Bab 19: Chapter 19

With the motor still running and his hands clenching the steering wheel like his life depended on it he could feel every vibration of the car. His eyes were in front not daring to look at the house next to him. The sun blazing in his eyes but he didn't dare to look away, every blink was accompanied by a little heart attack because he had a foolishly belief that when his eyes opened up she would be there, in front of the car looking at him and demanding the answer to the question that even after so much time he didn't know the answer "Why?" only the pure fictive imagine from his mind of her saying this word in his face was nauseous.


The car wasn't moving It was parked in front of the house for quite a while now.


"….by Bo…"


So why he didn't turn off the motor?


" Ca… you h… me? BO…..!"


Why he didn't turn the key and stop the motor? He knows why because,…


"BO…!"


Because he didn't dare to, because even now he still wanted to bolt out of here the moment he knew he could. Because….




"BO…. I know why you broke up with Lori!"




It was like a bucket with cold icy water was emptied on his head, Its head snapped to the passenger seat where his little sister was looking at him with a cold neutral expression. Her posture was relaxed like she just made a mundane commentary on the weather but she lookedat him expressionless with a deep cold in her eyes.


That look only was worse than any insult, any punch, any punishment she could have given him. For a second he wanted to see her angry at him, demanding the full story, even if possible she knew the full story already, just to end with him getting yelled at and possibly getting a very deserved punch, but that didn't happen. Ronnie-Anne was just looking at him with a cold neutral expression like in front of her was just a stranger… no, his sister was looking at strangers far better than she did at him now… he was worse than a stranger to her, and he couldn't put in words how much this hurts. Her tomboyish little voice was ringing again in his ears and this time he was hearing her loud and clear.

"I don't know the full story but I know it started when Lori got her picture in the newspaper for helping with that case, but something I know 100%..."


With a quick hand gesture she opened up the car door and turned her head back to him her previous look was replaced by a much softer one but keeping some of the coldness, while her big brown eyes were looking directly into his eyes she said.



… you're an idiot"



She jumps out of the car and closes the door after her. What hurt the most was that she was right. Letting out a breath he didn't know he was holding he let his head fall on the steering wheel on top of his hands that were still clenching the poor wheel with all his might. Even after the moment with his sister, his hands were still clenching the steering wheel for his dear life as if the moment his hands unglued themselves of the object made of leather and plastic he would be dragged by an invisible force in that house… to her.

A sigh escaped his lips "Where all go wrong?" He could blame the distance, but they had been in a long-distance relationship for far too long, he could blame the lack of communication with the convenience store going better than ever and her studies and workload becoming more demanding they had barely had any time to even text to each other. Yeah, that is a good excuse. Didn't he use the exact one with his family? He didn't remember what happened he just wanted to be left alone and just told the first lie that came to the top of his head hoping it would work.


He thought it worked but after looking at his sister, it didn't. They knew, they didn't know the full story but they knew and that was what was breaking his heart. Lori was like a part of the family, everyone loved her, why wouldn't they? She was perfect far too perfect for someone like him. He didn't deserve her.


Looking through the window he saw his sister walking at a snail pace towards the house. Her little brown eyes lack the bravado she so often shows looking at the Loud's house like the exam of her least favourite subject.


'…heh! At least I wasn't the only one nervous.'


Having this thought flash in his mind he couldn't help to notice some changes in his little sister. Her hair looked glossier than ever and it was swaying graciously left and right, her current clothes were a pair of dark blue shorts with a sport dark purple crop top with a very familiar yellow hoodie tied around her hips and a pair of black running sneakers. He remembered except for the hoodie Carlota tried to put her in this outfit a couple of weeks ago but she said and quote " No offense Carlota but I rather eat these than wear them"



His sister never cared so much about appearances, most of the time she wouldn't even brush her hair saying "That's why they invented the ponytail" She would regret it it later when she would struggle to brush her hair. A total of 180 from him. He loved to prep himself looking his best, brushing and using products in his hair and choosing the clothes he looked the best keeping his casual image. Before he wouldn't go out of the house without checking his appearance twice in the mirror.





Now… he turned his look towards the side-view mirror, his once neatly perfectly arranged hair that he was so proud of was looking like a ratted mess, his skin that before he carefully took care to not let any imperfections looked pale almost dead with huge bags under his eyes and looking down at his clothes… he didn't even look when he put these on, he was wearing his old clothes, they were wrinkled, stained and old, mostly because he got them from the top of his laundry hamper filled with his dirty clothes.


Another sign escaped his lips once again. He looked back at his little sister that was still walking at a snail's pace and slowly his hands relaxed.


'Come on Bobby that's why you come here. She didn't deserved what you did to her, not for such a stupid reason'


His hands unglue slowly from the steering wheel, and when he says unglue his hands it means that he was gripping so hard for so long the steering wheel that it stuck on the skin. He could see the skin stretch and unglue itself after he raised his hands slowly. the polka dot pattern of the steering wheel was imprinted Inside his palms, another prove how hard he was griping the wheel.


He looked down at himself again and saw that the t-shirt under his open green shorts was acceptable clean with a quick move he took his green shirt off and threw it on the back seat. He stopped the motor and opened the car door with a simple click. He got slowly out of the car and closed the door.


'Alright, you got out of the car. You can't go back, come on.'


A step after another, he slowly got closer to his sister who was still on the path towards the house.


He raised his hand and let it drop on his sister's shoulder. At how fast he turned her head towards him he believed for a second he broke her neck.

"Bobby?"

She was genuinely surprised, but inside her eyes, he could see a glimpse of knowing. Like she knew he would come with her before she would reach the house, and he knew if asked she would blame her slowing steps on him but he knew it wasn't true. She was terrified to see the little albino boy and he also wanted to see his little brother.

"Let's go see Lincoln"


He didn't sound sure or brave or even cool how it usually happened with these moments in movies but he said the words aloud and he knew for his little sister that was enough.

He nodded her little head and both of them started to walk towards the house in less than a couple of seconds they were on the front porch knocking on the door. They knew to not touch the doorbell.


*thud, thud, thud*


Every step that got closer to the door increased the volume of his prayers inside his head to not be Lori the one who opened the door.


*Click*


"Ronnie-Anne? Bobby?"


And his prayers were listened the one who opened the door was the comedian of the Loud family, Luan Loud.


The Santiago siblings couldn't help but notice her red eyes and dishevelled hair. She looked at them weirdly with a look Bobby couldn't decipher, but it made his sister tense.


"Is Lincoln here?"


After mentioning the name of the boy with white hair a warm look appeared in her eyes, her posture relaxed and a small smile blossomed on her cute face.


"Yeah he's here, he's home. Why are you two here?"


When she spoke about her brother she had one of the most beautiful expressions he had ever seen but then her attitude changed in the blink of an eye when she spoke with them. Bobby can understand why so. They must have been through a lot and coming the second after they settled in wasn't the best idea but Ronnie-Anne dragged him by the foot and threatened him with some pictures from his childhood he never wanted to reach the internet.


"We just wanted to see, Lincoln, c-can we see him?"


At the second mention of the boy and stating their intention her brown eyes widened in surpsurprisen slowly her eyebrows frowned in irritation.



"𝗟𝗶𝗻𝗰𝗼𝗹𝗻 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗳𝗲𝗹𝗹 𝗮𝘀𝗹𝗲𝗲𝗽 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲."



*gulp* Bobby didn't know why but he started to feel a soft chill down his back, he was ready to go back home but he couldn't just go without seeing Lincoln whom he missed like crazy, or finally speak with his ex-girlfriend but also for himself he had to speak with Lori.

Fortunately, his little sister was braver than him and taking a confident step in front almost entering the house, she looked at Luan with the same ferocity she was so often showing when needed. Their brown eyes were speaking an angry language that Bobby didn't understand, even his dense head could see that his sister knew more than she let to know and Bobby's instincts told him clearly and loud and under normal circumstances he wouldn't want to know.


"Look we came to see Linc…"


"Ronnie-Anne?"


A soft youthful voice came like a whisper to Bobby but for Luan and Ronnie-Ann it came like a truck. Luan turned around and the Santiago siblings lift them to look at the top of the stairs where a boy with white hair, fleckless and hypnotic eyes. He was wearing a long-sleeved black t-shirt under a dark orange shirt with the buttons open, black trousers and a pair of white with blue lines socks.


…he looks taller


He didn't know why but his eyes were stinging like crazy and his chest was feeling heavy. Lincoln was here, right in front of us well and safe.

"Li-Lincoln is that you?"

His sister's voice snapped him out of his frozen state.


Not knowing why Bobby looked at Luan, and he didn't know what to make from her face. Panic, fury… jealousy? He didn't know what he looked but once again Bobby got to snap out of his deep thoughts when Lincoln ran down the stairs and hugged Ronnie-Anne with all his force. When his body collided with hers Ronnie-Anne looked like she was about to fall but she held her ground and hugged him back with equal force.


"Who else would have the guts to hug you Loca?"



That did it. Lincoln rarely used that nickname for Ronnie-Anne but nobody else would call her like that not even her best friends or even her family because that was the first nickname Lincoln came for her and she loved it with all her heart.


"Sniff, Sniff"


Bobby wasn't surprised when he heard his sister crying softly, her back was facing him but he could see her shoulders trembling. Lincoln just tightened his hold on her and buried his face in the place between her neck and shoulder. His hand lifted from her back and petted her hair slowly.


Bobby looked left and saw eleven pairs of eyes "secretly" peeking, the Loud matriarchs were looking at the scene in front of them with tears in their eyes. Mrs Loud was looking a bit worried but she still had the same happiness-filled smile on her face. The nine sisters who were also watching gave the same happy smiles as their parents. They stare intensely at his little sister. Like with Luan, he couldn't read the expression on their faces. It was like trying to concentrate on a single voice from a crowd of people. After she calmed down Ronnie-Anne wiped her snot with her sleeve and with a happy smile that he was sure illuminated the room said.


"Welcome back Lame-o!"

Lincoln's smile almost blinded him both of them, both of the children walked to the living room to speak more and unfortunately his head turned to his left once again.


There he saw her, no longer blocked by her many sisters, she was looking at Lincoln and Ronnie-Anne taking a seat on the couch like the rest of their sisters she looked worried but she had a little smile on her pink lips after a couple of seconds she turned her head to him, her blue eyes struck him like lightning. He didn't know if he was still breathing but his heart was beating like it wanted to rip out his ribcage and in at that moment he didn't mind if that would happen right now.


They continued to look into each other eyes, he wanted to hide how nervous he was but it was impossible especially in front of her not when she looked at him like that. The tension between them was running thick so thick that he could notice from his peripheral vision the other Loud sisters looking at the living room like it was filled with gold but none of them moved a muscle pretty sure it was because of them.


"Let's go to a more private space."


She didn't wait for his answer she just turned around and walked towards what he thought was the back porch she knew neither of them had any other option, especially with a house with paper thin walls like hers. If they wanted to speak they needed to get somewhere where they at least couldn't be seen and heard by the entire house.


Going past the unmoving siblings from the living room door to get to the kitchen when his foot stepped in on the black and white floor of the kitchen he could hear Lynn shout "Finally!" followed by many steps sounds. He couldn't help but smile at this.


"Heh"


And it seemed that Lori couldn't suppress her chuckle either she was still with her back at him but she turned her head so he could see her beautiful smile, her blue eyes had a sparkle like two blue gems from the sunrise that came from the kitchen window.


…Beautiful… How could somebody be so beautiful?

He was in stuck awe like feeling for her but he didn't stopped waking.

She opened the back door and exited the kitchen first, he exited the house before her and right there on his right, he could see her looking at him with crossed hands and a calm expression.


If you only look at her face you would think she didn't think too much about speaking with her ex-boyfriend who dumped her using a simple text after he ghosted her but Bobby knew, her arms were crossed holding them like she was cold even if the sun was shining pretty hard on the sky. She crossed her arms like that only when she was feeling vulnerable and seeing that she was trying to hide that from him broke his heart.


That was it, the time to come clear. The wind was helping them to cool off from the hotness of the sun and also helping Bobby to think.



How can he open the conversation?




He forgot how to speak. It was like a ball was stuck in his throat not letting him utter a word and somehow he wished that ball to never go away. With his greater effort, he opened his mouth even if he knew that he couldn't let out a word to save his life but before even making that pathetic try to speak a sudden sentence hit him like a truck at full speed.


"…It was another girl?"




She said those words in a whisper with hesitation but for the Latino boy, she could as well scream at the top of her lungs while stabbing him in the heart.




"No!"


His sudden scream startled the girl in front of him, he was also surprised by his own voice. He knew why she believed that. What else she could believe? For a second Bobby wanted to be the case since the real reason was almost even worse than this.



"Sor-Sorry, I'm sorry ba-Lori! I didn't mean to shout. Sorry. It wasn't another girl no girl couldn't even hold a candle in front of you in my eyes… and I think that was part of the problem…."



Feeling even more miserable than before he let his head drop. He almost shouted out the nickname he gave for her, fortunately, he stopped but he knew she clearly heard his slip. His eyes were on the floor but he could feel her stare.

That's it I said it! Now I can't run, I won't run away anymore.



With this thought he raised his head looking at the girl in front of him, her mouth opened slowly not clearly knowing what to say but Bobby spoke first.



"I know I don't deserve to speak about my side of the story because what I did to you had no excuse but I know that you deserve the truth so will I tell you everything… that if you want to?"



Lori didn't know what to do. Who would? The breaking of their relationship is still processing in her mind. However, even in her dazing state she still wondered what was actually the cause. She understood they barely met face to face, and even the messages were short because of how tired she was and with the baggage she had with after her brother disappeared she knew the relationship was bound to break down, and that is why she planned the date before the broke up. She knew she dumbed a lot on him, her stress was at incredible high levels and sometimes as ashamed to admit she wasn't the most tolerable person most of the time.


She couldn't say anything but she managed to nod her head in a short sign of approval. She needed to know even if it hurts she needed to know. The Latino boy's eyes widened about being surprised by her approval but his surprise melted immediately and let his head down looking at the wooden floor under his feet, thinking how to say hoping it wouldn't be as wrong as he knew it would make it be. Taking a shuttering breath in he started to speak.


"I think it has always been there somehow but it was so deep down that I didn't notice till that day, the day when you helped solve the infamous case about that murder. Everyone was talking about it you even had your image in the news and I was so proud. I hung the page of the newspaper above my counter and praised you in front of everyone who came in…"


Hearing this Lori couldn't stop the smile from forming on her face, she knew when Bobby said that she praised her in front of everyone he meant absolutely everyone. The image of Bobby telling everyone who entered the store about her and showing the picture of her awkwardly shaking her boss's hand in front of the cameras while having the proudest smile.


"… but then it happened the first time it was a comment given by Par my best friend but then the comments gathered one by one and I-It started to affect me, I know it sounded pathetic and stupid but it just was. Whenever you would make time to be with me I would see men looking at you and feel mad but then I would look at myself and…"


Before at the beginning of the relationship because of his facial hair and his carefree college student way of dressing, he would look a bit more mature than Lori. Secretly he loved that, he knew from the beginning that the mature responsible one was Lori with a family as big as hers how could she be not, but when it came to emotional support he knew he was better than her and most of the time he was the one consoling her, but since Lincoln disappeared she slowly started to become more collective more cold and even if she was hurting and he knew she was hurting he didn't know how to help her.


Emotional support was the thing he was the best in their relationship and he couldn't do it. After realising that he started to see more. Before because of his facial hair and clothes Bobby looked older than Lori, people most of the time confused him with a college student, he never told anyone but he loved that but after Lori got her job she started to wear business suits that looked amazing on her but also made her look more mature… more adult-like, and him… he couldn't stop himself to compare himself and her, whenever they would go past a mirror, he would see a mature woman with an incredible future ahead of her… walking next to a boy who didn't even know how to make his own breakfast and…


"…see how someone like you is way better for a childish boy like me. I knew I didn't deserve you from the beginning but I think… I mean… well…


Every word was like a spiked ball that he forced out of his mouth but he endured it, he could feel his stinking at his pathetic failure to continue speaking…


*thump*


Suddenly he felt his body enveloped by something warm and soft it took him one second to realise it was his ex-girlfriend. Her soft hand was slowly petting the back of his head and the one was holding firmly on his back.


"I-I'm sorry Bobby I didn't know you felt like this, I should have realised, I'm sorry.



Why did she was apologising? He was the scum that broke her through a text while her brother was god knows where he was the scum that didn't tell her anything, he was the scum so why his eyes started to spill tears while his hand hugged her back immediately he felt her warmth.



They just stayed there hugging each other only silent sobs could the heard from them not knowing if they came from Lori or Bobby.



BACK IN THE HOUSE




"…What are you talking about?"




"I know how you feel about Lincoln."