Bab 149: Not Quite the Same

DESI

Maybe this time I should just die. Death’s come for me so many times - maybe I need to give in this time. I mean, it will keep coming for me, right? As it is, I can’t fathom why I keep getting second chances. I am Loki’s daughter - part Gardian. Shouldn’t I be reincarnated? Or, as Mahria’s daughter, couldn’t I go to Vanaheim? Instead, I just keep coming back to life.

Unless the right answer is that I should just stay here in Helheimer. I try to open my eyes, try to laugh at the irony. My body will die here in Hell - the perfect place for my soul to take up residence. I wonder if dying always feels like this - like a slow burn, like filling a bathtub, like waiting for the rain to stop before running outside.

“You don’t have to die,” a voice, not my own, whispers inside my mind. Maybe a little craziness is part of death, of real death.

The voice is wrong, anyway. Michael, James and Miri - they’ll be all right. Won’t they?

“Remember who you are.”