"Damn idiot I'll just say it one more time! Either you come to us by hook or by crook! "
"Stop bothering me, you idiot, there is a promotion that I am not going to miss because of you!"
I woke up to the sound of an argument, I don't know how long I slept, but I feel better. A good nap and voila, the anxiety attack is over.
I got up, brushed the dust off my suit, and looked at the entrance to the alley where the noise was coming from.
It looked like the typical scene of three thugs stalking a cute girl, then the hero would come and the girl would fall in love, a cliche.
I thought about waiting for the hero to arrive so that I could leave without attracting attention, but the discussion only increased while the hero did not arrive.
"You will see fucking bitch, no one tells me no!"
"Let go of me idiot!"
The larger subject took the girl by the arm with an expression of fury.
I think I have a guilt complex generated by my actions before I died, I feel the need to prove to the world and myself that I am a good person so I couldn't help rushing to help the girl.
"Hey idiot, a real man does not harass a woman, only a loser does" - I approached with an imposing voice but my appearance and short stature do not help at all, I am a damn walking joke.
"Get out of here you old shit, this is not your problem!" - The subject released the girl and approached me with an expression of fury.
"As a responsible adult it is my duty to set young people on the right track, even if it is a complete asshole like you" - I already got into this so there is no turning back.
In my past life, I had no fighting experience and this body doesn't seem to even know what a gym is so this is going to hurt.
"You fucking old man!" - The subject was enraged by my show of kindness in trying to help him to be a better person and he threw a blow to my face.
"Be careful!" - The girl screamed, but I didn't dodge, rather, I couldn't dodge, my reflexes suck.
Eh?
And the pain?
A blow is supposed to hurt, I just feel something against my cheek as if a cotton ball had been thrown at me.
"You finished? I am busy and it makes me uncomfortable for a man to touch me "- I spoke with confusion, I did not expect this body to be so resistant.
"... This is not over damn fat!" - The subject began to hit my face, but he could not even dishevel me.
This body is amazing!
I am a metapod!
I still felt sleepy so I couldn't help but yawn. - "You finished? I'm hungry and I want pancakes "
"D-Damn fat! This is not over!" - The subject was panting from exhaustion, he seemed to be too embarrassed to stay so he fled the place with his friends.
I didn't even feel itchy, as expected from a comedy character, the defense stats are ridiculous, I just have to be careful eating fries so I don't die from suffocation.
"That was amazing Ojisan! Do you practice martial arts ?! " - The girl approached me with bright eyes like a little boy watching Superman.
Before I did not recognize her since she was still sleepy, but now that I am awake I could recognize her and I understood why a hero did not come to save her, this girl could protect herself.
Shiny blond hair combed into a double ponytail, tanned skin, cute face, and gyaru-appropriate clothing but without excessive frills.
Sakura Hibiki, the protagonist of the series Dumbbell, a cheerful girl with super strength who can rival the characters of Kengan Ashura in terms of brute strength and appetite.
If this girl hit the idiots from just now she might accidentally break a couple of bones, scary.
Despite the fact that Hibiki is cute, I didn't feel as much panic as I did with Anida since somehow my mind sees girls under 18 as girls and only women over 18 are suitable women who generate real terror in me.
Did the fact that the principal used to be a pedophile influence my caliginephobia? I don't want to be a lolicon, but technically I'm already one because of Rinka… I definitely need pancakes to heal my heart.
"Ahem, I'm not a martial artist, it's just that that guy was too weak" - I tried to sound humble but Hibiki's gaze grew brighter.
"Oh as expected of an expert, always with humility!" - Hibiki seemed to understand something that I did not understand.
I think I remember that while Hibiki didn't like to exercise and she lived a sedentary life, she was the type of girl who gets easily excited about what she finds interesting. I'm not entirely sure as things may differ to anime as is the case with Saki so I won't think too much about it.
I was about to repeat that I am not a martial artist but two grunting sounds stopped us. My stomach and Hibiki's seemed in sync, a gluttonous bond.
"... Hahahaha, it seems I'm a little hungry" - I rubbed the back of my neck with shame.
Hibiki seemed grateful that I didn't mention that her stomach was louder than mine.
"Well young lady, try to avoid the alleys since idiots abound and such a pretty young woman could attract undesirable people" - I smiled and turned to go, I want to eat pancakes and I must look for a good restaurant since I only know the location from my house, the school where I am the principal and for some reason that I don't want to know, I also know where the primary school is.
"Hey Ojisan, you said you wanted pancakes earlier, I know a good place that is promoting pancakes!" - Hibiki spoke happily.
I think she sees me as some kind of nice uncle or something, or maybe she just wants me to pay for the food since this girl can eat like a whole football team.
I wanted to refuse, but the temptation of pancakes was able to overcome my phobia of women so I agreed. - "Well, let's go then"
Without Hitler's mustache, dark glasses, changing my hairstyle, and not wearing a stupid bun, I look more decent than the original director. At least I no longer seem like a would-be stalker and come across as a good man, something suitable for a high school principal.
"Hey Ojisan, what's your name?" - Hibiki was cheerful as she sometimes muttered that she would eat a lot of pancakes.
"Yamada Satou, and what is your name young lady?" - Acting like a middle-aged adult feels strange, especially since I feel like a weird old man trying to get close to a schoolgirl.
"My name is Hibiki Sakura, thanks for helping me keep those guys away, you were great Ojisan!" - Hibiki had a cheerful demeanor that I found a bit suffocating, as an introvert I find it difficult to be around an energetic person but I really want to eat pancakes.
When we got to the restaurant I was surprised to see the place, but somehow it was to be expected.
At the entrance of the restaurant, there was a sign that said "Today only, special pancake promotion, 3 orders for the price of 1, Enjoy it!"
That's a lot of pancakes, I like it.
"What do you think Ojisan? Looks good"- Hibiki was drooling as she looked at the poster.
I was looking at the name of the restaurant.
"Wagnaria, it seems like a place ... Interesting, I think" - I scratched my cheek without knowing how to respond.
If this is from the anime Working!! this place is anything but peaceful.
All for the pancakes!
We entered the place, summer vacation is about to end so some students and families enjoyed their meals.
A little girl with breasts disproportionate to her height approached us, she was wearing a restaurant uniform for what should be Popura Taneshima, the 17-year-old loli that emerged from the fetishes of the lolicons.
"Welcome, are you coming for the pancake promotion?" - Popura asked like a professional waitress but her appearance only made her appear like a child pretending to be an adult.
Whether in 2D or in person, she is still adorable.
"Does this place employ little girls?" - Hibiki raised an eyebrow.
I thought she already knew about this place, but maybe it was recommended to her or she found the promotion on the internet, who knows.
"Hibiki, it's bad to judge by looks, she might be your same age" - If you think about it, a little girl couldn't have those breasts unless she was in a hentai or if she was in a fantasy series.
"Exactly, I'm not a little girl, I'm 17 years old, look!" - Popura took her ID out of her pocket.
Is she mistaken for a little girl so often that she's used to showing her ID? Poor little thing.
"Wow we are the same age!" - Hibiki seemed to have received the surprise of her life making Popura pout.
I'm not good at dealing with comedy situations, I just want to eat.
"Can you get us a table?" - I tried to finish this comedy skit as it makes me uncomfortable to be in a place with so many people.
"Sure sir, this way!" - Popura seemed more comfortable talking to me.
Did she make her so happy that I didn't consider her a little girl? Poor little thing.
When we got to our table Popura took our order.
"I want 12 orders of pancakes and two chocolate shakes to start, what are you going to order Ojisan?" - Hibiki's mouth salivated, this girl lacks manners.
Great, I already starting to think like a middle-aged old man.
"Hibiki, wipe your mouth and watch your manners" - I sighed.
Is this how a father feels about his children? Maybe I did my cousin a favor by killing him along with his son ...
I must stop thinking about it or I'll just feel more miserable.
Hibiki nodded embarrassed and wiped her mouth, but she kept salivating, this girl is like a hungry dragon.
"I want the same, but instead of a chocolate milkshake I want a strawberry milkshake" - Later I'll go to a gym, for now, I want my damn pancakes.
Popura nodded, she didn't look surprised by the pair of gluttons in front of her, or if she was she didn't show it, a good waitress.
When the food was brought to us, Hibiki and I began to eat, with just one glance we came to an agreement.
Don't talk, just eat.
These pancakes are delicious, although they are not as good as mine that does not change that they are delicious.
Pancakes are justice!
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