Bab 9: Secrets and Lies
...Kati POV...
This morning I wake up in Sebastian's arms. I don't want to get out of bed. I want to stay here. This is my safe place. Yesterday I gave myself to him; I feel that we are even closer than before. Our feelings are growing for each other every day. It is going to be very hard to say goodbye.
I gave everyone quite a big scare. It nearly killed Sebastian. He does not want to talk about it. We still need to talk about me lying to him. I don't know if he is going to forgive him. I head out to the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. Mom is already there making breakfast for us all,
"Morning, mom."
"Morning, sweety. Did you sleep well?"
"Yes better than I have in a while."
"Have mom spoken to Sebastian about us lying to him?"
"No, he is avoiding the conversation."
"Does it look like he is mad?"
"Yes, it does."
"I did not mean to hurt him. I want him to leave, and this is the only way I know how. I need to push him away."
"Don't you think that is the wrong way to go about things?"
"No. He needs to know that I do not feel to same way he feels about me. There is no hope for us."
I am going to lie to Sebastian again. I do love him with all my heart and with every fiber of my body. I cannot be away from him too far and too long. It hurts too much to let him go, but I have to. I am selfish, but this is for the best.
"Kati, you know it is not true,"
"Mom, it has to. I cannot love Sebastian. I need him to leave and forget about me. I have learned that I had to. I have made peace with my fate, and it includes giving up on him and every other thing in my life. I do not love Sebastian."
I cannot believe that I just said that. It is so untrue. This is the best for Sebastian. I don't know how to tell him. He is going to see it in my eyes that I am lying to him.
I hear a shuffle of feet behind me. I turn around. It is Sebastian; he has listened to every word I said. He looks at me and storms off outside. I have to fight off the urge to follow him. I remain standing there. As tears build up in my eyes, mom steps forward and embrace me in a hug.
"Mom, what have I done? Should getting what I want hurt so much?"
"What are you going to do now? Where are you going to?"
"If I can stay here? But Sebastian cannot know."
"You can't stay here all alone."
"I can. I will phone mom every day. When I stop, then it means something is wrong."
"Okay, I will leave my car for you. I will tell Sebastian you are going to leave."
I am making the biggest mistake of my life. This is killing me inside. I cannot forgive myself for this, but I have to. In time Sebastian will realize that it is the best thing for us.
After breakfast, Sebastian and mom start packing and get ready to leave. I have been pretending to pack myself; Sebastian believes it. I look at him as he starts loading the car. I cannot read his face. He looks cold and emotionless. I don't know if he still loves me or if it has given place for hate. Why did I have to go and lie? It ruined everything. There is no turning back now.
But just as they are about to leave, he calls after me. "Kati."
"Yes, Sebastian."
"I'm not happy with your decisions, but I have always respected them. Please drive safe. Let mom know when you are home. This is possibly the best thing to do. You will phone when the end is near? Don't try to do this by yourself. Please take care. I know you will be okay. I know our life together has come to an end, but I am still your friend."
"Thank you. I have phoned someone that will take care of me when I need to."
"Kati."
"Yes, Sebastian."
"Thank you for what was real between us. I would have rather spent these few weeks with you than nothing at all."
..... Sebastian's POV.....
That was by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Kati's face was expressionless. There was no trace of hurt and pain or even happiness and hope on her face. There was just a void of nothingness. My heart has not registered this yet, but my head tells me how much of this is wrong.
Now I have my mom all scared and panicked next to me. "Sebastian, are you not going to fight for this?
"Mom, how can I fight for something that is built on a lie?"
"We thought it was the best thing to do, but we were wrong."
"I am not going to argue about how selfish and irresponsible both of you are. You both put her in danger. This is not a game. It is someone's life."
"How do you act if you only have a few months to live?"
"Definitely not this way."
"Are you just going to walk away?"
"Does it look like I am going to? I know you both are lying again. What it is, I am going to find out."
I watch as my mom hesitate, and I know for sure that they both are lying to me. "Sebastian."
"No, mom, are you going to tell me?"
"There is nothing to tell."
"Exactly what I figured."
My mother and Kati's stubbornness is driving me up the walls. I need to find Kati before it is too late. I have no idea where to begin. She has no family, and I am most probably her only friend. I am going to give it until night time and go check at her home.
By the time we get back home, it is killing me; I need her, I love her, I need to take care of her, and I am not giving up so easily. I need to find her.
I take my phone and dial her number. It just rings and rings and then goes to voicemail.
"Kati, please let us know if you are okay."
I decided to send her a message instead.
"Kati, please call mom or me."
I will find her, but it will make things a lot easier if my mother just comes out with the truth.
"Mom I am going to look for Kati. You have about five minutes to tell me what you are hiding before I walk out that door."
"Sebastian, she will be okay; just give her the space she wants."
"I refuse to let this happen. There is no time for wanting space now."
I drive off and head for Kati's house. It is dark, and there are no lights on. I am going to wait for an hour before I move on.
But I end up waiting a little longer than I should; there is no sign of her.
I know she has a friend from work, Emma. Maybe I will find her there, much to my relief I find Emma is at home.
"Hey, Emma."
"Sebastian. What do I owe the surprise?"
"I'm looking for Kati."
"I thought she was with you? Did you have a fallout?"
"You'd say so. Where else can I look?"
"Try Mitchell."
Emma gives me Mitchell's address, and I head off. I can't but feel jealousy creeping up its ugly head. But I stick aside; I need to find her. But he does not seem too pleased to see me at all.
"Hey, Mitchell. I am Kati's friend."
"Sebastian. Yes, I have heard quite a bit of you."
"Is Kati here?"
"No, is something the matter?"
"We had a misunderstanding. Don't know where she is."
"Sorry, Sebastian, but I don't know."
"Anyone else I can try?"
"Did you try her sister?"
Did he just say, sister? It did sound like he did. I did not know that she had a sister; she does not have one.
"She does not have a sister."
"She does, only found out two months ago. Thought you would know."
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