking about this."
Ron groaned. "Of course not."
Filius wasn't sure how, but when he no longer felt Weasley's footsteps, he figured that Peta-Lorrum must have pulled off another one of her tricks to get him away from the monster. As always, he was interested as to how she had done it, but more relieved that the Gryffindor was safe. Now it was time for him to attend to the Basilisk.
He figured that the only way it would remove itself was either if he could mortally wound it, or if it got him. Either way, he wasn't liking his odds. With luck, Atrien had retrieved Albus, but the odds of them getting there before the beast finished him off were small. Unfortunately, most elves had difficulty with side-along apparitions, otherwise Filius would've simply had Atrien do so with the Weasley boy.
Filius recast the earth eyes charm for good measure, then readied himself for the beast's next attack.
The Basilisk lashed out at him, ripping through his stone barrier with ease. He cast a scattering hex beneath him, slowing the creature and hurling him away from it. He gracefully landed on his feet and turned to face his opponent.
The monster slowly moved to Filius's left, possibly looking for an opening. Filius could hear it hissing quietly as it looked over the professor. He knew exactly what it was doing. It was waiting for him to make the next move. Filius knew this because it was exactly what he was doing. If he struck first, it would react against him and have its opening.
Filius slowly backed up along the staircase behind him. His opponent was now on a timer, so all he needed to do was run down the clock, and he could live to tell his students about this. Filius always enjoyed stories about how Charms class could serve a student in real life. This was a prime example.
With reflexes he wasn't expecting, the Basilisk lashed out at Filius, narrowly missing the small professor. On his left, the wall and floor were ripped apart by the Basilisk. He sensed the beast move around him to block his exit. With a small sinking feeling, Filius realized that he was trapped.
I guess this is it, he thought. Best go down swinging.
Filius threw another stunner at the Basilisk, but it was ready for him this time. It dodged aside and lashed out at him. Filius quickly threw another scattering hex, landing on the beast itself. Unfortunately for him, the beast recovered faster than he did by a millisecond.
Jaws open, it went for the professor.
"Nyr doch!"
Filius immediately recognized the voice of Rose Peta-Lorrum echoing through the stairwell, and felt rose petals brush against him. He quickly cast the aerial equivalent of the Earth Eyes Charm (creatively named the Air Eyes Charm) and sensed the outline of the crimson-haired girl, and what could almost have been a staff in her hands. Except that most staves didn't have pointed ends, and he was quite certain he felt emanations of heat coming off the weapon.
The girl flew through the air towards the Basilisk, slicing into its side with her weapon. As if she had done so hundreds of times, she landed nimbly on her left foot and spun around in place. Her blade caught the Basilisk's underbelly as it recoiled from her. Both ends of her weapon ignited, burning her target as she gutted it.
The Basilisk reared back and retreated out of the staircase, back towards the sixth floor.
"Oh good," Rose muttered. "It remembered me." She turned to see the Charms Professor panting on the ground, dumped off the back of the beast when it fled. "Professor Flitwick!"
"You shouldn't be here, Ms. Peta-Lorrum!" Filius said.
"Trust me, it's safer for me than it is for you," she said. "I've got blindsight out to 60 feet. I can pinpoint it based on its movements and breathing."
"As can I," Filius replied. "Earth and Air Eyes Charms. I can sense the vibrations it makes in the stone and in the air."
"Nice!" the girl replied, grinning. "Like tremorsense!"
"It could be," Filius said.
"You're in charge, so what's the plan?"
"Get out before it comes back, live to fight another day," the Charms Professor replied. "Then lecture Mr. Weasley during detention."
"Alright. Living to fight another day."
Filius felt a sensation of being pulled through a small hole at a high velocity, then felt completely different vibrations. Opening his eyes, he found that Peta-Lorrum had taken them to Albus's office. Accompanying them were Atrien and Albus himself.
"There can be no doubt about it, Albus," Filius began. "It's a basilisk."
"Atrien was just informing me of the details," Albus said. "And I see Ms. Peta-Lorrum has found herself in the middle of everything once again."
"Only because I called her, Albus," Filius said. "I couldn't think of a faster way of removing the youngest Mr. Weasley from the situation. He was moving blindly through the castle, and it was a long way to either Ravenclaw or Gryffindor Tower. We should really consider teaching the students the Earth Eyes Charm."
"Have his brothers and sister been informed?" Albus asked.
"Percy knows," Rose said. "Atrien found Hermione and I while we were walking down to the Common Room. Hermione accidentally woke up half the girls in Gryffindor by shouting, most of whom simply fell back asleep. However, Sally-Anne roused Alex, and I sent Intelligencer to fetch Percy while I pulled Cohort back into the Common Room where he should have been in the first place."
"He was fortunate that I was taking a midnight stroll, otherwise he'd be dead," Filius said. "Albus, we've got to do something about that creature. For starters, it destroyed several parts of the hallway, something that will not go unnoticed. Further, we've done all we can to keep word from getting out, but it will eventually reach the Ministry that these attacks are not under control. The moment Lucius finds out, he'll–"
"I'm aware, Filius," Albus said calmly. "Rest as best you can, and Filius, we'll meet with Minerva, Pomona, and Severus tomorrow morning. Rose, return to Gryffindor Tower and inform everyone that if they don't go back to sleep, I will be docking everyone 25 points. Tell the Weasleys that I will be handling informing their parents of what has happened, and they are not to speak a word of this to anyone."
"Yes, Professor," Rose said, nodding. She vanished in a burst of rose petals.
"I'm not sure why she wants to use fire for that," Albus muttered. "I quite enjoy the rose petals. They're less destructive than fire, and they add a personal touch." He turned to Filius. "Filius, get some rest. That was quick thinking, using the Earth Eyes Charm."
"I've had that plan for months, Albus," Filius said. "A few of us were discussing strategies to use against it. Minerva suggested transfiguring bells onto it or the ground into violin strings. Of course, Severus thought of a crackle potion to make its movements obvious."
"It's good to know that everyone's got a plan," Albus said. "As I said, get some rest. If you were still one of my students, I'd award you house points."
"Despite not being one of your students, that still means a lot, Albus," Filius said. "Good night."
Despite receiving orders from Professor Dumbledore himself to go to sleep, Ron didn't do anything other than stare at the ceiling that night. Now that he had calmed down, he wanted to do nothing more than talk with Hermione and apologize. He felt horrible about snapping at her, and realized that she was smarter than him. As much as he hated to admit it, she was better with facts and information than he was, despite having the same advantage she did.
Well, almost the same advantage. He didn't have her hair clip, but she was clever before Rose gave it to her. Ron was nothing without that bracelet.
After staring at the ceiling for a few hours, Ron got out of bed and went down to the common room where he found Rose and Hermione.
"Good morning, girls," he said quietly.
"You look exhausted," Hermione said. "Did you sleep at all?"
"Couldn't," Ron replied, rubbing his eyes.
"So you've gone over 24 hours without sleep?" Hermione asked. "Ron, that's–"
"Easily fixed," Rose said, pulling out her wand. Waving it over Ron, she whispered something in a language he didn't understand.
The second the wand touched Ron, he felt as if he had just got a full night's rest. He felt more relaxed than he had in weeks.
"Thanks," Ron said. "You didn't have to do that."
"You nearly died a few hours ago," Rose said. "It's the least I can do." She narrowed her eyes. "Let it be a lesson to you: Don't wander off on your own when you're low level. Always stick with the rest of the party until you're at least level five."
"Why level five?" Ron asked.
"Third-level spells!" Rose exclaimed. "Fireball, dimension step, haste, slow, unluck, fly. There are a whole bunch of good spells! At that point, a character can probably wander off on their own for a few hours at a time."
Ron blinked. Despite feeling great, he still didn't understand Rose.
"Anyway," Rose said. "I've got stuff to which I must attend. I'll see you two later."
With that, Rose vanished, leaving several rose petals in her wake.
Ron walked over to the couch and sat down beside Hermione.
"I'm… I'm sorry for shouting at you like that," Ron said. "I was just tired, and frustrated, and…"
"Apology accepted," Hermione said, closing the maths book she was reading. "I should've kept a cool head. I'm sorry too."
Ron nodded his acceptance. "First Sally-Anne and Harry, now us. Who's next? Rose and Luna?"
"I hope not," Hermione replied, laughing. "I think the Basilisk's got us all a little on edge."
"I guess," Ron mumbled.
Hermione noticed that her friend was still being bothered by something. Her first instinct was to not get involved and mind her own business, but after the past few hours, she wanted to make sure her friend was alright. She already knew that there was something bothering him, and if it continued unchecked, he could end up like she had the previous year, or he could lose his temper again.
"Care to share?" she asked.
"It's nothing, just… I really wanted to get it right."
"Summoning?" Hermione asked.
"Yeah, I… I don't want to sit in the back while everyone's on the front lines," Ron said. "I've got all this information in my head, but I'm still useless!"
"That's all I've got," Hermione said, hoping it would help.
"But you've got Arithmancy," Ron said. "You're smarter than I am! I can work through logic and strategy, but it's you that's got the answer! No matter what I do, no matter what information I've got, no matter how hard I try, I'm just Harry Potter's friend! Or for a few months I was Sally-Anne Perks's friend! Or Bill and Charlie's kid brother! All of you are in the middle of the fight, while I'm always stuck on the side lines. Like Rose says, I'm just a cohort. I nearly died last night, and I was too scared to fight back. Not like Harry, who ran in to fight You-Know-Who last year, or Sally-Anne who fought after getting poisoned a few months ago! And of course, Rose!"
"That's not fair," Hermione said. "You can't compare yourself to Rose. She had to learn to fend for herself. Besides, her brother and sister taught her how to fight. Not to mention, Rose isn't like us. I don't think she's even got a proper home."
"All of you are stepping up, and I'm not! I don't want to get left behind. I thought if I could just learn the summoning charm, I could…" Ron didn't finish his sentence after realizing how ridiculous it would sound.
"Play chess on a grand scale?" Hermione suggested.
Ron scowled. "Yeah, how'd you know?"
"Because I thought the same thing."
"Wait," Ron said. It couldn't be. Hermione was trying to take the last thing he had! "You're trying to–"
"No," Hermione said, her face flushing a little as she realized how her words had sounded. "I meant I thought you'd be good at it. Ron, you're amazing at chess. You can look at the board and see exactly what you need to do to win. Every time I think I've got you figured out when we're playing, you're always three steps ahead of me. If you could move people like you could pieces, we'd win every fight."
"Thanks," Ron said.
"Ron, Harry got lucky," Hermione said. "Sally-Anne practiced with Rose, and I'm nothing without my hair clip. As for Rose herself, I think her world demands that a person be strong. I don't think the weak survive long, if at all. What I'm trying to say is, you can't do this by yourself."
Ron looked at his bushy-haired friend. She was smarter than he was, and could probably work out the summoning charm before him. But that meant that she could help him. Maybe he'd be good at it. He'd already read the book Professor Flitwick gave him the previous day several times over. If he could just get someone to help him, maybe he'd finally get it.
"Is… Is your offer to help me still open?"
Hermione smiled at him, then punched him in the arm.
"Ow!" Ron exclaimed. "What was that for?!"
"Being a stubborn git!" Hermione shouted.
"So you won't help me?" Ron asked, rubbing his arm.
"Oh no, I'll help you."
"Then why'd you punch me?"
"Because you're a stubborn git!"