Bab 1: Chapter 1- To Die Is To Live, And To Live Is To Die Daily

I wondered... about lots of things in this life. Family, friends, affections, things, life, love. I just couldn't seem to get it in the same way others felt it. My emotions were number at times and worse at times. I wondered if that was what being bipolar meant, but I had never had the chance to see a doctor on that matter. Still my random emotions that were always out of control bothered me. Dearly.

I was tired of feeling tired, I was tired of trying to find some fanciful tale for my own enjoyment. That I too might have a lasting MEANINGFUL tale of my own. But I suppose it didn't matter how I felt to any.

Because to other I was a wheel in a cog that didn't fit perfectly. I was a screw that wouldn't hold anything in place, and I knew no relation with me would be secure... It hurt... Lots,... and I new no matter what I would say it wouldn't make a difference. No prayer would be answered. I Had Lost Hope. In, well living...

So what changed that made me write this story of my tale. I'm not sure. If I was so broken and felt so down in the dumps moments before why could I continue this written story of mine. I guess that's what being bipolar in my head meant. I would always carry a stupid little hope in my heart that something would change. Maybe it was stupid, but I couldn't deny it. Because if I did the pain would just grow worse, and I was tired of the pain more than any apathy.

So let me tell you my story of how I became a Gladiator in an arena unlike any which had been seen before.

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I had found myself in a place that definitely wasn't my room. Coming to, I at first jumped a little in fear. Little by little I shifted to my neutral expression as I calmed myself.