Bab 34: Feelings
Two days after their dinner by candlelight, Jesse got a call while he was touring one of the last facilities owned by the Como Rosario Institution.
"Hey Pearl, you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine."
"You sound tired," he frowned.
"I guess I am," she admitted. "I feel a little funny, so I'm heading home."
Jesse squashed the panic that threatened to rise to the surface. "Do you need me to come there?"
"No, no," she hurriedly assured him. "I just don't want you to freak out if you find me in bed at three in the afternoon."
Jesse couldn't help chuckling at the irony. "Okay. I won't freak out." Pause. "I'll be home soon."
"No sooner than you need to be," she pleaded. "I don't want to interrupt your tour again."
Jesse took a deep breath before saying, "Okay."
"Alright. Bye, then." Pearl hung up.
He said a little prayer and tuned back to his tour guide. "Sorry about that, where were we?"
When Jesse got home, the place seemed deserted. He first went through the usual rooms he normally found Pearl resting in and when he didn't find her in the sun room, on the patio or in the living room, he then headed down the hallway and stopped at her bedroom door. Rapping his knuckles on the door, he waited for a moment before letting himself in.
Pearl was sleeping.
Soundly snuggled under the light duvet, she didn't stir when Jesse entered the room and sat on the edge of the bed. As he normally did when he found her resting, he listened for the tell-tale signs of anything wrong with her breathing and he took a look at the parts of her he could see.
Her face was peaceful, her left hand was tucked up under her head and her right arm was resting in front of her. She sounded and looked fine. That was his medical assessment. His personal assessment was that she looked as gorgeous with her eyes closed as she did when they were open.
Standing up, Jesse decided now was a great time to hit the gym. Leaving her room he pulled out his phone, knowing she would check her messages when she woke up. He texted her, stating his location and then went to change.
When Pearl woke up, she sat up and took stock of how she was feeling. Her chest was no longer tight and her headache had faded away. Taking a careful breath in and out, she concluded that she'd done the right thing by going to sleep.
Just as she stepped out of her room, Jesse was rounding the corner into the hallway where the bedrooms were situated. He wore shorts and sneakers, his t-shirt was in his hand and he was rubbing a towel over his hair.
"God, help me," Pearl said under her breath.
Jesse's step slowed when he saw her. "Hey, you're up."
"Yeah," Pearl studiously kept her eyes on his face. "Did you have a good workout?"
"Yeah. How are you feeling?" he asked, stopping right in front of her.
"I was perfectly alright when I woke up. The nap really helped."
He frowned slightly at her choice of words, "And now you feel different? What's wrong?"
Pearl let out a little laugh. "Doctor, you just need to put your shirt back on. It's incredibly distracting," she almost muttered the last part.
Jesse's jaw dropped.
Pearl shook her head and looked away with a self-deprecating smile. "So, if I look flustered right now, it's all you."
After a moment, Jesse managed to shut his mouth. Clearing his throat, a slow smile spread across his face. "You know, normally by now I'd have said something, but I made you a promise."
Pearl almost rolled her eyes and Jesse chuckled. "But if you say anything else, I'm genuinely afraid of what might happen next. So, maybe you should go to the living room and hang out there for a while," he began, "or go back into your room and lock the door behind you."
Her beautiful brown eyes widened but he wasn't done. Next he said, "I'm going to take a cold shower and put some clothes on before it gets hotter in here."
He took a step back and Pearl looked up into Jesse's eyes again. He was still smiling slightly but she read understanding and something else in his green eyes.
"Okay, that's a good idea," she said. "I'll see you in a bit."
With that, she started walking down the hall toward the living room.
"Pearl," he called out.
She stopped and looked back.
"I'm sorry for making you uncomfortable. I'll keep all my clothes on when you're around."
Pearl shook her head with an odd smile. "You don't need to apologise. I'm just not immune to that." She gestured to his shirtless state. She paused and said a little teasingly. "What can I say, Jesse? You're hot."
She turned away and kept walking. Jesse watched her go until she was out of sight and then headed to his room, chuckling.
"Now what am I supposed to do?" he asked himself out loud.
Discarding all his clothes on the floor just outside the shower, Jesse admitted that he knew what he wanted to do.
He wanted to make Pearl his own, however she would let him. He wanted to be the only man who flustered her to distraction and made her smile the way she did when she knew he understood what she was saying. Jesse wanted the easy camaraderie they'd established in the last few weeks to remain or grow even more.
He wanted Pearl. And he wanted her to want him.
Grabbing his shower gel, Jesse considered the fact that he'd hardly ever hinted at his interest in her. Of course, he'd said things in a teasing manner, but if he wanted to make a claim he'd have to be clear. And it'd have to be soon.
He wanted to know in as little time as possible how he affected her. Even with all his clothes on.
Stepping out of the shower a while later, Jesse paused.
No, he thought. Letting Pearl know how he felt wouldn't be fair on her.
He would keep his desires to himself. She was already staying under his roof until they found a place she liked. He didn't want to make things awkward. All the other reasons to not tell her came flooding in.
Sam was practically a brother to her- she was almost a part of the family. Then there was the issue of her faith. Her telling him he was hot was Pearl simply stating fact, he smiled wryly. She wasn't trying to start something. A part of him knew that the comfortable familiarity was a result of their unconventional doctor-patient relationship. He didn't want to admit it but it contributed to why she kept him updated on her daily life. He supposed he should be grateful that she still let him get so close. But she was no longer critical and there was nothing professional about his feelings.
Sadly the more time he spent with her, the more she attracted him.
He wanted her. There was no denying that. But he didn't want to betray her trust, so Jesse decided he wasn't going to do anything about it.
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