Bab 104: Troubles of the Heart
Shortly after Jackson knocked on the door, Ms Cotton's cool voice answered from within. 'Come in.'
He entered, found her sitting at her desk, and took his place on her small couch without needing to be told, resting his crutches against the couch.
She smiled across at him. 'It's good to see you again, Jackson.' She pulled a notebook from her drawer and flicked through several pages. Folding the book in two, she placed it before her. 'How have you been since I last saw you?'
'Good. … I mean, mostly good.' He picked at part of the couch, his eyes looking everywhere in the office except Ms Cotton's face.
'That's better, right? I'm glad to see you're working in the right direction, but it seems there are still some issues as well, maybe something specific you wanted to talk about today, outside of the usual check-up?'
'Uhh, yeah, I guess you could say that…' Jackson scrunched up his hands. He took a few deep breaths before relaxing. 'You see, there's this girl I've been talking to.'
He looked up at the sound of Ms Cotton's pen scratching across the surface of the notebook, a coy smile on her face. 'Go on,' she urged.
'I-I only met her this year, after the acci… after my injury. She's in the grade above me, and uh, her name's Jasmine.'
'Hm.' Ms Cotton's pen paused for a moment before it continued scratching. 'And tell me, what's the relationship between you and Jasmine, friends? Or is there something romantic?'
'We're just friends!' Jackson blurted. 'Uh, f-for now, I mean.'
'Is that all there is to it? Or do you wish for more?'
'Well I…I mean of course I… she's beautiful so who wouldn't want to date her but…'
'But?...'
'But, I think I ruined things.' Jackson glared down at his feet as if they were the cause of all his problems.
'Ruin is a strong word. Why do you say that? What happened?'
'I…I told her about what happened with me, and my…my injury. How I did it to myself.'
'And she didn't have the reaction you were expecting?'
'I don't know what reaction I was expecting, but, anything other than what happened would've been better. I don't know, maybe I'm overreacting.'
'Can you tell me how she reacted after you explained the story to her?'
'She didn't have much of a reaction, maybe that's the problem. She didn't get upset, or angry, she wasn't supportive or positive either, she just sort of, shut down.'
'And when did this happen?'
'Last weekend. I haven't heard from her since, not even a text or anything.'
Ms Cotton sat back in her chair. 'I'm sure she just needs a bit of time and space to figure out her own emotions, and I think it could do you both some good. It would've been a lot of information for her to process, and a story like that, it comes with a lot of emotions that people need to deal with before they're ready to confront that person again. If she really cares for you as a friend, or even something more, then she'll understand and see that you've already moved past that dark time in your life and are on the path of recovery.'
Jackson sunk into the couch more. He thought of Eddie, and how he reacted to the whole ordeal. How fractured their relationship had been in the aftermath. He didn't want that with Jasmine. But then, he thought of how he and Eddie were now, and how they were getting back to how things used to be. It wasn't quite like Jackson's stupid mistake never happened, but they were still close.
However, Jasmine was different. Her reaction had been different. Eddie was mad; mad at Jackson, and mad at himself. And he and Jackson had known each other before the incident. Jasmine on the other hand, Jackson couldn't begin to imagine how she might be feeling, and he had only known her after he was already hurt, did she think her whole experience of knowing him was a lie?
'I'm just, scared that things won't be the same after this. We've hardly known each other, and now, it's like the whole foundation of our friendship was a lie.'
'What did you tell her about your leg before this?'
'I-I told her it was a bike accident but…'
'And now you've cleared the air on the exact details of that accident. You didn't lie, think of it more as a… misunderstanding. One that you've rectified, and if this Jasmine is as wonderful a person as you think, someone who you'd like date, and even someone you might love—'
Jackson's cheeks flared red.
'—then I'm sure she'll be understanding, and after some time has passed, she'll open up to you about how she feels and you'll be able to work through this. Your friendship may take a step back, but it won't be anything you can't get past.'
Jackson thought long and hard, staying quiet as he did so. Eventually, he looked up at Ms Cotton and met her gaze for the first time that session. 'You really think so?'
'I'm sure of it.'
He nodded, a look of relief on his face. 'Thank you, Ms Cotton.'
'There's no need to thank me, Jackson, that's what I'm here for. Now, was that all you wanted to talk about today?'
He nodded again and pushed himself up onto his crutches. Ms Cotton stood from her desk and moved over to the door. 'I do hope you'll get rid of those crutches soon.'
'Me too. Should be soon though, just another week or two, I reckon.'
'I'm happy to hear that.' Ms Cotton opened the door, and just outside it, stood Jasmine, one fist raised in the air about to knock on the door that was just pulled away from her reach.
Jackson froze, staring at her.
Jasmine looked at him, though it was as if her gaze pierced right through him, as if he wasn't even there. She lowered her fist but kept it clenched by her side. She looked at Ms Cotton and said: 'If now's not a good time, I can come back later.'
'No, no, now is fine. Jackson was just leaving, weren't you?'
Jackson nodded. His tongue felt like a fat toad in his mouth, taking away his ability to speak.
'How about we see each other in two weeks, same day and time, is that good for you?'
Jackson nodded once more, then carefully moved past the two women in the doorway, making sure not to brush up against Jasmine—which was quite an awkward task thanks to his crutches.
Jasmine didn't look at him or acknowledge him in any way, though once he was removed from Ms Cotton's office, she stepped inside.
'Enjoy the rest of your day, Jackson.'
Jackson weakly smiled back at Ms Cotton then put his head down and hurried on his way. When Ms Cotton shut the door and returned to her desk, Jasmine was already sitting on the couch, right where Jackson had been moments prior.
'I think I might already have an understanding of why you're seeing me today,' Ms Cotton said as she exchanged the notebook on her desk from another within her various drawers. 'But why don't you go ahead and explain it to me anyway.'
'I know it's inappropriate to ask what you two talked about, so I'll do my best to push that out of my mind.' Jasmine huffed. 'But yes, I am here to talk about Jackson and … boy troubles, as embarrassing as that is.'
'Nothing that happens in here should be embarrassing, this is a safe space, you know that. So why don't you tell me what brought you here, and don't leave out any details from YOUR story.'
Jasmine's shoulders heaved and sagged as she inhaled deeply. Then she opened her mouth to speak.
Later that day, Jackson was at the football field, moments before the Titans' practice would begin. Freddy and Kenny sat with him on the bleachers, watching as the field was being prepared.
'I think I messed up.' Seeing Jasmine again, and that cold, almost vacant look she had given him, had undone all the confidence and optimism Ms Cotton had instilled in him.
'With that?' Kenny asked.
'Did you hurt your leg again?' Freddy said.
'No, no I… with Jasmine.'
'Oh …' Kenny frowned, looking away.
'Jasmine? Oh, that uh, that girl you were with at practice before?'
'Yes, her.'
'What did you do?' Freddy asked.
'Did she reject you?'
'No, God, no I didn't… it's probably worse than that. I don't think she even wants to be my friend anymore.'
'What the hell happened? You guys were fine when you dropped me off the other night.'
Freddy's brow furrowed in confusion.
'Well, I told her about what really happened with my leg and how I broke it.'
'Yeah, and what? Why wouldn't she want to be your friend after that?' Kenny's tone grew angrier.
'I don't know but she just seems, she hasn't said anything to me after I told her, I'm worried.'
'If that's all it takes for her not to be your friend anymore then fu… then she can piss off. You don't need fake friends like that.'
'Um… while I wouldn't exactly say it like that… maybe Kenny is right? Everyone makes mistakes, right, and, if she can't look past that, maybe she isn't that good of a friend… unfortunately. I don't know her that well, but she seemed nice.'
'She IS nice, that's the problem. This isn't like her.'
'How do you know this isn't like her? This is the first "problem" you guys have ever faced, and this is how she reacts? Maybe this is who she really is,' Kenny scoffed. 'You don't need a girl anyway, they're just distractions right now. Don't worry about her, Jackson, just worry about yourself. Once that legs healed, we'll be taking over the state, and then the nation, we won't even have any time to worry about girls.'
'She's not my girl she's just a friend…' Jackson mumbled.
'And you don't need friends like that, either. If they're not there to support you, they're not much of a friend.'
'I-I guess, but—'
'No buts! That's just how it is.' Kenny stood, leaving the conversation as he moved onto the field to get warmed up before practice began.
Freddy remained with Jackson a little bit longer. Eventually, he patted Jackson on the back and then stood up. 'Maybe Kenny is right. If she really is your friend, she'll understand and things will be okay, and if not, then uh, maybe she wasn't a good friend to have in the first place?'
Jackson didn't say anything as he watched Freddy turn away and join Kenny in warming up.
Maybe Jasmine just needed space. Ms Cotton seemed to be on his side, and Jasmine would've talked to her after he left, Ms Cotton probably helped clear things up, then they'd go back to normal. That's what he hoped for, at least.
PERTIMBANGAN PENCIPTA 
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