Bab 21: Chapter Twenty One: Tears behind smile
I know I know
That I will
I know I know
Overcome my trials
I know I know
It exposes me
What I rely on
Think positively, swallow
Even if I'm anxious, even if a desert
It's the beautiful Namib Desert
_Sea
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Jungkook Pov
I still remember the reaction of hyungs when I woke up from my coma. Eight months, for me? Weren't long cause it was like sleeping at night and waking up in the next morning. But for hyungs and my parents, it was the hardest time.
But what made me happy that how everyone was there by my side all the time especially V Hyung. Even doctors had given up on me. But He didn't. He had faith that one day I was going to wake up and I did.
Everyone was so happy and overwhelmed that they all teared up. They were literally astonished. They couldn't believe that I was finally back to them and that I got a second life at my own birthday. It took them some time to take in that they weren't dreaming. To see them extremely happy like that made my heart flutter.
But there was something that was continuously bothering me. And that was V hyung's empty eyes. His eyes had lost the sparkle, he once used to have. Even though he was smiling, it wasn't reaching his eyes. And secondly his health. He had lost too much weight that he looked rather skinny than slender. The dark circles under his eyes were telling the story of his sleepless nights.
I kept staring at him but strangely he kept avoiding my gaze. He didn't look into my eyes. Rather he was grinning from ear to ear endlessly. I found it weird but shrugged it off. I might be assuming things cause I just woke up.
Afterwards they celebrated my birthday like I was a new born baby. The smiles, the delight and the joy on their faces weren't any match to the biggest jewels in the world. Cause they were my real jewels; my hyungs, my love and my family. I wished those moments to last long but those happy moments were just like a smoke that disappeared before we could get hold of it.
And the reason was Miran.
Miran's cancer was the biggest bomb that dropped on us the day I woke up. Even though, she had done so wrong to me and V Hyung and I would be hating her as she tried to steal my love from me. And to be honest, I didn't like her. When a third person jumps between two lovers, it's natural to be jealous or hateful towards that person. And on top of that, she took advantage of my love and got pregnant. Everything was just too much to take in for me.
But still I forgave her and insisted V Hyung to forgive her too. But he didn't responded. But I knew deep inside, he didn't want her to die. After all, she was his best friend from childhood. He couldn't hate her.
She had made a big mistake and everyone makes mistakes. No one is perfect. And now that she was regretful over her wrong doings, there was no reason left to hate her. Even if I hated her, I didn't want her to die. A baby without a mother. Just imagining this made my heart ache.
So, for sake of V Hyung and his innocent baby, I decided to stand with V Hyung and support him in his decisions. Even if it was in my favor or not. Back then I used to fickle in hard times but not this time. It was my time to love him the way he loved me all these years.
V Hyung tried everything to convince Miran for operating her tumor. He even went abroad to visit different neurosurgeons but everyone refused to take her case. According to them, the tumor had spread deeper into her brain that removing it was impossible. And if they tried removing it, she would still die along with the baby.
At the end, he had to give in to Miran's wish. She didn't want to go through pain of surgery. She just wanted her baby's safety.
So, here we were in the hospital's waiting room that was especially reserved for us. All hyungs were there along with me and V Hyung. My mom, V hyung's mom and Miran's parents were also there.
V hyung was standing by my side leaning against the wall behind him. He was continuously fidgeting with his fingers. His brows were snitted together in a frown and nervousness was all over his face.
I wanted to hold him, to comfort him but I couldn't since I was in a wheelchair. The day I woke up, I found out that I couldn't walk. I was paralysed. But it was temporary paralysis. Doctors said I would recover with time. But it was long way to go.
But right now, I really wanted to ease him so I did what I could. I went for his hand and slid my hand inside his. He gasped and looked down at me flustered like he got startled at my sudden action.
I held his hand tighter and caressed it with my thumb. I gestured him to sit down on the sofa beside my wheelchair and he did it instantly. I couldn't help but kept staring at him out of worry. And he might got the idea cause he palmed my cheek and mouthed that he was okay. But I knew, he wasn't.
That's when the door of the waiting room creaked open. Everyone nearly got up from their seats, desperately waiting for the words of Doctor who just entered the room. V Hyung who was standing beside me, clasped my hand tighter, like he was coping up the courage to hear the news.
"Mr. Kim Taehyung-ssi congratulations you're blessed with a baby girl."
'A baby girl? Oh my God.. A little princess.. Am I really hearing this? V hyung's daughter.. No.. Our Daughter..'
I raised my head to see V Hyung as I felt butterflies in my heart at the news but to my surprise, his face was expressionless and emotionless. And I knew where it was coming from cause the next words of doctor crushed our happiness ruthlessly.
"But we couldn't save the mother. I'm Sorry for your loss."
Miran's parents broke down in tears. So did everyone. But to my surprise V Hyung went still, standing like a statue of ice.
"Hyung?" I nearly whispered, shaking him.
He looked down at me with strangely emotionless face and empty eyes. And before I could reach for him, he caressed my hair and left the room.
My heart clenched in my chest as I felt something strange. Why didn't he cried or showed any emotions? Why did he left like this? Those thoughts made me anxious and I started to wheel my wheelchair to follow V Hyung, when someone grabbed my shoulder.
I turned around to find yoongi Hyung hand on my shoulder.
"Let him be. He might needs sometime alone." Yoongi Hyung said while rubbing my shoulder.
I stared at Yoongi Hyung for a while and then nodded.
I wanted to follow V Hyung badly but I decided to give him some space.
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Looking through the big glass wall, I was seeing the sight, I had never imagined to experience this early in my life.
A little star that just appeared in our galaxy, lightening our dark lives, was sleeping adorably in her bed in nursery. She was so small, delicate and breathtakingly beautiful. Her tiny fingers curled up in a cute little fist, like she was ready to fight. And her feet kicked in a little jagged motion looking for resistance she was used to but she met with nothing but air, making my heart wiggle in my chest. I was still in process to believe that she was real. I wanted to hold her desperately. But I couldn't.
Doctors told that our little one was going to stay under observation for few days, then we could take her home. But we were thankful, they let us see her.
Since everyone was standing beside me looking at her in aww. They were literally cooing her, still knowing the fact that she couldn't hear us.
But despite the delight she was giving to our wounded souls, I still couldn't help but to think of how unfortunate fate was to her. She lost her mother the day she opened her eyes in this world. And her father.. Her father wasn't even by her side when he should be.
The man who used to love kids more than anyone in our group, was not even here when it came to his own blood. His own child. My heart ached for that little fairy.
So, I decided, from today I was going to give this little angel her mother's love cause It was Miran's wish as well. Even though I couldn't replace her Mother but I would never let her feel absence of her mother in her life.
"Don't worry little angel. I'm here and I'm going to give you all love you deserve and I'll take care of your dad too."
I muttered under my breath as I kept staring at the little angel and thought of V Hyung. He was making me worried like he always did. What should I do with this man? He would make me crazy one day.
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"Did you see her tiny and delicate hands Hyung? OMG.. I can't wait to hold them. She was so angelic. I still couldn't believe she is real. My taehyung's and Jungkookie's daughter.. OMG.. OMG.."
Jimin hyung said excitedly showing Hoseok Hyung her pictures that he captured in his cell phone.
"Hahaha.. Jimin-ah I can't wait too... My heart flutters whenever I think of holding her in my hands..." Hoseok Hyung replied grinning from ear to ear, not able to contain his excitement.
"Even just watching her from afar made me feel big and responsible. So, this is how you feel when you become a dad.. I kept thinking all the time."
Namjoon Hyung added his feelings, smiling brightly and showing off his dimple.
"No doubt, she's sunshine to our dark night. It was a long night and now it's time that sun will rise in our lives." Yoongi Hyung spoke out, gaining our attention.
He wasn't expressive at all. But for her, he really expressed his feelings. Which felt strange but in a good way.
"Everyone dinner is ready."
That's when Jin Hyung entered in the dinning with hot sizzling meal.
We all had been sitting in the dinning, waiting for dinner. And this was the first time since I got discharged from the hospital, they talked and smiled. They had lost their smiles and they barely talked. Our house had became quieter and dark. Mine and V hyung's accident took away their cheerful side but I was happy that it was back again, because of that little sunshine.
Since everyone was smiling and talking about princess, I was worried about one person, that wasn't back till yet. I had bad feeling and worst scenerios had been haunting my mind since he left.
"Stop fidgeting. He'll be back Jungkookie. Please eat something. You need to take medicine." Jin Hyung caressed my hair before plating dinner for me.
"Hyung, I'll eat with him." I said as my eyes were glued to the door of the dinning.
"You're worrying to much. It's not good for you. Remember doctor told you that stress can hinder your recovery and can prolong your paralysis. Taehyung needs sometime. So, don't worry." Namjoon Hyung sat beside me, handed me the glass of water, trying to comfort me with his words.
"Namjoon is right. Now let's eat something. You need to recover faster right. Now, you're a parent. You promised Miran to raise her daughter along with Taehyung. So, For sake of your daughter, you need to stand on your feet." Jin Hyung said, while feeding me the food which I took obediently.
'For sake of my daughter?'
It felt weird to my ears but It gave me strange feelings. Heart fluttering type of strange.
I kept eating as Jin Hyung kept feeding me. Since I came back home, I was literally treated like a baby. They fed me, helped me in Bathing, changing my clothes and each six of them help me with my walking exercise six times a day.
"Good boy. You finished it. Now, take these medicines." Jin Hyung baby talked me, while placing pills in my hand.
I frowned at him for treating me like a baby but he was completely un bothered by my frown. So, I took my medicine quietly and my gaze went back to where it was.
The door of dinning as I waited for him..
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My eyes fluttered open, when I felt someone putting me in my bed.
"V Hyung?" I mumbled groggily, staring at him as he put blanket over me.
"Hmm?" he hummed in reply, never looking at me once and kept folding the blanket around me.
"I was waiting for you." I said sadly, my voice still hoarse. It was probably the effect of medicine that I fell asleep while waiting for him.
"I'm here Kookie. You can sleep now." V Hyung said softly, caressing my hair.
"Can we talk?" I asked meticulously, afraid that he would refuse and he did.
"You need to rest Kookie. You've taken medicine. We'll talk tomorrow." He said firmly, giving me no chance to reply as he went into bathroom.
Why was he acting like this? What was in his mind? Where was he all the time? All those questions were torturing me mentally. If I couldn't get the answer, I would scream out in frustration. So, I decided to wait for him to get in bed.
Since I came back home, V hyung was sleeping with me in my room, so that if I needed anything at night, he would be there for me.
After 10 minutes or more, he finally came out of shower. I closed my eyes and waited for him to lay beside me.
He turned off the lights and slid inside the blanket but laid far away from me. It made me disppointed but I decided not to give up. I had to comfort him and make him realise that I was by his side.
"Hyung, I want to hug you." I whispered enough for him to hear. But I got no response.
"Are you already asleep Hyung?" I asked this time little louder than before. But still no response.
"Taehyung?" I said and this time he scooted closer and sliding his hands around my waist and resting his face at my chest.
And then I heard him sobbing. I quickly looked down to find him crying. My heart ached as he kept crying but I let him be. I kept caressing his hair and he let his pain out in my arms.
"Do you feel better now?" I asked softly, as his sobbing came to halt.
"Hmm." he hummed while sniffing.
"Where were you all the time? You know how worried I was?" I asked now caressing his cheeks.
"W.. Was just wandering here and there." he replied groggily, snuggling closer into my chest like a little kid.
We stayed like this for a while, as I stop asking him anything else. I wanted to give him some time to take in everything. He had been through so much.
"Kookie?" V Hyung called my name, making me to look down at him. His voice was still heavy from crying.
"I'm listening Tae. Go ahead." I replied rubbing his back gently.
"Why is life so unfair to me? All the people I love ended up getting hurt because of me. Because of me, our hyungs, our family and our company got hurt. Because of me, you got hurt. Because of me, Miran is dead." he trailed off as he started sobbing again.
His words broke my heart. I didn't know he had these thoughts in his mind all the time and he was suffering all alone.
"Tae.. It's not your fault. Actually, it's not anyone's fault. It's just that the fate was so cruel to us. You remember, you talked about our trial, that our trial is going to be hard..It was our trial Tae. And we made through it. I know, you're hurt and it's hard time for you. But just think of this time as a part of our trial. Don't blame yourself for anything."
I said, pulling him closer to my chest.
"Don't you hate me for what I had done? Don't you hate that kid?" He asked as he sniffed like an innocent boy.
"Why would I hate you? Tae, I know the only person you love is me. It wasn't your fault. And it's not that kid, it's our daughter. Just as beautiful as you. Or even more. Why would I hate her? I'm going to love her even more than you."
I snickered while ruffling his hair. I didn't know what he had been thinking all the time. But now I knew that he had been in despair all the time. He blamed himself for everything. He was literally living in guilt and I was going to get him out of this guilt and remorse. And get my old Taehyung back again.
Status Power Mingguan
-- Peringkat
Power 
-- Power
stone