Bab 60: 60

“By modern medicine, human emotions are controlled by hormones and neurotransmitters…”

It feels like being covered in a thick armor made of flesh. No senses of touch, pain, smell, taste. Can only distinguish the world through vision and sound. No emotions, so don’t know how to laugh or cry, yet forced myself to think of these expressions. I have to keep thinking what expressions and actions to use…

I’m tired. Really want to walk out from this armor, to smell the world, to taste delicious food, to feel the sense of touch and hardness, to be injured and feel pain, to be happy and laugh, to express my true self…

But it isn’t possible anymore. Even God can only repair damaged genetic code and there is no damage in my genetic code. It’s just modified since the beginning, no way to repair it…

So, I’m tired. Don’t want to think about what expressions to use anymore. If I can calm down and don’t have to think, don’t have to simulate, just fall to sleep quietly, that would be good enough…