Bab 30: Chapter 30: What's Said and Done
Breana’s POV
Ari’s confession has been on my mind since that night. It’s hard defining one’s feelings, especially your own or is it just me? I haven’t even determined what I had felt for Alex back then and now I have to deal with this. I envy Ari for knowing how she feels and being upfront about it.
Despite Ari’s confession, it didn’t change things between us in a negative way. Ari stayed being her usual self, just became more affectionate with me compared to others. But I think that’s just how she is, she makes people believe she’s scary and intimidating but she can be an actual baby.
“Hey, what are you thinking?” Alex whispered though she didn’t have to. The sound from the movie we are watching in class is already loud enough to mask conversations from students who aren’t actually watching, including us.
I looked beside me to answer the black-haired girl. She looked more tired these past days. Her part-time jobs might be taking a toll on her.
“Uhmm…just something about what someone said to me.” I answered vaguely. She nodded.
“Have you ever been in love?” I asked out of the blue.
“Do. You. Think. You’re. In. Love, Bree?” She looked at me in shock.
“No, no, no. Some-one…someone- ”
“There is someone you think you love?” Alex butted in.
“No. Shut up. Let me finish.” I whisper-shouted at her.
“Oh-okay.”
“Someone confessed to me.” I admitted.
“Wow. You’re getting famous since the fest, I guess.” She teases. She pokes me on my shoulder and I shooed her hand away.
“Shut up. As if there isn’t a whole lot who admire you. For all I know, maybe you had already fooled around or rejected half the school.”
She laughed at that.
“It’s nothing like that. You know I’ve changed my ways. Anyways, what’s bothering you? You can tell me about it. I’m pretty sure I’m veteran about relationship issues.” She snickered. Maybe finding herself amusing. She can be like an idiot sometimes.
“You don’t sound convincing but I’ll ask anyway. How would you know if someone is really being sincere with you? And what if I don’t feel the same way?”
Alex mused for a while, tilting her head on the side. “I guess you just have to watch their actions and wait out until when they can do it. Some efforts just die down if someone’s not really serious. You can also observe them without them knowing to see how they really are without your presence ‘cause they might just be acting when they’re with you.” Alex nodded as she taps her chin.
“How about the second one?” I urged her.
“Well, if you think someone has zero chance then they deserve to know. Just turn them down nicely. It’s not good to be led on but if there might be a chance well, you could try it out and see how it goes.”
I keep nodding like an apprentice listening to her master as Alex elaborated and gave me suggestions. I actually find it helpful. I might just do that.
“Thanks. By the way, do you know Jea? Even before? Her name sounded familiar but I couldn’t put a finger on it.” I remembered the conversation I had with Sunny and Ari.
“Oh, her?” Then she chuckled.
“Yeah, I have told you about her back in the days. Remember when I told you I have a friend but one that isn’t our classmate? That’s her. She’s homeschooled so you can’t meet and we only meet in our houses or in the company, considering our parents are uhh, friends. We’re basically childhood friends too. That’s it.”
The way she said ‘that’s it’ sounded like it wasn’t just ‘it’ or ‘all of it’. Plus, what Sunny told us last time tells me there’s more to it.
“Did she say why she transferred here?” I push on.
“Uhhh…for a change of pace and environment I guess? What do you think?”
Not directly answering a question and answering with another question.
Yup, she’s definitely evading.
“Just like you then?”
“Oh, no, no, no. Haha. No. They were totally supportive of her transferring here.”
“Why the difference of opinions between your parents and her parents?” It doesn’t make sense.
“Uhh..” Her hand goes to her head, scratching it lightly.
“You don’t have to answer. You probably might know. Also, Alex, if you ever feel burdened by your own problems, you could tell me. I’ll just say this, last time we had a misunderstanding it’s because we didn’t have a proper communication. We didn’t say what we want and said what we didn’t want. I don’t want that to happen again, between us or our friends. Losing you once was enough. I mean, losing one of my precious friend so please…and take care of yourself, you look sleep-deprived.”
Yeah feelings are definitely hard to express. Hard to define when things are muddled and you just don’t want to create more confusion to yourself or to others. When things are complicated, you wouldn’t want to complicate it more. Things being simple is better.
Maybe that’s why I never admit to my feelings. I never give them the satisfaction of being concretized by not saying it out loud.
P.S. Saw a comment and updated as promised. S2
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